


Taking Flight

by DarkPilot



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: DarkPilot, F/M, Flashbacks, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Memory Alteration, Multi, Physical Torture, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychological Torture, Stormpilot, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:16:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 53
Words: 94,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPilot/pseuds/DarkPilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron is, without question, the best pilot in the Resistance. His flight skills border the edge of believability, but there's a reason why he pushed himself so far. There's something else he's flying from - or for. A confrontation on Jakku leads to a series of interconnected events that leads him back to his life before the Resistance, whether he is prepared for it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> "Taking Flight" is an original work by me, DarkPilot.  
> It is also being published on Fanfiction.net under my username, Piano4Life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Taking Flight"  
> by The JB Conspiracy  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fJXB2vhJMzU

Adrenaline was a drug to Poe Dameron. It made him feel alive, made him feel free. It gave him limitless bounds of energy and courage. It powered the daring stunts he pulled in his beloved X-Wing, high above the cage of gravity.

It let him forget his pain.

Danger was a stimulant to Poe. More danger meant a bigger rush. Danger was another drug, and Poe was a heavy addict. He’d faced death more times than any other normal human his age, and he liked it.

Flirting with death was just part of the job description. His life was expendable. His cause was not.

At least, that’s what he told himself.

These thoughts coursed through Poe’s mind in a matter of seconds as he expertly piloted _Black One_ across a wave of TIE fighters. His lithe fingers depressed the customized triggers lightly, sending a burst of blood-red laserfire into the enemy line. Five shots, five fighters downed.

Normal. Funny how people thought these kind of simple stunts remarkable.

“This is Red Six to Black Leader!” Poe’s comm staticked to life. “I’ve got one on my tail, can’t shake it!”

Poe’s analytic eyes swept over his battlefield before calculating the trajectory. Barely five seconds. He guided his X-Wing in on the TIE chasing Brance’s ship, dangerously close to the bridge of the Star Destroyer leading the fleet. His movements were barely human, making tight turns that even the most experienced pilots wouldn’t dare to try. Within a matter of seconds, he’d reduced said TIE fighter to smithereens.

“Thanks, Poe!”

“No problem,” Poe replied monotonously. He rolled his eyes. Stupid kriffing distractions. This was too easy. All of his battles these days were.

Well, the ones that could be fought ship-to-ship were.

Poe took a deep breath to center himself. Flying was second nature to him. _Black One_ wasn’t just a ship; she was just another part of him, her controls extensions of Poe’s arms. His jaw set firmly as he led his squadron in tight formation through the ranks of TIEs.

“Hit the main destroyer!” he ordered. “Aim for the bridge! Reds Two and Four, Blues Three and Seven, follow me! We’re gonna give our friends some supporting fire!”

“Copy that, Black Leader!” The affirmation rang four times, and Poe executed a twisting maneuver underneath the belly of the Star Destroyer. He didn’t check to see whether or not his squadmates were following before circling back and facing the oncoming TIEs head-on.

“Poe, what are you doing?!” Poe didn’t know who gave the exclamation, but he switched off his comms and concentrated on his shots. Through a binary monitor, BB-8 gave a shrill whistle.

“I know what I’m doing!” Poe retorted, flipping switches and levers faster than what seemed humanly possible. Banking tightly across the starboard wing, one TIE behind him couldn’t keep up and crashed into the side of the massive ship.

BB-8 offered a cynical reply, which Poe ignored.

He breathed deeply and let the rush, the thrill of battle, overtake him. His hands moved of their own accord, dancing across the controls and triggers as if the whole dogfight were a game. In a way, it was. There was a winner, and there was a loser. There were no rules, just formations and risks one had to be willing to take.

Perhaps Poe was also a gambler. His life was no more than an unpredictable wildcard, just one of the many that the Resistance could throw down in front of the First Order.

Twisting wildly, but shooting accurately, Poe managed to blast the whole squadron of TIEs to oblivion. He couldn’t see his fellow squadmates, but he could feel their ships behind his. He wasn’t quite sure how, but it was like a sixth sense that came to him all too naturally on the battlefield, another instinct to follow.

Poe, wearing off the adrenaline rush, put his comm system back online. Cheers from Red and Blue Squadrons greeted him as they regrouped. Poe glimpsed red laserfire and the final explosions rocking the Star Destroyer and nodded in approval.

His squad had done well.

* * *

 

General Organa seemed to disagree with Poe’s sentiments.

“What were you thinking, leaving your squadmates behind like that?” she demanded. “You broke protocol, turning off your comm system!”

“Look, General, I got the job done,” Poe replied, trying to keep his tone even. “No one got hurt, and we blew up a Star Destroyer. I don’t see what the problem is!”

“And _that_ is the problem, Commander,” Leia retorted. She sighed. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately.”

Poe frowned. “I don’t know -”

“Oh, I’m sure you do,” Leia said, crossing her arms. “You’re giving risk a whole new meaning. You throw yourself and your subordinates straight into the face of danger as though you don’t care.”

Poe opened his mouth to offer a snarky reply, but Leia cut him off. “Now if it were just you, I wouldn’t mind as much. I trust you, Poe. You’re a good pilot. Scratch that. You’re the best one we’ve got. I can watch you fly right into a squadron of TIEs because I know you’ll make it back out in one piece.”

“Thank you, General.” One corner of Poe’s mouth twitched upward in a half-smirk.

“But,” Leia continued, her expression stony, “I cannot stand by and let you endanger our two best squadrons.”

“Exactly!” Poe interjected. “They’re our best! They’ve worked their way into Red and Blue Squadrons for a reason. We’ve all got jobs to do, General, so let them do theirs.”

“Are you trying to argue with me here?” Leia’s voice did not rise, but a hint of anger was evident in her tone.

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “No, but I don’t see why you have such a big problem with the mission.Leia, we made it all out okay. We _won._ ”

“Can you guarantee that we’ll always win?” Leia asked softly.

“We haven’t lost a fight since I became Commander,” Poe replied honestly. “I’d like to keep my streak going.”

“It’s not going to if you keep throwing yourself in the face of danger like that,” Leia said tiredly. “I don’t know how else to make you see this, but I can’t let this continue.” Her light brown eyes met Poe’s caf-dark ones. “Do you understand me?”

Poe sighed. He knew a threat when he heard one. “Yes, General.”

“Dismissed.”

 

* * *

 

Poe dipped the cloth back into the container of polish, soaking it thoroughly before rubbing the liquid over the upper port wing of _Black One._ Sure, he could have let mechanics or flight engineers do this job, but he liked to take care of his own ship. Besides, he’d made so many modifications that he doubted any ordinary flight hand would be able to handle the distinctive orange and black X-Wing.

He’d shed his flight suit in favor of a black short-sleeved shirt and cargo pants with his favorite red-and-tan leather jacket tied around his waist. The front of his pants were dark with grease and filth, but Poe didn’t really care. It felt good to be around his X-Wing, even if he wasn’t actually flying it.

BB-8 watched him work with a critical eye. The droid rolled around, occasionally making comments about dents or paint chips. Poe took the droid’s small talk in good stride, pausing every now and then to reply.

BB-8 chirped a few times.

“Yeah, I see that, Beebee,” Poe answered. “I’m getting to it.”

Long whistle and two beeps.

“No, I’m fine. Why are you asking?”

Whirr, whirr, a series of fast clicks.

“Just the usual. Leia telling me to stop being reckless as always.” Poe didn’t look at the droid, just rubbed harder against the shining orange wing. Something didn’t sound quite right, and he pressed his ear to the cool metal.

Running his hands over his ship, Poe lightly made his way over to the S-foil and the half-moon engine near the body of the ship. Peering intently into the structure, Poe glimpsed a small piece hanging loose.

Hopping off of the wing, Poe jogged to BB-8. “Hey, Beebee, can you get me a C spanner?”

The droid complied, one of its circular compartments opening and producing the small device. BB-8 gave a questioning beep, and Poe gave a short laugh.

“No, just something loose in the S-foil,” he replied. Taking the spanner in his teeth, Poe used both arms to hoist himself up into the cockpit. He powered up the engines and locked the S-foils in attack position before shutting them back down again. A normal T-70 fighter wouldn’t have been able to assume attack position stably while on land, but then again, _Black One_ was not a normal T-70 fighter.

Standing on the edge of the cockpit, Poe took a small leap and nimbly landed on the upper wing. Thank goodness for reinforced titanium. Stepping onto the lower wing as one would the rungs of a ladder, Poe used his elbows to support himself as he worked the spanner around the inside of the S-foil.

He hummed quietly as he unlocked the internal gyro from the fuselage, taking the device apart in his nimble fingers and correcting the alignment of one of the pieces. Within a few minutes, Poe had reassembled the gyro and secured it back inside. He locked the S-foils back into resting position and resumed the polishing of his craft.

A few hours passed, and _Black One_ had regained her sleek shine. Poe stepped back and admired his work, wiping sweat from his brow. He sighed. Truth be told, he itched to take her out in battle again, but Leia had denied takeoff from any of their hangars.

Poe wiped his hands on his pants and gestured to BB-8. The sun was already beginning to set.

“Let’s go in, buddy.”


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Light 'em Up"  
> Fall Out Boy  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7YM9gAVeMs

About one standard week had passed since the attack on the Star Destroyer, and, as it turned out, the First Order had gleaned information about the Resistance bases on Hosnian Prime. Poe would be receiving the action he had been looking for.

General Organa had issued an evacuation order, with four squadrons of X-Wings to keep the First Order fleet busy while the Resistance soldiers moved out. Naturally, Poe was chosen to lead these squadrons.

As he headed out to his ship, Leia caught his arm and pulled him aside. “Remember what I’ve said to you, Commander. Do _not_ endanger anyone on your team needlessly.”

Poe inclined his head. “Yes, General.”

Leia nodded at him, then moved on, ordering some other officer to help her secure storage units.

Poe lightly jogged to _Black One_ and climbed into the cockpit. As he strapped himself in, he heard a series of affirmative beeps from BB-8. Fluent in Binary, he had no need of the translation screen, which gave him less to focus on. He powered the engines, feeling the familiar hum of the controls coming to life under his hands. He switched on the comm systems, hearing the buzz of his squadmates’ chatter.

“Alright, boys, let’s light ‘em up!” Poe called, pushing his ship forward and out into the sky. One by one, his squadrons followed him, lining up into a simple arrow formation. Glancing over both shoulders, he added, “Squad leaders, comm in.”

“Red Two standing by.”

“Blue Two standing by.”

“Green Two standing by.”

“Gold Two standing by.”

“All squads accounted for?” Poe checked. He received affirmative responses and rolled his shoulders. “Let’s go! Green and Gold Squads, break off and flank the TIE line, two and nine o’ clock, seventy degrees. Blue Squad, take the rear, sixty degrees. Red Squad, follow me. We’ll rush the front.”

The “copy”s sounded over Poe’s comm and he gunned his engines forward. His eyes narrowed as a wave of TIE fighters swooped into his vision. He lightly pulled the triggers, sending crimson bursts of light into the opposing line.

“Red Squad, evasive action as needed!” Poe ordered, dodging the green beams of returning fire.

“Copy that, Black Leader!” Poe wasn’t sure exactly who replied, but two X-wings broke from their tight formation on his left side to avoid a burning TIE, shot down by one of Green Squadron.

“Blue Squad, push them away from the cities!” Poe ordered, following the trajectory of the TIE’s crash.

“Copy, Black Leader,” came Blue Three Jess Pava’s curt reply. Poe sensed the single-file line of blue-striped X-Wings circling back around the TIE lines and forcing their opponents to retreat.

Overhead, Gold Squadron was battling a wave of Special Forces TIE Fighters. Outclassing their predecessors in aerodynamics and maneuverability, they were almost a perfect match for the T-70 X-Wings in speed and firepower. Before he knew it, Poe had brought up _Black One_ in a sharp curve, spinning through the SFs.

He laughed as the TIEs’ formation scattered like birds on a Naboo lake. Poe whooped in exhilaration and yelled into his commlink, “Shoot ‘em down, boys!”

The rest of Red Squadron followed his lead, shooting up and out, spiraling in both directions while Gold Squadron blasted the TIEs to oblivion.

“Poe, I’m hit!”

The call had come from one of his own Reds, Red Four Mira Shen. Poe’s world slowed, time freezing as the battle raged on around him.

 _Keep going,_ he told himself. _This is war. There are bound to be casualties._

Still, it didn’t help the small knot in Poe’s stomach as he felt flames consume Mira’s ship.

“Poe, we got a lotta company!” Green Two Cade Delevar said. He suddenly yelled, “Incoming!” Poe’s jaw clenched as he heard the explosion following.

“Green Squad, watch for ground fire,” Poe warned. “Gold Squad, cover them!”

“Poe!” This time, it was General Organa. “We’re ready to leave the system. Our ships are departing now. Give us some cover, yeah?”

“Copy that, General,” Poe answered dutifully. “Alright, guys, you heard the woman! Red and Blue Squads, we’ll escort our ships out. Green and Gold, hold down the fort!”

“Copy that, Poe,” his commlink sounded.

Poe guided his squadron back towards the Resistance ground base where the met up with Blue Squadron. The airfield was littered with both Resistance and First Order fighter debris. Poe glimpsed the hangar doors opening up, Republican carriers and cargo ships poking their noses out.

“Blues Two through Six, cover Docking Bay Four, Seven through Twelve on Three. Reds Six through Ten on Two, and the rest of you with me on One,” Poe ordered. “Get to it!”

“Poe, this is insane!” Blue Five Snap Wexley commed in. “There’s only five or six of us per ship. There’s no way we can take on TIE squadrons like this. We’ll be picked off like flies!”

“He’s right, Poe,” Blue Four Don Calvinia put in. “We’re stretched too thin.”

Poe suppressed a frustrated sigh. “It’s alright, guys. We can do this. Don’t give up yet!”

“Alright then, Black Leader.” Poe could almost see Jess shake her head in weary acceptance. “If I die, I’m gonna kill ya.”

Poe’s mouth curved upward into a small smile. “Well noted, Blue Three. Come on, guys, let’s move these ships out!”

Although his squadmates moved out according to Poe’s orders, he could feel their unease as though it were his own. Their hesitation. Their doubt. Poe shook his head. _Focus, Dameron. You’ve got a job to do._

All four ships departed from the docking bay at once. The squadrons of TIE’s that had been circling overhead now descended on the seemingly vulnerable cargo ships. The TIE pilots were shooting at easy targets. Poe was determined to change their minds.

“Here they come,” Poe remarked. “Fire with extreme prejudice.”

Fire with extreme prejudice they did. Poe led his fighters along the side of their massive carrier, relishing the moment. He preferred atmospheric battles like this one. Increased drag and air resistance created a unique turbulence that couldn’t be found in outer space, and Poe liked it. Fighting in an atmosphere was a challenge, and he accepted it easily, his shots fatally accurate. He circled around to the other side of the box-like ship, three red-striped X-Wings following his lead.

“Draw their fire away from our ships,” Poe ordered, executing a tight twist under the carrier’s belly.

“Copy, Poe.”

No sooner had the reply come over Poe’s comm that another explosion followed. Poe took a deep breath. Now he had only himself and two X-Wings against countless TIE’s.

“I’m hit! I’m hit!”

“ - lost another engine, Poe -”

“ _Aaargh!_ ”

Poe concentrated on his shots, blasting TIE fighter after TIE fighter. _They died so you can live. So_ live.

“Gold Squadron,” he called. “Cargo and carriers in the air. We’re stretched pretty thin, and we need some cover, pronto.”

“We’re on our way, Poe,” Gold Leader Laurel Singer replied.

Switching channels, Poe commed to Green Squadron. “Get the ships out into space and jump with them. The rest of us’ll meet you at the rendezvous.”

“Copy, Black Leader.” Poe rolled his shoulders as the line of green-striped X-Wings soared from the ground to the Resistance carriers.

“Red and Blue Squadrons, leave the ships and regroup on me!” Poe steered his ship downward, firing on a new batch of Special Forces TIE fighters as his squadmates lined up behind him. Poe’s heart sank at how much their numbers had diminished.

Still, he fought on. He always did. If there was anything besides his prodigious flying skills that singled out Poe Dameron from the rest, it was his inflexible will. Resilience, determination, moving on from loss - it was all a conditioned reflex. Poe was a soldier. He was a pilot. He was a leader. People depended on him to get things done, and he did.

Poe relaxed and let adrenaline do its job. He felt the familiar macabre melody of battle wash over him, and he flew to his instincts. No words were needed as he and his X-Wing danced to the erratic rhythm of explosions and laserfire. Three shots, three fighters downed. None too remarkable.

For the first time in a long time, Poe felt a twinge of regret. Other human males his age had never seen this kind of action, had never had a reason to coexist with danger and warfare like air and water. They’d never had the weight of a resistance movement on their shoulders, never borne the responsibility of protecting a colleague’s life, never had to move on from countless losses.

So why did he have to?

As quickly as the thought entered his mind, Poe pushed it away. No. He was doing the right thing. This war wasn’t going to fight itself. Taking to the sky in _Black One_ , firing shots at enemy ships, it all felt so _good,_ so _right._ There was no reason to doubt his cause.

But still he did.

“This is Green Seven to Black Leader!” Poe’s comm buzzed. “All ships clear of the system. We’re going to jump now.”

“Go ahead!” Poe answered, deftly avoiding an exploding TIE. “Get outta here! Gold Squadron, follow them. Blue and Red, give ‘em hell!”

“There’s hardly any of us left, Poe,” Snap said wearily. “Only three left in Gold, and seven Reds and Blues combined.”

“We’ll make runs,” Poe decided. “Act like the TIE’s are just oversized, moving practice targets. Once Gold’s clear, we’ll jump, too.”

“Copy, Poe,” seven tired voices replied.

“We’re almost there,” Poe urged. “We can do it. Don’t give up now.”

He led the seven remaining X-Wings in bombing runs against the TIE fighters. The TIE’s may have been created for speed, but they weren’t quite as graceful or versatile as the T-70s. The twisting path Poe took caused several of their pursuers to crash into each other.

“Gold Three to Black Leader, we’re out of the system!”

“Copy that, Gold Three.” Poe breathed a small sigh of relief. “All right, gang, let’s get out of here.”

After one last run, Poe led what was left of his squadrons out of the atmosphere and away from the planet’s gravitational field.

And straight into another Star Destroyer.

“Stang,” Poe cursed. “Don’t these bastards ever run out of those things?”

“Obviously not,” Jess retorted.

“Stick close to the ship,” Poe advised. “But stay clear of the cannons. Once we’re clear of the ship, we’ll jump. Set your coordinates now.”

“Copy, Black Leader.”

“Single file, behind me,” Poe ordered, determined not to lose any more ships. If the First Order wanted to waste anyone else under his command, they’d have to go through him first. “Full power, guys, give it everything you’ve got!”

Poe gunned his engines forward, straight under the belly of the massive Star Destroyer. With inhuman speed, he also took out four ion cannons in his way. The silent commlink meant that everyone was okay. Poe was determined to keep it that way.

“Still hanging in there, Beebee?” Poe checked. The astromech gave an affirmative beep. “Plug in those coordinates for the rendezvous, buddy. It’s time we left.”

Miraculously, all eight X-Wings made it past the Star Destroyer without much interference. Poe supposed that most of their forces were preoccupied with destroying what was left of the Resistance base.

“Make the jump on my mark,” Poe said, switching on _Black One_ ’s class 1.0 hyperdrive. “Three . . . two . . . one . . . now!”

Stars elongated around him into streaks of light, and Poe gave himself up to the blue tunnels of hyperspace.


	3. Chapter III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So Quiet in Here"  
> Van Morrison  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aGJOVPnLB1o

D’Qar was not a metropolitan planet like Hosnian Prime was. In fact, there seemed to be nothing but lush green hills and cloudless blue skies for kilometers. In a way, D’Qar was as close to home as Poe could get.

He had been born on Yavin about two years after the Battle of Endor to a Rebel pilot and a Rebel commando. His earliest memories of flying were of sitting in his mother’s lap, his hands over hers, as Shara Bey expertly maneuvered her trusty A-Wing.

Poe had inherited both his mother’s love of flying as well as his father’s marksmanship skills. If only they could see him now.

After landing _Black One_ at one of the newer airfields, Poe unclasped a small, leather-bound journal from the side of his leg. Few beings in the galaxy still wrote Aurebesh with pen and paper, and Poe just happened to be one of them.

He leaned against the body of his ship and began to write names.

_Mira Shen, Red Four._

_Cade Delevar, Green Two._

_Arin Novak, Green Three._

Poe knew everyone in the Resistance fleet by name and position, if not personally. They all knew him, so it was worth learning all the names and faces. He took the time to learn alien languages like Sullustan and Wookiee, even if his human vocal cords were incapable of repeating the speech patterns. He was responsible for every pilot under his command, responsible for the lives thrown away by his orders. Leia was wrong. He didn’t endanger his subordinates needlessly. And as for those who died in the air, fighting?

The least Poe could do was to remember them.

He’d kept his list for about six years now. The first page consisted of a single name, written heavily and clumsily. Poe never flipped to it. For one thing, his penmanship had been absolutely awful at the time. For another . . .

Well, it was just easier to leave those memories alone.

Brow furrowed in concentration, Poe finished up today’s list. Twenty-eight names. Twenty-eight lives, destroyed. He ran a weary hand through his caf-brown hair and sighed.

“Hey, Poe!” Poe hastily put away his journal as Snap came jogging towards him.

“Snap,” Poe greeted his friend casually, clasping the larger man’s hand into a half-hug.

“Listen, they’re moving stuff into our dorms now,” Snap said hurriedly. “You got anything new you want to move in yours?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Poe smiled. “You?”

“You know me, same ol’, same ol’,” Snap replied good-naturedly. “They’re gonna have a helluva time trying to put anything in your room anyway, all those books of yours. I bet once you retire, you could open up a doc shop.”

Poe laughed. “And what exactly makes me the doc-keeping type to you?”

Snap shrugged. “I actually have a hard time even imagining you retiring, so I dunno, maybe.”

“Suppose the day comes that _Blackie_ becomes an antique,” Poe suggested. “Maybe we’ll live long enough to see it happen.”

Snap threw an arm around Poe’s shoulders. “I could go for a few drinks, Commander, whaddaya say?”

Poe grinned. “You’re buying, Captain.”

 

* * *

 

After a few rounds of Hutt’s Delight at one of the local cantinas, it was safe to say that Snap Wexley was very drunk. Poe had no idea exactly how much alcohol his friend had consumed. Snap was the type who got drunk rather easily, so you could never really tell the difference between two and twenty shots.

“Okay, buddy, let’s go,” Poe said, hoisting Snap to his feet.

“Po-oe,” Snap slurred. “ ‘M still drinkin’.” He held up an empty shot glass.

“Uh-huh,” Poe said tonelessly. “Snap, you are super drunk. Let’s go.”

It was a bit of a tradition for them. After a battle with nasty losses, Poe and Snap would find a bar or cantina and down a drink or two (or three or more). Poe had an unusually high tolerance level, so he usually ended up being the designated flier.

On very rare occasions, Snap would hold himself back while Poe downed glass after glass, bottle after bottle. Sometimes, it worked. Most of the time, it didn’t.

Alcohol just didn’t have the same effects as adrenaline.

Poe finally convinced Snap to get in the passenger seat of his classic X-34 landspeeder. The speeder was pretty old, an antique that had obviously seen better days. Poe had bought it from a junkyard a few kilometers south of the D’Qarian base five years ago.

Nothing had ever really seemed to happen around D’Qar at the time, so Poe had invested his off-duty hours in a hobby. Then things had picked up, and Poe hadn’t had as much time to visit the surrounding countryside.

It was rather nice, Poe thought to himself as he drove, Snap mumbling incoherently beside him. The air felt clean and fresh, carrying with it the natural scent of grass and water. As they neared the base again, nature blended with the home-like smell of machinery and engine fuel to create an aura of security and harmony.

Poe half-dragged, half-supported Snap back to the the latter’s room. The pilot’s quarters were like the dormitories they’d had back at the Republic Flight Academy. Snap still affectionately called them dorms. There were two bunks per room, and as D’Qar had just been a remote base until today, Poe and Snap each got a room to themselves. There were two floors, the second for the women, the first for the men.

Poe managed to get Snap into bed, where he lay, snoring softly. Poe exhaled and pulled up a chair, leafing through one of Snap’s long classic novels. He’d never been too much into fiction. He preferred more informative texts.

Poe and Snap had been friends ever since Poe joined the Resistance. Though they had different tastes in music, literature, and food, they bonded, strangely enough, at the shooting range. Snap didn’t look it much, but he could take apart and reassemble an E-11 Sterling blaster in less than thirty seconds. As for Poe, well, he was more ship-smart.

Poe had never told Snap about his journal, only that he could write somewhat legibly. Some things, one just had to keep to oneself.

After debating internally with himself, Poe helped a half-conscious Snap Wexley undress and change into his civvies. Poe made sure Snap was soundly asleep before leaving and making his way to his own room at the end of the hall.

Where most people’s walls were grey and bare, Poe’s were covered in detailed sketches and cross-sections of numerous ships, from fighters to cruisers. Poe may not have been very good at writing, but he was unmatched in his artistic skills.

He glanced over the few sketches he had of Special Forces TIE fighters before crashing into his bunk. Poe lazily undid his vest and loosened the collar of his orange flight suit.

Reaching for his datapad, he found a pair of headphones and plugged them in. Putting them comfortably over his ears, he turned on Garrich Warden’s _Ride of the Nightsisters._ He closed his eyes as the dark, rich tones of the horns rose over the thin accompaniment of the strings.

Poe wasn’t sure why, but today’s battle just seemed different. He felt more distracted, as though there was some kind of tiny nagging voice in the back of his mind. His shooting had been erratic, finding accuracy by luck more than mental calculation. He couldn’t quite place it, but something was wrong. Something was missing.

What was it?

 

* * *

 

General Organa summoned Poe a few hours later. He took the time to change his clothes and look somewhat more presentable before making his way down to her office.

“General,” Poe said, by way of greeting.

“Commander,” Leia replied. She walked behind him and closed the door. “I need to talk to you. Privately.”

A feeling of unease stirred in Poe’s stomach. “I’m here.”

“I can see that.” Leia nodded. “Have a seat.”

Poe complied, sitting down in one of the soft green chairs facing Leia’s control panel. “So what exactly is this about?”

“Am I correct in assuming you have heard of Lor San Tekka?” Leia asked.

Poe nodded. “He was a big deal in the Rebellion, wasn’t he?”

Leia inclined her head by way of affirmation. “He’s an old friend who has found something that may help us in our fight against the First Order.”

Poe leaned forward. “What is it?”

Leia sighed. “Ever since my brother disappeared, people have been trying to find him. No one has been successful yet. But Lor San Tekka . . . he has found a piece of the map that will lead us to Luke Skywalker.”

“Luke Skywalker?!” Poe exclaimed, incredulous. “Like, the _Jedi_ Luke Skywalker?”

Leia nodded. “The one and only.”

Poe shook his head. “No way.”

Leia frowned. “What’s the matter?”

“If Luke doesn’t want to be found, why should we go looking for him?” Poe asked, resigned. “What good can one man do against the First Order, anyway?”

“He did great good against the Empire,” Leia countered. “Luke is a Jedi. He is a warrior. It will do us good to have him on our side.”

Poe opened his mouth to object, but the look on Leia’s face discouraged him to continue. “I need you to retrieve the map for me, Poe.” She handed him a datacard, which he accepted hesitantly. “Lor San Tekka is in a small village on the planet Jakku. You’ve been there before, but extra information and coordinates are on this card.”

Poe shook his head. “Leia, I -”

“I know how you feel about Luke,” Leia said softly. “But if we are to stand a better chance against the First Order, then we must find him.” Leia’s eyes sparked with something - hope? Sympathy? Poe wasn’t sure.

“You don’t know a thing about me,” he retorted.

“Poe,” Leia said firmly. “You saw how the First Order crushed our forces today. Luke can help us change that. You’re the best pilot I have. If you don’t succeed, then no one can. The First Order will surely be on their way to find this map as well. We must get there first. Look, I’m not asking you to have faith in Luke Skywalker. That’s my job. All I’m asking is for you to have faith in me.” Leia stood, all the power and dignity of her rank drawn about her. “So I’ll ask you again. Will you go to Jakku?”

After a long while, Poe nodded.

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrich Warden's "Ride of the Nightsisters" based on Richard Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries"
> 
> New chapter up next Thursday!


	4. Chapter IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sole Survivor"  
> Asia  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ORphKZpHe1s

Tuanul was not a remarkable village by any means. It was small and cozy, and everybody seemed to know everybody else as well as their roles in the society. The villages were friendly and welcoming, even though none of them knew Poe’s true reason of visiting.

To avoid conspicuousness, Poe had traded in the _Black One_ for an ordinary blue T-70. He’d also run a complicated sublight course from one side of the galaxy to the other to deter detection. In short, he was tired and ready to go home.

Poe wasn’t about to show any sign of fatigue in front of Lor San Tekka, however. In a way, Tekka was as much a legendary figure as Luke Skywalker himself. Unlike Skywalker, though, Tekka was very real and very human.

Although he appeared very stern and physically fit, Tekka radiated an aura of tranquility and comfort. One could almost immediately relax in his presence, provided they bore him no ill will. Though Poe’s time with the older man had been brief thus far, he found that he respected and actually _liked_ Tekka.

As he sat in the warmth of Tekka’s hut, Poe felt a strange sense of deja vu, as though he’d been here before. Perhaps it was just the similarities to his old home on Yavin, or that Tekka himself reminded Poe of his own late father.

Coming close, Tekka placed a small drawstring leather pouch in Poe’s calloused palm, his own worn and gentle hand lingering over both. Tekka smiled softly and inclined his head.

Lor San Tekka paused, sighing. “This . . . this will begin to make things right.”

Tekka squeezed Poe’s hand once and withdrew his hand. Poe’s fingers tightened around the leather bag. He shook his head in wonder, staring at the older man in reverence and awe.

“I have traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy,” Tekka said, shrugging. “Without the Jedi, there can be no balance to the Force.”

Poe met Tekka’s serious gaze. “Well, because of you, now we have a chance.” He smiled. Though he would have liked to discuss such a topic with the sage, now was not the time for casual philosophical conversation. “The general’s been after this for a long time.”

Tekka smiled, an old man’s smile, reminiscent and full of meaning. “The general? To me, she’s royalty.”

Poe inclined his head. “Well, she certainly is that.”

He might have continued, had BB-8 not suddenly rolled into the hut, barely braking  in time to avoid the two men. The small astromech looked from one to the other, bursting into a long stream of electronic chatter. Poe exchanged a quick glance with Tekka. “We’ve got company.”

Poe’s quadnocs were in his hands and he raised them to his eyes even before he stopped running. Some villager shouted something in their native tongue as he pointed the box-like device towards the general section of sky indicated by BB-8. Letting the integrated tracker zoom in as needed, Poe glimpsed four ships, their searchlights gleaming evilly.

He lowered the quadnocs. He knew what those ships meant. Without turning around, he said to Tekka, “You have to hide.”

Tekka didn’t miss a beat. “You have to leave.”

Warning bells and more shouting echoed throughout Tuanul. Poe turned around, disbelieving of Tekka’s statement.  He couldn’t just _leave_ the old man here. He hesitated, searching in his mind for a proper argument that would convince the jaded warrior to seek refuge.

“Go.” Tekka’s voice was insistent and urging.

After another moment of hesitation, Poe nodded slightly and gestured for BB-8 to follow him. He raced toward the far end of the village, the chilled desert air filling his lungs. Laserfire and enraged shouting rose around him in the cacophony of war. All around him, stern-faced villagers and white-helmeted stormtroopers fought blaster-to-blaster. How the alarm had been raised so quickly or how such seemingly simple folk came in possession of so many modern weapons, Poe did not know. Perhaps those questions would be answered at a later time.

Poe’s T-70 was parked some distance from Tuanul as well as hidden underneath a high rock outcropping. Regardless of who could and couldn’t see it with the naked eye, nature could do little to protect it the ship from more sophisticated search gear. He needed to get out of the atmosphere and into hyperspace, and fast.

Poe jumped into the cockpit in one fluid motion and activated the magnet that would bring BB-8 into the astromech socket. The droid chirped agitatedly as Poe put his borrowed blue-and-white helmet over his head and hurriedly activated the controls.

“Come on, come on,” he muttered as the instrumentation flared to life. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, but something was off. His heart was pounding, not in exhilaration, but in - fear? No, no. Poe couldn’t be afraid. He’d dealt with the First Order countless times and never felt fear. Why should he now?

 _But you always had a ship to protect you,_ said a small voice in the back of his mind.

Poe’s hands were visibly trembling. Why were they trembling? He had a ship. He had a blaster in the storage compartment. He had BB-8. He had the map. What was wrong with him?

A stream of electronic anxiety burst through Poe’s thoughts, and he snapped back to reality. He was a commander in the Resistance! He’d been told countless times that he was the best pilot in the whole fleet! There was no reason for First Order soldiers to scare him.

“We’re  going, Beebee-Ate, we’re going!” Poe yelled, punching another control. He took a deep breath. _Roll clear of the overhang and punch it._

Poe was just a second away from doing so when his ship was hit.

“What the -” Poe involuntarily jumped slightly. A pair of stormtroopers had come up on him unseen. Evidently, those bucketheads were too smart to rely on a simple frontal attack. Perhaps they were part of a preceding suit drop. Maybe they had taken a vehicle to circle around the back of the village. Poe shook his head. If any of their shots had connected with the cockpit, their origin wouldn’t have mattered.

On the other hand, the troopers’ line of approach put them right in the path of the X-Wing’s weapons. Before they could move, Poe hit the control that deployed the drop-down pivoting gun from the T-70’s belly and fired. The blasts cleared the ground of the enemy soldiers and any other living thing that happened to be in the immediate vicinity.

Poe exhaled. Having dealt with the momentary interruption, he could focus on his ship again. “Come on, girl, come on,” he urged as the screens in front of him beeped and flared.

A high-pitched whine rose from the rear of the ship. Shuddering slightly, it started to move out from under the rocky overhang. Poe flinched reflexively. Shuddering?

The X-Wing came to a halt, but the whine did not. It must have been those bucketheads, screwing up the engines.

Poe quickly shut off the power to prevent any further damage to the engines, popping open the canopy and climbing out. Jogging to the back of the ship, he stared, slack-jawed, at the damage. The two stormtroopers might not have been tactically wise, but they sure knew their way around a blaster.

BB-8 rolled up beside him. After exchanging a quick glance with the droid, Poe knelt down and removed the pouch Tekka had given him from the interior of his jacket. He shook said pouch until it released its contents - a sliver of seemingly useless metal no more than eight centimeters in length, After fumbling with the astromech’s exterior for a moment, Poe inserted the artifact in one of BB-8’s circular compartments.

“Take this,” Poe said as the compartment closed again. “It’s safer with you than it is with me.” He stood and grabbed his blaster rifle. “Get as far away from here as you can. I’ll come back for you.”

The droid hesitated, and Poe added an extra note of urgency in his voice as he repeated, “I’ll come back for you, Beebee-Ate.”

Poe shouldered his rifle, draping the sling around his arm. He didn’t look back at the orange-and-white astromech. He just ran on. Poe fired as he ran, his shots fatally accurate. Three shots, three troopers down.

Poe had never really paid much attention to whatever he shot at, be it in the air or on the ground, but after an initial first glance, Poe found that he couldn’t look away from the third trooper.

One of the trooper’s comrades had rushed to his side, in what looked like a final, desperate attempt at medical aid. Poe watched as the dying trooper raised a hand shakily, smearing the newcomer’s helmet with four streaks of blood. The newcomer stumbled backwards, his weapon hanging from his side - unfired.

Something stirred in Poe’s gut. Something about the second trooper. He couldn’t quite place it, but something felt so _wrong_. He lowered his rifle and moved on.

By this time, Poe had entered the village, cautiously keeping to  whatever cover was available and avoiding the burning buildings. He shot down another two stormtroopers, but he couldn’t quite get the blood-marked stormtrooper out of his mind.

Poe looked around for Lor San Tekka - and found the older man locked in confrontation with a taller, hooded figure.

Tekka was saying something. Poe was no expert at lip-reading, and he strained to hear the conversation without exposing himself to the nearby troopers. He could only look on helplessly. He didn’t catch what the hooded figure said next, nor what Tekka’s response was.

From his vantage point, Poe could analyze the movements and gestures of both men to discern what they were discussing - the map. It was obvious that Tekka was not going to give up the map’s location.

It also seemed that the in-depth discussion about the details of the Force would never happen, either.

“No, no, no . . .” Poe muttered under his breath. Disregarding his own safety, he broke from cover and started towards the pair.

He heard the last part of Tekka’s last sentence: “You cannot deny the truth that is your family.”

Poe didn’t have time to ponder what Tekka meant by that; he flinched at the sight of a lightsaber appearing in the hooded figure’s hand and activating, a barely stable shaft notorious for two smaller projections at the hilt. Poe knew that lightsaber and the man it belonged to. He knew from his years of flying and reconnaissance exactly whose lightsaber now ripped through Lor San Tekka.

“You're so right,” snarled Kylo Ren.


	5. Chapter V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Keep Me Breathing"  
> Ashes Remain  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=arderic0o4g

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Revenge of the Fifth, guys! (and though it may be late, May the Fourth be with you all!)

“No!” Poe yelled, angrily taking aim and firing. The blue blast would have found its mark had Ren not whirled around, raising a gloved hand sharply. The blast from Poe’s weapon froze in midair, quivering slightly, and Poe found that he could not move.

_ Come on, come _ on, he thought. His heart threatened to beat right out of his chest and his lungs heaved to keep up, but his voluntary muscles refused to respond.

A pair of stormtroopers grabbed him and dragged him forward until he knelt before the sinister Kylo Ren. Though fear flooded him, Poe did his best to keep calm as Ren lowered himself to meet Poe’s gaze.

“So who talks first?” Poe asked, after an awkwardly silent moment. “Do you talk first? Do I talk first?”

Numbness slowly faded from his arms and legs as Ren studied him.

“A Resistance pilot, by the looks of him.” Ren’s voice was deep and curt. Poe couldn’t shake the pure  _ wrongness _ of it, as though something dark within were being held back by a mere thread. Ren continued, “Search him.”

Poe tried to swallow down his fear and rambled on. “You know, it’s kind of hard to understand you with that whole - apparatus . . . thing. . .” He gestured at Kylo Ren’s mask helplessly.

One of the troopers that had brought Poe forward now hoisted him roughly to his feet and commenced a detailed, although none too gentle, pat-down. The  other trooper pulled a small device from his utility belt and slowly passed it the length of Poe’s body, starting at his head and ending at his feet. Neither examination took long.

“Nothing,” declared the first stormtrooper.

The other trooper gestured with his device. “Same here, sir. Internally, this one’s clean. Terminate him?”

During the brief moment that followed, Poe could have sworn he saw a small movement, Ren’s head tilting ever so slightly. Poe kept his gaze locked on Ren’s mask, defiance burning in his dark eyes.

“Keep him,” Ren decided. “Intact and functioning.”

Ren moved on as if Poe were only a mere distraction. The pair of stormtroopers fastened stun cuffs on his wrists and roughly led him to the troop transport, where he was locked in a small holding cell.

The cell couldn’t have been more than one or two square meters. It was devoid of color, designed for prisoners like him, not for high-class passengers.

That’s what he was now, Poe reflected. A prisoner. All these years, he’d sworn that the First Order would never catch him, and yet, here he was. There would be no rescue for him. No Resistance search party would come looking for him. Poe was on his own. This had been  _ his  _ mission, and he’d failed.

Poe leaned, slumped, against the wall of the cell. What had he been thinking, taking that shot at Kylo Ren? He’d known who Ren was, and yet, he’d allowed himself to be seen and captured, his mission jeopardized.

No. BB-8 was still out there. While BB-8 was still free, there was hope. Poe would never give up the droid’s location. Hell, he barely knew where the astromech was headed himself. BB-8 was both intelligent and feisty. He’d find a way to get offworld. Even if Poe died here, there was still a chance that BB-8 would be able to bring the map back to Leia.

Poe shook his head. What was he thinking? He’d read about Jakku multiple times. The sands were dangerous, crawling with traders and scavengers. Even if the harsh environment didn’t swallow the droid, he was still nothing more than a small fortune, a prize to pick apart. Who wouldn’t want to get their hands on a well-functioning droid in these wastelands?

Poe’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of several footsteps. Involuntarily, he froze before remembering that the stormtroopers already knew he was here. The transport hummed to life, and Poe felt odd that he was not the one in control of the ship. It was not often that Poe was a passenger, and for good reason.

Poe was fairly certain that he could fly the transport if he had a chance. He’d memorized several First Order technical manuals by heart and drawn cross-sections of every salvaged ship he’d ever come across.

Ha. Wishful thinking.

The trip between Jakku and the  _ Resurgent- _ class Star Destroyer Poe would later learn was called the  _ Finalizer _ was a short one. In about six minutes, Poe found himself again restrained by two stormtroopers.

Were they enjoying themselves or just impatient to move on? Poe was chivvied along with what he considered to be unnecessary roughness. He might have made some sort of witty remark about it had he not realized with a jolt exactly how helpless he was.

Everything up until this point had almost seemed like a dream. The battle, if one could even call it that, at Tuanul, Lor San Tekka’s death, capture and confrontation with Kylo Ren. None of it had seemed real.

The spotlessly clean floor and walls of the Star Destroyer? The troopers that patrolled in twos and threes down the corridors? Service droids that crawled around under the watchful eye of uniformed officers? This was all too real.

The holding cell where Poe was taken had no bars. In fact, there didn’t even seem to be a door.

_ It’s not needed, _ Poe thought grimly.  _ Even if I could escape, there’s nowhere I can go. _

Poe hardly paid attention as he was shackled tightly to a metal slab that seemed to be part char, part table. He knew he should have been flattered. The First Order was taking no chances with him.

Honestly? Poe was a little scared. He knew he probably wasn’t going to make it out of this one in one piece, and, for the first time, that scared him.

His escort left him there for a few moments before a pair of interrogators entered the cell. They wore solid black uniforms with First Order insignias painted in the center of their shiny black masks and red stripes down sleek armor. Poe would have guessed that the armor’s designs were Mandalorian-based, made to instill fear and sinisterness. He breathed deeply as he saw the various devices on a cart one pushed.

Poe braced himself for whatever they had in store for him. Along with a high alcohol tolerance, he had a high pain tolerance.  _ You’ll make it through, Dameron. _

“Alright, we can do this the easy way or  we can do this the hard way,” one of the interrogators said threateningly, leaning in close to Poe’s face. “Which do you prefer?”

Poe said nothing, just spat at the officer’s mask. Goaded, the officer punched him a few times in the stomach and across the face. The red-and-black armor over the officer’s fist had been sharpened to a degree that it left a cut on Poe’s cheek.

“Are you with the Resistance?”

“Whaddaya think?” Poe retorted defiantly, earning another blow across the face.

“Are you with the Resistance?” the interrogator repeated.

“I heard you the first time,” Poe replied snarkily.

“And?” the officer pressed.

“I’m thinking about it.”

The officer unclipped a stun baton from his belt and slammed it into Poe’s side. There was no shock, but the multiple blows knocked the breath out of him. Poe bit his lip to keep from making any kind of derogatory sound.

“Think faster,” the officer snarled. “Are you with the Resistance or not?”

“I’m in this cell with you, and buddy, you don’t look like Resistance to me,” Poe quipped. The baton came down on him again, and with it this time a small shock that left him winded.

“Are you with the Resistance, or aren’t you?”

“Figure it out yourself,” Poe rasped. A second later, he added, “You bastard.”

Poe’s jaw clenched as he was shocked again, a thin cry rising up from his throat. The officer’s gloved hand closed around his neck as the other punched him repeatedly in the chest and stomach. Poe’s eyes widened as he gasped and coughed for air. He tried to thrash free from the chokehold, but his restraints immobilized him.

The first officer released his grip on Poe’s neck, and Poe’s head dropped, his breathing desperate and ragged. The dark-clad officer grabbed a handful of Poe’s hair and lifted his head up again.

“I’ll ask you one last time,” the officer said darkly. “Are you with the Resistance?”

“The last time?” Poe snickered. “Good. Maybe now you’ll stop bugging me.”

The baton fell on the side of his head, and Poe felt something pop in his neck. The blows came again and again, alternating between his head and his torso. Poe would have sunk into unconsciousness were it not for the entry of some unknown fluid into his bloodstream. 

Whether the drug was designed to keep him awake or deliver pain, Poe wasn’t sure, since it excelled at both. He winced as his frantic heartbeat pumped it all over his body, and he tried to slow his breathing.

“All right then, hotshot,” the first officer said. Was he smirking underneath the mask? It was impossible to tell. “We’ll play your way. What’s your name?”

“What’s yours?” Poe countered. He then made a suggestion that would not have been repeatable on a number of civilized worlds, and received a long shock for it.

“Enough with the idle banter,” the officer snarled as Poe recovered.

He still somehow found his wits. “Look, pal, I don’t know anything about a bantha. So how about we call it a day?”

The interrogator unshackled Poe’s left arm and held it out by the wrist. In two quick movements, he’d dislocated and relocated Poe’s shoulder. No permanent damage, but a lot of pain. Poe wanted to pass out again, but the second officer administered another dose of the pain drug. Poe gave a ragged shout as his arm was uncomfortably bound again.

“I can do the same to the other one,” the first interrogator threatened. “Only, I won’t put it back for you. How about some broken ribs? Sound good to you?”

“Long as you cover ‘em in barbecue sauce.” Poe shook his head the best he could. “I don’t do plain.”

True to his word, the officer unshackled Poe’s other arm and snapped his shoulder out of place. He held Poe’s arm out at an awkwardly painful angle as the second officer beat the sensitive joint with the stun baton over and over again.

Poe struggled to shut out the pain, his face contorted into an expression of pure agony. He clenched his jaw to avoid screaming, but cries rose up from the back of his throat. The rest of his body tensed, and he dug his left hand fingernails into his palm. His head snapped backward in response to the pain, and he let out a ragged scream.

The first officer rotated Poe’s arm, holding it at various angles, while the other continued to abusively beat it. Poe’s breathing hitched, and he thrashed around.

“Learned your lesson?” the second officer snarled, slamming the baton into Poe’s stomach. What little breath remained in Poe rushed out in a small  _ unf. _

Poe didn’t have the energy to reply. He could barely even move his head. His right arm was released and hung limply at his side. He cried out as the first officer - or was it the second? - relocated his shoulder again.

One of the interrogators unshackled Poe completely and threw him down to the shiny black floor. “Your name and affiliation. Right now.”

Poe tasted the sour tang of blood in his mouth. “You already know, pal.”

The officer leaned down and lifted Poe up the wall by his neck. Fighting for breath, Poe’s hands slapped the armored arm uselessly.

“I want to hear  _ you _ say it,” the officer spat. “You worthless animal.”

The officer threw Poe down on the floor again, and Poe cried out as he landed on his beaten arm. He barely had time to recover before he was kicked once, twice, three times, four times, in the stomach. He tried to get onto his hands and knees to stand, but a forceful kick to his chest grounded him again.

“Name,” the officer said, striking the side of Poe’s face with the stun baton. “Now.”

“Dameron . . .” Poe whispered.

Another blow came to his face. “I didn’t hear that.”

Poe’s dark eyes reflected the hardened resolve within. “I am Commander Poe Dameron of the Resistance. You’d better remember that name, buckethead.”

The first officer made no reply, just left Poe with a long and agonizing shock. As Poe was gasping for breath afterwards, the officer knelt down and said, in a falsely sweet tone, “That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

Poe only glared at the officer.

“We’ve got some more questions for you, Dameron,” the officer continued, “and you’re going to answer them.”

“Like hell I will,” Poe retorted, spitting blood in the officer’s face.

“We’ll see about that,” the officer responded. He uncoiled a black Mandalorian whip from his belt and cracked it once as the other officer unceremoniously ripped off Poe’s jacket and shirt. “We’ll see.”


	6. Chapter VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Agony"  
> Breaking Benjamin  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KGrM1sh-8pE

The hours had been long and excruciating. They’d taken him from room to room, interrogator to interrogator, method to method. Although his body ached for rest, the only reprieve Poe found was in the precious few seconds of unconsciousness. Whether his captors were thorough or merely sadistic, he had no idea. 

But physical pain was always better than mental pain.

Physical wounds healed, given time. Mental wounds did not. Nothing in the world would fix the kind of agony that accompanied emotional trauma. Poe steeled himself with this mantra. The First Order could break his body all they wanted, but they would never reach his mind.

Some of the interrogators didn’t even ask him any questions. Poe didn’t waste his breath on them. He fought to conserve what remained of his strength for those who actually wanted something from him. He’d been beaten, shocked, whipped, burned, and waterboarded, but he always refused to answer.

Then they’d turned to darker techniques, probing and penetrating behind sealed doors. He’d been hurt and humiliated in the worst ways possible, the  promiscuity of their actions showing through the new bruises on his thighs . Poe considered himself lucky to still be in one piece. A small part of him screamed for him to just give up the information the First Order wanted, just so the pain would stop.

But he resisted. His father had died battling the First Order. He’d lost so many friends and colleagues to the Order’s evil. And so many more lives depended on him. Poe would never throw away what they meant to him. He fought for a  _ Resistance. _ What was a revolution without revolutionaries?

Poe had fallen into a deep unconsciousness. He welcomed the darkness openly, a release from the heavy hands that relentlessly abused him. Poe briefly wondered if he was dying. If so, this wasn’t so bad.

_ Mom? Dad? . . . Benji? _

Random pictures flashed across his closed eyes. Memories of a lost childhood, the kind of love that hurt and healed at the same time, dreams of flying, far, far, away, hopes of a future unscarred by war . . .

Hope? Ha.

Hope didn’t exist here, not in this prison. There was no way out, no help for Poe. He knew this already. He was done for. Alone. Abandoned.

Again.

The single word jolted Poe into a long, dark tunnel. The blackness was everywhere - a choking, suffocating force that threatened to drown him. This was not the warm, comforting darkness that relieved him of his pain. Poe fought to see, blinking rapidly. He ran blindly, desperately, searching for an exit as the trauma of his torture chased after him -

And woke, face-to-face with Kylo Ren.

Ren stood about two meters away from him, and Poe came to the grim conclusion that the interrogation was soon drawing to a close.

“I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board with us.” Poe suppressed a shudder at Ren’s deep, oily voice. Ren took a step toward him. “Comfortable?”

Poe gathered his wits about him and gestured as best he could with a shackled hand. “Not really. The accommodations leave something to be desired.”

Ren made a noise that might have been one of amusement, had the dark warrior been capable of such an emotion. “I’m impressed. No one has been able to get out of you, what you did with the map.”

Poe bit back an angry retort.  _ Don’t let him get to you, Dameron. _ Instead, he replied tiredly, “Might wanna rethink your technique.”

Ren tilted his head ever so slightly, and Poe got the feeling that the First Order commander knew what he was hiding about his ordeal. Poe tried his best to keep his gaze level, even though his heart was racing frantically and his limbs were shaking.

Ren stretched out a gloved hand, holding it mere centimeters from Poe’s face. He sensed that this was just the physical manifestation of something bigger, something darker that Ren could summon and bend to his will. Poe was right.

A wave of agony flooded through him, and he forced himself not to scream. Poe’s fists clenched and his teeth scraped together as he fought Ren’s probing.

“The map,” Ren said impassively. “What did you do with it?”

Poe’s breathing hitched unevenly as Ren applied another wave of impossibly painful agony.  _ It’s only in your head, Dameron, _ he told himself.  _ It’s not real. _

Poe could scarcely think now as his pain multiplied. Every blow, every invasion, every lash and shock earlier was like the touch of a feather compared to this new hell. His blood was on fire, his bones tearing apart, the very atoms of his being at war with one another.

Still, he managed to gasp out, “The Resistance - will not be intimidated - by you.”

Ren’s hand tensed, and Poe’s body arched in response. He was slammed against his chair, his head lolling helplessly. The Dark Side of the Force flooded through Poe’s mind, roughly tearing open to the dark warrior.

_ No, no, no . . . _ Poe fought to imagine walls around his mind, but Ren broke through each one effortlessly, tearing apart Poe’s concentration in his search for information. He screamed and shouted as Ren calmly murmured, “Tell me.”

Every second of Poe’s life flashed before him, from childhood through adulthood. He felt so naked, so exposed, as Ren cut through his memories, looking for one in particular. Poe was helpless to stop it. None of his training had prepared him for such an intense and unorthodox method of torture.

_ “I’ll come back for you, Beebee-Ate, I’ll come back!” _ he heard himself say.

_ “I’ll come back for you, Poe, I promise!”  _ Another voice shouted.

_ “I’m never going to leave you, sweetheart.” _

_ “I’ll always be with you.” _

_ “I love you - so much -” _

_ “This will begin to make things right . . .” _

_ “See you on the other side, Poe.” _

The voices blended, their words mixing until they were no more than a cacophony of terrible wraiths screaming Poe’s name. At first, he could have sworn that he recognized them, but now, he had no idea who was whom. Doubtless, it was another one of Ren’s methods. Poe heard himself screaming with them. He saw himself shamefully yell BB-8’s description as though he were looking in a mirror.

Both captor and captive seemed to recoil from Poe’s final answer. Perhaps it was only another one of Ren’s illusions. Poe slumped forward in his seat, the voices still echoing his name.

Ren seized Poe’s chin, his cheeks pressed between the dark warrior’s gloved fingers, and lifted his head. “Where is the droid now?”

“Jakku . . .” The single-word answer depleted the last of Poe’s strength.

“What was that?” Ren snarled, knotting his hand in Poe’s hair. 

Poe cried out as a sharp pain bolted through his head. “J-Jakku!”

“Where on Jakku?” Ren demanded.

“I don’t know,” Poe whispered. Ren’s hand flashed out and Poe screamed in agony, the words torn from his throat. “I don’t know! I sent him away! I don’t know where he’s at!” Fresh tears flooded down his cheeks, but he could do nothing to stop them. “I don’t know where the droid is! Please, no more! No more!”

He’d never begged for anything in his life, not even today throughout his other interrogation sessions. Poe hated himself for doing so now. He shrank in defeat as Ren released him from the torture.

Before he left, Ren leaned in close to Poe’s face so that the cold metal of his mask almost touched Poe’s heated skin. When he spoke, his voice was cold, bearing no trace of the anger present only seconds before.

“Pathetic. I would have expected a better fight from you.” Ren scoffed, using the Force to turn Poe’s head to face him. “Where is your ‘Resistance’ now?”

Ren  spun on his heel and stalked away, leaving Poe in his exhaustion and mental agony. 

Poe struggled to take a breath, only succeeding in half-hyperventilation. Black spots danced across his vision, and his ears rang with the screaming voices. He could barely even connect two words in a thought. It was some time before the voices faded and he could think somewhat clearly.

_ Where is your ‘Resistance’ now? _ Ren had taunted.

_ They’re not coming, _ Poe wanted to answer, even though it would be showing weakness to an enemy.  _ They never will. _

_ And now they won’t come for BB-8, either. _

Poe’s thoughts drifted. Would anyone miss him? Despite his popularity, he hadn’t had many friends beyond other pilots like Snap and Jess. 

Would Leia miss him? She was almost like a second mother to Poe, though their relationship at work was strictly professional. She was always telling him to keep out of trouble, and yet, he always found himself in some kind of mess.

This one was a rather large mess.

A thought suddenly occurred to Poe. Leia had warned him that any rash tactics would cost him. His methods at the evacuation of Hosnian Prime were far from well thought-out. Was this her way of reprimanding him? 

Had Leia  _ wanted _ it this way?


	7. Chapter VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dust in the Wind"  
> Kansas  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ

_ Where is your ‘Resistance’ now? _

Ren’s final words continued to haunt Poe as he sat helplessly in his chair. Not only was he tired, he was also cold and hungry. Poe doubted he would receive any kind of food. More than likely, he would become it, though for what, he couldn’t imagine.

Then again, he was not currently in the best state of mind.

His head lifted slightly as another stormtrooper entered the holding cell. Maybe they were finally going to end it. Poe could coexist with that. The First Order had already taken so much from him, so it was fitting that they would take his life, too.

The trooper’s words to the cell guard seemed to hold something different in store.

“Ren wants to see the prisoner.”

Poe sagged hopelessly in his seat. What now? There was nothing else he knew that world be of any use to the First Order. As for Resistance ship systems and weapons operations, well, the First Order needn’t worry as longs as they built enough TIE fighters. Perhaps some line of questioning had been overlooked.

Perhaps Ren was just sadistic.

Without question, Poe’s guard silently unshackled him from the chair. Had said trooper not roughly pushed him up, Poe would have fallen over. His legs shook, and his lungs heaved as he was thrown to the newcomer. He offered no resistance as the second trooper caught him, fastened a pair of stun cuffs on his wrists, and dragged him away by the arm. Poe struggled to keep up with the trooper’s brisk strides, his legs weakened and providing little support. The barrel of the trooper’s weapon jabbed at his side occasionally, driving him forward.

Poe briefly considered making a grab for the blaster. He was close enough, he could get the weapon, knock out his escort . . . and then what? Poe’s head hurt to think about the outcome. He had neither the strength nor stupidity to attempt such a feat.

“Turn here,” the trooper ordered sharply, prodding Poe’s bruised ribs with the blaster. Poe stumbled as the trooper forced him into a spotlessly empty corridor.

Empty?

_ He wasn’t taking me to Ren after all, _ Poe thought grimly.  _ He’s going to finish me off quietly. _

Poe exhaled and braced himself as the trooper checked outside for any signs of interruption.  _ Does it hurt when you die? _

“Listen to me,” the trooper said urgently. “You do as I say, I can get you out of here.”

“If . . . what?” Poe’s brow creased and he tilted his head. “Wait, who are you?”

Against all odds, the trooper removed his polished white helmet and Poe flinched involuntarily. He relaxed slightly when he saw the face underneath. 

The trooper couldn’t have been any older than Poe himself, if not a few years younger. He had dark skin and matching eye with close-cropped black hair. What intrigued Poe the most was his expression, a look of genuine concern that one would not associate with a stormtrooper.

“Will you just be quiet and listen to me?” the trooper said impatiently. He grabbed Poe’s battered arms almost gently. “This is a  _ rescue _ . I’m helping you  _ escape. _ ”

Something fluttered in Poe’s stomach as the trooper asked, “Can you fly a TIE fighter?”

Maybe, just maybe . . . “Are you with the Resistance?” Poe blurted.  _ Have you come to save me? _

His hopes were crushed by the trooper’s expression of disbelief. “ _ What? _ That’s crazy!” He indicated their surroundings. “How long do you think anyone with Resistance sympathies would last on a ship like this? No, I’m just breaking you out.” The trooper cast a nervous glance down the corridor. “So, can you fly a TIE fighter?”

It took Poe a moment to piece together the unnatural event that was taking place now, and he nodded. “I can fly anything, just show it to me. But why are you doing this?”

The stormtrooper wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

Poe stared at his unlikely companion, not buying it for a second. “You need a pilot.”

“I need a pilot,” the trooper hastily agreed.

Poe shrugged painfully and attempted a small grin. “Well, you just got me.”

The trooper’s face broke into a smile, something that Poe would never have believed had he not just borne witness to it. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Poe insisted. “We can do this just so long as you can get me into something that flies.”

The trooper nodded and put his helmet back on. He gestured in the direction they had come. “This way. And don’t look so positive. Optimism doesn’t fit a prisoner’s profile.”

Poe obediently bowed his head and adopted as morose an expression as possible. As the exited the narrow corridor, however, a thin smile ghosted his cracked lips.

The longer the pair went without interception or questioning, the more Poe dared to hope. He still ached all over, and walking was still difficult, but he had a small feeling that this would work. Just because no one had ever escaped the First Order in a _First Order_ Star Destroyer didn’t mean that Poe and his stormtrooper companion wouldn’t be the first.  
The very infeasibility of their escape worked in their favor, Poe reflected. Prisoners like him simply did not escape, much less with stormtrooper aid. It did not happen, and therefore, no one expected it.

As they entered the hangar, a group of officers approached them. It wasn’t difficult for Poe to act nervous and afraid, his eyes resolutely fixed on the shiny floor below him. Beside him, the trooper nudged him gently with the barrel of his blaster and muttered quietly, “Stay calm. Stay calm.”

The officers walked by without so much a second glance.

“I am calm,” Poe whispered back. 

“I was talking to myself.”

“Oh, boy.” Poe might have rolled his eyes if not given their current predicament.

“Act nervous,” the trooper advised. “As though you’re being sent to your doom.”

Another time, another place, Poe might have added a touch of sarcasm as he replied, “Thanks for the tip.”

The ship the pair was approaching was a Special Forces TIE fighter. How many of these had Poe shot down in the past? Nevertheless, he found himself drawn to the dark ship, its well-crafted angles giving it a deadly, almost seductive kind of beauty. Poe resisted the urge to whistle in admiration.

No one stood near the TIE fighter.  _ Of course not, _ Poe thought.  _ Who would think to guard a TIE fighter inside of a Star Destroyer? _

The First Order might have second thoughts once Poe and his companion escaped, however.

Escape. The word itself felt bright and joyous, a complete opposite to Poe’s previous ordeal. The fighter’s hatch was open and inviting, and Poe willed himself not to break into a run. He doubted he had the physical capabilities, anyway.

The trooper nudged Poe forward after a quick glance around. In the shadow of the TIe fighter, Poe’s restraints were removed, and he rubbed his sore wrists.

“You okay?” the trooper whispered.

Poe nodded, a newfound sense of determination etched in his face. He climbed into the hatch and settled himself in the pilot’s command chair. He knew from his studies of First Order craft that the Special Forces TIE was meant for two people, a pilot and a gunner. He sure hoped the other guy could shoot.

Poe examined the controls before him, slipping out of his bloody jacket. He’d drawn these very controls countless times. Now, he’d actually be able to fly them. He recognized most of the functions and felt sure that he could work around what he didn’t know. A modern fighter like this one would be naturally forgiving, ready to teach even an amateur pilot her secrets.

“I’ve always wanted to fly one of these things,” Poe said aloud as he punched instrumentation. “Can you shoot?”

“Anything for ground troops, yeah. Like blasters.”

Poe could sense the hesitation in the trooper’s voice and tried to project confidence. “Same principle! Only, the results are a lot more expansive. Use the toggle on the left to switch between cannons, missiles, and pulse. There’s instrumentation on the right to aim, and use triggers to fire!” He hoped he hadn’t said anything wrong. He briefly wondered if the trooper wondered how he knew so much about Special Forces TIE fighters.

_ I’ve had plenty of reasons to study these things, _ Poe thought grimly.

After a moment, the trooper’s voice carried back to Poe. “Um, this all looks very complicated, and I’m not sure where to start. Maybe we should wait a moment and let you clarify some things?”

Perhaps if they were safely at a Resistance base, Poe might have taken the time to offer professional instruction. But here, just being freed, Poe was not quite in a teaching mood. Besides, he doubted there’d be time. Sooner or later, someone was going to notice the TIE’s engine lights turning on.

“Consider this on-the-job training!” Poe replied, a hint of his cocky personality showing again. Leaning over the controls, he whispered softly to the ship, “Don’t let me down, girl.”

He persuaded the TIE to life itself from its docked position, shakily at first. As he grew accustomed to the TIE’s responses, Poe began to take it out of preflight maneuvers.

Except for the fact that the TIE was still tethered.

Poe cursed as he heard the sharp  _ twang _ of the cable. Why the _ kriff _ was it tethered in a  _ kriffing _ Star Destroyer?

He convinced the fighter to take more jerky, erratic movements in an attempt to disconnect himself. He was probably going to have some pretty heavy whiplash before this was all over.

Out of the corner of his eye, Poe noticed groups of stormtroopers setting up heavy weaponry around the hangar. 

“Oh, come on!” Poe cursed in frustration. His jaw clenched as h e braced himself for another abrupt stop. One of the cables snapped free, and Poe allowed himself a moment of self-congratulation before returning to the task at hand. Speaking of which . . . 

“Hey -” Poe turned as far as he could towards his companion. “Now would be a good time to start shooting.”

“I’ll do my best,” came the uncertain reply. “I’m not sure I can -”

Evidently, he  _ could, _ because a massive symphony of blasts erupted from the TIE’s primary arsenal across the hangar. The main control room was destroyed, mobile artillery and troopers obliterated. Other parked TIEs were reduced to fragments of black and silver metal. Poe could have sworn he saw a whole cockpit - no wings - fly across the open space. It was almost funny to think that all the debris and fire were controlled calm only moments ago.

_ Yes! _ Poe lifted the TIe and spun in exhilaration. The hangar controls had been neutralized by the explosions, and the fighter was now completely his. No operations center or security controls hindered Poe from flying straight out the massive access portal.

“Sorry, boys!” the trooper yelled, though he didn’t sound particularly sorry. Poe grinned as they soared out into the black vastness of space.

Within seconds, Poe’s mood had gone from fearful to exhilarated. His back and head ached terribly, but his spirit and vigor were completely healed. He was free and he was flying. It was good enough for him.

He brought the TIE around in an experimental turn. He shook his head in admiration at the fighter’s response. It was nothing compared to an X-Wing, but as far as starfighter went, the Special Forces TIE was pretty neat. 

“This thing really moves,” Poe commented. Quickly making a perhaps less than tactical decision, he added, “I’m not going to waste this chance. I owe some people on that ship a little payback.We’ll go back through there, take out as many weapons systems as we can.”

Whatever the trooper behind him had expected next, this was not it. “Shouldn’t we jump to lightspeed as soon as possible?”

Grim determination took over as Poe flew back towards the Star Destroyer. “Someone on that ship called me the best pilot in the Resistance. I wouldn’t want to disappoint him, now, do I? Don’t you worry, I’ll get us in position. Just follow my lead.” He paused briefly, groping for a better explanation. “How ‘bout this? Every time you see the destroyer, you shoot.”

Relaxation crept into the trooper’s tone. “I can do that.”

_ Atta boy, _ Poe thought. Perhaps, when this was all over and the map was safely with the Resistance, he could teach this renegade trooper how to fly and help him find his space legs. It wasn’t a bad goal.

The trooper was obviously a good shot, wasting very few blasts. He much defied the stereotype that all bucketheads were rubbish with blast weapons, Poe thought as he danced underneath the  _ Finalizer _ ’s belly. Cannons and machinery exploded all around him, and Poe’s heart soared with his starfighter. This was  _ easy,  _ this was  _ fun. _ And best of all, no one was giving him orders.

“Target’s coming up, my right, your left,” Poe noted. “You see it?”

A moment’s pause, then, “Yeah, I see it!” A few seconds passed before a whole gun emplacement erupted in a fireball. Debris flew everywhere, and Poe guided them through the destruction, relying on the fighter’s shields to deflect what he could not manually avoid.

The trooper let out a whoop that echoed around the cockpit. “ _ Yes!  _ Did you see that?  _ Did you see that?” _

Poe couldn’t suppress the grin spreading across his face at the trooper’s elation. “I saw that! See, I toldja you could do it! What’s your name, anyway?”

“FN-2187.”

Poe frowned. “FN-what?”

“That’s the only name they ever gave me.”

The longing in the trooper’s voice made Poe feel as if he’d been punched in the gut. Here was another soldier, just like him, but stripped of identity and name. A number didn’t suffice as individuality. Something else lay beneath that damned label, something the First Order couldn’t terminate - something that led him to free and escape with a Resistance pilot. Poe was determined to find it and make sure it never faded.

_ That’s the only name they ever gave me. _ The trooper’s words implied that there must have been other names given to other soldiers. Nicknames? Titles? It didn’t matter. Poe recognized the trooper’s tone all too easily.

_ You’re an outsider, too. _

“If that’s the name they gave you, then I ain’t using it,” Poe declared. “‘FN’, huh? Finn. I’ma call you Finn. That alright with you?”

“‘Finn’,” the trooper said, testing out the single syllable whose meaningfulness far exceeded its size. “Yeah. ‘Finn’. I like that!”

For some reason, Poe couldn’t stop smiling. Was it the way he could feel the stormtrooper’s face light up as Poe gave him the name that no one else would? Or was it Finn’s very presence that told Poe that he didn’t have to be alone anymore? Whatever it was, Poe’s voice was light as he introduced himself. “I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.”

“Good to meet you, Poe!”

“Good to meet you, Finn!”

Perhaps they could have been friends earlier, had they not been on opposite sides of the same war. Something had changed in Poe when Finn had helped him escape. Something had changed him, brought him back from the verge of physical and mental collapse. Poe hadn’t recognized it at first. He’d gone without it for so long, but now he realized what that something was.

Hope.


	8. Chapter VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Unknown Soldier"  
> Breaking Benjamin  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OeQVzMLx5qA

  
Poe and Finn kept returning to the Star Destroyer, demolishing weapons systems and taunting those inside. Poe was constantly altering his flight path to confuse the automated predictors in the Finalizer's central command while Finn fired blast after blast.

Poe felt pretty satisfied with the destruction he and his new friend had wrought. That, and knowing that there wasn't much time before the massive destroyer unleashed the full extent of its power upon the small fighter persuaded Poe to guide the TIE away from the ship.

And towards the golden orb of Jakku below.

Poe knew that every officer, every gunner, every weapons operator and technician, was waiting for the stolen fighter to escape to lightspeed. No one would expect him to return to the very same planet he'd been taken from.

And apparently, neither had Finn. "Wait! Poe - where are you going?!"

Poe brought the TIE down into a sharp nose dive as seeker missiles erupted from the Star Destroyer's weapons. He persuaded two to meet each other as he answered, "You mean, where are _we_ going. Back to Jakku, that's where."

Poe rocked the fighter crazily, spinning and twisting to avoid the other two missiles.

"Back to Jakku?" Finn exclaimed. "Are you crazy? Poe, we gotta get outta this system!"

Poe could sympathize with Finn's confusion. Any sane man could see that Poe's plan made no sense. In a way, that was a good thing. Making no sense was the best way to avoid predictability. Also . . .

"I gotta get to my droid before the First Order does!" Poe said, by way of explanation.

"Your _droid_?" Finn spluttered, incredulous. Poe bit back a dry retort.

"One of a kind," he said instead. "BB unit. Orange and white. Utterly unique and utterly invaluable."

"I don't care what color it is!" Finn shouted. "I don't care if it's capable of invisibility! No droid can be that important!"

Brother, wouldn't you be surprised if you knew, Poe thought privately. "This one is, pal."

"I don't care how important this droid of yours is, or what you're involved in," Finn retorted. "For you and me, Jakku is another word for death."

Poe realized there was no way of convincing Finn to go along with him without telling him the truth. Sure, he was the pilot; he could take them wherever he wanted, but once they landed? If Finn still wanted to argue, Poe would probably be in no condition to fight back.

"My droid's got a map that leads to Luke Skywalker."

It took Finn a moment to process the full meaning of Poe's words. " _Skywalker_?! I never should have rescued -"

The rest of his words were lost in an explosion that rocked the fighter and sent it spiraling towards Jakku. Poe was slammed into the instrumentation in front of him, the safety straps cutting into his torso. Dazed, his mind lingered somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness. Distantly, someone called his name, though their voice was muffled. As though he were underwater, Poe saw, through blurred vision, the blackness of outer space transition into a blindingly blue, cloudless sky. They must be entering Jakku's atmosphere.

_Stang!_

Suddenly, Poe was wide-awake. "No, no, no . . ." he muttered, desperately trying to guide the doomed fighter in some kind of landing procedure. Bits of metal and glass were blown off the ship by the atmospheric resistance. "Come on, girl, come on."

Instrumentation lights flickered on and off, the nav screens completely useless. Poe coughed as acrid smoke began to fill the cockpit, but he fought to maintain control of the ship.

In what might have been a rash and foolish decision, Poe unbuckled his safety straps. Better to be thrown clear from what he knew would be a rough landing than to be choked in the rubble. Besides, sand was soft, wasn't it? It would cushion his fall.

At the last possible moment, Poe managed to persuade the fighter up, and it skidded across the sand, bouncing over the dunes. He fought to stay awake as his body was flung around the cockpit, teetering on physical collapse.

Finally, the fighter came to a stop, and the hatch door lay skewed open. Sand blew into the cramped space, and Poe's eyes stung with reflexive tears.

His head hurt, and his whole body screamed in agony. The tumble has reawakened the aftereffects of the First Order's torture. The back of Poe's shirt felt wet - was it from sweat or blood?

_I need to get out of here._

Poe stumbled out of the fighter. Finn was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he'd ejected and landed safely on some other stretch of sand.

A flash fire raced up his pants leg, and he tried to smother it in the sand. Poe cried out softly in pain, but managed to put the flame out. Poe limped onwards. Turning his face to the sun, he tried to make sense of which way he was going. The blinding light offered no guidance. There were no other landmarks save for the burning TIE behind him. Every direction looked the same. There was nothing to be seen for endless kilometers - nothing besides endless dunes of sand.

Poe picked a direction and headed that way. He felt as though he'd been walking for hours, yet the sun's position hadn't seemed to have changed. He briefly took his shirt off to wipe sweat from his face and in hopes of staying cool. The tan cloth came away flecked with red dots, and the heat and sand only made Poe's injuries hurt worse. Shirt on, it was.

Poe came to another dune and found that he didn't have the strength to go over it. In a daze, he sank to his knees, first one, then the other. His stomach was painfully empty, his mouth and throat parched. His lungs ached fron the desert air. Poe's eyelids fluttered and his vision blurred. Which way was forward? Why was the sand looming up to meet him . . .?

Exhausted, Poe Dameron collapsed in the Jakkunian desert.

 

* * *

 

Poe's sleep was interrupted by nightmares. Kylo Ren was there, every minute of it. He forced Poe to relive their tortured, shared time together on the _Finalizer_ , ripping through Poe's mind again and again.

 _It's just a dream_ , Poe told himself. _It's just a dream. It's not real._

Random images flashed across Poe's eyes, images that lingered slightly but quickly faded. Pain lanced through Poe's mind as Ren dragged him through his visions. A group of black-cloaked and masked warriors standing in the rain - the brilliantly deadly arc of a familiar crimson lightsaber - an exploding X-Wing that sent debris flying everywhere -

_"Poe!"_

_"Poe, where are you?"_

_"Come with me. We can make a future together-"_

\- green -

_"Don't be afraid - "_

\- so much green -

_"He needs this - "_

\- rough under his hand -

_" - come back for you - "_

Poe's dream suddenly calmed, and his vision became clear as he stood in front of a tree. It radiated a warm, soft aura, although the bark itself looked rough. Poe moved as though he were underwater, reaching for the trunk, when two young boys raced past him.

_"Beat you to the top!"_

_"Not if I get there first!"_

The boys climbed up the tree, using the large branches as foot- and handholds. The taller of the two was farther up, his space-black hair waving slowly in an imaginary wind. The other boy struggled to keep up, but they were both smiling and laughing.

Poe watched, intrigued, as the boys continued their treetop game. Suddenly, a branch snapped, and the shorter boy fell, swatting at empty air.

"Poe!" someone shouted, and then it wasn't the kid falling anymore, but Poe himself. The treetop and the black-haired boy faded from his view as he fell, the latter's face frozen in panic and fear. Both grew smaller and smaller as Poe flailed helplessly at the air around him.

He fell into darkness. The other voices and visions returned, and Poe looked around desperately for the boys.

"Who are you?" he yelled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter up on June 16, thank you all for your kudos and comments!


	9. Chapter IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Miracle (of Joey Ramone)"  
> U2  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JN2RuUcaUkk

Poe woke with a jolt. _Where am I?_

He looked around. He appeared to be laying down in a salt flat that wound between towering dunes. Poe briefly wondered why it was dark, then came to the conclusion that it must be night. Pushing himself upward with his hands, Poe winced as a wave of nausea flooded through him. He retched, but his painfully empty stomach offered nothing to vomit.

_Why am I here?_

Poe stumbled along, his legs not willing to work properly for some reason. His whole body ached, and his back burned with pain. Why was he hurting? He struggled to remember what had happened to him. Then, the chain of recent events came flooding back to him in a rush.

Confrontation in the fires of Jakku. Capture by the faceless soldiers. The crack of the whip. The shock of the baton. And then he'd stolen a ship with . . .

"Finn!" Poe yelled, his voice cracking terribly. That was his friend's name, right? "Finn!"

Poe turned around a few times, then opted not to do so after the resulting headache. He shivered. If this was a desert, then why was it so cold? Poe's arms felt bare. Where was his flight jacket?

Probably still pinned in the TIE fighter he'd somehow managed to land. The details were hazy, but he remembered bits and pieces of the crash. No pun intended.

Poe almost laughed out loud, then caught himself. He must be delirious. What was so funny about his current condition? He was exhausted physically, dehydrated, and probably a little shaky mentally, too. More than likely, he'd need a med droid or something to -

Med droids. They had those at D'Qar. D'Qar - what was on D'Qar? Who was they?

"Come on, Dameron," Poe said aloud. "Think!"

 _Where is your Resistance now?_ A voice boomed in his mind.

That was it. The Resistance. All the pieces came together now. Poe needed to get offworld and reconnect with the Resistance. Once he found the Resistance, he could find BB-8. First things first: a ship.

 _No_ , Poe thought. _More than that, I need water._

With morning, Poe only found the inferno of Jakku's relentless sun. The salt flat he'd followed wasn't exactly a road, but it gave him something to walk on that offered easier footing than the shiftig sands on either side.

For the most part, Poe was left to his own thoughts. He tried to shut out the inconsistent aching as his father had taught him to.

"Pain is just the body's way of telling you something's wrong," Kes Dameron had said. "But if you know nothing's wrong, then you can isolate the pain and carry on."

Poe wondered if Finn had ever been taught how to handle pain. He was a stormtrooper, after all, and what Poe'd heard of stormtrooper training had seemed harsh and rigid. Then again, there had been enough room for Finn to defect, so what did that mean? Poe had never really iiven much thought to the people inside the white suits, but now he wondered about them.

He also wondered where Finn actually was, if the dark-skinned young man was also lost in the desert like he was. Poe hoped that Finn made it out okay. The realization occurred to him that unless Finn went looking for the Resistance, they'd probably never see each other again.

"Why did you defect, Finn?" Poe wondered out loud. "What makes you different from them?"

The low whine of a landspeeder interrupted Poe's thoughts. Not even pausing to consider who might be on the speeder, he ran up the nearest dune, yelling and waving his arms wildly.

At first, he thought the speeder would just pass him by, if not run him over, but it slowed and eventually halted, angling to the right. The speeder was unlike any Poe had ever seen, flat in the front and bulging at the stern. The speeder's operator, or at least its species, was something Poe was slightly more familiar with.

The speeder's operator was a Blarina. Mirrored eyeshades swept across a broad, reptilian face above a short, wide snout. Being about half Poe's height, the Blarina had to lift its scaly head a ways before it grinned, revealing more teeth than could be found in a human mouth.

"A bit warm to be walking by oneself in the country, my friend."

Poe grunted, suppressing frustration. "It's not by choice, I assure you."

"And where, then, have you come from?" the Blarina hissed, scrutinizing Poe with an even wider grin. "Or do you just enjoy Jakku's gentle sunshine?"

"Er . . ." Poe thought as quickly as he could. "I'm lost. I hit my head and I'm lost."

The Blarina hissed again softly. "And where's your speeder, my friend?"

"Same place I am. Lost."

"I'm Naka Iit," the Blarina said. "A scavenger of sorts." Looking Poe over once more, he added, "I might just scavenge you."

Poe tensed. He had no weapon, and he was in no physical condition to fight. He probably couldn't even offer much resistance, even to a Blarina half his size. He recalled from brief biological studies that Blarinas weren't exceptionally strong, but they were quick. Naka Iit also seemed to be quick-witted.

Well, Poe still had some of his wits about him. He spread his hands, trying to stall. "It's said that the Blarina are an exceptionally hospitable people."

Naka's grin turned into a frown of astonishment. "You've heard that? That mist be referring to some other Blarina. Certainly doesn't sound like me."

So much for that. "You'd be wasting your time on me. I have nothing worth scavenging."

Naka raised his eyeshades, revealing gold-hued eyes with slitted pupils. He stared ahrd at Poe. "Then what, exactly, are you doing out in this wasteland, with 'nothing'?"

Poe swayed. He was hot, thirsty, hungry, and thoroughly exhausted. He needed to get offworld so he could go home to the Resistance and find BB-8. He was also apparently rather desperate. Otherwise, what he said next might have been quite different.

"I just escaped from the First Order by stealing one of their advanced TIE fighters, used it to shoot up one of their Star Destroyers, and crash-landed somewhere near here."

The Blarina stared at Poe in disbelief before he started laughing. "I'll wet my zinz if you aren't the most barefaced liar I've encountered in twenty years of scavenging on this sandbox!" He extanded a lightly clothed arm. "Come with me, my friend. The Blarina do say that much good accrues to anyone who helps the mad. Liar or madman, whichever you may be, it amuses me to lend you assistance." Naka lowered his eyeshades and raised his head skywards. "The gods have placed you here to alleviate my boredom. Come."

Whatever Naka believed, Poe was content with. "If it's all the same to you," he said, "I'd be more than happy if you could just give me a drink of water."

He settled himself into the Blarina-sized passenger seat, his knees tucked against his chest, and accepted a slender metal flask from Naka.

Poe hurriedly pressed the flask to his lips, and water - sweet, cool, delicious water - filled his mouth. He closed his eyes in bliss as he swallowed.

Though he ached to drink all of the flask's contents, Poe forced himself not to out of politeness. He handed the flask back to Naka. "I need to get offworld as soon as possible."

"Of course you do," Naka nodded soothingly. What he said next consisted of many names and places that all seemed to run together. Poe honestly didn't care where the Blarina took him as long as he could get offworld.

A gout of sand exploding from a dune on their left interrupted casual conversation. After looking behind them, Naka hissed and accelerated, throwing Poe back in his seat.

"What is it?" he asked.

Naka glanced grimly at Poe. "Look for yourself."

Struggling to turn inthe small space, Poe managed to see another, much larger, speeder giving chase and gaining rapidly. Another shot from it took out a good-sized portion of the sand dune to their right.

"Strus clan," Naka said bleakly. "A motley collection of grunts who can't do salvage, repair, trade, lr anything else." The speeder rocked from another near-miss. "So they steal from those who can."

Poe shrugged. "They're not very good shots."

Naka Iit hissed again. "Idiot madman. If they shoot us, they acquire nothing but garbage. They shoot to disable, not to destroy."

Poe glanced behind them again. "They're catching up," he noted. "Can't this thing go any faster?"

"I am a salvager, not a podracer!" Naka retorted indignantly. "My craft is built for hauling, not for speed!"

Poe paused a moment, an idea taking shape in his mind. "Then let me drive."

"What‽" Naka yelled as Poe leaned over for the controls. "Are you insa - no, wait you are! Why should I let you take control of my only real asset?"

"Because," Poe said, adrenaline rushing through him and reawakening the Resistance soldier inside, "I am the best pilot you ever met."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter up June 23, thank you all for your kudos and comments!


	10. Chapter X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I Lived"  
> OneRepublic  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0rxydSolwU

The look on Poe's face, coupled with the incoming speeder behind them, soon persuaded Naka to give in. Man and Blarina switched positions - and Poe slowed the clumsy but sturdy craft.

"Giving up already?" Naka said sarcastically. "I could have done that much myself."

Poe ignored him. "Indicate that we're going to surrender." He studied the speeder's controls. They weren't too different from his X-34. Driving whatever model this was shouldn't prove too difficult.

Naka sighed and muttered to himself. Standing up in the passenger seay, he began making gestures at the Strus clan speeder. No more shots exploded. Well, that was something.

Poe watched the larger speeder come up on them through the dusty rearview mirror. He continued to decelerate until he could make out assorted species' faces and appendages in the pursuing craft. When the larger vehicle was as close as he was willing to let it come, Poe tilted the nose of Naka's speeder sharply upward and slammed the accelerator, shooting the smaller craft skyward.

One law of physics said that for every action, there would be an equal and opposite reaction. Poe was counting on physics to help them escape the Strus vehicle. The reaction did not let him down.

The sudden burst from the speeder caused what seemed like half the dune beneath them to explode upward and back. The sand shower fell immediately on the big speeder behind them. Strus clan members not wearing any sort of facial protection were met with nasty eyefuls and mouthfuls of hot sand. The grit poured reedily into every opening in the speeder. Though the main propulsion system was well-covered. much of the instrumentation and filters were not.

Naka's craft soared over the crest of the dune, and Poe's spirits with it. He'd done it. The Strus clan speeder was rendered at least temporarily inoperable, and the hostile beings in it were far behind them now. Poe wasn't exactly _happy_ , but he was satisfied.

To say that the Blarina beside him was joyful, however, would be an understatement. Naka let out some sort of cackling hiss. Though the sound was alien to Poe, the glee in Naka's voice was unmistakable.

"Oh, what joy! What pleasurable delight!" Naka exclaimed. "To be saved by a madman!" A scaly hand clapped Poe on the shoulder and pointed ahead of them. "Our destination lies that way. I find myself suddenly amenable to letting you drive. Are you really with the Resistance?"

"Yes." Naka Iit's voice was full of wonder and awe. The last person who'd asked Poe the same question had looked at him condescension and disgust.

Naka shook his head. "Then you are truly crazy."

Poe glanced over at his companion. "We of the Resistance prefer the term 'courageous'."

"I see little difference." Naka shrugged. "I owe you, my madman friend. Beyond just picking you out of the desert, I owe you most thankfully. I will intercede with Ohn Gos. One way or another, we will get you off Jakku!"

"I'm grateful," Poe replied simply.

"Grateful! What matters the gratitude of a madman?" The Blarina shot back, smiling as he hissed it.

Poe only grinned as he drove forward.

 

* * *

 

Blowback Town reminded Poe of the Tatooinian spaceport Mos Eisley, only far less populated. An assortment of alien species, some of which Poe did not know the names for, were well-represented throughout the small town.

Naka gestured for Poe to park in front of a dust-colored hovel with a sign hanging over the entrance. Poe could make out a few faded markings on the sign, but they were written in some alien language that he didn't know. After stopping the speeder and powering it down, both man and Blarina hopped out and proceeded to the hovel.

Naka rapped his knuckles on the semi-open door. "Ohn? It's me, Naka."

Another Blarina, wearing a wide-rimmed hat, poked his head out. "Ah! Naka, my friend, what may I do for you?"

"This is my madman friend," Naka said, gesturing to Poe. "He is a most excellent pilot, and he needs to get offworld."

"Madman, eh?" Ohn looked Poe up and down. "Do come in, my friend."

Poe obliged, ducking his head under the short opening. Ohn's hovel was set up almost like a bar, though it was mostly empty. 

"Naka Iit claims you are a madman," Ohn noted. "Exactly what have you done to make him believe so?"

"I'm a Resistance pilot," Poe explained simply. "I just escaped the First Order by stealing one of their TIE fighters."

"And he saved both our lives by shooting a mountain of sand into a Strus clan speeder!" Naka added excitedly. He launched into the story of their evasion of the hostile clan members, and Ohn listened intently.

"So where is it you require passage to?" Ohn inquired.

Poe thought for a moment. His best bet would be to get back to D'Qar, but that would be a long and complicated trip, and he doubted he had the strength to make it. Perhaps if he could contact the Resistance and request an evac?

"Actually, I need to send a transmission first," Poe said. "Do you have a way for me to do that?"

Ohn glanced at Naka. "Yes, I do. Come this way."

Ohn led Poe to the back of the hovel, past a hallway of what seemed to be empty inn rooms. In a small room at the end of the hallway, an old, Empire-era holo system was set up.

"The holocam doesn't work very well, but the audio system is still intact and functioning," Ohn said, flipping a few switches. He handed Poe a headset. "Good luck."

Poe slipped on the headset and adjusted the microphone. Plugging in the encryption codes for this machine was almost like driving a Corellian heavy freighter - slow and tedious. Thank goodness he'd been taught how to do it manually.

Poe tapped the holocam, despite Ohn's warning. It flickered weakly, and he smacked it with the palm of his hand. He resolved not to use it at the painful jolt up his wrist.

Poe started up the recording system. "This is Commander Poe Dameron, callsign Black Leader, authorization codes peth-dora three-one-seven. Hey, guys. I'm alive. I'm okay, I guess. I got away from the First Order and I'm in a place called Blowback Town on Jakku. Requesting some evac here, sending coordinates with this transmission. I'd send you guys a picture, but the holocam on this thing isn't working. See you guys soon - oh, and nobody'd better touch my ship while I'm still gone. That's all for now - Black Leader out."

Poe hit the stop button, encrypted the transmission again with the proper coordinates, and sent it out to a secret Resistance line on D'Qar.

Now all he could do was wait.


	11. Chapter XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Song for Someone"  
> U2  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wrhXq2YKcNQ

Ohn Gos had let Poe stay in one of his guest rooms, free of charge. It had obviously been a while since any being had been in the room, but it was far better than what the First Order had provided. Poe'd tried to clean his face the best he could, but it was difficult due to substantial swelling on the left side of his face. He'd also received generous amounts of water and a strange assortment of dried meats, but he'd denied most painkillers.

He'd had enough drugs to last him a lifetime.

Poe paced around his room, anxiously waiting for a reply from the Resistance. Well, he tried to, anyway. His sore legs wouldn't keep up for much longer.

Poe walked over to the dusty, cracked mirror that leaned against one wall. For the first time since his interrogation, Poe examined his reflection. Dried blood was still smeared across his forehead and left cheek, his left eye blackened and swollen. A mixture of sweat and blood matted his caf-brown hair, and his lower lip was split. Smaller bruises and cuts danced across his face.

Other than that, he looked perfectly fine.

After a moment's hesitation, Poe carefully and slowly peeled off his bloodstained shirt, making sure not to strain his arms too much. He suppressed a small cry of pain as he lifted it over his head. Damn. His bare torso looked anything _but_ fine.

Burns and lacerations covered his tan skin like some kind of twisted Rorschach test. New scars crisscrossed over old ones, and he was finding it hard to take even breaths. Poe turned to each side, taking in what he could of his back. It didn't look much better. There was hardly any healthy skin to be seen - more shades of red and purple on his back than he could count.

Poe analyzed his reflection, trying to relax. Angling his head to one side, he traced the pale, jagged scar that cut across his collarbone. Nothing the First Order had done to him could cover that mark.

"Benji . . ." he whispered. "I miss you so much."

Poe sat down on the edge of his bed, his shirt clenched in his hands. A lump grew in his throat and his breath hitched. One tear slid out of his eye, then another, then another . . .

Poe never cried in front of other people. Hell, he hardly ever cried in private. But even just the thought of Ben could drive Poe nearly mad with grief. Whether it was grief now that crafted the tears, he didn't care. For the first time in a long time, it felt good to cry.

It felt peaceful.

Poe lifted his head as a quiet knock came on the open door. He quickly wiped away his tears as Ohn Gos cautiously entered the room.

"What troubles you, my madman friend?" Ohn asked, tilting his head.

"Don't call me that," Poe whispered. "My name is Poe. Poe Dameron."

"My apologies," Ohn said. He bowed his head slightly. "Is there any way I can be of assistance to you?"

 _Unless you can change the last six years, then no._ Poe merely shook his head and silently put his shirt back on.

"You have been through a great deal," Ohn noted. "More so than what these lacerations show."

"What makes you say that?" Poe scoffed.

"You are young," Ohn began, "but you bear the scars of veteran warriors. Other beings your age cannot even begin to imagine the sort of horrors you have seen on a regular basis. You are strong, no doubt, a fighter. Your mind is determined, yet something weighs you down. Poe, my friend, you may be even the best soldier the Resistance has, but you hide a heavy heart." Ohn paused, then continued, "So I ask you again, what troubles you?"

Poe stared at the Blarina. After a moment's silence, he asked quietly, "Is it that obvious?"

Ohn chuckled softly. "Only to one who has seen the same thing several times before." He spread his arms. "I am no warrior. I am no pilot, but I am old. I have seen these wastelands wear down on many beings in the same way that the tide of war has worn on you."

Poe nodded once. "You know, when I was a kid, I used to think that I'd grow up to be the best pilot in the galaxy, and I could just blow up all the bad guys this universe had to offer." He ran a hand through his hair and cracked a weary smile. "That's not how it works. You can't just blow up all your problems."

"You cannot run from them, either," Ohn countered.

"I'm not running," Poe argued. "It's just - I - " He groped helplessly for the right thing to say. "It's just that flying is, well, simple. You have an enemy. You take him out. You move on. Like I said, simple."

"But not when your enemy is the intangible," Ohn added, a knowing glint in his reptilian eyes. "Not when your enemy is yourself."

Poe frowned, tilting his head a fraction. Ohn's words had hit just a little too close to home. "I'm sorry, are you some sort of sage all of a sudden? Think you can just sprout out fortune cracker advice whenever you feel like it?"

"Poe -"

"You don't know a thing about me," Poe hissed. "I'm just some 'madman' you found in the desert."

With that, Poe angrily stormed out of the room and back to the holo station. He slammed random buttons and dials, not caring what came through. No reply from the Resistance, just static through local lines.

Poe sighed. He'd apologize to Ohn later. But right now . . .

He couldn't even begin to describe the tightness in his chest, the wave of guilt and grief that flooded through him like a Kaminoan hurricane. He put his head in his hands and breathed deeply.

Music gradually wove through the static, a single guitarra and a pair of voices:

" - _ere is a light,_

_You can always see._

_And there is a world_ -"

"We can always be," Poe whispered in disbelief. It'd been so long since he'd heard this song, "Song for Someone" by some Yavin band called Usk-2. The last time had been . . .

. . . with Ben. The last time they'd taken out their guitarras was three days before he'd died. After that, Poe had given up music, given up love, and focused solely on flying. He hadn't even gone to Ben's funeral. He just couldn't.

Poe had never loved anyone else as much as he'd loved Ben. Ben had been the reason he'd woken up in the mornings, the fuel to his fire, his very soul. When Ben died, a part of Poe died with him, too.

Poe could imagine Ben's voice coming through to him instead of the singer's with almost a bittersweet nostalgia as the song closed.

" _If there is a kiss_

_I stole from your mouth,_

_And there is a light,_

_Don't let it go out_."

"I'm trying, Benji," Poe said, a new lump growing in his throat. "God, I'm trying." His breath hitched slightly as he unexpectedly broke down in breathless tears. "I miss you so much, beautiful, I'm so sorry."

Poe rubbed the side of his face with his palm and tried to imagine Ben's response. He'd probably wrap his strong arms around Poe, gently kiss the top of his head, and whisper sweet condolences to him. Then Poe would rest his head against Ben's chest, breathing in time to Ben's steady heartbeat to calm himself down.

Poe found himself leaning into an imagjnary daydream and shook his head. _Focus, Dameron. Those days are over._

Bitterly, Poe switched stations.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter up Thursday July 7; thank you all for your kudos and comments!


	12. Chapter XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Coming Home"  
> Bryan Adams  
> http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bryanadams/cominghome.html

_(green—)_

_(so much of it—)_

_(rough—)_

_(rough under his hand—)_

_(it hurts—)_

_(hurts so much—)_

_(his back—)_

"Poe?"

"Benji!" Poe yelled, snapping wide-awake. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep until the staticky voice called his name.

"Uh, no," said a familiar pilot's tone. "This is Snap Wexley. What the hell are you - you know, you gave us quite a scare - you scoundrel -"

Poe grinned, his dream forgotten. "Good to hear from you, buddy. How are things?"

"Not as good without you," Snap replied honestly. "We've had to do some massive recruiting like you wouldn't believe - huh? Yes ma'am, uh, hang on a sec, Poe."

There was a brief moment of static, then another voice came through: General Organa.

"Poe Dameron, what the _kriff_ were you doing, giving us a scare like that —"

A tear of joy leaked out of Poe's eye as he heard Leia reprimand him for his absence. Well, to anyone else, it would have sounded like a reprimand. Poe knew Leia well enough to detect the note of relief hidden under the stern exterior. Not until now had he realized how much he'd missed her. "I missed you too, General."

"Scare us like that again, and I may just change my mind about your rank, Commander." Leia'a voice cracked ever so slightly. "Is that clear?"

Poe smiled as more tears flowed down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last tims he'd cried out of sheer happiness. "Yes, ma'am."

"I'm sending Captain Wexley and Lieutenant Pava to come get you," Leia said. "They'll be there in a few hours, using one of our Republic shuttles."

"See you then," Poe replied. Though he knew Leia couldn't see him, he raised two fingers to his brow in a salute. "Black Leader out."

 

* * *

 

Poe found Ohn out in the back, working on an X-36 landspeeder. Part of the back paneling had been removed, and Ohn was delicately working a spanner between a thick mess of wires.

"Hey, Ohn," Poe said, kneeling down next to the Blarina. "Mind if I join you?"

Ohn's face lit up with a smile. "Poe! My friend, of course you may. I apologize for my harsh words —"

"Why apologize to me?" Poe protested, picking up another spanner to help rework some loose cables. "I'm the one that should be sorry. I just walked out on you like that."

"But you would not have had I not pushed you so," Ohn countered. "For that, I am sorry."

Poe held up his hands. "Me too, buddy. Me too."

They worked in silence for a while before he added, "Some friends of mine are coming to take me home in a few hours."

Ohn nodded. "Back home means back to the Resistance, I presume?"

"Yeah," Poe said, rolling his shoulders. He winced slightly as the torn tissue on his back stretched and his sore muscles flexed. "I was wondering if you could take me to the nearest spaceport."

"There's not one for kilometers," Ohn said. "Your friends have your planetary coordinates, yes?" At the pilot's nod, he continued, "Then they will just have to land somewhere near here."

"Alright, then," Poe said. He ran a hand through his knotted hair. "I bet I have a lot to catch up on."

Ohn placed a scaly hand on Poe's forearm. "The best of luck to you as you fight this war."

Poe inclined his head. "Thank you, Ohn. For everything."

The Blarina stopped fiddling with the mechanics and met Poe's gaze, amber settling on dark brown. "Do not thank me, Poe. Simply remember me. Though you may travel across the galaxy, fighting all sorts of evil and saving all sorts of people, there are unremarkable beings such as myself in unremarkable places such as Jakku."

"You're not unremarkable —" Poe began, but a look from Ohn Gos silenced him.

"True, I may not be," Ohn continued, "but to many people, you are a hero. You are the face of freedom and justice in this galaxy. You risk your life to protect everyone in it, beings whose suffering you could just turn a blind eye to. You wake up every morning and you fly so that beings like me can continue to live unremarkably. And that, my friend, is truly remarkable."

Ohn took Poe's hands in his own, his serene expression so reminiscent of Lor San Tekka. "That is truly remarkable."

Poe nodded. "I'll remember that."

"Good." Ohn closed his eyes briefly."Now, can you grab that rag over there?"

They continued to work quietly for the next few hours. In all honesty, Poe had lost track of time until a whining noise made him look up. Ohn glanced skyward, where the shadow of a small New Republic shuttle descended upon them. "Are these your friends?"

Poe squinted against the sunlight and waved at the cockpit. He could have sworn someone waved back. "Yeah, I think it is."

Ohn squeezed Poe's hands once. "Our paths may yet cross again, Poe Dameron. I shall wait for that day should it come."

"I look forward to it," Poe promised.

Ohn let go of Poe's hands as the dropship landed a few kilometers away and its doors opened. "Until then, my friend."

Poe saluted the Blarina as he headed for the ship that would take him home.

Ohn Gos watched the box-like ship fade away into the sky until the light of Jakku's sun swallowed it whole.

 

* * *

 

Jess was waiting for Poe in the main hold of the ship when he got on board. She gasped slightly when she saw his condition, but quickly hid it. "Poe!"

"Hey, Jessie," Poe said, adopting a weary smile. The two of them hugged, and Jess kissed his bruised cheek. "How are things?"

"Poe . . ." Jess whispered. "You were gone for so long. Everyone thought you were dead."

Poe stepped back and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Well, I'm not."

Jess cracked a grin. "That's right, you'd better not be. No one gets to kill Poe Dameron."

The cockpit door slid open as she hugged him again, revealing an ecstatic Snap Wexley. His hair was mussed, and a hint of dark circles crept under his bright brown eyes, as though he hadn't slept in a while. Still, none of that marred the huge grin on his face.

"Poe, buddy!" Snap exclaimed, clapping him on the shoulder —

— _they wrench it out of place —_

_— beat it —_

_— beat him —_

_"Resistance scum!"_

_— someone screams —_

_— hurts so much —_

_— stop —_

_— STOP —_

"Stop!" Poe shouted, whirling away from his vision. He fell on the floor, landing awkwardly on his side.

"Poe?" Some held his hand —

" _Get up, you filth —"_

_"Hold him down —"_

_"You like it, don't you?"_

_— hands —_

_— hands holding him —_

_— hands everywhere —_

_— touching —_

_— feeling —_

_— and it burns —_

_— please just anything else —_

_— not this —_

_— don't let them hear you beg —_

_— please —_

_— another scream —_

_— please —_

_"You slut —"_

"Poe? Poe! Look at me. Can you hear me?"

Eyes glazed in fear, Poe nodded.

"Okay, focus on me, buddy. You'll be okay. Just focus on me."

Gradually, Snap's broad face came into Poe's vision, concern etched into those familiar features. Jess knelt behind him, her hand on Poe's.

"S-Snap?" Poe whispered, his voice trembling.

Snap engulfed him in a hug. "I'm here, buddy. I'm here."

For the third time that day, Poe Dameron cried. It wasn't the kind of crying one did when they were simply grieving or joyous. It was the silent kind that accompanied fear and hopelessness, a ragged, raw display of emotion. There was nothing artistic or graceful to his tears this time. They came in short bursts, stealing away his breath the moment he found it again.

The beeping of the hyperdrive interrupted the quietude. Jess stood up. "I'll take care of that."

Snap nodded, still holding Poe's shaking body. "Hey," he said to Poe. "You still with me?"

Poe nodded, his face buried in Snap's jacket.

"Hey. Hey, look at me." Slowly, Poe's eyes met Snap's. A small smile touched the latter's lips. "Everything's okay. You're safe now, with me and Jess. You're okay. I'm here. You'll be alright." Snap gently rubbed Poe's sore back comfortingly.

"It hurts, Snap," Poe confessed. "It hurts so much."

"I know it does," Snap soothed. "In a few minutes, we'll be back home and you'll get better, I promise. You'll be okay, Poe."

"But —" Poe stammered. "They —"

"Shhh," Snap murmured, turning Poe's face towards him. "They're not here now. It's just you, me, and Jess. No one's going to hurt you, Poe, I promise."

Poe swallowed. "Thank you, Snap."

Snap's smile was warm. "Anytime, Commander." He gestured to a hoverbed alongside the far wall. "Get some rest. I'll be helping Jess land this thing."

Snap helped Poe to the hoverbed, where the latter lay down and closed his eyes. Snap brushed some of Poe's hair out of his eyes and studied him briefly.

"We're going home, Poe."

 


	13. Chapter XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Beautiful Loser"  
> Bob Seger  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U86kmChYxoY

Though he'd been offered a hoverbed, Poe resolved to walk to the medbay. Snap accompanied him while Jess went off to inform Leia of his arrival. Many other passing pilots and officers recognized him immediately, giving him hugs and handshakes with "Welcome back!"s and "We missed you!"s. Poe briefly wondered how many of those were genuine.

He realized with a jolt that he had no idea how long he'd been gone. Days? Weeks? Months, even? Glancing at the bustling Resistance base around him, he felt a sudden sense of insecurity. If this was his home, why didn't he feel safe here? 

"This way," Snap gestured, noting his discomfort. "We made a few changes to the medbay, got our hands on some more droids."

Poe only nodded as he was led to the main infirmary. From there, a droid took him to a more private screening room. The room itself was rather simple — one hoverbed, vitals screens, a couple of charging stations, and a potted plant in one corner. The juxtaposition of the natural green in the plant's leaves against the barren whiteness of the walls was almost amusing. Poe couldn't quite figure out why, but the thought made him smile.

"Please sit," the droid intoned. Poe sat. "Would you like anything to drink, Commander? Water? Caf, perhaps?"

Poe shook his head. He suddenly missed BB-8 very, very much. "No, I'm fine, thank you."

"Very well then," the droid concluded. "If you don't mind, I will have to cut away your outer garments so I may better assess your injuries." Its upper half tilted slightly, imitating a human gesture of politeness.

"Sure," Poe replied. "Go right ahead." He remained perfectly passive as the droid carefully cut away his shirt and pants, leaving him in his basics. He always hated medbay visits, and for good reason, too. Number one, the med droids annoyed the _hell_ out of him. Number two, it always smelled a little _too_ clean, as if they were trying to cover something up.

"I recommend immersion in the bacta tank to heal your major injuries and bodily trauma and regular applications of kolto patches for a week after," the droid said. "Please wait a moment while I fetch the necessary anesthetics."

"See ya, pal." Poe mock-saluted the med droid once its back was turned. 

It exited his room, and a moment later, General Organa rushed in. Her normally stiff composure melted away completely once her eyes met Poe's. She slowly walked towards him. Poe stood and smiled apologetically. "Hey, General."

"Poe," Leia whispered. "I'm so sorry, my child." She placed her hand over his cut cheek, and he leaned into the coolness of her touch. "I'm so sorry."

Poe put his own hand over hers, a wave of nostalgia flooding through him. "It's not your fault, Leia." 

"I shouldn't have sent you alone," Leia said, her eyes glistening. "You shouldn't have gone by yourself, kriff, what was I _thinking_?"

"Leia," Poe repeated. "It's not your fault. I'm okay now, Mom."

The word had slipped out of his mouth on reflex. He hadn't called Leia _Mom_ since . . . well, since Ben had died. Poe wasn't sure whether or not to apologize once he saw the look on Leia's face. Six years, and no one had ever looked to her as a mother. 

No one had looked to Poe as a son in that long time, either. Wordlessly, he and Leia hugged, their shared grief hovering unspoken between them. 

"Don't ever go anywhere alone again," Leia said sternly, stepping back.

Poe saluted her as the med droid came back in. "Yes, ma'am."

Leia stood on tiptoe and kissed Poe's bloody forehead. "Get better soon, Commander. That's an order."

Poe grinned. "Absolutely, General."

Leia turned to the droid. "Send for me once he wakes up."

"Yes, General," the droid replied dutifully. After a deep breath, Leia exited Poe's room.

"Hold out your arm, please," the droid instructed, filling a syringe with a pale bluish fluid. Poe did as he was told, and the droid injected the sedative in him —

— _needles —_

_— probing—_

_— twisting —_

_— burning —_

_— someone screams again —_

_"Shut up, you filth!"_

And then he passed out.

 

* * *

 

Poe woke with a start. He didn't remember falling asleep, much less actually _being_ asleep. He frowned. There was _something_ that had flashed before his eyes before he'd woken up, but that something lingered on the outskirts of his memory.

Poe sat up, blinking groggily. Spots danced across his vision, but he gradually made sense of where he was. He was in a recovery room, in a white medbay gown, with an IV tube sticking out of his arm. His _healed_ arm.

Poe's skin had returned to its normal tan color, barely any trace of the burns and bruises that had marred it before. Gingerly, he pressed his fingers against the newly healed flesh. Nothing. No pain.

Looking closer, Poe could see faint scars and patches of darker skin. That was okay. Those would fade with time.

Poe inhaled deeply. It felt like forever since he'd had the strength to do so. The air felt good, too - fresh oxygen generated by the natural vegetation around the base, not the manufactured air of a Star Destroyer or the harsh, gritty winds of Jakku.

Glancing at the sidetable by his hoverbed, Poe noticed a glass of water and a datacard underneath it. He took both and drank the water greedily. Some of it dribbled onto his shirt, but he didn't care. He closed his eyes in bliss as the cool water flowed down his throat.

Poe ran a hand through his hair and opened up the datacard. It was a medical report - _his_ medical report. It turned out to be rather detailed, as well. Poe wasn't even halfway through the first page when he had to stop and close his eyes -

_— he's thrown down —  
_

_— there's a snapping noise —  
_

_— something breaks —  
_

_"Where is it?"_

Poe took a deep breath _—_

_— hands around his throat —  
_

_— fights to breathe —  
_

_— and he's_ choking _—_

His fingers slipped, and he dropped the glass. _Stang._ It shattered on the floor, water spilling everywhere. Poe watched it break through glazed eyes, his mind somewhere else altogether _—_

_— darkness —  
_

_— the hood —  
_

_— ice-cold —  
_

_— soaking wet —  
_

_— can't breathe —  
_

_\- someone, please help -_

_"What did you do with it?"_

The beeping on the heart monitor beside his bed started accelerating. Poe swung his legs over the side of the hoverbed, his fists clenching the sheets -

_— a shock —  
_

_— a burn —  
_

_"Where is it?"_

_— a scream —  
_

_— a slam —  
_

_"Where did you put it?"_

__—_ a snap —  
_

_— a breath —  
_

_— a crack —  
_

_— no —  
_

_— not again —  
_

"Commander?"

_— he cowers on the ground —  
_

_— blood pouring down his back —  
_

_— the officer raises the whip again —  
_

_— crack —  
_

_"Where is it?"_

"Poe?"

_— he shouts —  
_

_— he screams —  
_

_— he wants it to stop —  
_

"Someone call a medic! Poe!"

_— please stop —  
_

"Poe, look at me."

_— no more —  
_

"Poe? Poe!"

_— his mind is torn apart —  
_

"Poe, look at me! Poe!"

_— an unforgiving black mask _—_ _

_"Where is your 'Resistance' now?"_

Poe's mind snapped back to the present, and his head shot up. His wild eyes met those of Snap Wexley, and he realized with a jolt that his hands were clamped tightly around the other man's wrists. On the verge of hyperventilation, Poe shakily let go of Snap's wrists. He swallowed hard, almost choking.

"Poe," Snap repeated. "You with me?"

Blinking rapidly, Poe nodded.

Snap held up three fingers. "How many?"

"Th-three . . ." Poe stammered. He suddenly came to the realization that he was on the ground, and that he had an audience. A small group of younger officers and nurses were huddled by the door, whispering among themselves. Snap noticed Poe staring at them and waved them off.

"Med droid and the General're on their way," Snap said quickly. "Let's get you up, 'kay?"

"R-Ren," Poe said shakily. He glanced around nervously.

"What?"

"Kylo Ren." Poe fought to keep his tone steady. "H-he was here."

Snap's head tilted ever so slightly. "He's not here now, Poe. You're safe with me. You're gonna be okay, I promise."

Poe noticed the tension in Snap's arms as he was pulled to his feet. "Did I hurt you?"

"What?" Snap glanced down at his forearms. "Nah. I'm fine. Are you okay?"

Poe nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

Pain shot through his hand, and he looked down to see a small gash across his palm. He couldn't even begin to deduce where that had come from.

Looking around, Poe noticed that the whole room was a mess. The hoverbed was askew, the sheets tangled and hanging off its sides. The sidetable, ironically, was on its side, the datacard nowhere to be seen. A potted plant in the corner lay half-uprooted, two or three of its limbs attached by mere seams of bark. Dirt and leaves were thrown around it. Water and glass shards occupied the area Poe had just gotten up from, and he stared at them in confusion.

He blinked. "What happened here?"

Snap waved a hand. "Don't you worry about that. We can clean it up later. For now, just get back in bed."

Poe sat on the edge of the hoverbed, clutching one of the sheets. He suddenly came to the conclusion that his arms were bare. "Where's my IV?"

"You accidentally pulled it out," Snap explained. "While you were . . . you know." He sat next to Poe and gently touched his forearm. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you see?" Snap asked. "Here, back at the ship? Something's up, and I know it is."

Poe shook his head, Ren's dark voice still echoing in his mind. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Sure," Snap said warmly. "You take your time. I'll be here if you need me."

Poe met Snap's eyes, caf-brown against caf-brown. "Thanks, Snap."

"Anytime, buddy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back in business! I'll try to update as often as I can to make up for all those weeks I was unable to.  
> Thanks for your views, kudos, and comments! :)
> 
> Snap is the best bro ever.


	14. Chapter XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fireflies"  
> Owl City  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psuRGfAaju4

After being checked and re-checked for what seemed like hours, the medical droid pronounced that Poe "had suffered mental trauma" and would probably recover more smoothly in a quieter, more familiar location.

So here he was now, sitting on his bunk in his dorm, Leia sitting across from him. Poe stared at a cross-section of a TIE fighter that seriously needed updating. He contemplated whether to erase and redraw or start over from scratch.

Finally, Leia broke the silence. "Poe, what did they do to you?"

Poe looked down, his hands fidgeting restlessly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I read your medical report," she said.

Poe didn't look up. "Then you know."  
  
"No," Leia corrected. Poe glanced over at her as she put her palm on his chest, just over his heart. "I mean, what did they do _here_?"  
  
Poe didn't answer.

Leia paused, then asked softly, "Did you tell them anything?"

Poe nodded almost imperceptibly. "I told them about BB-8." He shook his head. "I'm sorry —"  
  
"No, don't be," Leia cut him off. "Anyone in your position would have done the same."  
  
Poe swallowed. "Kylo Ren."  
  
Leia's eyes widened slightly. "What?"  
  
"Kylo Ren." Poe blinked hard. "He was there. He got inside my head . . . I dunno how he did it, maybe the Force or something . . . he was there, Leia. It's like . . . like he just ripped my head open trying to find what he was looking for. Leia . . . it hurt so much. I'm sorry. I told that monster, I'm so sorry."  
  
A single tear leaked out of his eye, and he brushed it away with his thumb. Leia looked as though she were about to say something, but she didn't.

Poe continued shakily, "Everybody else that came through there, I didn't say a word. A lot of them didn't even ask me any questions. Maybe they enjoyed it, I dunno. But the _minute_ Kylo Ren got in my head, I just — I just broke, I guess."

Leia reached over and rubbed his shoulder, like she would when Poe was younger. "It's not your fault, Poe. Kylo Ren is, well, he's strong in the Force. He can do things that you and I can't even begin to imagine. It's okay, Poe. No one blames you."

Poe nodded bleakly. Quietly, he added, "I miss Ben."  
  
Leia seemed taken aback, but then she softened. "I miss him, too. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him."

"It's been six years, but sometimes, it still feels like yesterday," Poe confessed. "He should still be here. He should still be alive."

Leia nodded knowingly. "I feel that way, too. But we have to keep moving forward. You have to keep moving forward."

"I'm trying," Poe replied, resting his forehead on his fists. "It just hurts—" _all the time, Leia_ "—sometimes."  
  
"I know," Leia said softly. She glanced at her holowatch and back to Poe. "I've got to go now. Will you be alright?"  
  
Poe nodded. He stood with Leia and they shared a brief hug. "Thank you," he whispered.Leia smiled, patted his arm once, and briskly strode out of the room.

 

* * *

 

Poe had tried to get some sleep, but every time he closed his eyes, the interrogation room flashed across his eyes. So here he was now, carefully sketching a T-70 X-Wing while the Alderaanian band The Midsummer Station playing "Fireflies" over his headphones.

One of his favorite songs, one of his favorite bands.  Though they'd quit the music industry quite a few years ago, they'd been touring Coruscant when Alderaan had been destroyed. "Fireflies" was the first song recorded after the planet's destruction.

Poe wondered how the band must have felt, returning home only to see it gone. Destroyed. Obliterated. The only remnants of Alderaan now were memories.

 _"I'd like to make myself believe_  
_That Alderaan turns slowly._  
_It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_  
_'Cause everything is never as it seems -_ "

No, nothing really ever _was_ as it seemed. The skills that Poe put to use to free himself through flight had now enslaved him to military service. The mission that had seemed so simple - retrieve a map, how hard could that be? - had nearly cost him his life and his sanity. He'd been taught that stormtroopers were cold, faceless killers, yet Finn had been as human as anyone here at the Resistance base.

Poe's headphones beeped with an incoming transmission, jolting him from his thoughts. He paused his music, took off his headphones, and turned on his comlink.

"General?"

"Poe!" Leia's voice was urgent, almost excited. "Get your squadrons assembled and get down to the airfield stat!"

"What?" Poe jumped up, startled. "What's going on? Something wrong?"

_"We've found Beebee-Ate."_

 

* * *

It felt so good to be back in his own ship again. No, Poe still didn't have BB-8, but he would soon.

Poe closed his eyes briefly as hyperspace swirled around him, breathing in the familiar smells of _Black One_ 's cockpit. The controls melded into his hands seamlessly, and he fit perfectly in the space around him, the hum of the X-Wing's engines flowing through his body.

"I missed you too, baby," Poe murmured, settling into his seat.

"Black Leader," his comm sounded, "exit hyperspace on your call."

"Copy, base," Poe confirmed. He switched lines to his in-flight comm and said, "Red Squad, Blue Squad, on me!"

Gently, he eased _Black One_ out of lightspeed, his squadrons following suit. The green-and-white orb that was Takodana loomed into view, and Poe guided his ships down toward the planet's surface. Carefully, they broke the atmosphere and descended through layers of fluffy white clouds.

The body of water in which they were projected to land led to the castle of renowned smuggler Maz Kanata. It gave them a path to follow, not too far, but not too close, either. Perfect for an ambush.

"Keep low over the water," Poe advised. "Don't let 'em see you until it's too late!"

"Roger that, Poe!" Red Six Ello Asty confirmed.

"Start opening up those S-foils," Poe said, locking his own into attack position. He breathed deeply as adrenaline took over. "I spy with my little eye First Order bucketheads."

Poe's formation kept the X-Wings close together, so that, from a distance, there didn't appear to be very many of them. He almost grinned as his fighters approached the shore and all the stormtroopers on it. Payback time was imminent.

"Go straight at 'em," Poe said, steering _Black One_ into a pair of TIE fighters. "Don't let these thugs scare you."

"Copy that," Jess replied.

"We're with you, Poe!" Snap affirmed.

Poe grinned as the three of them took out a small group of stormtroopers.

"Forget formation!" he yelled, relishing the familiar heat of battle. "Give 'em hell!"

After what he'd been through, Poe was more than happy to fire his laser cannons, taking down a TIE fighter with each blast. Four shots, four fighters. His mind didn't even need to calculate angles and trajectories. Everything flowed so smoothly, so _effortlessly._

"Toldja to remember my name, didn't I?" Poe whispered, thinking back to the first officer that had beaten him senseless. An almost sick sense of enjoyment flooded through him as he grounded another five TIE's.

Poe whooped in exhilaration, adrenaline making him feel high.

"Don't get too excited, Black Leader," Snap commented. "Leave some for us to tackle, will ya?"

"Copy, Blue Three," Poe grinned, banking sideways in an impossibly tight arc. "All yours."

"Good to have you back, Poe."

"Good to be home, Snap."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter complete!
> 
> Disclaimers:  
> I do not own the song "Fireflies", it belongs to Owl City.  
> The Midsummer Station is the name of one of Owl City's albums, and is not an actual band name.


	15. Chapter XV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fix You"  
> Coldplay  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aK3TROzVRiE

The battle had gone quickly, just as Poe had anticipated. A transmission from Leia said that they had to head home _now_ , that the Hosnian system had just been destroyed by the First Order.

Poe had heard stories about the Death Stars. Had the First Order built one? How else could they have wiped out the entire _system_ of the New Republic's capital? A better question: who would fund the Resistance now?

Another thing that made Poe a bit anxious: he'd seen the _Millennium Falcon_ at Takodana. In fact, that was the same ship he was escorting to D'Qar right now. Poe knew the _Falcon_ well. He also knew the pilot and co-pilot of the Corellian freighter. Though he liked and respected Han Solo just fine, it had been a while since they'd last seen each other.

And they hadn't exactly departed on the best of terms.

Poe shook hid head as he approached the airfield. He'd work with that later. Right now, he really needed to get to BB-8.

Having landed _Black One_ , Poe sprang open the canopy. Giving the instrumentation a good pat, he climbed out of the cockpit and hopped off the ladder.

A mechanic jogged up to him, all curls and smiles. Poe hadn't seen him before; maybe he was a transfer.

"Anything I can get for you, Commander?" the mechanic asked brightly.

Poe nodded politely as he took off his helmet. "Take this up to my room for me, will ya? Complex A, Room 245."

"Yes, sir!" The mechanic saluted him and jogged off, Poe's helmet tucked under his arm. Poe suppressed a smile at the way he'd been addressed as 'sir'. Yep, this one was new to the base.

An electronic whistle and an insistent nudge to his leg made Poe look down. "Beebee-Ate, my buddy, it's so good to see you!"

He knelt down as the round astromech chattered excitedly, recounting all the adventure he'd seen so far.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, slow down!" Poe grinned. "Say what now?"

A series of fast clicks and beeps.

Poe didn't believe what he was hearing. " _Finn_ saved you?"

A confirming beep.

"Where is he?"

BB-8 looked off to the side and gestured with his head. Poe turned to the spot the droid had indicated, and saw him.

Finn.

Finn's eyes met Poe's, and he started speeding up incredulously. "Poe Dameron? You're alive?!"

"Finn, buddy!" Before he knew what he was doing, Poe ran to Finn and wrapped his arms around the dark-skinned man. Finn returned the hug, and they broke apart, each as astounded as the other.

"What happened to  you?" Finn asked breathlessly. "After the crash?"

Poe's reply came out in a rush, his words running together. "Woke up at night, no ship, no you, no nothing." He gestured at BB-8, who had rolled up beside him, looking inquisitively from one man to the other. "Beebee-Ate says you saved him."

Finn looked down, embarrassed. "Well, it wasn't just me. I -"

" _Finn,_ " Poe interrupted gently. "You completed my mission. You -" He suddenly noticed something about Finn's attire. "You . . . are wearing my jacket?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Finn moved to take it off, but Poe stopped him.

"No, no, keep it," Poe assured him. "It suits you."

It really did. Donning Poe's jacket, Finn looked like a Resistance fighter, the exact opposite of who he'd been trained to become. Coupled with the natural sincerity that graced his features, there was no way anyone could tell he'd ever been a stormtrooper.

Unconsciously, Poe bit his lip. "You're a good man, Finn," he said, and he meant it.

Before he could elaborate, however, Finn said urgently, "Poe, I need your help."

"Anything."

"This one girl - a friend of mine - she was taken by Takodana on the First Order," Finn rambled. "I mean, taken by the First Order on Takodana. I saw them. Kylo Ren. He has her, Poe."

Poe froze momentarily.

_"The First Order has him, Poe."_

_"We gotta go rescue him!"_

_"Poe, slow down. We'll get him back. Just don't do anything reckless -"_

_"They're going to_ kill _him if we don't do anything!"_

_"Poe, whatever you're thinking, don't do it -"_

_\- an engine revs -  
_

_\- an X-Wing takes flight -_

_\- but he's too late -_

_"NO!"_

"Poe?" Finn's voice jolted Poe back to the present. "Poe, are you okay?"

Poe swallowed, shoving the memories to the back of his mind. "Yeah. I'm fine. Come on inside. I'm sure Le - General Organa can help you out."

Finn clapped Poe's shoulder. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

Poe laughed. "No, you don't. You freed me, I did you a favor, we're good."

"Really?"

"Really." Poe nudged Finn towards central command. "So how have you been? Beebee here says you've been escaping rathtars?"

Finn shuddered. "If I never see one of those things again, it'll be too soon." He paused, then added quietly, "Did you see when they did it?"

"When who did what?"

"The First Order." Finn swallowed. "When they fired Starkiller Base."

"Starkill - wait, you mean the weapon they used to destroy the Hosnian system?" Poe interjected.

Finn nodded. "It's called Starkiller Base. Because that's what it does. When it powers up, it drains -"

"You know how it works?"

"Of course," Finn replied, looking around nervously. "I was stationed there while they were still building it. Starkiller was General Hux's pride and joy. _Everyone_ talked about it."

"This is good, this is good," Poe murmured. Spotting Leia, he held up a hand to get her attention. "General Organa! Sorry to interrupt. This is Finn. He needs to talk to you."

Leia shooed away the officers she'd been conversing with. "And I need to talk to him." With a brief glance, she continued, "That was incredibly brave what you did, renouncing the First Order, saving this man's life."

Finn dipped his head, almost in a flustered kind of way. "Thank you, ma'am, but a friend of mine was taken prisoner."

Leia nodded, her hazel eyes gleaming in sympathy. "Han told me about the girl. I'm so sorry."

"Finn's familiar with the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian system," Poe said quickly, eager to change the subject. "He worked at the base."

Leia's eyes widened slightly, but she maintained her composure. "We're desperate for anything you can tell us."

"That's where my friend was taken." Finn glanced from Poe to Leia. "I've got to get there, fast."

"And I will do everything I can to help," Leia promised. "But first, you need to tell us everything you know."

Finn nodded. He glanced around. "Do you have something I can type it all out with?"

 


	16. Chapter XVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Somewhere I Belong"  
> Linkin Park  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iCtpuQvydk

Leia had taken Finn to the intel department, while Poe hung around central. Noticing Snap in one corner, he made his way toward his friend.

"Nice flying back there," Snap commented.

"Thanks," Poe said brightly. "You, too."

Snap nodded and shrugged. "You hanging in there okay?"

"Yeah," Poe affirmed. "I guess you could say that."

Snap let out a short laugh. He glanced over at the hallway that led to intel. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Don't try to deny it, Dameron." Snap shoved Poe playfully. "I saw the way you looked at him."

"What, _Finn?!_ " Poe exclaimed. He felt his face go red, his heart thudding faster. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, you've got it all wrong. Finn's my _friend._ Hell, I hardly know the guy. He's just the guy that broke me out."

" _Just_ the guy who broke you out?" Snap raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Well, excuse me, Commander, but the _guy that broke you out_ is doing one hell of a job as your personal coat rack."

"Shut it," Poe muttered. 

"Relax, Poe," Snap grinned. "I'm _messing with you._ " He lowered his voice. "Though I'm glad you found a guy who's not embarrassingly taller than you." He suddenly seemed to realize what he'd said, and frantically tried to backtrack. "I'm sorry, Poe, I didn't mean -"

"It's fine." Poe waved a nonchalant hand, hoping it didn't look forced.

"It's fine," Snap repeated.

Poe frowned and tilted his head, but before he could say anything, a younger officer - a corporal - dashed up to them.

"Captain, Commander," the corporal said, saluting each of them in turn. She turned to Snap. "General Organa's asking for you."

"Me, too?" Poe checked.

The corporal shook her head. "Just Captain Wexley. General says she'd like you to take a break, Commander."

Snap and Poe shared a shrug before the former also headed down to intel. Poe looked around. Well, he may as well head back to his dorm and take his break. Or he could drive around for a while and just enjoy himself.

Poe settled on the latter.

He had just entered the airfield when he saw it. _Her._ The _Millennium Falcon._ Up close, the freighter was exactly as he remembered her. A bit more beat up, sure, but all in all, the exact same ship.

"Yeah, yeah, your arm's fine, you furball!" came a snarky voice Poe hadn't heard in forever. "I was _there_ when she said it was fine, Chewie!"

A muffled roar came from inside the _Falcon_ , and Poe hesitantly made his way to the entrance ramp.

"Fine, fine, I'll get it myself -"

An older man with a dark brown jacket appeared at the top of the ramp. He stopped when his sky-blue eyes met Poe's caf-brown ones. With another questioning roar, a tall Wookiee came into view behind him.

Poe felt as though he'd been rooted to the concrete as he stared into the familiar, yet strangely not, faces of Han Solo and Chewbacca.

With a soft growl, Chewie pushed past Han and wrapped his furry arms around Poe, squeezing him gently. A few tears leaked out of Poe's eyes as he breathed in the Wookiee's familiar scent - of conifers and engine oil. "I missed you, too, Chewie."

The Wookiee rumbled softly as Poe leaned his face into the warm brown fur. 

Eventually, Chewie let go of Poe and roared for Han to _get down here right now._ Han took slow steps down the ramp, and Poe found he couldn't quite meet the older man's eyes.

"Well, I'll be damned, kid," Han said, looking Poe up and down. "You really do take after your mother."

"Yeah, I guess so . . . "

"Poe," Han said, in a gentle tone Poe'd never heard him use before. "Kid, there's nothing interesting to see on the ground."

"Han, I -" Poe started. "About what happened - I - I'm so sorry -"

Unexpectedly, Han pulled Poe into a hug, gently rubbing his back. "It's okay, son," he whispered. "It's alright."

Waves of nostalgia flooded through Poe as old memories resurfaced in his mind. Han taking him flying after his father's death. Han showing Poe the ropes of repair and mechanics. Han teaching him small tricks in gambling and sabacc. Han buying Poe and Ben their first cocktails after Poe had graduated the Republic Flight Academy with flying colors. (pun totally intended)

Then the years of silence. The years of isolation and solitude. The years of separation. Ben's death had shattered more than just Poe's heart. Their whole family, their whole _world_ had fallen apart, too.

But now, Han was here. And that was all that mattered. He slowly let Poe go. "I made my mistakes, too, kiddo. I already lost one of my sons. I'm not about to lose the other."

Poe tried to hold back tears and failed. "Sure thing, Captain."

One corner of Han's mouth twitched upward. "Cut it out, kid. Apparently, you outrank me now. _Commander."_

Poe grinned. "Does that mean I get to order you around now?"

Han pointed a stubborn finger at him. "Absolutely not. You may outrank me, but I still out- _class_ you in more ways than you can imagine."

Poe laughed quietly while Han flashed him his signature smirk and Chewie roared contentedly. "I missed you, Han."

"Yeah, well . . ." Han scratched his head and glanced at Chewie briefly. "I guess I did, too, kiddo."

Looking past Poe, Han clapped the younger man's shoulder. "You know Finn?"

Poe turned to see Finn walking out towards them, glancing around the airfield. He smiled. "Yeah."

"I'm gonna go in, then," Han said. "Leia would want to see me."

Poe raised a quizzical eyebrow, and Han amended, "Well, she's going to see me whether she wants to or not."

Poe smiled. "See you around, old man."

Han grinned. "Take care, kid." He beckoned to Chewie, and the pair set off for central command.

"Hey, Finn," Poe said, raising his hand as Finn approached him.

"You know him?" Finn gestured at Han's retreating figure.

Poe nodded, running a hand through his hair, hoping Finn didn't notice the damp tear trails on his face. "He's an old friend."

Finn shook his head. "I swear, Solo knows just about _everybody_ in the galaxy."

"Yeah - wait, did you just call him _Solo_?"

"He asked me the same thing," Finn commented.

"You called him 'Solo' to his face?" Poe unsuccessfully tried to hold back his laughter. "I don't know of anyone that's done that and survived."

"Yeah, well . . ." Finn nervously fingered his blaster. "Look, um, I don't want to make this weird or anything, but, well, I don't exactly have a place here yet, and the General said you wouldn't mind if I roomed up with you for a bit, so . . ."

Poe hesitated. The last person he'd ever roomed with had been . . . well, Ben. People had often jokingly told them to "get a room", and well, they had. Always. 

Ben still lingered in Poe's room, in the meticulously folded sheets, the bookshelf organized by size and not by author name, the dusty guitarra case stashed under the bed. Where Poe was a mess, Ben made up for it in cleanliness.

 _Had_ made up for it.

"Sure," Poe heard himself say. "Why not?"

Finn's face broke into a smile. "Thanks, Poe."

"No problem," Poe said, adopting as warm a tone as he could. He had to move on somehow, didn't he? Maybe this was how he did it. "I'll take you down there. You got anything with you?"

"No," Finn said. He indicated his blaster. "Just this."

"Alright then." Poe started in the direction of the dorms. "Come on!"

 


	17. Chapter XVII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let it Be"  
> The Beatles  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfX0q1aNCos
> 
> Disclaimer: Abbey Road is not a band, just the name of the Beatles' most popular album :)

"And here we are," Poe announced as he keyed in his code. "Home sweet home."

"Whoa," Finn gasped, staring at Poe's room.

"Ha, yeah, I know, big mess," Poe said, hurriedly pushing his graphites to one side of the desk. "I haven't had a roommate in forever." He shoved some civvie clothes under the unmade covers of his bunk, and tried to stuff miscellaneous papers in his nightstand drawer.

Finn wasn't paying attention to him, however. He stood captivated by a sketch of an Imperial Star Destroyer hanging over Poe's desk.

Poe walked over to him. "You like it?"

"Poe, this is an _Imperial_ ship." Finn breathed in awe.

"Yeah, well, I have a very stylistic sense of style."

"Where did you _get_ this?" Finn asked. "It must have cost you a fortune. They don't make prints like these anywhere."

Poe grinned. "I drew it."

"No way!" Finn looked around Poe's room, taking in all the other sketches of various ships, dating back to the Republic era. "You draw all these, too?"

Poe nodded. Reaching over to the Star Destroyer, he tapped his name in the lower right-hand corner. "Signed with a flourish."

"You can write?"

Poe shrugged. "I prefer to think of it as another art form."

Finn stared at him in wonder. "So you can fly, you can draw, you can _write -_ what, can you sing and dance, too?"

Poe forced a laugh. He'd stopped singing a long time ago, and he'd been absolutely terrible when he _had_ danced. "Nah. You?"

Finn shook his head. "The First Order discourages art in any form. 'Creativity is the enemy of conformity'."

"I guess they're all about conformity," Poe said sympathetically. At Finn's nod, he continued, "We don't do that here. We all have our reasons to fight, and no one's going to take that from anyone. We believe in loyalty that stems from free will."

"Huh," Finn contemplated. "I guess, technically, we were always _given_ free will, but everyone was too afraid to use it."

"Or the illusion of free will," Poe countered.

"True," said Finn. He paused for a moment. "So why are you here?"

The question startled Poe. "What?"

"You said that everyone's here because they want to be, because they have their own reasons," Finn said. "But art like yours, flying like you do, you could go _anywhere_ in the galaxy. You could be anything. Why'd you become a soldier?"

Poe sat down on his desk, and Finn settled in his chair.

"I'm not really sure," he confessed. "I've never really thought about it, I guess. I mean, I like flying. It's something I'm good at. Besides, my parents were Rebels, too."

"Oh."

"Well . . ." Poe thought for a moment. "I used to fly in the Republic Fleet, actually. Had some friends, had some command, it was all pretty good. But one day, one of my friends got killed by this unknown enemy, and my superiors refused to investigate. So I sorta just took things into my own hands. Gathered up my squadron and we left. Ran right into the First Order, or the beginnings of it, at least. Long story short, we won, Leia recruited me, here I am. And besides, I already had family in the Resistance, so it seemed like the logical thing to do."

Finn grinned. "Kinda hard to imagine you as a Republic officer."

"Trust me, I look better in orange than anything else." Poe ran a hand through his hair. "So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Buddy, you said so yourself that the First Order is all about conformity," Poe said. "But you got out of it. You got _me_ out of it. Is it alright if I ask how?"

Finn looked noticeably uncomfortable, and Poe added hurriedly, "You don't have to -"

"No, no, it's fine," Finn said. He took a deep breath. "Everyone in my squad had a nickname. Zero, Nines, Slip - they _had_ names. Every other trooper I knew had a name. Halo, Ice, Five-Cubed, even. But I didn't. Maybe I just wasn't special enough. Maybe I just conformed better. They just called me Two-One-Eight-Seven. On top of all that, Captain Phasma - our commanding officer - she pulled me aside for special training. She wanted me to become an officer, like her. But while she was doing that, I guess I just grew apart from my squadmates. See, one, guy, we called him Slip. He just got behind a lot. Not the brightest in the galaxy. Last place in a lot of things. Good guy, just a bit clumsy. I used to look out for him a lot, but when Captain took me in, she told me I couldn't waste my time on soldiers like him."

Finn paused and sighed. "Eventually, Slip got tired of me, too. Other troopers started noticing. People didn't talk to me. I never got my name. Well, I did have a nickname. One of our superior officers just called me 'the Outsider'."

Poe's heart ached in sympathy, but he had the feeling that Finn wouldn't want his pity.

"Slip died at Jakku," Finn said bitterly. "Someone shot him. I didn't get there in time. He was just - you should've seen him, Poe. He was reaching for me when he died, left smears of blood on my helmet. I don't know how to describe it - it's just like, one minute he's _alive_ and the next, he's not, and - and -"

"And you keep thinking that he's not really gone, that he'll be back sometime, but he never is," Poe said quietly. A pang of guilt shot through him like a turbolaser. So the trooper that had so captivated his eye that fateful night had been _Finn._ What a peculiar beast fate was. _He'_ _d_ been the one who snatched away the life of Finn's friend, extinguished it like a candle flame.

"Yeah," Finn agreed. He frowned in puzzlement.

"Finn, I - I -" Poe started. _I'm the one that shot him._ "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." That natural grace and sincerity was back in Finn's eyes, and Poe wanted to believe him. Finn's voice was soft as he said, "It wasn't your fault, Poe."

_Yeah, it was._

"What?"

"I didn't say anything," Poe said.

"Oh." Finn frowned slightly. "I could have sworn you -"

"Nope."

"Okay, then."

A moment of awkward silence ensued, in which neither one of them was sure where to look or what to say. Finally, Poe cleared his throat. "I can turn on some music if you like."

"Music?"

Poe was incredulous. "You've never heard any?"

Finn shook his head. "It's discouraged."

"Kriff, Finn." Poe scrambled off his desk and activated his datapad. He scrolled through his music library until he found his favourite playlist. He selected it and hit shuffle. "You should have said something!"

"What's it like?" Finn asked as the song loaded.

"I'll let it speak for itself," Poe grinned, turning up the volume.

 _"When I find myself in times of trouble,_  
_Mother Mary comes to me._  
 _Speaking words of wisdom,_  
 _Let it be."_

Poe hummed along quietly. "Let it Be" had always been one of his favourite songs. Not too fast, not too slow, not too hard, not too soft. His mother had used to sing it to him as a childhood lullaby.

_"Let it be, let it be, let it be, oh let it be.  
There will be an answer, let it be."_

Poe studied Finn carefully. The dark-skinned man had gone very still, no hint of fidgeting or anxiety present about him. Finn closed his onyx eyes and leaned back in the chair, mouthing the words of the chorus as if he'd somehow known the lyrics all along. Poe wished he could capture this moment in time and preserve it forever. Finn's tranquility seemed so perfect, so flawless and innocent. Poe felt a stab of anger at the First Order for stealing the innocence of music away from Finn. He vowed that he would play every song in his library for the ex-stormtrooper someday.

The song drew to a close, the final chords of the valachord sealing it perfectly. Neither Poe nor Finn said anything for a while.

Finally, Finn opened his eyes, which glistened slightly. "Can we listen to it again?"

"Of course," Poe responded. He clicked the play button again, and the valachord started through the familiar chord progressions. Something stirred in Poe's gut, and he took a deep breath and hesitantly sang along with the first verse.

 _"When I find myself in times of trouble,_  
_Mother Mary comes to me._  
 _Speaking words of wisdom,_  
 _Let it be."_

His voice cracked in a few places. It had been nearly six years since he'd sung anything. Humming didn't really count. By the chorus, Poe had relocated his singing tone again. Rusty, but still working. Out of practice, but still on pitch. It was amazing what the body could remember that the mind could not. He could feel himself fingering the guitarra chords against his palm as he sang.

Finn watched him sing, the expression on his face unknowable. Wonder? Joy? Sadness?

Whatever it was, Finn hesitantly reached over and took Poe's hand. Surprised at first, Poe momentarily faltered. Noticing, Finn tried to pull away, but something in Poe made him lace his fingers through Finn's before the contact was lost.

 _"Shine until tomorrow,_ " Poe sang softly, gently squeezing Finn's hand. _"Let it be."_

Finn relaxed, a smile stretching across his features. Poe felt a slow blush spread over his cheeks and looked down quickly -

_"Your hands are so tiny, Poe - "_

_"Yours are just huge - "_

_"They're cute. Just like you - "_

_\- he blushes as his lover kisses both his hands, then his forehead -_

_\- then his lips -_

_"I love you, Poe-Poe -"_

_"Love you more, Benji - "_

"So you really can sing," Finn noted. He lightly punched Poe's shoulder. "Liar."

Poe shrugged, pulling away from Finn's grasp. "I'm rusty. It's been a while."

Finn shook his head in wonder. "I never knew humans could make such beautiful sounds."

"You do now," Poe pointed out.

Finn nodded quietly. "Thanks, Poe."

Poe lightly touched Finn's forearm as another Abbey Road song came on. "Anytime, Finn."

"Not just the music," Finn said seriously. "For helping me get out of _there._ For flying me out, giving me a name. You know, back there, when you told me we'd be able to get out, you just - I dunno, you talked to me like no one ever had. Like I was your friend, your teammate, and you didn't even know me. Hell, in ten minutes, you did more for me than anyone else ever did."

Poe shrugged. "It was the least I could do. After all, I was as good as dead, and you got me out. And honestly, it goes against my code of ethics to call someone a number."

Finn smiled. "Thanks." He paused. "You know, Poe, I've been thinking about you a lot."

"I'm a good thing to think about." What he didn't say was _I've been thinking about you, too._

"Yeah, like when me and Rey stole the _Millennium Falcon_ off Jakku," Finn began. "I was thinking, _Damn, Poe should be here, too._ You'd love Rey. Tough, smart - and she's a great pilot like you, too."

Poe detected a small not of sadness underlying Finn's tone. He put his hand over Finn's. "We'll get her back. I promise."

"What if they kill her?" Finn's voice cracked slightly. "What if they torture her like they tortured you?"

_\- a cut -_

_\- another one -_

_\- more lacerations -_

_\- bruises -_

_\- a kick to his stomach -_

_\- his clothes lay scattered on the floor -_

_\- and they abuse him -_

_-_ use _him -_

"That's not going to happen," Poe said, fighting to keep his tone steady. "We'll get there first."

"I'm just scared. I mean, I've never had friends like you guys before," Finn confessed. He buried his face in his hands. "I've never been this scared before."

"Hey, hey," Poe soothed, putting an arm around Finn's shoulders. "It'll be okay. We'll get her back and everything will be okay. I promise."

"Really?" Finn looked up, and Poe could feel the desperation, the longing, the fear, the _hope_ rolling off him in waves. Finn was so _close_ now, and Poe suddenly felt so small, so vulnerable in his presence. Their faces slowly inched closer, closer . . .

"I promise," Poe whispered, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Rogue One, everybody!  
> And to celebrate, here's another chapter.  
> Thanks to everyone for your kudos and comments, and in case I'm not back for a while, have a happy holiday -  
> Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Kwanzaa!!


	18. Chapter XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "On My Own"  
> Ashes Remain  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMfzLTTET2E

_"I'll love you forever - "_

_"Hey, beautiful, don't cry - "_

_"When this is all over, I'll come back for you - "_

_"We'll settle down somewhere nice, somewhere with a beach - "_

_"I wanna live the rest of my life with you - "_

_"And there is a light - "_

_"I thought I'd lost you - "_

_"Don't let it go out - "_

_"I'm not leaving you!"_

_"Let it be - "_

_"See you on the other side, Poe - "_

_"NO!"_

Poe opened his eyes and pulled away, horrified. The voices had come back. He blinked rapidly, trying to shut them out. Suddenly, Kylo Ren stood behind Finn, lightsaber ignited and ready to strike. The sound of blasterfire accompanied the dull hum of the crimson blade, and Ren lunged for Finn. Poe grabbed Finn and threw them both to the ground, shielding Finn's body with his own.

"What the - " Finn yelped, struggling to get up. He noticed the stark terror on Poe's face. "Poe? You okay? What's going on?"

Kylo Ren turned, his slitted mask reflecting the crackling light of his lightsaber.

"No . . ." Poe whimpered. "No, please, no, don't, _please -"_

"Poe, what's going on?" Finn repeated, shaking the pilot's shoulders. "You gotta tell me what's happening, man."

"R-Ren," Poe whispered, his heart pounding faster and faster as Ren drew closer. He lifted a shaking finger in the dark warrior's direction.

"What, like _Kylo Ren?_ " Finn turned and glanced at the indicated area. He looked back at Poe. "Hey, it's okay. No one's here. You're with me, remember?"

Poe clutched the front of Finn's shirt desperately and -

_"Pathetic -"_

_"I would have expected a better fight from you -"_

_"Traitor!"_

_"Don't look at me like that -"_

_"You had a choice!"_

Pain and panic lanced through Poe's mind as Ren deactivated the lightsaber and made to take off his mask. Poe fumbled for his blaster, hastily trying to take aim. He would have taken the shot had Finn not held him down.

"Whoa, Poe, calm down!" Finn exclaimed. "Stay calm, man, stay calm!"

Struggling with Poe with one arm, Finn reached for Poe's datapad with the other. Frantically scrolling through Poe's music library, he found the song he was looking for and turned it up to full volume.

 _"When I find myself in times of trouble,_  
_Mother Mary comes to me . . ."_

Slowly but surely, the music pierced through Ren's voice, shattering the figure's image like glass. Poe breathed deeply, slowing down his racing heartbeat. Blinking, he quickly realized that Ren was no longer there.

"Poe, you with me?" Finn asked desperately. "Poe?"

Poe nodded thickly, switching the on safety on his blaster and tossing it aside. "Yeah, I'm . . . fine."

The two of them sat in silence for a while, each not knowing what to say next. Finally, Finn spoke up. "Poe, who's Ben?"

"What?" Poe sat up sharply at the mention of his former lover's name. "Where'd you see that name?"

"Oh, uh, just saw the name on a list in here," Finn said quickly, taken aback by Poe's sudden defensiveness. "Just wondered."

Poe ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "He's my . . ." How to describe Ben? He hadn't just been Poe's lover, he'd been a _part_ of Poe himself. Ben had been his strength, his weakness, his joy, his hope, his very _soul._ The person he loved most in the galaxy. The one thing he never could have imagined living without. "He's my friend."

"Oh."

"Ben's dead now," Poe said shortly, mentally smacking himself. Why had he said that? It wasn't as though saying it would make it any less true.

"I'm sorry," Finn said, not meeting Poe's eyes.

"It wasn't your fault." Poe pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his arms. "I'm sorry about . . . whatever the hell just happened."

"It's alright," Finn said simply. He paused, then gave him a small, embarrassed smile. "You're one hell of a kisser, though."

Poe could tell that Finn was just trying to make the mood a little lighter, not that it couldn't get much heavier. Finn's fingers brushed against Poe's, lingering there for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's Kylo Ren," Poe confessed. "I keep seeing him everywhere, since, you know. He couldn't have had worse timing." He forced himself to smile.

"Yeah." Finn didn't push the subject, and for that, Poe was grateful. Ren's accusation still echoed through his mind.

_You had a choice._

When had Ren said that? Was he reaching out through the Force to invade Poe's mind once more, to provoke him, to taunt him? Or were fragments of Poe's tortured memory just randomly fusing themselves together?

_You had a choice._

"I really like you, Poe," Finn said quietly. "Whatever happens, I want to be here for you." He paused, then tried to backtrack. "Am I going too quickly? Maybe I'm being too forward, sorry, I've never really felt this way about anyone else before - "

"Yeah," Poe murmured. "I know what you mean." Awkwardly, he added, "Maybe we should get off the floor - "

"Right - "

"Yeah - "

"Um - "

"Sorry - "

"You're good - "

Poe dusted himself off, heat flooding his face. Finn was undoubtedly flustered as well.

"So - "

"Um - "

"Well - "

"Er - "

"We should change the subject," Poe and Finn said simultaneously. There was a brief moment of incredulous silence, then the two broke into laughter.

"That was perfect, Poe!" Finn exclaimed.

"Too perfect," Poe agreed. He extended a fist heartily.

Finn stared at him quizzically. "What are you doing?"

"Fist bump," Poe explained. "You know?"

Finn shook his head. "Not really."

"Okay then," Poe said, holding up Finn's hand. "Fist." Finn complied. Poe gently tapped his knuckles against Finn's. "Fist bump. It's like a thing people do when something perfect like that happens."

Finn grinned. "I could get used to that."

"Buddy, one of these days, you and I will take a ride in my landspeeder and I will show you every single aspect of a _normal_ life," Poe promised. "Well, as normal as things ever get around here. Sound good?"

Finn nodded, still grinning.

Despite his background, the ex-stormtrooper seemed so innocent and ignorant of the larger galaxy out there. Poe felt something seem to melt inside of him, and he said, "You know what, recon team won't be back for a while. How about we go take that ride now?"

"Sounds even better to me," Finn said, taking Poe's hand as they exited his dorm.

For a brief moment, Poe could almost see Ben smiling at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, folks! New chapter should be up sometime next week.
> 
> Thanks to all of you for all your support, comments, and kudos!


	19. Chapter XIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sky Full of Stars"  
> Coldplay  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LR73DrKX_bs

Finn whistled slowly as Poe started up his X-34. "Nice ride, Poe."

Poe grinned proudly. "She's an X-34, manufactured roughly six or seven BBY. Powerful repulsorlift engine with triple thrust turbines, all air-cooled."

"I'm going to pretend like that made sense," Finn replied, climbing into the passenger seat.

"I found her in a local junkyard," Poe explained. "They were going to scrap the poor thing, so I bought her, got some parts, and now she's good as new."

He drove them past the airfield and onto a smaller road, to a security checkpoint.

"Afternoon, Commander," the security guard saluted. "Where you headed?"

"Gonna take a lap around the base, show my friend around," Poe answered, returning the salute. "We'll be back in the hour."

"See you then, Commander."

"Later, Sergeant."

Poe waved at the guard as his credentials were cleared.

Finn momentarily glanced back as they drove forward. "Everybody around here seems to like you."

"Yeah, well . . ." Poe rubbed the side of his neck in embarrassment. "I'm nice to people, people are nice to me. Simple."

Finn shook his head. "Believe me when I say that's not how it works."

Poe shrugged, not willing to debate the subject. "Sure."

He accelerated a little more, his dark curls waving in the wind. Poe breathed deeply and glanced at the cloud-spotted cerulean sky. "It's nice outside today."

"You don't say," Finn said quietly. He reached over the edge of the speeder, brushing the soft tallgrass with his fingers. "I've never seen grass like this before."

"System exclusive," Poe said. "Outer Rim-type stuff, you can't find it anywhere else." He smiled at a distant memory. "If you're interested, it actually doesn't taste that bad."

Finn raised an eyebrow. "And how would you know what grass tastes like?"

"I was an odd kid," Poe said. Finn laughed.

"Well, I'm not eating any," Finn chuckled.

Poe pretended to look hurt. "And why is that?"

Finn played along. "Do I look like a nerf to you?"

"All things considered, I was thinking more of a shaak."

"Shut up, Poe."

 

* * *

 

Lake Gemynd was small compared to the lake on Takodana, but it still felt large. It was roughly peth-shaped, with a slight stretch of land looking out over the emerald-green water. A waterfall, maybe two or three meters up, gently cascaded over moss-covered boulders. The water itself was clear enough to see smooth, worn pebbles lining the lake floor. A few small fish swam lazily beneath the surface.

"Wow," Finn breathed as Poe brought the speeder to a stop. "Poe, this is . . . this is incredible."

"You only get this on the VIP Commander's Tour." Poe winked and hopped out of the speeder. "Come on!"

Hesitantly, Finn followed him to the edge of the lake. Poe found a small, smooth stone on the shore and tossed it from hand to hand. "Watch this."

Angling his arm back, Poe flicked his wrist and tossed the stone over the water. It skipped a few times before sinking to the bottom, leaving small ripples behind.

Finn clapped slowly, awe-stricken. "How'd you do that?"

"Here, I'll show you." Poe reached into the water and pulled out a few more pebbles. He put one in Finn's palm. "Okay, pull your arm back like this, lean a little this way . . ."

Putting his arm around Finn's, Poe carefully taught him how to make the stone skip. He walked Finn through the motions, patiently correcting minor things. He demonstrated again, then gestured for Finn to try.

Finn took a deep breath, then tossed the pebble. Unfortunately, it broke the surface and just sank.

Noticing the crestfallen look on his face, Poe said quickly, "Hey, it's okay. This kind of thing takes practice. No one gets it right the first time."

How many times had those same words echoed around his life? His father teaching him how to handle blasters, showing him how to strip down and reassemble most standard military weapons — his mother taking him out in space and showing him not just how to fly, but how to _communicate_ with his ship; and now here he ways, training recruits, rookies fresh out of backwater worlds and crowded metropolises that hungered to make a difference in the galaxy — _"No one gets it right the first time."_

The look in Finn's eyes was one Poe had seen many times before — a look of trust and faith that his words were genuine and personal. Finn seemed to brighten, and Poe nodded in encouragement.

The second stone sank, as did the third, fourth, and the fifth.

"Here." Poe picked up a little tan-striped pebble from the water. Drying it on his sleeve, he handed it to Finn. "This one'll skip."

"How do you know?"

"Because," Poe said, taking Finn's hands and gently kissing them, "sixth time's the charm, right?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how the saying goes," Finn said, smiling anyway. He turned to the water again, exhaled, and let the stone fly. His eyes widened as the stone skipped, once, twice, three times . . .

"Yes! Poe, I did it!"

Finn's excitement was contagious, and Poe pumped his fist in the air. "Yeah! Toldja! Sixth time's the charm!"

"Sixth time's the charm!"

"Sixth time's the charm!"

Swept up by the moment, Finn cupped Poe's cheek in his hand and kissed him. Poe closed his eyes and kissed him back, throwing his arms around Finn's neck, one hand pressed against the back of Finn's head to bring them closer. No voices or memories flashed past Poe this time, and he let himself get lost in Finn's gentle passion. His heart pounded against his chest as they moved together in perfect synchrony.

Well, perfect until Poe lost his balance.

The two of them tumbled into the tallgrass, a tangle of arms and legs. Heat flooded Poe's cheeks as he disentangled himself from Finn. "Finn? You okay?"

Finn rolled over onto his back, grinning breathlessly. "Never better." He grabbed Poe's hand and pulled the pilot down beside him. They kissed again and again, each smiling against the other's lips. Their foreheads touched, and Poe's eyes closed.

"Poe Dameron," Finn whispered. "I think I'm in love with you."

Something stirred inside of Poe, something old and new at the same time. Something in him whispered, _Let_ _go_ , and his stomach fluttered. For the first time in a long time, he felt whole.

"I think so, too," he whispered back, brushing Finn's cheek with his thumb. Finn smiled softly and kissed the pilot's forehead. He rested his head in the crook of Poe's arm, and they lay there together for a while, simply relaxing in each other's company.

The dull roar of starfighter engines broke the soft silence. Poe sat up first, shielding his eyes against the sun. In the distance, a small group of X-Wings grew steadily larger and larger.

"Recon team's back," he noted. "We should get going, too."

Finn made a small noise of disappointment, and Poe swiftly kissed the top of his head.

"To be continued?" Finn asked hopefully.

"To be continued."


	20. Chapter XX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "See You Again"  
> Wiz Khaflia, ft. Charlie Puth  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk

The ride back to the base seemed shorter. Poe and Finn made light conversation, just talking about themselves a little. Finn was twenty-six, Poe, thirty-two. They'd both been a little surprised at the age difference, but they'd shrugged it off. Finn didn't have a birthday, so he'd picked 3-17. Poe's, 3-9. Eight days. They'd had a good laugh at that. Poe's favourite colour was orange, Finn's -

"I think I like green," Finn said after a while. "Like the water at the lake."

_Ben's favourite colour was green, too._

"Well, I guess it's obvious you like orange," Finn continued, flashing Poe a smile. "Your ship, your suit, your kriffing _droid_ . . . "

"Hey, it's not my fault our uniforms are like this," Poe protested lightly. "And I like things to match."

"Except for your pillows, apparently."

"Okay, that's going _too_ far. Pillows have a right to be whatever colour they want to be."

"Only you would defend a pillow, Poe."

Poe shrugged. "I believe that the soft objects upon which we rest our heads as we sleep deserve some respect."

"You're weird."

"I know."

Finn laughed as they pulled into a smaller speeder lot. In the airfield nearby, Snap Wexley was climbing out of his X-Wing. Poe powered down the speeder and jogged toward his fellow pilot, Finn following close behind.

"Hey, Snap!"

"Poe!" Snap clasped Poe's hand and brought him into a classic bro hug. He whispered in Poe's ear, "You make out with him yet?"

Poe gave him a pointed look, and Snap grinned. He turned to Finn and extended a hand. "I saw you earlier, with the General. Finn, right? I'm Snap. Snap Wexley."

Finn shook Snap's hand. "Good to meet you, Snap."

Snap clapped Poe's shoulder. "This man here - best pilot in the Resistance, best friend I've ever had. So make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble than he usually does, 'kay?"

Finn looked confused, and Poe ducked out from under Snap's arm. "Cut it out, man."

"Am I embarrassing you, Commander?"

"I prefer 'harassing', Captain."

Snap smiled warmly, but his eyes were grim. "Well, men, we'd better head in. We've got a recon report to fill."

 

* * *

 

"The scan data from Snap's reconnaissance mission confirms Finn's report," Poe began. Save for Finn, he was the youngest one at the command meeting. But he'd earned his rank. He had as much right to be here as veteran Admirals Ackbar and Statura. With war came experience, and experience outranked everything.

"They've somehow created a hyper-lightspeed weapon _inside_ the planet itself," Snap added, with a glance at Poe.

"A laser cannon?" someone asked.

"We're not sure how to describe a weapon of this scale," Snap replied honestly.

Major Taslin Brance spoke up. "It's another Death Star!"

Murmurs of dissent rippled through the room. Poe had only been an infant when the second Death Star was in existence, but he'd heard the stories of Yavin and Endor. He grimaced as he said, "I wish that were the case, Major."

Poe's expression tightened as he keyed in a few dimensions. A hologram appeared on their central display table. "This was the Death Star." Another control, and the sphere shrank until it was about the size of his fist, paling in comparison to a sinister-looking planet. "This is Starkiller Base."

Han waved a hand as gasps echoed around him. "So . . . it's big."

Poe almost grinned. Leave it to Han Solo to lighten the mood in any situation.

"How is it possible to power a weapon of this magnitude?" Admiral Ackbar rumbled.

"It uses the power of the sun," Finn explained. He glanced at Poe, who nodded in encouragement. "As the weapon is charged, the sun is drained until it disappears."

Poe noticed one of Leia's attendants handing her a datacard. Quickly scanning it, Leia looked up in dismay. "The First Order is charging the weapon again now. Our system is the next target."

 _They must have tracked our ships,_ Poe thought in horror. _Now what?_

"Oh, my," said C-3PO, echoing Poe's thoughts. "Without the Republic fleet, we're doomed."

Han spoke up over the general chatter. "Okay, so how do we blow it up?" He glanced from Poe to Leia expectantly. "There's always a way to do that."

"Han's right," Leia agreed. Poe and Han shared a brief glance of mutual surprise.

Admiral Statura stroked his mustache thoughtfully. "For that amount of power to be contained, there must be some sort of, ah, thermal oscillator."

"There is one," said Finn, gesturing at a point on the hologram, which zoomed into more detail. "Precinct Forty-Seven. There."

The gears in Statura's mind were turning, formulating a plan. "So if we can destroy that oscillator, it might destabilize the core and cripple the weapon."

"Maybe even the planet itself," Major Ematt added.

Poe nodded determinedly. "We'll go in there, hit that oscillator with everything we've got."

Admiral Ackbar's large yellow eyes blinked slowly. "They have defensive shields that our ships cannot penetrate."

Han looked as though he were speaking to a youngling as he replied, "We _disable_ the shields." He turned to Finn. "Kid, you worked there. Whaddaya got?"

Finn nodded the nervously. "I-I can do it."

"I like this guy," Han affirmed.

"I can disable the shields," Finn repeated, his tone stronger, "but I have to be there, on the planet."

"We'll get you there," Han volunteered.

Leia shook her head. "Han, _how?"_

"If I told you, you wouldn't like it."

Poe grinned. He loved it when a strategy plan came together. "So we disable the shields, we take out the oscillator, blow up their big gun."

He was met with nods and shouts of approval and a confirming roar from Chewbacca.

Poe nodded sharply, the tone of command filling his voice. "Alright, let's go!"

 

* * *

 

Poe made sure that the coordinates were set for the Starkiller Base system, the hyperspace route charted, before exiting the cockpit of _Black One._ He glanced around; most of the other pilots were checking last-minute details. Quite a few were new faces, recruits trained to replace those lost on Hosnian. Taking a lap around the airfield, he made a routine check with his squadrons and received positive results.

Time to inform Leia.

As he walked out towards Central Command, he noticed Finn heading towards the _Millennium Falcon._ Poe smiled at him and clapped his shoulder meaningfully. Their gazes lingered on each other for a brief moment before each one went on his way.

Leia was overseeing the deployment and status of recon droids when Poe found her. "General."

"Commander."

Poe saluted quickly. "Ships ready, ma'am."

"Good," said Leia. "Get out into space. We have no time to lose."

"Yes, General." Poe made to leave, but Leia quickly grabbed his arm.

"Poe, please be careful," she said. "Blast them to pieces, but take care of yourself, too. That's an order."

Poe inclined his head. "Absolutely." With that, he broke into a brisk run and headed back to the airfield.

He called everyone together, mechanics and engineers having retreated to their command posts. "All right, everyone! This is it. The galaxy's depending on us. Our friends, our families - their futures are in our hands now." Poe's gaze swept over his pilots, veterans and rookies alike. "To be honest, a lot of us might not live to see tomorrow. But we're going to keep flying and keep fighting so that the people we care about will." His eyes met Finn's, who was standing at the back of the crowd. "Who's with me?"

Poe was met with a unanimous war cry. He nodded. "Move out!"

He'd started up the ladder to _Black One_ 's cockpit when a hand tugged on his sleeve. Finn.

"What's up?" Poe checked.

Finn tugged at the strap of his blaster. "I'm scared," he confessed. "What if something happens and I never see you again?"

Poe tried to laugh it off. "Hey, don't jump to conclusions so fast, buddy."

"Poe, this is the _First Order,_ " Finn said. "And this - you and me both - we've never gone up against anything like Starkiller Base before. _Anything could happen."_

Poe put a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Look, wherever you are on that iceberg, I'll be in the sky right above you. Whatever happens, just look up and I'll be there. " He smiled warmly and indicated Finn's - once his own - jacket. "Besides, even if I'm not there, my jacket will be with you."

"Yeah," Finn said. Though he wore a smile, his eyes still didn't meet Poe's.

"Hey, there," Poe said, gently hugging Finn. "We'll get through this. We escaped that First Order Star Destroyer together, right? We'll beat this Starkiller Base the same way. Together. Tell ya what: when this is all over and we've won, I'll be the first person you see back here. To be continued, remember?"

Finn smiled, a real smile this time. "You promise?"

Poe kissed Finn's cheek and put on his helmet. "I promise."


	21. Chapter XXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is War"  
> 30 Seconds to Mars  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2q-Ps-OD_1w

_"Black Leader, go to sub-lights on your call."_

It was the order Poe had been waiting for, and he sighed in relief. The shields were down. They could go in.

"Roger, base," he confirmed, flipping a few switches to bring his ship out of her hyperspace orbit. "Red Squad, Blue Squad, follow my lead."

Timing was critical. Even a second off would be too late, and the mission would be over before it began. Poe breathed deeply, then led his fighters out of hyperspace.

"Dropping out of lightspeed," said Blue Two Carlo Darklighter. Red Two Nien Nunb warbled a similar confirmation in Sullustan.

Poe caught his breath as Starkiller Base loomed into view. Kriff, it was _huge_. A massive opening gaped ominously in the center, and Poe felt chills go down his spine. He did his best to suppress a shudder. Things so unearthly, so _unholy,_ should not be made to exist. BB-8 seemed to agree, chirping nervously.

"Yeah, I'll be glad when we're out of here, too," Poe muttered. He gunned his engines forward and descended through the planet's atmosphere. He briefly wondered what the planet had been called before the First Order relabeled it as a killing machine, then dismissed that thought as irrelevant. He had a mission, and he was going to see it through. No time for distractions.

Thin clouds quickly gave way to a snow-covered tundra decorated with small patches of conifers. Poe swooped in low over the trees, his squadrons keeping tight formation behind him. His eyes narrowed as he spotted the oscillator.

"Almost in range!" he said, his fingers curling around the triggers. "Hit the target dead center, as many runs as we can get!"

Closer, closer . . .

"Approaching target," came Snap's call.

Now!

"Alright, let's light it up!" Poe ordered, unleashing the full wrath of _Black One's_ arsenal upon his target. He counted the seconds subconsciously as destructive fire burst from the other fighters under his command.

"Ha, direct hit!" Red Four Tosin Bastian laughed triumphantly.

"Yeah, but no damage!" Red Six Ello Asty countered.

Thirteen seconds. That's all the time they had. Poe glanced over his shoulder. They'd barely even made a dent. Stang.

"We gotta keep hitting it," Poe said, coming around in as tight an arc as he could muster. "Another bombing run. Remember, when the sun is gone, that weapon will be ready to fire, but as long as there's light, we've got a chance."

Poe took a deep breath and centered himself. Any moment now, the First Order would learn of their presence and unleash their own armada. He wanted to be back at the oscillator before that happened.

And it didn't seem to be happening anytime soon.

Massive hangar doors slid open and turbolaser cannons powered to life. Swarms upon _swarms_ of TIE fighters shot out like a cloud of redjackets.

"Sweet mother of - " Poe quickly closed his S-foils and twisted to avoid smashing into an oncoming TIE. "Guys, we gotta lot of company!"

Poe clenched his jaw as his S-foils locked back into attack position. He swerved sharply and gave chase to the fighter he'd nearly collided with. A single depression on the triggers, and it was obliterated. Another. Another. Four shots, four fighters.

Poe steered _Black One_ a little higher so he could assess the battle more clearly. His heart sank at how far they were outnumbered. For every TIE fighter gunned down, two more seemed to take its place. It suddenly occurred to Poe that, given the odds, they might actually lose this fight.

No. He'd said it himself. As long as there was light, they had a chance. The sun was shining. To hell with the odds.

Poe dove back down into the fray of battle, red laserfire bursting from his cannons. Seven shots, seven fighters downed. He guided his fighter in a low arc, dancing through ground fire. Four shots, four cannons downed.

"Damn it . . ." Poe muttered, shooting down three more TIEs. He needed to get back to the oscillator, but that would be suicide. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have cared, but now . . . now, someone was out there depending on him to stay alive. So he gave the only tactical command he could. "Pull up, guys! Retreat to the outer atmosphere!"

"Poe, what are you talking about?" someone exclaimed.

"We need to get out of range for these ground cannons, and we're too cramped together down here," Poe explained. "So let's get a little higher."

"Copy that, Black Leader," Snap confirmed.

Poe closed his eyes briefly, letting his instinct take over. There was Snap's ship . . . Ello and Tosin flanking him twenty degrees below . . . Jess was banking around a group of TIEs . . . Nien Nunb and Carlo Darklighter were covering her . . . Kriff, were there already so many casualties?

"Arrow formation, single lines," Poe called, banking to one side. He twisted a full ninety degrees, flying on his side for a while as his squadrons lined up behind him in a leth shape. Six shots, six fighters. "Fill in whatever spaces you can."

Several "copy"s rang out over his comm, and Poe led his fighters out into space, his jaw set in grim determination. What happened at Hosnian must not be allowed to happen again.

"Sorry, Finn," Poe murmured, taking out another TIE fighter. "I'm still here, I promise." Four shots, four fighters.

The battle dragged on and on. Minutes felt like eternities. There seemed to be no end to the First Order's forces, and Poe's team was gradually diminishing.

BB-8 chirped sadly.

"No, we can still do this!" Poe argued. "We've still got time!" Switching over to his main comm, he urged what was left of his squadrons. "Come on, guys! Don't give up now! Find something worth fighting for and _fight for it!"_

Poe hoped that his words carried the conviction that he himself lacked. He could feel himself sinking into despair. He'd led his team - his friends - into a massacre.

Twelve shots. Twelve fighters.

Bank hard right.

Twist sixty degrees.

Three shots. Three fighters.

Nose dive, one-eighty vertical.

Two shots. Two fighters.

Close S-foils.

Twist negative twenty degrees.

Open.

Six shots. Six fighters.

Poe hardly even thought about what he was doing. Every movement, every twist and flip of his ship cam naturally to him, pure instinct lending him orders and leading him through the fray.

Suddenly, pain shot through Poe's chest like a vibrolance. His body jerked involuntarily, his control on his ship lost briefly. BB-8 squealed in alarm as _Black One_ dipped to one side.

_Oh my God, I've been hit._

Poe struggled to breathe as spots danced across his vision -

_\- a bridge -_

_\- red light -_

_\- pain -_

_\- breathlessness -_

_"Thank you."_

_\- he falls -_

Another pain lanced through him, this time in his midsection. Poe cried out through gritted teeth, his fighter twisting erratically in response.

_\- a blast -_

_\- numbness -_

_\- darkness -_

_"No . . ."_

"Poe?" Snap's concerned voice trickled through Poe's comm. "Poe, you alright there?"

As quickly as it had come, the pain was gone. Poe steadied his racing pulse and replied shakily, "Yeah, no worries."

He pulled _Black One_ into an experimental curve. The ship seemed fine. Nothing felt out of order. "Hey, Beebee, how's she doing?"

The droid beeped a sarcastic reply.

Poe frowned. "You sure?"

BB-8's head swiveled and he chattered insistently.

"Okay, then." So the ship had taken no damage. Then what had Poe felt? A cold sense of dread crept through him. Surely not . . . surely not another flashback? He fired his cannons again.

Four shots.

 _Three_ _fighters._

"What's wrong with me?" Poe whispered.

Five shots, four fighters.

His hands trembled on the controls, his finger quivering against the trigger. He couldn't get his mind to focus on the battle, the fight _now._

Five shots. Three fighters.

Poe inhaled unsteadily. Exhaled. Inhaled again. _Focus, Dameron, focus._

Six shots. Three fighters.

_Focus._

Three shots. Two fighters.

_FOCUS._

Four shots. Three fighters.

_FOCUS!_

Three shots. Three fighters.

_Finally._

Five shots. Five fighters.

_Yes!_

Poe's eyes narrowed in determination as he sank back into the rhythmic tide of combat. _Black One_ soared gracefully between bolts of laserfire, pilot and ship melded perfectly into a deadly killing machine. His pulse slowed, beating in time to the steady bursts of his fatally accurate shots. He had to make up for the time and targets he'd lost.

"We just lost Blue Two," Red Five Kale Antilles reported.

"What do we do now, Poe?" Jess asked, falling in line behind Poe's ship. "We're overwhelmed."

Poe knew, deep down, that she was right. The chances for survival were growing slimmer by the second. Still -

"Black Leader, there's a brand-new hole in that oscillator," Kale said, a note of hope rising in his voice. "Looks like our friends got in."

Peering to the side down to the frozen sphere below, Poe saw that Kale was right. He glanced at Starkiller's sun. They still had time.

_I'm coming, Finn._

"Red Four, Red Six, cover us!" Poe ordered, swooping back down towards the snowy planet. "Everybody else, hit the target hard! Give it everything you've got!"

Poe plunged back through the clouds, decimating any fighter that was unfortunate enough to have been in his way. He allowed himself a small grin as he felt the familiar turbulence of atmospheric resistance wrapping around him like an old friend. Switching on his guidelights, he dived down into the trenches guarding the oscillator.

Three shots, three cannons.

Two shots, two fighters.

"I'm hit!" Ello cried as his ship was consumed by flames.

"Poe, I -" Blue Six Emma Sugaro didn't get a chance to finish her sentence before she shared Ello's fate.

"Come on, come _on_ ," Poe muttered, desperately searching for an opening. Leia's words - following the attack on the Star Destroyer so long ago - rang in his ears again: _"Do not endanger your squadrons needlessly."_

Time to end this fight.

Poe took a deep breath, then turned on his mic. "All teams, I'm going in. Cover me!"

"Copy that," Snap confirmed.

"Good luck, Poe," said Jess.

Poe closed his eyes and mouthed a quick prayer to himself. Locking his S-foils shut, he dove into the breach.

The complexity of the structure barely gave him any maneuvering room, but Poe wasn't hailed as the best pilot in the Resistance for nothing. Faint light trickled through small openings to the surface. There was still time.

Finally, Poe entered the oscillator's main chamber. No pursuers came after him. BB-8 whistled excitedly. Jaw set in long-awaited triumph, Poe relentlessly shot down every support beam, every power generator, every fuel cell that entered his line of vision.

"This is for Ben, you sons of bitches!" Poe yelled as he fired the last shot into the heart of the oscillator. Banking around the circular chamber, Poe guided his fighter back the way he'd come.

A triumphant grin spread across his face as he regrouped with his squadrons. "We did it, guys!"

Whoops and cheers burst forth on his comm - both from his squadrons and back home.

Poe could see tremors and earthquakes tearing up the planet's surface, even in mid-air. Starkiller Base was dying.

And Poe had been the one to deliver the killing blow.

Out of the corner of his eye, Poe glimpsed the _Millennium Falcon_ rising from the trees and nearly cried in relief. Han, Finn, and Chewie must have survived. He swung his craft over to meet the freighter and waved at the darkened cockpit, hoping that they'd see him.

Poe didn't conceal the elation in his voice as he commed his team one last time. "Our job's done here. Let's go home."


	22. Chapter XXII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Northern Downpour"  
> Panic! At the Disco  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-fwKqGNW8Ns

Upon popping open Black One's canopy, Poe was met with a storm of cheers and congratulations. He grinned triumphantly as he pulled off his helmet and descended from his ship. Snap pushed his way through the crowd, and the two of them shared a tight hug.

"Poe," Snap said breathlessly. "You did it!"

"Yeah, I guess I did." Poe's heart felt light, as though he were walking on clouds. He looked around. "Where'd the _Falcon_ come down?"

Snap gestured in one direction, and Poe nodded his thanks. After a few more hugs and shoulder-claps, he broke into a jog and headed for the _Falcon_.

_I'm here, Finn._

Poe could hardly contain his excitement as the boarding ramp descended from the ship's belly. It was all he could do to keep from racing up the ramp and seeing Finn for himself.

But Finn didn't come out.

Chewbacca and some girl in light desert gear — probably Rey — slowly walked down the ramp. The bottom fell out of Poe's stomach when he saw what Chewie was carrying.

Or rather, who.

"No, no, no . . ." Poe whispered as his gaze fell on Finn's limp body. Waving his arms frantically, he called, "Medic! Medic! My friend's hurt!"

The med speeder couldn't come quickly enough. Chewie growled softly as he gently set Finn onto the speeder, something along the lines of _Be careful with this one_.

After a quick glance at Chewie and the girl, Poe followed the speeder at a brisk sprint, easily keeping up with the other EMTs.

He gestured to the nearest one. "Will he be okay?"

"We can't say yet, Commander," the EMT replied. "We don't yet know the extent of the injury."

"Then hurry and take him to the medbay!" Poe nearly shouted.

The EMT didn't argue. "Yes, sir."

Poe's heart raced faster and faster with each stride. _Finn, please hang in there. Please stay with me. Please live._

A lump grew in his throat. _I_ can't _lose you, too._

_"They've found us —"_

_"We have to hurry!"_

_"What are you doing?!"_

_"Stay with me —"_

_"Take evasive action!"_

_"Our shields are down, repeat, our shields are —"_

_"NO!"_

Upon reaching the emergency unit, Doctor Kalonia immediately ordered all non-medical personnel out of the surgery.

"That includes you, too, Commander," Kalonia said meaningfully. "Don't worry. You'll be the first to know if he wakes up."

Poe noted that she said if, not when. He watched helplessly as the transparisteel doors slid closed and droids and doctors began their work.

"Poe?" Poe nearly jumped at the sound of Snap's voice.

"What the hell was that about?" Poe snapped, his tone uncharacteristically sharp. He tried to backtrack. "I'm sorry, I mean —"

Snap didn't say anything, just engulfed Poe in a warm hug. "He'll be okay, Poe."

"He has to," Poe mumbled.

"He will," Snap repeated. He let go of Poe. "General wants to talk with you."

Poe nodded thickly and allowed himself to be led away to central command. Neither man said anything for the duration of their walk. though Poe forced himself to smile whenever someone congratulated him.

BB-8 chirped excitedly once Poe came in, and the pilot knelt beside the feisty droid. The little orange astromech rolled and chattered an electronic stream of triumph, and Poe couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, buddy, that's right," he said, rubbing the droid's dome head. "We did it."

BB-8 shot out a welding torch from one of his compartments and lit it, imitating the gesture of a human thumbs-up.

Poe laughed. "Where'd you pick that up from, buddy?"

The droid's reply was monosyllabic. Finn.

"Oh." The dismay must have shown on Poe's face, because BB-8 nudged his knee and beeped a concerned query. "He's in the medbay right now, Beebee. I don't even know what happened to him."

The droid's head tilted downwards, and Poe briefly wondered how something so mechanical could convey such a human emotion. He tried to reassure himself as much as BB-8 when he said, "He'll get better soon."

BB-8 perked up at that, and whistled enthusiastically. Poe forced himself to smile as the droid rolled along. He wished he could share his companion's optimism. At the moment, he couldn't really feel anything besides numbness.

"Um, excuse me?" Poe jumped slightly, turning to see the girl from earlier standing behind him. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you —"

"It's fine," Poe said. He noted her change of clothes — gone were the desert wrappings; now she wore what looked like one of Leia's old uniforms. He extended his hand. "I'm Poe. Poe Dameron."

"Rey." The two shook. Rey tilted her head. "Have we met before?"

Poe frowned slightly. "I don't think so. Not that I remember, anyway."

"Hm," said Rey, studying him. "I could have sworn you looked . . . well, familiar."

Poe cracked a grin. "I just have one of those faces, I guess."

Rey smiled. She had a nice smile, though Poe honestly doubted she'd used it much. There was something about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Does he belong to you?" she asked. "Beebee-Ate?"

Poe chuckled. "I guess you could say that. I mean, he's quite a free spirit. I don't think he _belongs_ to anyone."

Rey grinned. "That he is." A moment's pause, and her tone grew more serious. "How's Finn doing?"

Poe shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Doc rushed me out before I could ask. Do you know what happened to him?"

Rey hesitated briefly. "We were in the woods, Finn and me, heading for the Falcon. Kylo Ren — he just seemed to come out of nowhere. He found us, knocked me out. When I came to, Ren had — well, he'd — he'd hurt Finn, Poe. His back. I —"

"Son of a bitch," Poe cursed. Rey seemed startled, and Poe immediately softened. "It's not you. It's just Kylo Ren . . . He won't seem to leave me alone." Rey nodded understandingly, and a new, horrific realization suddenly occurred to Poe. "Hang on . . . where's Han?"

Rey's expression contorted in grief, her brown eyes glistening. "He . . . didn't make it."

"What?" Poe looked at her incredulously. "No, no, no . . . that's not true. That's impossible. No one can kill Han Solo."

"I'm sorry, Poe," Rey whispered.

Something dark flooded through Poe. "Let me guess: _Kylo fragging Ren_."

Rey's silence was all Poe needed. His fists and jaw clenched. Why couldn't Ren just leave him alone? He'd suffered enough at Jakku; now Finn was comatose and Han was dead because of the dark warrior. Anger surged through Poe, his arms growing uncomfortably warm in his flight sleeves.

"Poe?" Rey moved to touch his arm and gave a small yelp as a shock ran between them —

_— pain courses through him —_

_— every nerve on fire —_

_— he wants to scream—_

_—but he_ can't—

"Oh, I'm sorry," Poe said quickly, the internal heat vanishing. "Are you alright?"

Rey nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." She fingered the strap on her satchel. "Listen, Poe —"

She was interrupted by a stream of electronic beeping. A droid voice that Poe hadn't heard in forever.

R2-D2 was awake.


	23. Chapter XXIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bird with a Broken Wing"  
> Owl City  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ga4F0_xGQI

The next hour was a blur. At one point, Poe found himself giving his portion of Luke's map to BB-8 to match R2-D2's projection. Then he was caught up in a storm of cheers and triumph, almost bewildered by it all.

Now, Poe found himself leaning against the doorframe to Finn's med room, watching as Rey said her goodbyes. She kissed Finn's forehead and stood straight. Noticing Poe by the door, she walked over to him.

"So I guess this is it, then," Rey said. She offered a wan smile. "It was very nice meeting you."

"Yeah, same," Poe replied, his mind focused elsewhere.

Rey studied him. She hesitated a moment before asking, "This isn't the first time you've waited like this, is it?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Poe tried to laugh it off. His voice sounded hollow, even to him. "That obvious, huh?"

"No, you just seem . . . sad," Rey observed. "In a way that others around here aren't."

For some unfathomable reason, Poe said, "I was eight years old when doctors couldn't save my mom. I was fifteen when they couldn't save my dad."

Rey touched his arm. "They'll save Finn."

"They've got to," Poe replied, fighting to keep his voice from breaking.

"I'm sorry about your parents," Rey said, and she looked like she meant it. She seemed like someone who would know about grieving for a mother or a father, but Poe knew better than to speak about it.

Instead, he said, "I am, too."

There seemed to be nothing left to say, and both of them knew it. Rey fingered the strap on her satchel. "Well . . . I'd better go."

"You hug?" Poe asked. When Rey gave him a quizzical look, he amended, "Well, we might not see each other for a while, but you seem like a nice person, and I try not to overstep any boundaries — "

Rey silenced him with a wide smile. She wrapped her arms around him. "Yes. I hug."

Poe smiled and hugged her back, a brief embrace that only lasted a few seconds.

"You're sure we haven't met before?" Rey asked once they pulled apart.

"We've met now," Poe replied, shrugging.

Rey raised her eyebrows. "That we have."

"Come on, I'll walk you out," Poe said. Together, he and Rey made their way to the airfield, each being congratulated for something different. Poe felt that, in a different galaxy, perhaps, he and Rey could have been very close friends.

As he watched her board the _Falcon's_ entrance ramp, he couldn't help but call out to her again. "Rey!"

Rey turned.

Poe would have said _May the Force be with you,_ but the words died on his lips. Instead, he said, "Take care of yourself, okay?"

Rey nodded and smiled. "Of course."

Then she was gone. Poe stepped back and shielded his eyes as the _Millennium Falcon_ started her launch sequence. A small crowd had assembled, waving and cheering. Somehow, Poe couldn't bring himself to share their enthusiasm. He had the sinking feeling that he was losing something important.

Poe was halfway back to the medbay when it happened.

A sudden pain, sharp and swift, bolted through his head like lightning.

_"Hurry, Poe!"_

_"Run!"_

_"They're coming_ — _"_

Images flashed across his mind, and Poe stumbled into a restroom. He suddenly felt as though he were about to throw up.

_— it's dark and stormy_ _—_

_— someone screams_ —

_"Get to the ships!"_

_— his heart pounds in fear_ —

Another splitting headache shot through him, and he pressed both hands to the sides of his head. Luckily, the restroom was deserted. Hurriedly, he locked himself inside a stall and sank down against the far wall.

 _— a blood-red lightsaber flashes_ —

 _— someone beside him screams as they are brutally stabbed_ —

_"Come on, Poe!"_

_"Take my hand!"_

_— but he's too late_ —

 _— and suddenly, everything explodes all around him_ —

Claustrophobia hit him like a blaster bolt, and Poe felt like the restroom walls were closing in on him. Shakily, he tried to stand. Distantly, he heard the sound of running water, as though all the faucets had been turned on.

_— lightsabers ignite, one by one_ _—_

_"Leave the others, this one's mine_ _— "_

_"Stay close!"_

_— blurs of light and sparks_ —

 _— a scream_ —

_"Wake up, please, come on, wake up_ _—"_

Poe squeezed his eyes shut. _Come one, come on,_ he thought to himself. _You just blew up a kriffing planet. You can get over a headache.  
_

Abruptly, some unknowable energy overtook him, and his vision turned white. Voices echoed in his mind, almost — almost _reverently._ The pain in his head was gone, replaced by overwhelming power. Poe fought for breath, his senses overflowing with the whiteness. Something inside of him seemed to snap, and he fell to the restroom floor, lights flickering off and on above him.

The lights settled for off.

Poe rose to his feet uncertainly. What had happened He squinted at his hands in the dark. Nothing felt out of place. Slowly, he made it to the door. One of the emergency sprinklers decided to activate, lightly soaking his hair and clothes.

Poe exhaled softly and exited the restroom. When met with questioning glances and funny looks, he merely said, "Power outage."

* * *

Poe collapsed in his bunk the minute he got back to his dorm. Only then did he realize that he'd completely forgotten to check on Finn. The relentless pounding behind his eyes, however, convinced him to stay put.

"Stang," Poe cursed, hugging a pillow over his chest. He wasn't sure if taking a painkiller was a good idea or not. It was just a headache, right?

_It sure as hell wasn't a normal headache._

Poe tried to make sense of his vision. It had been raining, and he had been running. Running . . . from what? He took a deep breath and concentrated. There had been other beings, equipped with . . . lightsabers?

Poe shook his head. That made no sense. There weren't any Jedi left in the galaxy, and he sure wasn't one of them.

_Besides, I would have known, right?_

Too tired to think any further, Poe Dameron sank into a deep and dark sleep.

* * *

When he came to, it was already dark. His dorm lights had automatically been switched off, and the chrono on his desk read 02:44. Poe rubbed his eyes and turned on the lights, adjusting them so they were a bit dim. _Am I dreaming?_

Someone'd had the good graces to put BB-8 in his recharging station, and the droid had been left in sleep mode. Probably Snap or Leia. He made a mental note to thank them later.

Poe stood and stretched. He wasn't quite sure he wanted to go back to sleep just yet. He glanced around warily. Something didn't feel right . . .

A soft knock nearly made him jump. The knock came again - a pattern, Poe realized. _Thump, thump, thump . . . tha-thump . . . thump, thump, thump . . . tha-thump . . ._

No. It couldn't be.

Poe grabbed a blaster pistol from one of his desk drawers and cocked it.

_Thump, thump, thump . . . tha-thump . . ._

Slowly, he made his way to the door. Blaster at the ready, he pressed a sequence in the control panel, and the door slid open. A hooded figure was leaning against the doorframe, barely able to stand. Poe couldn't see the figure's face, but he could hear its labored breathing.

"Who are you?" Poe hissed, pointing the blaster at the figure. "Whaddaya want?"

"Poe . . ." The figure shakily raised a gloved hand and removed its hood. "Please . . . help me . . ."

Poe dropped his blaster. Even in the dim light, that face was unmistakable. That face, that voice, that knock . . .

_"Ben?!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes another chapter! Sorry to leave y'all on a cliffhanger like that; I'll try to write more this week :D


	24. Chapter XXIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Kids Aren't Alright"  
> Fall Out Boy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR7U7_cKJw4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that last cliffhanger, guys!! (Well, no, not really.... <3)  
> From here on, the story is going to be canon-divergent (obviously) with some allusions to the Shattered Empire graphic novel and some weird fan theories that have been circulating around the web and in my own head.

"Nonononono this can't be true," Poe said nervously, backing away. "I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming — this can't be right. You're _dead._ "

"Not . . . really . . ." Ben looked at Poe desperately, clutching his side. He stumbled, and Poe involuntarily rushed forward to catch him. " . . . not dead yet."

Poe caught a better glimpse of Ben's face and saw a huge cut marring his right cheek. Every defensive instinct inside of him rose up, ready for action. "Your face - what happened? Who did this to you?"

Ben coughed, blood glistening on his lips. "Long . . . story."

Poe carefully guided Ben to his bed, still disbelieving. "Wait here. I'll grab a medic."

"No — " Ben grabbed Poe's sleeve. "Don't."

"Are you crazy?" Poe nearly shouted. "Look at yourself!"

"Shhh," Ben shushed. " . . . can't . . . know I'm here . . ."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Poe hissed. "You're the one bleeding all over my bed. Name one good reason why I shouldn't get help."

"Poe . . ." Ben's eyes locked with Poe's in fear and desperation. "Please . . ."

_Damn it, Ben Solo, don't you dare do the eyes on me —_

"Fine, that's a good reason." Almost angrily, with a drive he'd never known was inside him, Poe rushed to the door, slammed and locked it shut, and was back by Ben's side. Rummaging around under his bed, Poe found an emergency med kit and snapped it open. Laying out the contents, he gradually increased the brightness of his room's lights.

"Come on, come on," he muttered to himself as he unwound strips of bacta and kolto. His hands worked quickly and steadily, as though he were flying _Black One_ again.

"Okay, Ben, we're gonna have to take off —" Poe gestured helplessly. " — er, whatever the hell you're wearing."

Ben nodded weakly. Shakily, he helped Poe remove his torn and tattered black robes, exposing his bare torso.

What looked like a massive purple-and-black hole took up much of Ben's lower left side, just over his hip. A large gash, not unlike the one on his face, cut across Ben's shoulder and ended at his collarbone. Poe couldn't tell if the first wound was a burn or a stab or a shot. He also couldn't fathom how Ben could have gotten those burning slashes. What sort of weapon left that kind of mark?

"What the hell were you hit with?" Poe asked incredulously, dabbing alcohol over Ben's wounds.

Ben squeezed Poe's free hand in pain. Through gritted teeth, he managed, "Bowcaster."

" _What?!"_ Poe grabbed a large kolto patch and pressed it to Ben's side. " _How_ are you still alive? Those things can take out starfighters!"

Ben didn't reply. He made small noises of pain as Poe helped him sit up. Quickly but neatly, Poe wound gauze tightly around Ben's middle to keep the kolto in place.

Poe's attention shifted to Ben's shoulder. The cut, though cauterized, was deep. It wasn't bleeding, but it did look pretty bad. Poe sighed in resignation, knowing what he'd have to do.

"Gonna have to stitch up your shoulder," Poe announced. "Hang in there, buddy."

"Thought you were a pilot," Ben mumbled as Poe pulled on gloves and unwrapped a sterilized needle and bacto-carbon thread. "Not a doctor."

"This pilot learned some things while you were busy being dead," Poe snapped. He looked around helplessly. "Okay, I don't have any painkillers on me, so you're just gonna have to hold really still, okay?"

Ben nodded. "Let's get this . . . over with."

Poe took a deep breath. He'd never done this kind of thing before, only watched _trained_ medics and read books written by _trained_ professionals. He prayed that he didn't screw this up. Ben didn't flinch throughout the whole "operation", for which Poe was grateful. Slightly worried, Poe called out his name softly. "Ben?"

"Still 'live," Ben murmured, his eyes closed from exhaustion.

"Almost there, Benji," Poe said, tying off the final knot. "Almost there."

Poe sighed in relief and cut off what was left of the thread. The hardest part was over now. With luck and time, the sutures would fade and dissolve into Ben's skin naturally as the healing process took place.

Almost there. Poe studied the gash carefully, brushing Ben's soft black hair out of the way. The mark started at his jaw and cut across his cheek, barely missing his eye, and over the bridge of his nose.

Poe checked his supplies. There was barely anything left. Regular bacta would just have to do. He unwrapped one square of the self-adhesive gel and gently molded it into a more rectangular shape. He placed it over the injured side of Ben's face, and Ben gave a soft sigh as the cool bacta touched his skin. He opened his eyes weakly.

"Thank you, Poe."

Poe peeled off his gloves and tossed them aside. He smiled gently, stroking Ben's hair. "Sleep, okay?"

Ben didn't reply, just closed his eyes again. His breathing had settled into a slow, steady rhythm. Poe slowly pulled a blanket over Ben, careful not to mess up any of his work, then stood up straight and watched Ben sleep. He glanced at the chrono. 03:53.

Poe really had no intention of going back to sleep this time, and he pulled a chair over by Ben's side. Leaning over the bed, he softly touched Ben's uninjured cheek.

"Where've you been all this time, beautiful?" he whispered. "Everyone thought you were dead."

Out of habit, Poe started combing through Ben's hair with his fingers. Ben's hair wasn't as fluffy as Poe remembered, but it was still fine as silk. He sorted out small knots and tangles like he used to when they were teens.

Poe felt a slight twinge around his neck, and he reached up to loosen his collar. He hadn't realized that he'd gone to sleep earlier still in his flight suit. He had stood up to change when the twinge turned into a choke. Poe felt like an invisible hand was clamped around his throat, strangling the life out of him. He fought for breath, stumbled, and fell on his hands and knees.

Poe heard the rustling of bedsheets behind him, a rustling that crescendoed into a clap of thunder. Without warning, Poe found himself on rain-soaked ground in a . . . a forest clearing? Lightning flashed blindingly across the dark sky, and sheets of rain poured mercilessly over him.

"It doesn't have to be this way."

Poe's head snapped up at a familiar voice, and he found himself face-to-face with Kylo Ren. Fear coursed through him, but his mouth opened anyway. "Yes, it does."

For some reason, Poe felt more hurt than afraid, as though he'd taken a blaster shot to the chest.

"If we leave now," Ren continued, "we won't have to worry about being separated again. We can always be together. We can bring an _end_ to this war."

"If you leave now, we'd be apart anyways," Poe replied, shakily trying to stand. " _Think_ , will ya? This won't change anything."

Ren took a step forward. "I don't understand — I thought you _wanted_ this, Poe! Don't you _want_ this war to end? Don't you want _someone_ to just win already? Don't you — don't you want _us_?"

Part of Poe's brain realized he was dreaming, and that this made no sense, but he seized Ren's hand anyway, the words rushing involuntarily. "Of course I do, beautiful. You know I love you more than anything else in the galaxy —"

"Then why won't you come with me?" Ren pleaded. With his other hand, he unclasped the front visor of his mask and threw it aside. Ben Solo's eyes met Poe Dameron's, longing and hopeful and pained, all at once.

Poe's voice was thick. "I can't watch you do this to yourself, Ben. Your power — it'll only hurt you if you keep using it this way, and I can't always be there for you. Besides, if we leave now, the New Republic — the Resistance — they won't stand a chance. I can't — I _won't_ let that fall apart, just because of us."

"Just because of us?" Ben repeated. "What do you mean, just because of us? Aren't we part of the galaxy that we're trying to save? Why should we have to be the only ones fighting for it, then? Why should we have to be the ones fearing for each other's lives _every hour of every day_? Why should we be the ones who can't spend two nights in a row together without you having to be called to some midnight dogfight?"

"So that other people won't have to!" Poe shot back. "Because that's how war works! It doesn't let any of us go, whether we're killers or peacemakers or lovers or haters or soldiers or civilians. You know, I've seen the fighting make monsters of good men, but I _never_ thought that I'd see it get to you like this."

" _What?!"_ Ben looked genuinely shocked.

"You heard me," Poe said, trying to sound firmer than he felt. Every nerve, every instinct inside him screamed _No!_ , but he went on anyway. "D'you honestly think that switching sides is going to make things any better? Using your power to bring fear to the galaxy? Ben. This won't stop the fighting. You know that."

"The Supreme Leader promised peace," Ben argued, "and, unlike the New Republic, he can make that happen. They've got better soldiers and better equipment. The only reason they haven't won yet is because you're the best pilot in the galaxy and _you're_ the one leading the airstrikes. But once you and I turn, that'll change. The stalemate will be _over._ "

"And you will have lost," Poe said, the rain hiding the tears on his face. "You'll lose the war, and you'll lose me. Because I'm not going, and apparently, you are."

The hurt on Ben's face was quickly overtaken by rage, his dark brown irises flaring gold. "As long as I'm alive, _I am never losing you."_

Ben's hand shot out, and the air around him shifted. Poe closed his eyes and focused his will on the energy threads around him, weaving a shield in his mind. Ben's attack slammed into him, but Poe resisted, straining to keep his guard up. He tried to draw on his better memories of Ben, but the pain of the current situation drowned out all else.

Poe's concentration snapped, and he was suddenly pulled towards Ben's feet. He sensed a pause in Ben's Force pattern and used that time to propel himself away. In one fluid motion, he was back on his feet with his blaster in his hand.

Unsteadily, he took aim. "I don't want to do this, Ben."

Ben scoffed and unclipped his lightsaber from his belt. "Which is why you won't."

A deadly, thin crimson blade shot out of the hilt with a _snap-hiss!_ Ben twirled the lightsaber once and lunged for Poe.

Instinctively, Poe gathered the Force around his hands and caught the blade between his palms, dropping his blaster. He grit his teeth at the heat, but at least his hands were safe. Drawing on his pain, he turned the blade away.

An animalistic noise escaped Ben's throat, and he brought the saber down again. This time, Poe dodged. He shifted his focus to the kyber crystal he knew was lodged inside the hilt, and he willed it to break.

Poe was concentrating so hard on the crystal that he didn't see the saber swing around a second time. By the time the crystal fractured, Poe's neck and shoulder exploded in agony. He screamed in pain, and the crystal responded. Ben threw the hilt from his hand just as it exploded. Poe's vision turned white —

— and he bolted awake, panting and sweating.

" _Ben,"_ Poe whispered frantically, his chest heaving. _"Ben."_

BB-8 rolled over to him and beeped inquisitively.

"Bad dream, I guess," Poe said, still breathing heavily. "How'd you get in here, buddy?"

BB-8 spun around and whistled.

"I see." BB nudged his leg comfortingly, and Poe rubbed the droid's dome head. He took a few deep breaths. "No one else was in here last night, though. Right?"

A series of electronic beeps and a long whistle.

"Yeah, I . . . " Poe ran a hand through his hair. "Beebee, I . . . I dreamed about Ben last night."

BB-8 whirred and spun again. A holo came up on the droid's projector, of . . . of a much younger Ben and Poe, their arms around each other, huge smiles on their faces. BB-8 beeped a query.

Tears sprang to Poe's eyes. The holo had been taken when they'd been teens, the day after Poe had been accepted to the New Republic Flight Academy at Hosnian. Smiling sadly, he wiped his eyes. "Yeah, that was us. That was the day he gave me you, wasn't it?"

An affirmative click.

"God, we were just kids, weren't we," Poe murmured. He reached up to the holo, his fingers passing longingly through Ben's face. "We were two kids who thought we could take on the whole galaxy."

BB-8 hummed against his leg affectionately.

"I know, I know," Poe replied. "Some things just aren't as they seem." He studied his palms and thought about his dream some more. A sudden thought crossed his mind, and he stood up.

BB whistled a query.

"I'm going to go see if Leia will give me a couple days off," Poe said, shrugging on his old Republic Fleet jacket. "I think it's time we went back home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.... the kids really aren't alright, are they?


	25. Chapter XXV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Pompeii"  
> Bastille  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F90Cw4l-8NY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! This chapter contains angst! Lots of it! And maybe sad fluff....

Fortunately, Leia had been very understanding when Poe asked for a few days' leave. She allowed him three standard days, promising to write it off as a "solo scout mission". Poe wasn't sure what sort of scouting he'd be doing, but he could think about that later. For now . . .

"Beebee, set a course for Yavin Four," Poe instructed, launching _Black One_ into space.

The astromech let out a confirming whistle, and Poe's nav screen flared to life. Plugging the coordinates into the hyperdrive computer, he breathed deeply and entered lightspeed.

Poe liked traveling through hyperspace by himself. It gave him some time to just think and enjoy the simplicity of flight. What he desperately needed now was thinking time.

The more he ruminated on it, the more his dream felt _real_ . . . almost more like a memory than a dream. Poe knew it was impossible. Ben was long dead, and neither one of them had been Jedi in life. Besides, there was no way that Ben's loving spirit could have transformed into the _demon_ that was Kylo Ren.

Poe amused himself by thinking up outrageous theories on how Ben could have survived that crash; by the end of his hyperspace route, he'd come up with about twenty, his favorite including a team of Corellian pirates and a declining chrono factory.

BB-8 gave an excited whistle as they swooped in over the forests of Yavin IV.

"Yeah, we're home, Beebee," Poe agreed. He sighed softly. He still wasn't exactly sure why he'd come here after so long, but something inside him needed to step away from the action for a bit. Something inside him longed for home.

Poe recognized the landscape on sight, following the patterns of the ziggurats to his boyhood home. He landed his ship in the clearing where his mother's A-wing used to sit. The A-wing had been his first starfighter, the one he'd made it into the Academy with. There, his senior officers had re-assigned him to the higher-class X-wing fighters, and his mother's ship had been retired. Poe hadn't been too pleased at the time, but a few weeks in the X-wing had changed his mind.

With a jolt, Poe realized that the A-wing had probably been destroyed along with the Hosnian system.

He took off his helmet and left it in his seat, climbing out of the cockpit. "Beebee, hang tight with the ship. I'll keep you on comm."

The droid made an indignant whining noise, and Poe smiled sympathetically. "I won't be long."

Poe walked up to his old house's front door and studied it. Time and lack of power had worn down the control panel, and he found that he could slide the door open manually.

Once inside, Poe looked around. Despite the dust and cobwebs, nothing had really changed at all. The living room was almost exactly as he'd left it when he was fifteen - a moth-eaten blanket half-draped over a sagging sofa, decaying pieces of wooden furniture, rows of dusty holos on the walls and on the fireplace-less mantel.

Poe picked up one of the holos and wiped the dust from it with his sleeve. The image flickered a bit, but Poe could tell what it was - a picture of his family and Ben's, taken when they were children. He checked the date on it: 8 ABY. He'd been six; Ben'd been seven. Poe smiled and pocketed the holo.

As he explored the rest of his house, Poe felt waves of nostalgia overtake him. As kids, he and Ben had hidden from their parents one night in _that_ closet so that Ben wouldn't have to go . . . Poe and his father used to wrestle around _that_ caf table, and had accidentally broken his mother's favorite mug . . . his mother had collapsed suddenly by _that_ shelf, and his father had ordered him to call a medic and then get to the Solos' as quickly as possible . . . and later, that same night, his mother had slipped away as he held her hand in the hospital, her last words to him: _"Always keep flying, sweetheart."_

Poe stepped inside his old room and sat on the floor. Unlike the rest of the house, Poe's room was barren save for a bed, some sparsely filled shelves, and a desk. He sighed. Here he was; why was that aching feeling still twisting at his insides?

 _Maybe what I'm looking for just isn't here._ Poe paused a moment, letting that sink in. _What am I looking for, anyway?_

Poe sighed and stood up, still restless. Now that he thought about it, there didn't seem to be anything gained from coming home. What was he thinking? His place should be with the Resistance at their base, not lingering around an empty memorial.

_The little bird returns._

Poe whirled around. His hand flew involuntarily to a blaster he didn't have. "Who's there?"

_The little bird has grown._

The voice seemed to come from everywhere at once - ceiling, walls, floor. Poe couldn't tell whether it was male or female; it seemed like a combination of both. In fact, it didn't even seem like a voice, more like a _feeling._

Warily, Poe stepped into the hallway. "Hello?"

 _Little bird,_ the voice whispered in his mind. _Come._

Poe's legs moved of their own accord, carrying him out the back door and into the Damerons' backyard. Years lacking a human presence had caused the vegetation to grow and twist into a sort of jungle. Beyond, a forest of mixed conifers loomed ominously.

 _Come,_ the voice beckoned. _Spread your wings, my little bird._

Something awakened inside of Poe, and he ran into the woods, not really knowing where he was going. He dodged dangling branches and leaped over protruding roots easily, following some kind of primal instinct. The voice - or voices - inside his head multiplied and crescendoed, urging him on and on, faster and faster, and then -

Silence.

Poe found himself in a small clearing with a huge tree in the center. Adrenaline wearing off, he glanced around and suddenly realized where he was. _No way. The tree house?_

Han Solo and Kes Dameron had built a large tree house for their sons as they grew up, only a few years before Poe's mother had died. Poe remembered the long summer days spent among the warm, sunlit branches, playing pretend, drawing starships, writing songs and stories . . . all with Ben.

Before he could convince himself otherwise, Poe grabbed some low-growing branches and climbed up. His arms and legs ached with the strain of using dormant muscles, but he told himself to keep going. _After all, it does seem like a long drop._

Finally, Poe made it to the top. He clambered awkwardly through a window and crash rather unceremoniously to the floorboards. Only when he looked up did he realize there was a rope ladder on the other side.

"Classic," Poe muttered. He shuffled around into a sitting position and leaned against the window frame, breathing in the scent of wood. Surprisingly, there was no trace of dust or decay like there was in his house. If anything, the _tree_ house actually looked new. Some books and hologames were scattered around the floor, along with a couple blankets, pillows, and . . . _a guitarra case._

Hesitantly, Poe unclasped the case and pulled the lid open. His old guitarra lay innocently in the center of the case, some of the strings on it worn and frayed. Poe carefully lifted the instrument out by the neck and set it in his lap. He strummed an experimental chord, then winced at how badly tuned the guitarra was. As he made to lay it back in the case, a clattering sound echoed inside the guitarra's body. Poe frowned and turned the instrument over, shaking it gently until something fell out through the strings. He gasped.

That something was an amber-gold ring strung on a simple leather cord. The colors of the metal seemed to swirl together, almost glowing. On the inside of the ring was engraving in elegantly flowing script: _Eternally_.

Poe's breath hitched as he turned the ring over in his fingers. He thought he'd lost it six years ago. How had it wound up back here, on Yavin IV, in his guitarra?

_Do you remember?_

_Yes,_ Poe thought desperately as he felt himself shaking with grief. _How could I forget?_ He clutched the ring tightly to his chest, hunched over his guitarra. _How could I forget?_

Poe remembered Ben's proposal like it was yesterday.

* * *

_"Poe!" Poe looks up from his ship to see his lover running towards him. "Poe, wait!"_

_"Ben?"_

_Ben seems to be out of breath. They both know that they don't have much time before Poe has to leave. The Resistance Fleet was in desperate need of capable pilots, and Poe Dameron was one of the first Republic officers drafted in. He'd received the transmission only days ago._

_"Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?" Ben asks._

_Poe doesn't reply at first. He doesn't meet Ben's eyes. "I don't like goodbyes."_

_"Me, neither."_

_"What is this, then?"_

_Ben shrugs. "I just had something to ask you, before you left."_

_"What is it?"_

_"Do you mind hyphenating?"_

_Poe doesn't understand the question. "What?"_

_Ben takes a deep breath. "Poe Dameron, you know I've loved you from the start. First as a friend, then as family, then as a lover, and now as something more than all that. We've grown up together, through highs and lows, and through all of it, I've just come to love you more."_

_"Ben—"_

_"Hush for a minute, love," Ben says, faking indignation. "I worked hard and practiced this, and you don't get to interrupt!"_

_Poe's stomach flutters. He realizes where this is going, and he lets Ben continue._

_"I know we're living in a dangerous time," Ben says. "We're soldiers now. Things could go bad for us at any time, but Poe . . . there is nothing in the galaxy that I want more than to have you by my side. Eternally. If I ever go out, I want it to be with you, in your arms. If we win, we'll win together. If we lose, then we'll lose together, too. No matter the outcome, no matter what happens, you and me — we'll never fall apart. Two people, one name. Poe . . . Let's keep growing up together. Eternally." He drops to one knee, and Poe's hand fly to his mouth as Ben pulls out a pair of matching amber-gold rings strung on leather cords. "So, do you mind hyphenating? Solo-Dameron?"_

_"I like the sound of that," Poe says breathlessly, and he throws his arms around Ben's neck. Laughing, Ben returns the embrace and sweeps Poe up in a kiss._

_Poe breaks off first, and he touches Ben's lips lovingly. He takes one of the necklaces and slips it over Ben's head. "Eternally."_

_"Eternally," Ben replies, and he does the same for Poe. "Once we come back home, we'll make it official." He kisses Poe swiftly. "I love you, Poe."_

_"I love you too, Ben."_

* * *

Poe studied the word, unsure what it meant. _Eternally_. Wind whispered through the branches outside. _The little bird remembers, but he does not see._

"Who are you?" Poe called to the emptiness. "What do you want from me?"

The voice seemed to chuckle, a deep reverberation that channeled warmth throughout Poe's body. _The nest wants for nothing if the bird is content._

"The bird . . ." Poe murmured. "Do you mean me? Are you the nest?" His vpice faltered. "Did . . . did you bring me here?"

_The little bird flies only on his own wings._

"You're not making any sense," Poe protested. Frustration bubbled inside of him. "Why am I even here?"

_The little bird seeks a nest, yet he knows not how to build one._

"Look, if you're just gonna keep not making sense," Poe said tiredly, "then I'm just gonna go."

 _Look_ , said the voice. _Look and see._

Poe sighed. He put the necklace on, just under his flight suit. The ring pulsed warmly against his chest. "What am I looking for?"

_Truth._

By some hidden instinct, Poe closed his eyes. He inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower, letting his senses expand. He felt . . . _something_ , something both old and new at the same time.

He saw.

 _Ben Solo lives_ , the voices whispered. _Ben Solo lives_.


	26. Chapter XXVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Imagine"  
> John Lennon  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwUGSYDKUxU

The descent from the tree house was easier, mostly because of the rope ladder. Poe wore his guitarra case like a backpack. He'd find better strings for it once he got back to base. Once he was only a few rungs from the ground, he hopped off the ladder and landed nimbly on his feet.

_Ben Solo lives._

"How is that possible?" Poe whispered. He felt relatively certain that it had nothing to do with Corellian pirates or a declining chrono factory.

_Ben Solo lives._

Did Leia know? If she didn't, how was Poe supposed to tell her? _Could_ he even tell her? Had Han Solo died never knowing that his son still lived? And what about Finn? What in the kriffing _galaxy_ was Poe supposed to say to Finn? _Hey, Finn, glad you're awake — you don't mind following me around the galaxy to go look for my ex-fiance, do you?_

Poe shook his head. He needed to focus. Something big was happening to him, something both old and new at the same time. He'd seen Ben's face —exactly how it had been in Poe's dream, a diagonal scar cutting across his face. For a brief moment, there had been warmth. Then, a sudden coldness had shot through the connection and shattered it. Poe couldn't deny it any further. _This is real._

He touched his palm to the bark of the tree. "Thank you."

_The nest always provides for her bird._

Poe understood now that it had been the tree that had guided him through the woods. Some kind of mystical presence emanated from it, and Poe realized that he felt it, too. Could it be?

"Do I have the Force?" Poe wondered aloud. This time, he received no reply. Briefly touching the leather cord around his neck, he departed from the clearing.

As it had before, instinct guided Poe back to his house and his ship. BB-8's head nearly popped off his body with indignation at how _Poe was gone for too long and didn't answer the comm and left him all alone in a creepy forest._

Poe laughed. "Sorry, buddy, I guess I got carried away."

BB-8 let out a _harrumph_ sort of noise.

Poe didn't know that was possible. "Well I'm here now, aren't I?"

The droid blew a raspberry at him.

"If you had a mouth, I'd have it washed out, right now." Poe unslung his guitarra case and opened up _Black One's_ cargo hold. BB-8 asked what he was doing, to which Poe replied, "I'm taking her back home with us. She needs new strings, anyhow." Another raspberry. "You're not jealous, are you?"

The case barely fit in the small cargo hold, but Poe managed to latch it closed. He climbed up into the cockpit and put on his helmet, powering his ship up. "I'll come back," he promised the tree.

Within a few minutes, Poe was airborne again. He breathed deeply as he always did while taking off, and he took a few minutes to just free-fly. The fuel-efficient engines that Poe had modified on his starfighter allowed him to go longer hours on a full tank than other T-70s. Also, he just liked to show off.

Finally, he took _Black One_ to hyperspace. His grip on the controls loosened, and he let BB-8 autopilot the ship for a while. It was a few hours before he spoke again.

"Beebee, Ben . . . he's alive."

The astromech didn't reply. He was probably either too occupied with flying the ship, or he just didn't hear Poe's quiet confession. Checking his helmet settings, Poe realized that his microphone was off. After a brief contemplation, Poe decided to leave it that way and continued, just setting his thoughts to words.

"Ben's alive, buddy. I . . . I don't know how, but I can almost _feel_ it. He's out there. Somewhere. I just don't know why he stayed away for so long. Do you think . . . Do you think it was something I did? In my dream, we were fighting, Beebee." Poe swallowed hard. "He . . . he was Kylo Ren. Or, at least, he had Kylo Ren's helmet. He didn't have the weird lightsaber, just the helmet. He did have a lightsaber, though. Maybe he isn't Kylo Ren after all, though. Maybe some backwater Outer Rim world just _makes_ funny helmets like that." Silence. Poe knew he was rambling. He took a deep breath. _Don't jump to conclusions, Dameron._

Poe checked the naviscreen. He still had about twenty minutes of lightspeed left before he reached D'Qar again. He glanced through his comms channels. Nothing.

Poe's thoughts wandered to Finn. Had he woken up yet? Was he asking for Poe? How badly had he been hurt? _What if he didn't wake up?_ How was Poe supposed to live with himself then?

_Don't jump to conclusions, Dameron._

Poe sighed. Before he went to Jakku, his life had been simple. Fly. Fight. Forget. Then he'd fallen for his stormtrooper rescuer in a matter of hours, maybe even minutes. He'd never loved anyone so spontaneously before. His only other relationship, with Ben, had been a slow burn - it had taken him _five kriffing years_ to actually confess his feelings!

_Ben . . ._

Ben Solo was back in his life, probably at one of the worst possible times. The little boy with space-black hair that led him on adventures shooting down Imperials in the backyard. The man that he'd pledged his love and life to. The spirit that had flown beside him in the cockpit as he defied death again and again. His best friend. His first love.

_Ben Solo lives._

Poe wanted desperately to be angry at Ben. _I grieved for you, and I fought in your name. It took me years to make my peace with you, and now that I've finally moved on, you show back up! You had six years, Ben - what were you doing with all that time? Why didn't you come back? Why didn't you find me?_ But he just couldn't. He knew Ben too well; Ben wouldn't stay away unless he _absolutely_ wanted to stay away.

Poe pulled _Black One_ out of lightspeed and commed the base. "Black Leader, requesting landing permission. Authorization codes peth-dora three-one-seven."

"Black Leader, you are cleared to land at your usual platform," came the reply.

"Copy." Poe flipped a switch and brought BB-8's channel back online. "Okay, Beebee, let's set her down."

The astromech complied with a string of sarcastic comments.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that the comm was off the whole time?" Poe white-lied.

Insistent whirring.

"I was not!"

Beep!

"Was not!"

Beep!

_"Was not!"_

BB-8 gave a long trill.

Poe rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course. You're the best astromech droid in the whole galaxy, and I love you very much. Happy?"

* * *

 

Snap was waiting at the airfield when Poe landed. "Hey, Poe. Scouting go okay?"

Poe had nearly forgotten about Leia's excuse for him. "Yeah, all quiet."

Snap gave him a knowing look. "Yeah, right. Where'd you really go?"

"What?"

Snap sighed. "You took about a week off when we lost Ben, and you took a few days for Kare and Iolo in the last two years. I wouldn't be your best friend if I didn't notice things about you. Call it an educated guess, but you weren't scouting." He paused. "Poe, are you alright?"

"I went home for a bit," Poe admitted. "Flew around Yavin a couple times. I dunno, I just needed some downtime after . . . well, y'know . . ."

"Yeah." Snap scratched his head. "Listen, Poe . . . it might be better if you heard this from me, but . . ."

"What is it?" A cold feeling tightened in Poe's chest. "Is it Finn?"

"They're saying . . . they're saying he might not make it," Snap said finally.

"What?" Poe nearly yelled. "How is he right now? Is he still alive?"

Snap nodded grimly. "He's still hanging in there, but Kalonia says it doesn't look good. None of our equipment's suited to dealing with lightsaber injuries."

"I need to see him." Without thinking, Poe pulled his guitarra case out of the cargo hold and slung it over his shoulders.

"I'll watch Beebee for you," Snap said. Poe nodded gratefully and broke into a frantic run.

Kalonia was outside Finn's room when Poe got to the medbay. She didn't even ask if he'd heard. "Go ahead, Commander. Take as much time as you need. I'll be outside."

"Thank you." The words came out in a rush, and Poe slipped inside Finn's room, the door sliding shut behind him.

"Finn?" Poe sat down in the chair by Finn's bed, listening to the soft beeping of the heart monitor. "Hey, buddy, it's me. It's Poe. I'm here."

Finn didn't move. He lay so still, his chest barely moving with his breaths. The machines were the only thing telling Poe he was still alive, and, Poe dreaded, the only thing _keeping_ him alive.

Poe unslung his case form his shoulders and opened it. "I'm sorry I was gone. I . . . I had to go home for a bit. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime. Anyway, I was there, and I found my old guitarra, and, I thought . . . well, you liked Abbey Road, right?"

Poe tuned his guitarra the best he could and started strumming the first song that came to mind.

_"Imagine there's no heaven,_   
_It's easy if you try._   
_No hell below us._   
_Above us, only sky."_

Finn's expression didn't change as Poe sang. He remained perfectly still and serene through "Imagine", "Yesterday", "Hey Jude", "Here Comes the Sun", and "Let it Be". Halfway through his second time on "Imagine", Poe stopped abruptly.

"Finn. You asked me once who Ben was, and I told you that he was my friend." Poe set his guitarra down and folded his hands in his lap. "Well, he was more than that. I . . . I loved him, Finn. I promised him I'd be there for him, and he died on my watch."

Poe sighed heavily. He'd never said the story out loud before, mostly because he'd been scared. He heard something somewhere that the more you said something, the more meaningless it became. Words like _sugar_ or _planet_ could lose their definitions if you just said them enough times. Could his last memory of Ben lose its meaning in the same way?

"He was a Pathfinder, and I was with the Fleet, both of us in high-risk deployments. So when we were on-duty, we never got to see each other much. But, you know, we tried to find time. It was hard, but we did the best we could, and, well, it . . . it was actually really good. It was really good, Finn. One day, we were running an evac from Endor. I was just a lieutenant then, and I was leading an escort team. Ben's shuttle was under my protection. He was under _my_ watch. But then . . . but then . . ."

Poe buried his face in his hands and forced himself to continue talking. It wasn't true, anyway. Ben was alive. But still, it fucking _hurt._

"There were so many of them. They tracked and followed us to Coruscant. Admiral Antilles told us to take evasive action, try to draw fire away from Ben's ship. I left his side for only seconds . . . _seconds,_ Finn. I was running from a TIE when their shields blew. The TIE managed to clip me with a shot, but we managed to get the shuttle through the atmosphere. We were so close, but that TIE . . . he was a kriffing good pilot. He . . . he landed too many shots, and Ben's shuttle blew. I wasn't fast enough to stop it or get out of the way. I got caught in the explosion and crashed."

Poe pulled aside his collar and traced his scar. "That's how I got this. I came to in a medbay. Ben was gone, and my ship was blasted. I managed to salvage some parts from my mom's A-Wing, and I rebuilt her from the ground up, but . . . there was no getting Ben back. They told me he was dead, Finn. They told me Ben died." He paused. "But he's not, Finn. Ben's _alive._ I don't know how, but he's alive."

No response. Poe hadn't really been expecting one. He reached over and held Finn's hand. "Finn . . . please. You gotta pull through, buddy. I . . . I don't know what I would do without you. Before we met, I . . . well, I was a bit of a mess. I didn't really stop to care about the danger that I put myself and my friends into. I was just flying for the rush, you know? The kind of feeling you get that maybe today's your day to die, that maybe today's the day some bastard gets a lucky shot or you go out in a blaze of glory or you just decide to let go. Maybe today's that day, but then it isn't, so you go back out the next day and do it all over again . . . it's just so much easier to fight for other people than it is to fight for yourself." He squeezed Finn's hand, a lump growing in his throat. "Finn . . . you gotta . . . you can't . . ."

Poe lost it then, and he collapsed into broken sobs over Finn's body. Hadn't he vowed to protect Finn, to see him again? _To be continued,_ right? And now there was a slim chance of Finn even surviving? How could this have happened? How could he have _let_ this happen? "Finn, please . . . I love you . . . please wake up, Finn, I love you . . . Finn . . ."

A sudden warmth flooded through Poe's fingers and into Finn's hand. Some sort of connection flared to life between them, and Poe _felt_ every muscle, every bone, every living and dying cell in Finn's body. By instinct, Poe let his senses weave through Finn's body, urging the comatose man's body to heal, to recover, to _live._ Their breaths matched beat by beat, and somewhere in the distance, Poe could hear Finn's heart rate pick up. The energy threatened to die at any moment, but Poe pushed on relentlessly, not letting until he know, without a shadow of a doubt, that Finn would live. _Come on, come on, just a little farther -_

Poe snapped back into his own body just as Finn's eyes fluttered open. ". . . Poe?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a nice, long chapter to make up for my non-updates! This one was sorta hard to write, for obvious reasons...  
> Thanks to all of you that have stuck it out this far; your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!


	27. Chapter XXVII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "After All This"  
> Ashes Remain  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ4uvth2oi4

"Finn," Poe breathed, and it was exactly that: a breath of both surprise and relief. He'd done it. He wasn't exactly sure how, but he'd done it. He'd saved Finn.

Finn stirred and looked around, blinking groggily. "Where . . . where am I?" Something seemed to occur to him, and he sat upright. "Where's Rey? And Kylo Ren? I -"

"Hey, hey, buddy, it's okay." Poe extended a hand across Finn's chest. "You're safe. It's okay. I'm here. You're home."

The words had slipped out of his mouth almost on reflex. _You're home._ Poe's eyes met Finn's, and they came to a mutual understanding.

"Poe?"

"I'm here."

"Poe - " Finn grabbed the pilot's shoulders desperately. "What happened?"

"We won," Poe said softly. He took Finn's hand in his own and delivered the details of the space battle, adding in the few bits that Rey had told him about. He left out the part about his mid-battle vision, which he was starting to suspect was more than just a flashback.

Finn looked at him in wonder once he'd finished. "You blew up Starkiller Base . . . all by yourself?"

Poe shook his head in embarrassment. "We all did, Finn. It was a team effort."

Finn closed his eyes. "D'you think the Resistance ever thought about making one? A Starkiller?"

"Absolutely," Poe said seriously. When Finn looked at him in surprise, Poe added, "It would be bright orange."

Finn burst out laughing.

"I'm serious!" Poe insisted. "And it would come equipped with the with the loudest speaker system in the galaxy so we can play our amazing theme song as we boom all over the First Order!"

"Boom all over the First Order?" Finn managed between laughs. "Where'd you come up with that?"

Poe was about to reply when Finn's laughs broke off into coughs. The grin vanished from his face. "Finn? Finn, you okay?"

Finn nodded weakly. " 'M fine."

"Scoot over a bit?" Poe asked, gesturing to Finn's bed. Finn shuffled to one side as Poe lowered the siderail and sat on top of the sheets. He put a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Wanna talk?"

Finn shrugged. "I'm not sure what to talk about."

"Does your back hurt at all?"

"Not really. It aches a bit, though, and I can't really seem to take deep breaths. Other than that, I feel fine. More than fine, actually. I feel really good, Poe." Finn paused for a moment. "You know, in all my time in the First Order, it never really occurred to me that Kylo Ren is an actual human."

There was that name again. Kylo Ren. Poe kept his expression as neutral as possible as he replied, "What makes you say that?"

"I saw him," Finn said quietly. "I saw him without his mask. He didn't look much older than us, really, but there was all this . . . all this _rage_ in him, I guess, like he was constantly bellyaching about something. Chewbacca even landed a shot on him, and it didn't even stop him."

 _A bowcaster shot._ "Ren's not human," Poe said finally. "I know that much."

"Where do you think he came from?" Finn asked.

 _The same place I came from,_ Poe might have said. Instead, he shrugged. He didn't feel much like discussing Kylo Ren's origins, especially now that they seemed to be all too connected to his own. He chose his words carefully. "I don't think it matters where he came from. I think all of us . . . me, you, anyone, really . . . we all have the capacity to let bad things change us for the worse. That doesn't really justify anything, but . . ."

"No, it sort of does," Finn said. He paused. "When I was fighting him, I . . . I felt like I was up against a solar flare. He didn't stop."

"I'm just glad that you're okay," Poe smiled as he rubbed Finn's shoulder.

"Me, too." Something caught in the ex-stormtrooper's voice as he whispered, "I was so scared."

"C'mere." Finn pretty much fell into Poe's arms, and he held the younger man tightly.

Finn's shoulders shook against Poe's arms, and he pressed his cheek against Poe's shoulder. "He had me cornered at one point, and - and he got my shoulder, Poe - it hurt so bad, and I looked for you. I looked up, but it was dark, and there were trees, and I - I couldn't find you. I got so scared that something had happened, and then - and then - "

A lump grew in Poe's throat, and he pressed one hand to the back of Finn's head. "I'm here," he said over and over, gently kissing Finn's forehead. "I'm here."

Finn clutched the front of Poe's shirt, and their desperate embrace tightened, as if they could somehow merge into one being and share each other's pain. Their silent fears hung between them, unspoken, unshared, unconquered. Tears seeped from behind Poe's closed eyelids, streaming down his cheeks and into Finn's hair. He hadn't known the feeling of coming so close to death and loss in such a long time and had forgotten what it felt like. He'd forgotten how grief could take hold of him even in moments of happiness, how relief mixed with pain and fear in a burning cocktail of emotion, how much he _needed_ to know that Finn was okay and always would be okay. Between long and deep breaths, he felt Finn's dry sobs rattle his chest. Poe tried to keep as still as possible. There were times when he heeded to be held, and there were times when he needed to do the holding.

"I'll always be here," Poe whispered. "I promise."

Gradually, Finn's sobs diminished, and he looked up at Poe. "I heard you."

"What?"

"I heard you," Finn repeated, "when I was asleep. You were singing. Something in your voice made me want to wake up and keep listening, but I just couldn't get up. Then somehow, I - I don't know what it was, but I felt something in me that told me to wake up, and suddenly, I _could._ It's like I _needed_ to wake up and talk to you, and then somehow, I could. Something like that."

Poe caressed Finn's cheek softly. "Well, I needed you to wake up."

"Really?"

Poe nodded. "Snap told me that they said you might not make it, so I hauled ass over here and held your hand. And then, I don't really know what happened, but . . ." He hesitated briefly. "Finn, I think I might be Force-sensitive. I think that's how I did it."

Finn stared at him in bewilderment. "You're . . . you're a Jedi?"

Poe wasn't sure what to think. "No . . . no, I don't think so. I don't really know what it is, but that's why I went home in the first place. It sounds kinda stupid, but I was talking with a tree, or at least, I _thought_ I was, and then I just felt like something woke up inside of me. I mean, I'm still me, but I _feel_ different somehow."

"Oh," Finn said quietly. "I guess that sort of makes sense."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry about Ben," Finn said, and he looked like he meant it. "I hope we can find him soon."

"Yeah," Poe repeated numbly. "Part of me feels like he won't want to come back, though."

"You sure about that? Is it a Force thing?"

"No, just a gut feeling." Poe ran a hand through his hair and stood up. "There's a reason why I thought he's been dead all this time - it's because he hasn't shown up to tell me otherwise."

Finn put a hand on Poe's arm. Neither one of them knew what to say, but the touch was comfort enough. Poe kissed Finn's fingers briefly, then packed up his guitarra and made to leave. "I'll let Kalonia know you're awake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @Zoe_Dameron, @darktensh17 for comments and support!
> 
> Thanks to @NevynSlash for help in story continuity and accuracy!


	28. Chapter XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just One Yesterday"  
> Fall Out Boy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJqL-UHQuP8

Conveniently, Doctor Kalonia happened to be right outside Finn's room. As Poe exited, she hurried to him.

"Was that Finn I heard talking?" Kalonia asked incredulously. Poe nodded, smiling breathlessly. The doctor shook her head. "Poe Dameron, I swear, you are a miracle worker. We thought he wouldn't make it."

"Yeah, well . . ." Poe ran a hand through his hair. _If only she knew._ "I'm glad he's okay."

"Is he still awake?"

"Yeah," Poe replied. "I thought it might be best if you checked up on him, made sure he's really okay."

"Definitely," Kalonia promised. "As for you, Commander, I suggest you go to your room and rest. Any meetings you may or may not have can wait. Doctor's orders. I don't think you've slept since the attack on Starkiller, and then you go gallivanting off to who-knows-where for three days."

"I _have_ slept," Poe protested. At Kalonia's withering glare, he amended, "A little."

The doctor patted his shoulder. "I'll send Finn your way once he's ready."

Poe nodded again and went on his way. He _really_ did not feel like sleeping, but he went to his room anyway. No BB-8. The droid was probably in the hangar, complaining to Snap about Poe's extended "absence" in a "creepy forest".

Poe sat on the edge of his bed and got his guitarra out again and studied it. He ran his hand over the familiar patterns in the smooth wood and plucked gently at the strings. Without thinking, he set his fingers against the fretboard and just played. He didn't sing, didn't hum, just played his heart and soul out. His hand moved involuntarily from chord to chord, his fingers strumming and plucking the strings gently.

Everything came pouring out through the guitarra, every built-up pressure of pain, anger, guilt, remorse he'd felt since Ben's death. The hope and newfound fear he'd felt since he'd been rescued, and the love and joy that Finn inspired in him. The grief, the despair, the desperation he'd pushed through at Starkiller. And now. Confusion. Uncertainty. Relief. Doubt. He played Ben's story. He played Finn's story.

Poe played himself.

When he felt like he was finished, Poe let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. There were ruts in his left-hand fingertips where he'd pressed them against the strings, and he could feel blisters beginning to form on his right-hand fingers. This time, though, the pain felt clean, almost purifying.

"We'll have to do something about where to put you," Poe murmured to his guitarra, running his fingers over its worn body again. "And we'll change out your strings. Once I find some."

For now, Poe set his guitarra at the foot of his bed, neck resting against the wall. Poe leaned back into his pillows and closed his eyes, breathing slowly and deeply.

Sleep came not long after.

* * *

"You played beautifully, Poe."

Poe blinked, and Ben was sitting in the opposite bunk, dressed in his green-grey Pathfinder gear. "Ben?"

"Hey," Ben smiled.

"I'm dreaming," Poe said immediately.

Ben tilted his head. "What makes you say that?"

"I . . ." Poe faltered. "You can't be here."

"I'm only here because you want me to be," Ben said simply. "I can go if you want."

"No!" Poe blurted out. Softer, he added, "Please stay, Ben."

Ben flinched slightly as Poe called his name, but he came over and sat next to Poe.

Poe gazed into Ben's dark eyes, resisting the urge to brush Ben's space-black hair out of his face. He was almost afraid to ask. "Is it true? Are you alive, Ben?"

Ben looked away. "Barely."

Involuntarily, Poe laid his hand over Ben's, and the latter laced his fingers through Poe's, gently rubbing circles into the back of the pilot's hand with his thumb. Poe tightened his grip on Ben's hand. "What do you mean, barely? Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

Ben shook his head. "Not anymore. You fixed me, remember?"

"Ben, that was just a dream . . ." Poe broke off, realizing how redundant that sounded.

"This is a dream, too," Ben reminded him.

Poe nodded in frustration. "I know, I know." He sighed, remembering the second part of that dream. "Ben . . ." He couldn't bring himself to ask.

"I'm here, love," Ben said, pulling Poe into a warm embrace. Poe's arms wrapped around Ben's waist, and he pressed his ear to Ben's chest, listening to the steady beat of his ex-lover's chest. Ben's fingers threaded through Poe's hair, and he sighed softly. He looked up at the same time that Ben looked down, and their eyes locked onto each other, two matching sets of deep brown.

"Ben . . ." Poe murmured, and then their lips found each other's, all but crashing together. It was slow and hesitant at first, but desperation gave their kiss speed. Ben's tongue danced across Poe's lower lip, and he readily opened his mouth. He could feel Ben's fingers tightening in his hair as Ben's tongue danced with his own, and he pulled Ben closer. Ben moved from his mouth, and began trailing kisses all over Poe's jawline and neck. Poe moaned softly as Ben's kisses grew rougher, small bites accompanying the heat of his lips on Poe's skin.

The two of them fell backwards onto Poe's bed. Ben was on top, and it didn't occur to Poe that they needed to stop. Ben pulled Poe's collar open, his gaze momentarily lingering on Poe's scar before he continued. Poe's fingers wove through Ben's hair as Ben pressed kisses to his collarbone. Ben's tongue traced his scar, and the temperature seemed to drop thirty degrees.

Poe gasped in shock, shivering. "Ben . . . Ben, hang on."

Ben looked up. "What's wrong?"

"Cold . . ." Poe managed. "It feels so . . . c-cold."

A shadow passed over Ben's face. "I need to go."

"What? Why?"

Ben stood up, turning away from Poe. "Nothing. I just need to go."

Poe noticed an abrupt change in his voice and rolled out of bed. "Ben, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Ben's voice had turned to a snarl. Keeping his face hidden, he shoved Poe away from himself. "Stay away from me!"

Stunned by the sudden turn of events, Poe tried to pull Ben back, but as his hand approached Ben's arm, a visible shock of blue lightning arced between them. Warmth surged through Poe's hands, but at the same time, he felt an air of frigidity hanging around Ben. Ben roared in pain, and he turned and slapped Poe's face, hard enough to send him tumbling to the floor.

Poe gasped, more from the shock of Ben's ice-cold touch than the ensuing pain. He didn't have time to catch his breath before Ben's hands closed around his throat and shoved him against the wall. Poe's hands beat at Ben's wrists, trying to free himself.

"You did this to me!" Ben screamed. Poe stopped struggling for an instant when he caught sight of Ben's face. Half of it seemed to be the molten metal of Kylo Ren's mask, burned and branded into Ben's soft flesh. His eyes were a sickly shade of yellow, wide and bloodshot. A long scar ran down his right cheek, metal and blood oozing from it. "You made me this monster!"

Poe couldn't reply. He couldn't breathe. He tried his best to communicate to Ben that he was choking, but Ben couldn't seem to understand him. Rather, Ben didn't seem interested in trying to let him speak. Angrily, he continued.

"How do you think I felt? When they told me you were dead?" Ben's voice was filled with a rawness that Poe had never heard, a terrible combination of pain and anger. "That you were dead because of me, because _I_ killed you? They told me that _I'd_ put a lightsaber through your chest, and I believed it. I accepted it, and I learned to live with it. I _did_ live with it. And then you come back from the dead, and I'm forced to hurt you again?" Something in his voice broke, and he let go of Poe, who fell on his hands and knees, gasping. He might have said something, some word of assurance, but Ben kept talking. "So I did. I hurt you. I wanted to. I was angry at you and angry at myself, and then you escaped, and then - " Ben waved his hands in frustration. "I thought that if you'd known, if you'd cared at all, you would have come back. But you never did, until I had to pull a blasted map out of your head. _How do you think I felt?"_

It was Poe's turn to shout. "How was I supposed to know you were alive? I woke up from that crash, and you were gone. Han told me you were dead. What else was I supposed to believe?"

"You knew who I was," Ben flashed back. "You saw me. You knew where I was, and what I was doing. I, on the other hand, never knew you were still alive. You are a pilot, one of many. There is only one of me in the galaxy, and you knew that."

"I knew a better man than you," Poe spat. "I don't know who I'm talking to now. You knew what they were doing to me on that ship, and you did nothing to stop it. That's not the Ben Solo I know."

"I _did_ stop it," Ben seethed. "At first, I didn't want to. I let them have you because I _wanted_ them to hurt you. To break you. I wanted you to suffer the same way I'd suffered. I was _stronger_ without you. You were my one weakness, and when you were gone, I was invincible. But then you came back, so I had them hurt you. I could feel your pain on the _Finalizer_ , and it felt good. You were broken. You were hopeless. You were ready to give up, and then I came to you. I thought you'd recognize me then. But still, you didn't. It was like there was a hole in your mind, like someone stole everything about us. You didn't respond. You didn't know me." He knelt and took a fistful of Poe's hair, and the pilot gave a small whimper of pain. " _Why. Didn't. You. Know. Me."_

Each word felt like a blaster shot to Poe's chest, and his anger turned to hurt and betrayal. "I _mourned_ for you. I fought in _your name_. Does that mean nothing to you?"

Ben sneered, and he shoved Poe to the ground. "You fought for Ben Solo, but he is dead, and I live. You fight for nothing, Poe Dameron. You will die for nothing."

Ben's hand stretched out over Poe's face, and agony flared to life throughout his body. His mouth opened in a silent scream, and he writhed on the ground, desperately trying to free himself from a pain that was coming from _inside himself_ , feeding off _his_ energy, _his_ life force -

Something tapped his forehead, and Poe's eyes snapped open. He found himself staring back at Leia Organa, an unknowable expression on her face. It took him a moment to make sense of his surroundings. He realized he was on the floor of his room, his legs half-tangled in a blanket. Leia was crouching over him, her hand over his face. Sitting up, he realized that Finn and Snap were in the far corner of the room, dual expressions of fear etched on their faces.

Poe took a few deep breaths to slow his racing pulse, still not yet recovered from his dream. He stammered, "What happened?"

Snap made as if to reply, but Leia beat him to it. "You were having a bad dream, Poe. Part of it was hurting you through the Force, and I had to force you awake."

Poe's eyebrows furrowed. "How is that even possible? Are you -? Am I - ?"

Leia and Snap shared a quick glance before she said, "Poe, I think it's time we talked about what really happened between you and Ben."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUNHHHH!!!
> 
> Sorry, you guys; I've been kinda bad about updating....  
> THE LAST JEDI TRAILER IS HERE AND IT IS AMAZING AND JUST GAAHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> Anywho, whatcha think is going to happen? Let me know in the comments, and I may or may not tell you what's up! :)


	29. Chapter XXIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Five Hundred Miles"  
> Justin Timberlake, Carey Mulligan, Stark Sands  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY_S0Xoo02A

Leia had asked Poe if there was some quiet place he knew where no one would disturb them. She didn't want to use her office in case someone interrupted them. So here they were now, on the shore of Lake Gemynd, Poe's X-34 behind them. The same place that Poe and Ben had discovered on their first exploration of the base. The same place that Poe had taught Finn how to skip stones.

Leia sat down, and Poe hesitated a moment before sitting down beside her in the soft tallgrass. He had so many questions, but he hadn't been able to ask any so far. _When your world turns upside down, how do you know what to say?_ As gently as he could, he asked, "Leia, please . . . be honest with me. Is Ben Kylo Ren?"

Leia closed her eyes and nodded once. "It's not as simple as that, though." She opened her eyes and sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Kylo Ren is a cage," Leia said slowly. "The Ben Solo we know and love is trapped inside of him."

" _Knew_ and _loved,_ " Poe corrected, the words coming out harsher than he'd intended. "Sorry, I didn't mean - "

Leia rested a hand on Poe's shoulder. "Poe, if I'm going to be honest with you, you've got to be honest with me." She stretched out her other hand, and a single stone lifted out of the water. She turned it over in the air, water droplets falling softly back into the lake, and brought it to Poe's hand. "I can see it in your eyes. You haven't let go of him. I don't need the Force to know that."

Poe didn't meet her eyes. He hugged his knees to his chest and studied the grey stone in his hand. "So it's all real, then? The Force? We both have it? And Ben does, too?"

Leia nodded again.

"Why?"

"That," she said, "is a long story."

* * *

_I suppose this story begins around the same time of the Empire's end.  
_

_When you were about two years old, your mother, Shara, joined Luke on some sort of mission. I wasn't told what it was about, but later, I learned that they were trying to keep some Force relics - a pair of trees - from falling into the wrong hands. I'm not sure what Luke did with his tree, but he kept one and gave the other to your mother._

_Luke taught me to use the Force, this strange gift that was given to us. Han and I married. Ben was born. A few years passed, and we were all still fighting remnants of the Empire - mostly just stubborn factions that refused to surrender to us. There was a ceasefire on Chandrila as the 501st Legion retreated, and Han, Ben, and I moved in by your family on Yavin IV. That was where a lot of the other retired Rebels were living, in a colony of sorts by the old base.  
_

_I think you and Ben actually met when you were about five or six. The two of you couldn't have been more different. At first, I thought it was just because you were older, but it was really just an innate difference. Ben was always energetic and chaotic, I guess, but you were calm and quiet. You didn't like each other very much as I recall. You two were always arguing or competing about something._

_One day, you two were climbing the tree, the one that Luke had given your mother. I don't know why you two decided that it would be a good idea, whether it was for a race or a dare, but whatever it was, you fell. We heard you cry out, but we didn't know what had happened until Ben ran inside to get us. He was panicking and out of breath. When we found you, you weren't moving. Kes did a quick field check - it looked like you'd broken your back. Shara was about to call one of the medics in the colony when something strange happened._

_Ben was crying really hard - that wasn't the strange part. But suddenly, he started asking someone to help you, to save you. At first, we thought he was talking to one of us. I was about to explain to him that we couldn't help you, but the medics would. He turned away from me and to the tree, telling it that he didn't mean for you to fall, that he just wanted to win and that it was just an accident._

_That was when I first sensed that my son could feel the Force. Han tried to stop him, but then the tree responded. A couple of its branches bent down and picked you up. Shara and Kes were terrified; they had no idea what was happening to you. I don't know how to describe it. It was like I could feel the Force moving from the tree to your body, healing you and filling you with, I guess, a sort of light. Like I said, I don't know how to describe it. Luke had taught me to feel and control the Force, but this was something completely new._

_After what seemed like an eternity, you woke up. The tree set you down, and you were able to stand. Ben hugged you so hard that I thought you might suffocate. After that, the two of you were inseparable. Later, Luke would say that the two of you formed a Force bond stronger than any he'd ever felt before.  
_

_Shara had called Luke and told him about what had happened to you. He was able to come about a month later. He looked you over, and he was, to be honest, pretty astounded. He, like me, felt something different about you. Instead of just feeling your presence, he said, it was like he was looking at the Force itself. We thought it stemmed from the fact that you weren't born with a sensitivity, but you gained one once you'd been healed. He offered you the opportunity to better understand your power, but Kes and Shara both felt like it was too early for you to make such a heavy decision like that.  
_

_About a year later, when you were seven, I think, your sister was born. I think you might have guessed already, but her name was Rey . . ._

_You absolutely adored her. Ben started to get jealous when she took up more of your time than he did. He got over it eventually._

_Then, your mother got sick. No one knew what was wrong with her. It was like something was consuming her from the inside out, and, well . . . she died. I think you remember her sickness, but I'm not sure if you remember the next part._

_Attacks started happening in the colony. More people started getting sick. Strange people in black cloaks and masks would raid us. They called themselves the Emperor's Inquisition. Fearing that this was somehow related to the Dark Side, Luke stayed with us for a while to offer us his protection._

_Then Rey got sick. I remember you were so terrified. You'd just lost your mother; I don't think you could have stood to lose your sister as well. Kes went with Luke to find a solution, but they came up with nothing. We'd let Ben would go over to your house almost every night so he could keep you company. Not because you weren't capable or anything, but just because times were hard for both of you._

_Luke eventually figured out that the Inquisition were Force users, and that they'd somehow harnessed the Emperor's residual Dark Force energies that had scattered since his death. He didn't know what to do, and Rey was only getting worse. He did what he could, but nothing seemed to work._

_Then you stepped in. You weren't about to give up on your sister yet. I remember you took her out of Luke's arms and hugged her. You were humming something, some Yavin folk tune, I think. But suddenly, I could feel a change in the Force. The darkness and death that had been trapped inside of her was slowly, but surely, replaced with life and light._ Your _light. We knew then without a doubt that Luke was right - you were different from me or Luke or Ben in how we used the Force._

_When you were about twelve or thirteen, Ben's power started to manifest more. Luke took the two of you under his wing, and he began to teach you to use the Force. From there, the New Jedi Order began to form. He found and trained more Force-sensitives, and the attacks from the Inquisition decreased. Then, he discovered the remnants of the Church of the Force on Jakku. He took his students there, including you and Ben. Both our families and a few others went with him, to try and establish good connections with the New Republic. Unfortunately, the Inquisition found us there. Luke later assumed that it was because such a large group of Force-users were gathered in the same place, and that made us a better target. It didn't matter.  
_

_The Force monks, though they did ally with us, couldn't save everyone. You and Rey were separated. You were distraught, and you left the order to become a pilot. You already loved flying, and you felt like there was something bigger you could do with it. With the Force on your side and a ship at your control, you quickly proved yourself right._

_Kes wasn't exactly thrilled with your decision to become a soldier, as I recall. But I do remember him saying something along the lines of "if you're going to dedicate yourself to something, you need to see it through until the end." That's what you did. Kes asked Han to teach you all he could about flying and fighting in the air, and he did. Meanwhile, we had cleared enough of the Imperial influence to start turning more worlds to the New Republic. It was slow, but we were getting somewhere. Wedge Antilles and some of our other Rebel veterans created the New Republic Armed Forces. There wasn't exactly an enemy to fight or anything, so it was mostly for formalities._

_The Core Worlds and the Mid-Rim were on our side, but we needed to do the one thing that the Old Republic could not: reach the Outer Rim. None of us were too keen on dealing with the smuggler cartels and Hutt lords, but we needed to be strong. We started with some of our old bases - Hoth, Endor, Yavin, you know the list. Kes and Han went on a scout mission to Raxus, but they were met with some hostility from the locals, some of which still remembered the Clone Wars. Your father was badly injured . . . I don't think you need to hear all of that again._

_You know, I saw Ben kiss you in the med frigate. That was when I knew. To be honest, I wasn't that surprised. Han was, for sure, when the two of you told us, but then again, he's pretty oblivious to these types of things._

_We took you in - there's not much else to say. Ben continued to train with Luke and the order. The following year, you applied to the Flight Academy. You were the youngest applicant, but Wedge already knew you were more than capable, so he let you in.  
_

_You flourished at the Academy. You were in and out at a record speed, started flying for the New Republic as soon as you were nineteen. The word got out among the Fleet at what you could do, Poe. You quickly made friends and earned command._

_On the other hand, Ben was lost and alone in the New Jedi Order. He didn't really agree with some of things that Luke was teaching, and he felt a distance between himself and the other students. Maybe if Han or I'd been there for him, I don't know, maybe things might have turned out differently. I know it's not an excuse, but political work and the New Senate took up too much of our time._

_He had you, though, and I think that's what kept him out of the dark side for so long. You were, I think, his last connection to the light. He'd lost faith in Luke and the Jedi, but he still had you._

_Years passed. I watched the two of you grow closer as times grew more dangerous. The First Order was rising, and you'd already run into them a few times. After realizing that the New Republic was not recognizing the threat, you and your team defected to the Resistance. There, you and Snap Wexley quickly became good friends, leading dual airstrikes against the First Order._

_Unfortunately, that was also when word got out that Darth Vader was my and Luke's father. I hadn't told Ben, and I can only imagine how he reacted. Though he was fighting with the Resistance along with some of Luke's older students, there was a clear estrangement between us._

_A year later, he turned. He'd been secretly meeting with the Inquisition, who recognized his power and gave him what we couldn't - authority in his doubts. Supreme Leader Snoke pulled Ben down to the dark side, and the Inquisition changed their name to the Knights of Ren. He led an attack on the forest moon of Endor one night, the same place where we'd made our last stand against the Empire. You went down, trying to stop him, but he got away. I don't know what happened, but you were badly injured. If not for your Force healing abilities, you would have died that night. Snap flew you out, got you in the med frigate._

_You were unconscious for four days. Every once in a while, you'd scream and thrash around like you were having a bad dream, but we couldn't wake you up. Luke said it was like something dark was shielding your mind from us, and we couldn't get through. Finally, you did wake up, and whatever you saw must have really shaken you. You begged Luke to make you forget all of it - the Force, the Jedi, Ben's fall - all of it. Luke, of course, was strongly opposed, but you insisted. You said something like your connection to Ben had been broken, and it felt like glass shards stabbing your mind every second. You also brought up a good point - if Ben tried to ever reconnect with you from the First Order, he wouldn't be able to if you blocked the bond. Luke reluctantly agreed, and he wove a new thread in your mind - that you were just a Resistance pilot, and that Ben was a Pathfinder who'd died in an evacuation. Your abilities became dormant, and we wiped BB-8. Snap, Han, and I were the only ones who knew, and we all swore not to tell you._

_I think when you encountered Kylo Ren at Jakku, when you said he went through your mind, I think that's what cracked the block, and like a dam, it all came rushing back. That's how you were able to heal so quickly after your ordeal, how you were able to get back in action so quickly. I noticed small surges in the Force around you every once in a while. I think that's how you were able to heal Finn earlier._

_That's the truth, Poe. You have the Force. Ben fell to the dark side. The rest you already know._

* * *

Both of them were silent for a while after Leia had finished her story.

Finally, Poe said, "Rey seemed to recognize me earlier, in the medbay. I think she knows."

Leia nodded. "When Luke purged your memory of the Force, much of your connection to Rey disappeared."

Poe buried his face in his hands. "How could I forget my own _sister?_ What have I done?"

Leia rubbed his back and pulled him into a hug. "It wasn't your fault."

"Ben was right," Poe said hollowly. "I did this to him. I did this, but I don't even remember what happened."

"Then you shouldn't blame yourself," Leia said. "Stronger men have broken before the Force. You never asked for your gift. I don't blame you for wanting it gone, especially after what happened."

"Leia . . ." Poe desperately racked his brains, trying, reaching, _yearning_ for his lost memories, to see if there was anything he could have done, _should_ have done differently. He came up empty. His mind was filled with thoughts of a different past, a _false_ past. He couldn't find the signs he needed. It was like they were still there, but buried so far under the surface that he couldn't reach them. "Leia, I need to remember. I need to know what happened."

"There's only one man who can help with that," Leia said heavily. "If you need it back, you've got to go to Ahch-To and find Luke himself."

Poe nodded thickly. "This isn't a good time, though. There are more important things that the Resistance needs."

Leia pursed her lips. "When we find a good time, maybe then - "

She was interrupted by a low whining noise coming from the sky. Poe squinted up, shielding his eyes against the sun. He could make out a group of specks that resembled ships . . . not just _any_ ships, though.

Poe hurriedly scrambled to his feet, Leia rising beside him. He grabbed his comm and was about to call Snap, but he didn't have to. An explosion rocked the horizon, and Snap's voice burst through Poe's comm. "Poe! Poe, _come in_ , Poe, are you there?!"

"I read you, Snap," Poe said frantically as he and Leia jumped into his speeder. He couldn't start the engines fast enough. "What's your situation?"

Poe didn't need the Force to read the fear in Snap's voice. "It's the First Order, Poe. _They're here._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo . . . . I decided we needed some more feels and angst in this, because we don't have enough already~!
> 
> New chapter expected to be up around next Monday; stay safe in the real world, y'all!


	30. Chapter XXX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Miss Missing You"  
> Fall Out Boy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJZHYV_U3Zs

Poe couldn't drive fast enough. All he could think about was how he'd brought this attack on them. His connection with Ben - with _Kylo Ren_ \- must have been getting stronger as it resurfaced. _That's_ what the dreams must have been - a distraction, in order to zero in on his location. With the Hosnian system gone, there was no safe place left for the Resistance. They had run out of options.

_Kriffing shit._

He drove frantically, comming to his pilots as much as he could. "All fighters, take to the air! Do whatever you can with whoever you can. _Snap,_ take the lead! I'll join you in a few minutes!"

The explosions kept happening, Poe's heart racing with each blast. He needed to get to the hangar, to his ship. Once he reached his X-Wing, he'd be safe. For now . . .

Poe didn't slow down as he and Leia approached the Resistance base. Stormtroopers were flocking the empty airfield. Poe cursed under his breath and just accelerated more.

"Got a blaster somewhere?" Leia yelled over the sounds of laserfire.

Poe swerved erratically to avoid shots, but he managed to point to the front hold. "In there, I think!"

"Good." Leia unlatched the hold, grabbed the blaster pistol inside, and inspected it. "Wait, is this one of Han's?!"

"Maybe!"

"Oh my - whatever." Leia loaded the blaster and clicked off the safety. "You drive, I'll shoot."

"Are you - " Another wild swing. "Are you crazy?"

"I've been shooting bucketheads since before you were a twinkle in your father's eye!"

"That is _not_ what I meant!"

The roar of engines overhead drowned out Leia's response. Red bolts of light arced downward, taking down stormtroopers as they went. Poe chanced a glance upward at the sources of heavier laserfire. Three X-Wings were strafing the area, in tight formation as a group of TIEs followed them. _Jess . . . Snap . . . Nien . . . please, return alive._

Leia, as it turned out, was a pretty good shot. She wasted very few shots, aiming quickly and neatly, just like how Poe did in _Black_ _One._

"Duck!" she shouted.

Poe pressed flat against the controls, barely registering the command as three blaster bolts flew over his head. When he looked up, he saw the bodies of two dead stormtroopers on the ground. He looked at Leia in surprise. She pointed a finger at him in a very Han-Solo-ish style. " _No_ comments until we get out of here. Save your breath and get to your ship."

By then, they'd reached the hangar, and Poe didn't have to be told twice. He didn't even bother to turn off the engine of his speeder as he and Leia jumped out. They hurried into the hangar as more TIEs screeched overhead. An explosion rocked the compound, and Poe nearly fell over from the shockwaves.

"Go!" Leia ordered. "Get to your ship. I'm going to send an evacuation order. Once we're all away, scatter your forces. Find somewhere safe and _stay there._ I'll send out a rendezvous transmission once I'm sure it's clear."

"Leia - "

"Don't argue, Poe." Leia's eyes were bright and stern. "If anything happens to me, you're our last hope, Poe. Not just because you're our best pilot, not just because you have the Force, but because you are a leader that people will follow. Because you're also _my son._ "

Something broke inside of Poe at the weight of her words, and he quickly enveloped her into a hug. "Whatever happens, we will _both_ make it."

Leia nodded and stepped back. More explosions echoed in the distance. They could both hear the cacophony of both stormtroopers and Resistance forces yelling across the battlefield. "May the Force be with you, Poe."

They both turned and ran in opposite directions. Throughout the hangar, mechanics and pilots alike were running around, panicked, droids hurrying in search of their owners. Poe caught sight of BB-8, and the astromech came hurrying towards him, chittering frantically.

"I know, I know," Poe said. "We've got to hurry."

BB-8 whistled in agreement, and pilot and droid sped off to their ship. _Black One's_ canopy was open, her cockpit empty and inviting. As he reached his ship, however, huge explosions rocked the hangar. Lights sparked and combusted. One of the bombs came too close, and Poe was knocked off his feet. BB-8 let out an electronic scream, and Poe felt something connect with his shinbone hard.

He cried out in pain. Spots flashed across his vision. Wincing, he managed to get on his knees. He checked himself for any heavy injury and found none. Breathing heavily, he half-crawled over to BB-8. "Hey, buddy - Beebee, you okay?"

The droid let out a series of disoriented beeps, but drew himself upright. BB whistled a snarky comment.

Poe nodded breathlessly. "We've _got_ to get to the ship."

Shakily, staggering amidst the debris and aftershocks, Poe managed to climb into the cockpit. BB-8 positioned himself and was magnetically lifted into his socket. Poe punched the instrumentation, praying that his ship hadn't suffered too much damage. His leg pulsed uncomfortably with pain. He grit his teeth. _Pain is only temporary._

 _Black One_ lifted into the air, and Poe turned his comms on. Almost immediately, he felt overwhelmed by all the panicked voices he heard, alien and human alike, all shouting warnings and screaming for help. He switched through the channels until he found his team.

" - got two on my tail, can't shake 'em - "

"I've got you, Kale - "

" - ground troopers at ten - "

"Careful, Bastian - "

"Guys?" Poe yelled. "Guys, I'm here!" He sped through the air, twisting and ducking to avoid a squad of TIEs. Two shots, two fighters.

"Poe!" Jess. "Poe, there's not enough of us to defend the base. We can hardly cover each other!"

"Yeah, they skewered too many of us at Starkiller," Snap added.

Poe's heart jumped into his throat as he narrowly avoided a flaming TIE. He winced as it crashed only meters away from the hangar. He wanted to avoid shooting as much as he could, just in case the crashing debris would further damage the base. He considered relaying this message to his squad as he fired a few warning shots, but he quickly realized that this was no place for careful tactics. This was a killzone.

"Do all you can, but don't take unnecessary risks!" Poe ordered, calculating the trajectory and angle of his next shot in mere seconds. The fighter spiraled towards the green hills. "If we fall, the Resistance goes down with us. We _have_ to make it."

Some instinct inside of Poe told him to relax, and he did. He felt his senses extend across the battlefield. was this the Force? If it was, he welcomed it openly. This wasn't so different from what he felt during every battle - the instinctual patterns of ships and laserfire that danced around him, the general vibes he could pick up from his squadmates.

He quickly found Snap's and Jess' ships. Other X-Wings flew by in random patterns, some chasing TIEs, others _being_ chased. Poe lined his ship up between his friends, and the three of them quickly cut a path through the air.

Noticing squads of stormtroopers and armored vehicles on the ground, Poe led Snap and Jess over the ground, shooting as he went. "Watch for the bucketheads. Don't let them get in if you can help it!"

"On it, Poe," Snap replied. "But you guys, stay close. Find some other fighters and stay in small groups."

Poe smiled in appreciation, focusing his fire on the ground as Snap and Jess picked off TIE fighters on either side of him. He saw some Resistance shuttles beginning to take off. He silently prayed that Leia and Finn made it out already.

"Poe, First Order shuttle on our seven o'clock," Jess reported. "I'm thinkin' it looks familiar."

The three of them swung around in tandem. Poe immediately recognized the shuttle from Jakku and Takodana. _No way in hell . . ._

"That's Kylo Ren's shuttle!" Snap yelled. "All fighters, en-"

"No! Wait!" Poe shouted. _Ben's on that ship._ He broke away from Snap and Jess, involuntarily pulling up and away from the shuttle, the impromptu movement sending another flare of pain up his leg. BB-8 whistled a protest. At Poe's panicked cry, Snap hurriedly swerved as well, but Jess kept a straight course.

"Poe, what are you doing?" she yelled. "That's _Kylo Ren's_ \- "

She never finished her sentence.

The world slowed.

Jess' ship exploded in slow motion.

He hadn't seen the fighters coming. He hadn't seen the fighters coming. _He hadn't seen the fighters coming._

Snap was already too far away to help, but his anguished cry screamed through Poe's comm. " _JESSIE!"_

Poe couldn't breathe. What had he done? He should have been watching, should have kept a better watch on his friends, no, he should have just engaged, he should have led the charge, he shouldn't have hesitated -

Anger and grief swelled exponentially inside him and exploded into an inhuman howl. The Force heard his cry, and it responded, wrapping maliciously around the TIE squad that had just streaked past and caging them in place. Poe didn't know which one had fired the killing shot, and he didn't care. Crying out his pain and guilt, the Force surged through him and into the enemy ships. Metal twisted, and wings exploded off the fighters. Pilots flew through their cockpit windows and hurtled to their deaths far below. What remained of the TIE fighters combusted into one massive fireball.

_What have I done?_

Poe flew wildly, the blood roaring in his ears, the adrenaline bursting through his veins. BB-8 beeped and whistled warnings, but Poe ignored the droid. He fired chaotically, downing fighter after fighter, unwilling to let anyone else die for his hesitations. _Black One_ screamed through the air, channeling her pilot's animalistic fury as he ripped apart fighters with both the Force and his lasers.

"Poe!" Snap yelled behind him. "Poe! Be careful! This is a defense, not a suicide mission!"

Poe took a shaky breath. Snap was right. Being reckless wouldn't bring Jess back. He couldn't allow his anger to get the better of him, especially not when there were people, both in the sky and in the base, that were depending on him. _This is war, Dameron._

"I'm so sorry, Jessie," Poe whispered. "I'll make this right, I swear."

He pulled around in a wide arc, counting his fighters. His massacre run had dwindled the number of First Order air forces significantly; they were about evenly matched in the air, but the First Order's ground forces far outnumbered the Resistance troops. Poe switched onto his main comm. "All fighters, let's give supporting fire to our friends on the ground. Blue Four, Seven, and Eight, take our first shuttle out of here. The rest of us ain't leavin' just yet."

"Copy"s rang out over the comm, and Poe saw a group of three X-Wings swerve around toward the base and flank one of the Resistance carrier shuttles. Poe tried to reach Central, to reach Leia, but all he got was static. He would have tried to reach Finn next, but the ex-stormtrooper hadn't been hooked up to the Resistance comm system yet.

Poe took a deep breath. _Focus, Dameron._ _People are depending on you._ He glanced up, noticing more First Order shuttles breaking through the atmosphere.

"Don't let those shuttles land!" he ordered. "Blast 'em back to where they came from!"

Jaw clenched, he and Snap flew right at an incoming shuttle, both of them desperate to avenge their fallen friend.

"Jessika Pava was worth a billion of you!" Poe heard Snap yell as the first shuttle blew, its left wing spiraling towards the barren airfield.

"Ello Asty should still be here with us!" Bastian called out as another shuttle exploded.

"This is for Cade!"

"For Carlo!"

"For Hosnian!"

Similar cries of vengeance and valor rose over Poe's comm, and he could feel the spirits of his team rise. Shuttle after shuttle blew. His squad was equipped with the one thing that the First Order lacked - desperation. Looking at the ground, Poe could see groups of stormtroopers retreating.

"Don't let 'em leave!" Poe yelled. "No First Order man leaves the planet alive!"

Eight X-Wings lined up behind him, and they made a low bombing run. Clods of dirt and stormtroopers exploded under their laserfire, and cheers erupted with every blast.

"Red Eight, Red Five, take the next shuttle!" Poe called. Two X-Wings broke from the line and ascended to outer space with the next Resistance shuttle. Nodding in satisfaction, Poe swooped around again, his fire finding marks in individual troopers themselves. He caught a glimpse of a familiar crimson lightsaber and a black-robed figure, and his heart missed a beat. _Ben?_

As if on cue, Kylo Ren whirled around, lightsaber flashing dangerously. He looked up as Poe soared by, and Poe could feel their eyes meet through two different helmets. _Poe Dameron._

"It's you," Poe whispered.

_You remember._

Suddenly, Poe felt a change in the air, and an invisible force started pulling his ship down. BB-8 gave an alarmed squeal. Poe let go of his triggers, and he focused on fighting the Force energy dragging his ship down. He didn't want to accidentally hit one of his own as he worked this out.

"Guys, I think I'm going down!" Poe commed his team as he desperately whacked the instrumentation. _Come on, baby._ "Snap, take the lead!"

"Don't you dare die on me, Dameron!" Snap called back. "If you die, I'm gonna kill you!"

"I won't, Wexley, now just do your thing!" Poe retorted. He turned his comm off after that. He wouldn't be any use to his team anyway. Poe rolled his shoulders. Leia said that he had the Force. Hell, he'd just used it to blast apart TIE fighters. He could do it then. He could do it now. He _had_ to do it now.

Poe clenched his jaw and focused on the pull he felt coming from the ground. Closing his eyes, he realized that he could almost _see_ the energy around his ship, flowing in a net-like pattern of threads. He reached out one hand, trying to touch the threads -

\- and then he completely lost control of his ship. Poe Dameron had panicked many times before, but never while he was flying.

 _"Shitshitshit!"_ Poe cursed wildly as he was quickly pulled downwards, gravity helping the Force pull him to the ground. BB-8 warbled a similar curse in Binary. "Beebee, we're coming down hard!"

Somehow, the droid found the nerve to be sarcastic.

The impact was rough, but Poe's life vest cushioned most of his torso against the safety straps. His head snapped against the back of the cockpit, and he cried out softly as his leg was jarred again. Something exploded behind him - probably the engines. BB-8 let out an electronic scream as a horrible wrenching sound came from the left side of the ship. _Black One_ skidded backwards with an awful crunching noise, and finally shuddered to a stop.

Smoke and sparks filled the cockpit. Poe punched an emergency button, and the canopy flipped open. He hurriedly abandoned his helmet in his seat and jumped out. There wasn't much time before someone came for him. Fumbling with the half-buried cargo hold, Poe managed to extract his blaster rifle. He chanced a glance back at his ship as he threw the strap over his shoulder. BB-8 looked shorted out, and the X-Wing was a complete disaster, one of the wings laying meters away from the rest of the ship.

"You'll pay for that," Poe muttered, switching off the safety and cocking the rifle. He staggered away from the wreckage. At least he hadn't exploded. His forehead felt wet, but he couldn't tell if it was from blood or sweat.

A stormtrooper ran at his two o'clock. Poe quickly took aim and fired without even thinking about what he was doing. A pair of shots downed a pair of troopers at his eleven o'clock. Poe had only one target in mind - and this one, he had no intentions to shoot.

It was easy to pick out Kylo Ren on the battlefield, his lightsaber giving him away as he cut through Resistance soldiers left and right. Poe advanced towards him, shooting down stormtroopers with the same ease. Ren noticed him, and they slowly walked towards each other. A stormtrooper rushed behind Ren and raised his blaster at Poe, but with a flick of the dark warrior's hand, the trooper was sent flying.

"This one's mine," Ren hissed.

Chills ran down Poe's spine. His voice shook more than he wanted it to. "Ben?"

"Ben Solo is dead," Ren snarled as they circled each other like a pair of nexus. "His affections made him weak, so I destroyed them."

Poe shook his head nervously. "You know, they say it's always a bad sign when you start referring to yourself in the third person."

"I killed his father," Ren growled. "I killed _Han Solo_ , and now I've come to kill you _._ "

Poe took his hands off his rifle and let it hang by his side. He raised his hands. "Look me in the eye and tell me you have no regrets."

Ren twirled his lightsaber. "I have no regrets."

"Take off the kriffing mask and tell me you have no regrets!" Poe shouted violently. "Look at me and tell me you have no regrets. Say it honestly, and I'll know that my Ben Solo is dead."

With his left hand, Ren pulled his hood back and unclasped his helmet. He tossed it aside, and the face of Ben Solo stared back at Poe. A scar cut across his right cheek, and his dark eyes glittered maliciously. _"I. Have. No. Regrets."_

Poe's breath hitched. He reached under the collar of his flight suit as Ren advanced on him. He pulled the leather cord over his head, the amber-gold ring shining dully. He clenched his fist around it and flung it at Kylo Ren. _Come on, Ben, I know you remember this._

The ring landed at Ren's feet. Poe forced himself to adopt a cold and apathetic tone. "I guess you don't regret that, then." Pause. "Because I do."

The lightsaber deactivated. Ren knelt and picked up the ring with more care and delicacy than Poe had ever seen from him. He looked up at Poe with vulnerability in his eyes, and Poe knew immediately that he'd hit home, for both of them. The one memory the Force hadn't touched. The one thing that Kylo Ren couldn't take from them. Poe felt a rush of warmth, and he knew that he was looking at Ben Solo.

"Poe . . ." Ben said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Poe knelt down before the man he'd lost and repeated the words from his dream two nights ago. "It doesn't have to be this way."

"What else can it be?" The voice had changed, too, and Poe could feel the new warmth blossoming inside the man who had called himself Kylo Ren, as though ice had cracked and given way to a flood. Ben Solo searched Poe's gaze, and he repeated the question. "What else can it be?"

Without meaning to, Poe rested his hand over Ben's. The touch seemed to startle both of them, but neither wanted to pull away.

"I used to tell you that you had such beautiful eyes," Poe said softly. "I remember that much. If you could just see yourself the way I see you right now, you'd know. I'm looking at the brown eyes of Ben Solo. Kylo Ren hasn't won yet, but he will if you let this consume you. It's taken me a while, but I've learned to live with what happened. I've moved on, Ben. Maybe it's time you did, too. You can let go of this."

Ben might have said something, but the desperation in his eyes quickly changed to alarm. Poe sensed it too, and he shoved Ben to the ground just as a blaster bolt grazed their arms. Had neither moved, Ben would have been a dead man.

Wincing through the pain, Poe stood up. With a shock, he met Finn's eyes. "Finn, don't!"

Finn's gaze was hardened, his blaster poised and steady. "Poe, move!"

"Hold your fire!" Poe shouted, standing protectively in front of Ben, his hand outstretched warningly. He hoped it was enough. Given their height difference, it wasn't like Finn couldn't shoot Ben in the head if he wanted.

"Poe, that's _Kylo_ _Ren_!" Finn yelled back. "Get out of the way!"

 _Damn it, Finn._ Poe mustered as much authority as he could. "Finn, as an officer of the Resistance and Commander of the Fleet, I order you to _stand down_ _!"_

"No, Poe, don't - " Ben whispered behind him. He tried to move forward, but Poe blocked his path. "Poe, don't do this. Just let him have me. I deserve this."

"Not today, not like this," Poe flashed back.

"Poe, you're going to lose so much if you defend me now - "

"I don't care!" Poe retorted, and he realized it was true. He raised his chin and repeated his command. _"Stand down, Finn! That's an order!"_

Finn shook his head. Movement rustled behind Poe, and a Resistance ground squad quickly surrounded them. Poe cursed inwardly. He could only imagine how he looked to them, a traitor. He stared at Finn in disbelief, not recognizing the soldier in front of him.

Poe looked frantically around to the ground squad. He recognized a few faces. He opened his mouth to issue another rank-abused order, but his voice had escaped him. He looked back to Finn, who had switched weapons to an electric stunner. "You're not my commanding officer, Poe."

He pulled the trigger, and Poe felt a shock run through his body. Ben shouted his name. Poe would have fallen backwards onto Ben, but blurred shapes seized him and took him away. Poe fought to stay awake as someone lifted him up, but his muscles wouldn't respond.

"I'm sorry, Poe."

Poe Dameron sank into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another cliffhanger to satisfy the last one!  
> I promise I'm going to get around to filling in some actual juicy plot, you guys.  
> Kudos and comments appreciated! <3


	31. Chapter XXXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take Me Home, Country Roads"  
> John Denver  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTeUdJky9rY

_They wouldn't let him in. Poe knew they wouldn't, but they didn't know that he could help. Han had had to physically restrain him from breaking down the surgery doors and seeing his father for himself._

_Ben sat with him on the floor in silence. Poe's knees were tucked to his chest, Ben's arm around his shoulders. Poe_ knew _he could do something. He at least had to try to help, but the medics wouldn't let him in._

I can heal him, _Poe thought to himself. The threads pulsed anxiously around his hands._ I know I can.

_The slow beeps of his father's heartbeat echoed through the transparisteel. Every once in a while, Kes Dameron would give a cry of pain, and Poe would flinch into Ben's waiting embrace._

_He couldn't take it any longer. He stood up and advanced to the door._

_"Poe?" Ben rose behind him and grabbed his hand. Not his arm, not his wrist - his hand. "Poe, they said - "_

_"I know what they said," Poe snapped, snatching his hand from Ben's grip. "Try and stop me."_

_Ben hesitated for just a moment before he raised his hand and gave a small push with the Force. The lock on the door shorted out, and the door swung in._

_Poe stepped in, and some of the standby medics immediately tried to slow him down. Armed with nothing but fear and the Force, Poe pressed his palm to one of the medic's temple and pushed the thought of sleep into her mind. She crumpled immediately. By his side, Ben creatively Force-pushed their obstructors of the the way._

_The other medics had backed away from the surgery table, unease in their eyes at the sight of two young Force-users storming into a quarantined area. One pulled out a stunner. "Kid, we already told you. You need to leave. Let us handle this."_

_Ben pulled the weapon out of the medic's hands easily with the Force. "Please. He has the Force. He can help. It's his father."_

_Poe stepped nervously by his father's side and took his bloodied hand. He closed his eyes and focused hard. His senses extended through his father's body, finding the shrapnel, entrance wounds, internal bleeding. He concentrated on each piece of shrapnel in his father's body and willed it to exit, so carefully and so delicately, that the first piece emerged with almost no blood on it. Poe locked his focus on the golden threads streaming from his hands to his father's, using them like stitches to close the exit wounds._

_One piece. Then two. Three. Poe held his breath as he pulled on each shard, daring to breathe only when he knew that it was out. Ben's hand was on his shoulder, giving him strength and energy._

_"Poe," Kes coughed. "Poe . . . mi hijo . . ."_

_"Papa?" Poe opened his eyes for a brief moment. "Papa, hold still. I'm gonna save you. I'm gonna save you, I promise." He willed his energy through his father's body, this time fixating his attention on his father's pain. He silenced some of the pain nerves, taking on it himself. Poe winced. His breathing hitched. Another shard. Another. He felt his nose beginning to bleed. His head felt light._

_"Poe," Kes said weakly. "Poe, mi hijo . . . parar . . . Poe, stop."_

_"I'm gonna save you!" Poe shouted, tears springing to his eyes. His concentration faltered, and he drew on a little more of Ben's energy. He could do it, he was almost there -_

_Kes' fingers tightened around Poe's. "Mi hijo, you can't save everyone."_

_"Don't say that! You're gonna live!" Fear flooded Poe's senses, and the Force resurged through him, fueled by a desperation to heal his father, desperation not to lose the only family he had left. First his mother, then Rey, now his father - no. He couldn't let that happen. He concentrated harder, ignoring the burning in his hands as he channeled his Force. Light pulsed from his skin, leaving it raw and chafed. Ben grimaced slightly behind him._ Please, just a little more, just a little more, please -

_Kes' hand touched Poe's face, his calloused fingers brushing the soft skin of his cheek. "Poe, I'm so proud of you. No matter what kind of man you become, I will always love you."_

_"Papa, por favor, don't talk like that," Poe begged. "I'm gonna save you. Please, I promise I will, just hang on a little longer - "_

_"Shh, mi hijo," Kes Dameron whispered. "You already have. It . . . doesn't hurt . . . anymore . . ."_

_His hand fell from Poe's face, and Poe could feel the life leave his father's body. He didn't need the machines for that. He knew it was hopeless, he knew his father's spirit was gone, but he shook his father's shoulders anyway. "Papa? Dad? Papa, no, don't - PAPA!"_

_Poe fell to his knees and screamed in grief, crying out in both Basic and Yavish. The Force swirled darkly around him like a hurricane, a shockwave exploding from his feet. His hands stayed glued to his father's, and he couldn't seem to stop shaking them for signs of life. Lights burst and sparked, and he felt the room shift to one side. Medics lost their balance, shouting at each other in alarm and confusion._

_"The kid's gone mad - "_

_" - gonna bring the frigate down - "_

_"Someone stop him - "_

_"Poe," Ben said in his ear. "Poe, look at me. Look at me." Poe shakily lifted his head, and he felt Ben's hand on his arm. "That's it, that's it. Just look at me, okay?"_

_Poe looked up at Ben through blurred eyes, and he felt Ben radiating calm and comfort through their Force bond. Ben was crying, too. "We'll figure this out together, okay?"_

_"Okay - " Poe whispered. He crashed into Ben's embrace as he let go of the Force, and they wept together._

_The scene changed. Ben's head dropped heavily onto Poe's shoulder, his arms hanging limply by his sides. Poe's hug couldn't stop Ben from shaking, though._

_"By the Force, I killed a man," Ben whispered. "He looked right into my eyes, and I felt him die. He looked surprised, like he wasn't expecting it, and I - and I -"_

_"You did what you had to do," Poe whispered back. "You saved my life."_

_"I know . . ." Ben's voice quavered. "But the thing is, I felt good when I did it. I felt powerful, triumphant. I felt like that smuggler deserved what he got, but then I thought about my dad. That could have just as easily been him at the end of my lightsaber, Poe. I shouldn't have felt good about it. That's not the Jedi way."_

_"Look at yourself now, Ben," Poe pointed out. "There is nothing in you but goodness and compassion. You may be a Jedi, Benji, but you're still human."_

_"What if I keep liking that feeling? What if I become a killer?" Ben pulled away and grabbed Poe's shoulders. "What will happen to me then?"_

_"Relax, Ben, that's never going to happen," Poe smiled. "I wouldn't_ let _it happen."_

_"Yeah, but just what if?"_

_Poe held Ben's face in his hands. "We'll figure it out together, then. Whatever happens, I will always be by your side. Killer or not, Jedi or not, you're always going to be Ben Solo. You're always going to be_ my _Ben Solo."_

_"I like the sound of that," Ben said softly, and his lips lowered to Poe's -_

_They tumbled backwards onto Ben's bunk, a tangle of arms and legs. Their mouths moved together like two parts of a well-oiled engine and Ben's hands came down on either side of Poe's head. Between heated kisses, Poe managed to undo Ben's outer robes and toss them aside. Ben gave a low growling noise as he moved to Poe's neck and started unzipping to pilot's flight jacket. It quickly came off, and Poe lifted his shirt over his head in one fluid motion. Smirking suggestively, he rubbed his knee against Ben's thigh. Ben's breath caught slightly, and he went to work at Poe's chest._

_Ben's hands and mouth were ceaseless, and Poe made quick work of his shirt. The sheets and springs rustled noisily beneath them, but neither one of them really cared. They kept kissing, kept touching, kept_ feeling _each other's warmth. Poe let his mind open, and he felt Ben let go, too._

_The feeling was magical. It was like their consciousnesses had merged into one, no secrets or barriers between them. Had it been anyone else, Poe would have been terrified of the vulnerability, but this was Ben. His best friend. His lover. The one person he trusted completely._

_Ben's hand tugged at his belt, and Poe glanced down at him in surprise. "You sure about this?"_

_"First time for everything," Ben said, leaving a trail of kisses down Poe's side. "Right?"_

_"Hell yes." Their kisses grew more heated as they discarded the rest of their clothes. It wasn't the first time they'd seen each other naked, but it was definitely a first something._

_"You're beautiful, Poe," Ben whispered. Poe leaned forward and planted a kiss in the middle of Ben's chest, right over his heart._

_"I know." He paused. "Wait, do you actually know what you're doing?"_

_"Mostly?"_

_Poe couldn't help himself. He laughed really hard, and Ben started laughing with him. Ben rolled onto his side, facing Poe with a breathless smile on his face._

_"I can't believe you," Poe laughed. He cupped Ben's cheek in his hand, and Ben's arm snaked around his bare waist._

_"You wanna just lay here and figure this out later?"_

_"Together?"_

_"Together."_

_"Sounds good to me," Poe murmured, and he leaned into Ben's arms -_

_\- only to be pushed away again. Ben's eyes were wild, a mixture of anger and hurt on his face._

_"How could she not tell me?" Ben screamed._

_"Ben, I'm only sure she did what she thought was best - "_

_"I'm twenty-fucking-three!" Ben shouted, twisting his hands in his hair. "Was she just never going to tell me, huh? Not even if my life depended on it, not even until she shrivels up and dies?! Well, it worked, didn't it, because I didn't even hear it from her. I had to learn the truth from the newsfeeds and holos and not_ straight - out - of - her - mouth."

 _"Ben, listen," Poe said firmly, putting a hand on Ben's shoulder. "This doesn't change anything. I don't care who your grandfather is, whether he's Darth Vader or Jabba the Hutt - listen, I don't care. You're still you. I'm still me. That is_ never _going to change, you hear?"_

 _Ben shook his head. "You don't get it, Poe. Darth Vader is my grandfather. That means he's Luke's father, too. This whole time, I've been learning to use the Force from the son of Darth Vader. I_ told _you sometimes, that I felt like something wasn't right, and you told me to just trust Luke, myself, and the Force." His tone rose. "I did! I trusted him! And did he ever tell me anything? No!"_

_Poe sensed a dark energy gathering around Ben, and he tried to break through it. One touch of the thread, however, and pain shot up Poe's arm. Pain. Anger. Fear. Betrayal. It was all he could do from crying out._

_"Who am I supposed to trust now?" Ben's voice had fallen into hopelessness. "You're all I've got left, Poe."_

_Poe hugged Ben, despite the darkness prickling at his skin, telling him to stay away. "I'm right here, Ben. I'm not going anywhere."_

_"What am I going to do?" Ben whispered._

_"We'll figure it out," Poe promised. "Together. Like we always do."_

* * *

Poe blinked the sleep from his eyes. His first thought: _Where am I?_ The second: _Oh, shit._

He scrambled to his feet and assessed the situation, knowing with a heavy sense of dread exactly where he was. Thankfully, he still had his flight suit on, but his comms and life vest had been taken. He wasn't cuffed, but the space was relatively small, about a quarter of the size of his dorm. The walls of his cell were dark grey concrete, save for the durasteel-barred door.

His cell. The words seemed so surreal, but Poe knew them to be true. The Resistance almost never took prisoners, but there were halls in the Fleet dedicated to containment. He didn't even know where he was. The Fleet could be anywhere in space, and he'd never know. _His cell._

"Kriffing shit," Poe breathed. He ran his hands through his hair and paced around once. He moved to the door and looked out. Down the corridor, he caught sight of another figure, maybe a guard. "Hey! Hey, you!"

The figure turned. It was both the first and last person he wanted to see.

"You're awake," Finn noted.

Poe tried for an easy smile. "Yeah, seems so." He gestured to his cell. "Mind telling me what's up with this?"

"It was a safety precaution," Finn said tonelessly. "The General said you were acting on her orders to bring Ren in alive, but there were plenty of people out there who heard him call your name. Your _first_ name."

"Finn, I swear, it's not what it looks like - "

"What is it supposed to look like, then?" Finn demanded. "Half the people out there think you're some sort of traitor, some figure the General's just buying you some time because the two of you are pretty close, and the rest of us don't know what to think. They need to move the base, but no one knows what to do. General Organa and Admiral Ackbar can barely hold a meeting without everyone going crazy. The only thing they can agree on is that we need to get rid of Kylo Ren. I'm guessing _you_ don't agree on that, though."

Poe blinked slowly and breathed deeply. "You didn't have to say that."

"I guess not." Finn didn't meet his eyes. "You didn't have orders though, did you."

Poe sighed. "No."

"Why'd you do it, then?" Finn threw up his hands in frustration. "Why did you defend him?

"Because - " The words lodged in Poe's throat. "Because, er, well, because he - well, because I - "

"Did you forget what he did to you? To me?" Finn's voice was low and dangerous. "Because I haven't."

"Finn, it's a really long story - "

"We've got nothing but time here, - "

"I don't know if you'd understand - "

"Just try me, Poe Dameron - "

"Okay, slow down - "

"Tell that to everyone else - "

"Finn, just listen - "

"You know, I think I've heard enough, okay - "

"Damn it Finn, he's _Ben Solo!"_

A literal shockwave exploded out of Poe as he said Ben's name. Finn staggered backwards, bewildered. "Wait, what?"

 _No turning back now._ Poe's breaths came long and hard. "Kylo. Ren. Is. Ben. Solo. That's why, Finn. That's why I hesitated. That's why I couldn't let you shoot him. That's why he knows me. That is my _only_ reason, Finn, the only one!"

Poe could see the gears turning in Finn's mind, the younger man's eyes growing wider and wider. "Poe - "

" _Yes_ , I know he's done terrible things, and _yes_ , I know that he's going to have to answer for them." Poe fought to keep his tone steady. "But doesn't he at least deserve a chance to make up for it, to make things right? Just one chance, Finn, that's all, I mean, you gave _me_ a chance."

"That was different," Finn argued.

Poe spread his arms. "What's different about it? I was technically your enemy then, and you gave me a chance to live."

"Poe, you don't get it. That man, that _creature_ , is pure evil," Finn said firmly. "He's a twisted, ruthless killer."

"So am I," Poe said softly. "I've shot down more ships than I can count. I've killed so many people, Finn. I took down Starkiller Base and everyone on it. I destroyed a kriffing _planet_. What makes me better than the Death Star?"

"You're human, Poe," Finn retorted. "More than that, you're a pilot. You don't see the faces of the people you kill. They're just ships, just machines to you."

Poe shook his head. "Buddy, I don't know about you, but I carry a blaster because I know how to use it."

"So do the rest of us!" Finn shouted.

"Then what makes Ben so different?" Poe said evenly. He suddenly lowered his voice. "Has he ever taken someone from you? Has he killed someone close to you, your friend, maybe? Someone you were real tight with?"

Finn seemed to search for an answer, but he came up empty. He looked like he knew exactly what Poe was asking. He glared at the pilot. "No, no anyone I was 'real tight' with."

Poe smiled sadly. "Then he's a better man than me."

Finn frowned at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Jakku," Poe said softly. "Your friend, your squadmate. That guy you said you always looked out for - Slip, right? You said he died that night, shot by some stranger. That was me, Finn. I shot him. I killed him, and I was about to kill you, too. To me, back then, you were just another stormtrooper, one of the enemy."

Finn shook his head. Poe could see that he didn't want to accept it. "You're just saying that to save him. To save _Kylo Ren."_

"What reason would I have to lie to you?" Poe pleaded. _Come on, Finn, please believe me._

"What reason do I have to trust you?" Finn shot back.

Poe caught his breath. He stepped back from the door unsteadily. Finn's expression immediately softened, both of them knowing they'd gone too far. "Poe, that's not what I meant - "

Poe nodded thickly. "It's not what I meant, either."

The pilot and ex-stormtrooper stared at each other for an eternal moment, each wanting to say something but afraid of making the situation worse. Their hurt was reflected in each other's eyes; neither knew what to do to make things better. Either man might have said something as simple as "I'm sorry" had he not feared that the other's response would not be one of forgiveness.

Finally, Finn broke the moment. He reached into the pocket of a new jacket - not Poe's - and pulled out the pilot's comm. "General, he's awake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy end of AP week, y'all - I don't know about you guys that are still in high school, but I am so ready to burn all of my test prep books XD
> 
> If any of my Spanish is inaccurate, let me know. I used Google Translate, since I'm not sophisticated enough to find a legit grammar dictionary TT^TT
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated! Stay safe in the real world, y'all!


	32. Chapter XXXII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "With or Without You"  
> U2  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzeDqRhM09w

Leia and Snap were at his cell in a matter of minutes. After dismissing Finn, Leia quickly opened the door, and she and Snap rushed into the small space.

She immediately wrapped Poe up in a hug with a breathless " _Thank you."_

Poe closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He didn't know how to respond as he hugged her back. "Shouldn't I be thanking you? You know, for helping justify my stupidity?"

"Poe Dameron, that was many things, but that wasn't stupidity." Leia let go of him, and he turned to Snap.

Snap immediately punched him in the jaw. "That was for Jessie." Then he clasped Poe's hand and pulled him into a tight, albeit brief, hug. "This is for you. Leia explained what happened while you were out."

Poe rubbed his jaw. Snap's hit was sure to leave a well-deserved bruise. "Buddy, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have disengaged. I - "

"Save it," Snap said curtly. "It won't be okay for a while, but she wouldn't have wanted to hear it."

"Yeah," Poe nodded quietly. Hesitantly, he asked, "How's Ben?"

Snap and Leia exchanged a glance, as if neither really wanted to answer the question.

"Difficult," Snap said finally. "We've got him in the super-high security cell on _Kyber One_ , and he didn't put up that much of a fight, really, on the way. But since people have been trying to talk with him, he's been really uncooperative. I guess that's to be expected. I mean, he's smart, hasn't asked for you or anything. I think he knows about the rumors, though."

"About me being a traitor," Poe guessed. The others nodded solemnly. He sighed. "What are we going to do about that? I mean, there are bigger things we need to worry about, like a new base, recruiting bigger numbers, tracking the First Order - " He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe I should just leave."

"Absolutely not," Leia said immediately. "First of all, you'd just prove them right. Second, no one would _want_ you to leave, traitor or not. You know too much, and the First Order's probably already put a million credits on your head for blowing up Starkiller, so it'd be for your own safety, too. Third, we are _not_ losing our best pilot for this."

"Poe, i don't know if you've realized this," Snap said in a low voice, "but you've been the one thing that kept all of us in Red and Blue together. Everybody believed in you, even if they didn't believe in themselves. You gave us hope. At Hosnian, at Takodana, at Starkiller - no matter what our losses were, we were always able to come back together and keep flying. Not just for the Resistance, but for _you._ But now that you're gone . . . Poe, I'm doing my best, but we're falling apart."

"Snap Wexley, you can just _have_ my rank and position," Poe said, shaking his head. "I'm not going to have my team falling apart. Not because of me."

"Which is why we've got to clear your name as soon as we can," Snap said frustratedly. "We just haven't found a way yet."

"There is one thing," Leia said slowly. Both pilots looked at her expectantly. "We could tell them the truth, that Ben's my son."

"What?" Snap exploded.

"No kriffing way," Poe retorted. "The Resistance needs you more than they need me."

"Besides, you had to leave the Senate when they found out that Vader was your father," Snap added. "Just imagine what'll happen with the Resistance when you tell them that Kylo Ren is your son."

"It'll just be like telling them he was my fiance once," Poe scoffed. "It won't fix anything, and it'll just make them think - "

"Wait, _what?!"_ Snap turned to him in shock. "You two were gonna - wait, _what? When did that happen?"_

Poe tried to backtrack. "Sorry, I thought you knew . . .? It was about a year before he turned, I think . . ."

Snap stared at him, open-mouthed. "I'm gonna need a minute to process this. _Holy bantha shit."_

"Anyway," Leia interrupted. "Obviously, that's not going to work, either. Poe, you can tell Snap your story later. Right now, we need a plan. I've told everyone that you were acting on orders that I gave you personally, right before you took off, and that I didn't want you repeating it over the comms in case the First Order hijacked our channels. They might have believed it, if not for the squad that found you and Ben out there. Our problem is that Ben called you by your first name. We need a good reason for it." Leia crossed her arms. "Any brilliant ideas that don't involve any of us getting kicked out of the Resistance?"

The three of them were silent for a while. Finally, Poe sighed. "Guys, it doesn't look like we can improve my situation right now. What about Ben? Finn said that pretty much everyone's ready to airlock him."

Snap gave a low whistle. "Half the people here are terrified of him, and the other half want to get rid of him in creative ways. I heard someone suggest that we get all the information we can out of him and sell him to the Hutts."

Poe shook his head and shuffled his feet. "I shouldn't have hesitated."

"I would have done the same for Kare," Snap said honestly. "It's a natural reaction, Poe. We want to protect the ones we love."

"I don't - " Poe stopped. There was no point in denying it. Still, he was reminding himself as much as Snap as he said, "Trying to protect Ben is what got Jess killed. There's nothing that can make up for that."

"Then don't try to," Leia cut in. "I've seen Ben, but if anything, he's less cooperative with me. I can feel it in the Force - he's scared, but he channels it into rage and aggression. He doesn't want to talk or see anyone. I guess that's to be expected. To anyone else, he's just a commander for the other side. It would make sense."

"Yeah." Poe crossed his arms, thinking hard. "I guess so."

Snap put a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk to him?"

Poe was startled by the question. He wanted to say _yes_ , but logic got the better of him, and he shook his head. "It'd just be another reason for them to call me a traitor."

"I didn't ask about them." Snap fished in his pocket and pulled out a small tap recording device. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"Snap, if anyone finds out . . ." Leia warned. Poe noticed she didn't immediately veto the idea.

"I know," Snap said, handing the recorder to Poe, "but I've got the feeling that this might help some."

Poe inhaled slowly, deeply moved. "Thanks, Snap." He glanced at the two people standing in the cell with him - his friends, his family. "Is it alright if I have a few minutes?"

"Go ahead," Leia nodded. "Snap and I'll be outside."

It wasn't like they wouldn't hear him, what with the open-barred door, but it gave Poe a sense of privacy and personal space. He sat down in one barren corner and turned the device on.

"Hey, Ben, it's Poe," he started. "Honestly, I don't know where to start. Obviously, things have been super complicated between us, and it doesn't look like things are going to go up anytime soon. Uh . . . I don't know what the weather's like, since we're in space . . . Politics is political, I guess, uh . . ." Poe ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Ben, listen, I'm really sorry about what happened between us. I'd asked Luke, apparently, to block my memory of the Force after you left because I wasn't strong enough to face the truth. I guess I'd rather live some painless, ordinary lie than this shit reality we live in now, huh?

"Anyway, some of it's coming back. I guess you can tell, right? Look, what I said out there, at the base, I didn't mean it. I don't regret a single day I spent with you, and I don't regret the choice I made. I just . . . I couldn't think of any other way to get through to you. Finn's told me about the side of you he's seen. Uh, Finn's the guy that defected from the First Order. I guess you already know about him, then.

"Well, he told me about what you did and what you meant in the First Order. Honestly, I care . . . but I don't care. That didn't make sense, did it? I guess what I'm trying to say is, that wasn't you. Or at least, not the you I know.

"See, I know a brave, strong, and beautiful man filled with compassion and love. I know a man who's had his doubts, but only became stronger when he overcame them. I know a fierce man with a soft voice and resilient heart. I couldn't ever keep a secret from him. He was always the first person to know when something happened, mostly because he was always by my side. I know a man who fights for what's right, a man who protects the ones he loves.

"That's the you I know, Benji. If any of that's not true, just tell me now, and I'll just call it a nice fake memory. But I want to believe that that was the one thing that my memory block didn't change. I saw you earlier. I know that this is real, and that it's really happening.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. You know, this time last week, I still thought you were dead. But now, it's like everything's different, but nothing's changed. I dunno how to describe it, but maybe you can feel it, too. Anyway . . .

"I think I remember you telling me once that you wouldn't give up on me, no matter what. I think that was after my dad died, at his funeral. You said that you'd be there for me and that whatever happened, we'd figure things out. You said you'd always believe in me. Well, now, I'm returning the promise. I'm not giving up on you, Benji. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks. I am _not_ giving up on you." Poe hesitated a brief moment. Had circumstances been different, he might have said _I love you._

The moment had passed. It was what it was. Poe gave the smallest of sighs. "There's so much more that I wan to tell you, Benji, but the truth is - no amount of words can make up for all the years we lost. I wish things were different, I wish _we_ were different. Maybe we already are different. I guess we've both changed some. Maybe we'll keep changing, and for the better, I hope. Like I said before, things are crazy right now, and I don't know how things are gonna turn out. But no matter what, I believe in you, and I'm not gonna give up on you. I swear that on the graves of my parents." Poe inhaled and exhaled slowly, knowing the full weight of his last sentence. "I'll talk to you again when I can."

With that, he switched off the device. A flashing light told him that his message had been recorded, and he stood up.

"Snap," Poe called softly.

"All done?" Snap reached through the bars and took the device from Poe's hand. "I'll make sure his gets to him."

"Actually, I'll take that," Leia said, taking the recorder from Snap's fingers. "I'd attract less attention visiting him than Snap."

"True," Snap agreed.

"Thanks, you guys," Poe said, truly meaning it. "This means a lot."

"That's what family's for," Snap shrugged warmly.

Leia nodded. "And on that note, I've got to head off to a meeting with Statura and Ackbar, see what we can do about a new base."

"I'll stick around for a bit," Snap said. He patted his pocket where his commlink was. "If I'm need, call?"

"Sure thing." With that, Leia turned and exited the corridor. Snap and Poe were left alone.

Snap sighed. "Wish I had the clearance to open this damn thing. It's kriffing disgusting, seeing you caged in here like some common criminal."

Poe laughed hollowly. "I could promote you. You can have my ship, too, if you wanted. How is she, anyway? She got busted up real bad when Ben pulled me down earlier."

Snap shrugged. "Well, she's definitely seen better days. We're not sure if we can manage to get the parts to fix her up all the way, and no one wants to mess up anything you've done with her. So right now, she's standing in the hangar next to my baby, but she's missing a wing."

Poe winced. "She should be out there, fighting."

"She's still yours, Poe," Snap said reassuringly. "No one else in the Resistance is close to being capable of flying her."

"You could learn," Poe offered.

"Nah, my own baby'd get too jealous."

Poe laughed. "I concede the argument."

"That easy?" Snap grinned. "I'd have expected a better fight from you."

Snap's words stopped Poe short. _I would have expected a better fight from you._ Kylo Ren had said that to him. Or had it been Ben? It was almost like two people were occupying the same body - where did one end and the other begin? The pain of his interrogation slowly seeped back into his bones, and a lump grew in his throat.

"Poe?" Snap looked at him in concern. "You okay, buddy?"

Poe rested his forehead against the bars and held on to them for support. "Ben's Kylo Ren, Snap. He's _really_ Kylo Ren."

Snap tried to laugh it off. "You hadn't noticed?"

"No, Snap, you don't get it." Poe shook his head. "They're the same person. Earlier, when I was pulled down, when I confronted him, I sensed a change in him when I . . . when I challenged him. Something seemed warmer about him that I didn't feel at Jakku or on the Star Destroyer. And so far, I've just treated those feelings as two separate entities, but he's Kylo Ren, Snap. Ben is Kylo Ren. He's the one that took me at Jakku and he - he - he _tortured_ me. He killed Han. He nearly killed Finn, and now - " Poe beat his forehead against the bars and sank to his knees in defeat. Snap knelt on the other side. "Snap, I just swore on my parents' graves that I wouldn't give up on him, but I said that about _Ben,_ but he's _Kylo Ren_ , and - and - I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Would you rather he died?" Snap asked gently.

"No!" Poe answered immediately, then reconsidered. "Yes!" He sighed in frustration. "Maybe! I don't know, it's just that things were less complicated when I thought that Ben was dead."

Snap nodded sympathetically. He sighed and shifted into a more comfortable sitting position. "I think you suffered more because of it, though. I watched you. You were restless, reckless. You didn't care about anything. You didn't take care of yourself - stang, the number of times me or Jess had to pretty much force-feed you? During that first year, I wanted to tell you the truth so badly. You'd lost all hope, and I wanted to do something about that. You were my best friend, and it sucked watching you hurt knowing that I could have done something. But I was more scared that it would get stuck in that crazy head of yours and make you do something stupid. So I didn't. Maybe I should have."

"We both did what we had to," Poe said reassuringly. He sighed. "If I hadn't gone to Jakku a few weeks ago, things would be so different right now . . . Jessie might still be with us."

"Yeah, and we might all be blown to bits by Starkiller," Snap pointed out. "We wouldn't have known about it if Finn hadn't told us, and Finn wouldn't have told us if he never met you."

"True."

"Speaking of Finn . . ." Snap paused. "You seemed happier with him. I mean, before the whole Starkiller mess. You looked better than you had been. I dunno how to describe it. Lighter, I guess, like you weren't carrying the whole galaxy on your shoulders."

Poe tucked his knees to his chest. "Yeah, well . . ."

"Well?"

Poe chewed his lip. "We're complicated right now."

"Ah." Snap seemed to understand. "I see."

"Life itself is complicated," Poe proclaimed. "And it is too weird for its own good."

"Right?" Snap grinned in agreement. " _Kriff,_ I wanna get so drunk right now, but I'm stuck on this carrier."

"Yeah." Poe managed a smile. "And who'd go with you and drive you home now that I'm stuck here?"

"True." Snap held up his hand as though he were holding an invisible cup. "To our stupidly complicated existences."

Poe raised his own imaginary glass. "To our stupidly complicated existences."

They silently clinked invisible glasses through the bars and pretended to drink. Snap inhaled sharply. "I still say, it's disgusting seeing you treated like a criminal. You've probably done more for this fleet than anyone else, you've made more sacrifices for this fight, and this is how they repay you?"

"Don't make me a martyr," Poe joked half-heartedly. "I ain't dead yet."

"That's not funny."

"Sorry."

Snap fiddled with his hands, and Poe tried to relax and sink back into the Force he'd felt out on the battlefield. He could feel Snap's vibes earlier; could he do it now?

As his breathing slowed, the energy around him started to become more apparent. Poe slowly clenched and unclenched his fist, watching the different threads shift in the air. The threads around his hands pulsed with a dim silver light, and some sort of awareness rose inside of him, awareness of his own feelings, of Snap's, of the space between them.

Something distant prodded his field of vision, like something was pulling on one of the threads. Poe glanced at it for a split second, but that one instant filled his mind -

_\- pain -_

_\- anger -_

_\- grief -_

_\- you're alive -_

_\- shock -_

_\- should he talk -_

_\- no -_

_\- yes -_

_\- conflict -_

_\- too late -_

_\- he's gone -_

_\- rage -_

_\- the lightsaber ignites -_

_\- he destroys -_

_\- he kills -_

_\- but it's not enough -_

_\- it's never enough -_

_\- where are you -_

Poe winced and forcibly shut down the connection. He had no doubt that he'd just reached out to Ben, but the force of Ben's emotions was too much for him to handle at the moment.

Snap noticed. "You alright?"

Poe breathed heavily. "I don't know. It's . . . for lack of a better word, complicated."

Snap gave a half-smile. "Everything these days is."

Poe searched for the right words to say. "It's just that this - the Force, Ben, all of it - it's like one moment I know what I'm doing,and I can control it, and the next, I'm stuck in an existential crisis about my own existence. I mean, I know I've changed over the past six years, Snap, but right now, that's the only me I know for sure I was. I dunno, none of it really makes sense, but I just wish I knew how to cope with - " Poe waved his hands in frustration. " - this."

"Wish I could help you, buddy," Snap sighed. "But I know zilch about the Force."

An idea dawned in Poe's mind. "Leia said that Luke could help."

Understanding lit up in Snap's eyes. "Are you thinking - "

"What if we brought Luke to the Fleet?" Poe suggested excitedly. "He can fix me and help Ben and help the Resistance all at the same time - I mean, the whole purpose of finding him in the first place was to get him to help us!"

Snap nodded, catching on, and both pilots stood in excitement. "We could just contact the _Falcon_ or I could fly out there - the General probably made a copy of that map, right? We can bring Luke Skywalker back - Poe Dameron, you're a kriffing _genius."_

"What are you waiting for?" Poe grinned. "Let's do this."

Snap reached through the bars and clapped Poe on the shoulder. "You'll be outta there in no time, Poe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all~  
> I meant to post this chapter yesterday (on the 40th anniversary of A New Hope), but things happened and I forgot . . . Anywho, here it is!
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated!


	33. Chapter XXXIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Walking on a Dream"  
> Empire of the Sun  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PGUU7CiK7YU

* * *

The cell was six steps long by four steps wide. Hands behind his back, Poe paced around the perimeter of the cell. It wasn't that he wasn't a patient man, it was more that he could be extremely impatient at times. This was one of those times.

Stuck in his cell, with no way of reaching the outside world, no way of knowing where in space he was, no way of even knowing how much time had passed since Snap left - that was frustrating. Poe was used to having the galaxy at his fingertips, and now it was gone.

He honestly wasn't sure why he was so jittery. He'd been a prisoner of the First Order, and he hadn't had an existential crisis about now knowing what time it was. Then again, there had been bigger things to worry about, like if he was going to survive the next minute. Maybe it was the fact that he somehow knew that no harm would come to him that allowed his mind to wander. Poe paced around some morel it wasn't helping, and the small space was beginning to make him dizzy.

He sat down in a corner and leaned his head against the concrete wall, closing his eyes. _Steady, Dameron. Breathe._

Poe laid two fingers across his wrist, feeling his pulse slow down along with his breaths. His body and mind relaxed, and his senses extended beyond the confines of his cell. The Force threads enveloped and surrounded him, and Poe lazily wove some of them into shapes -

_\- something pulls at him -_

_\- almost painful -_

_\- please -_

_\- I know you can hear me -_

_\- but there's darkness -_

_\- and it's cold -_

_\- he tries this time -_

\- _honestly_ -

_\- but something breaks -_

_\- both minds flare in agony -_

_\- like lightning -_

_\- why is this happening -_

_\- what's going on -_

Poe shifted his position uncomfortably, opening his eyes and grimacing. Each time, it got easier to slip into the Force, but it also got easier for Ben to sense him. It wasn't like Poe didn't want to talk with him or anything, it was just hard. He'd connect for a split second, and then darkness and pain would explode behind his eyes and he'd have to break away.

It was all so damn frustrating. Had it always been like this? How had he lived with this connection, this pain, before Luke had purged it from his memories? Or maybe . . . was he feeling pain because of the broken connection?

Poe took a deep breath and tried to remember his past, his real past. Maybe if he could fix his memories, he could do something about his Force powers. After all, he'd healed physical wounds, right? Surely he could heal mental ones as well . . . He closed his eyes and reached back as far as he could.

_Mama, Papa . . . L'ulo . . . Muran, Iolo . . . Wedge, Han, Lando, Leia, Chewie . . . Threepio . . . nonono, wait -_

_\- can you -_

\- _Poe_ -

_\- are you there -_

_\- he turns -_

_\- don't run from me -_

\- _Ben_ -

_\- he tries to flee -_

_\- hear me -_

\- _please_ -

\- _connect_ -

_\- what's wrong with us -_

Poe snapped away, his breaths staggered. He gave a small groan of pain as a dull ache fulled his abdomen. He felt like he was going to throw up. Whatever he did, his thoughts always went back to Ben.

"Buddy, if you're there," Poe whispered aloud, "this has gotta stop. Obviously, we're both hurting this way, so it won't do either of us any good."

Poe clenched and unclenched his fists. He longed to be back in his ship, to let the hot rush of flight burn away his stress. He still hadn't told Ben about Finn, and he couldn't think of anything to say to Finn. _Sorry that my ex tried to kill you - it was all a misunderstanding - I hope we can all be friends now!_

Poe realized with a jolt just how much he actually wanted to talk with Finn right now. Something about the ex-stormtrooper's sincere grace made him easy to talk to, easy to relax and chat casually with. Poe had the dark feeling that he'd lost that, though.

He sighed. How was he ever going to make this right?

"Well, if you're going to make something right, you've got to figure out what went wrong."

Poe jumped up in surprise. The voice had come, seemingly, out of nowhere. A figure shimmered into being in the air before him, almost like a hologram. It was an old man with snow-white hair and a bit of scruff around his chin. The apparition was clad in tan and brown robes - _Jedi_ robes.

"Who are you?" Poe asked shakily.

The man chuckled. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I am here to help."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi? Like, from the Clone Wars? But aren't you dead?"

Kenobi nodded. "Yes, yes, and it would appear so. It's funny, Poe. You asked the same things when we first met as well."

"Wait, we've met before?" Poe stopped. "Wait . . . I don't remember that. Luke must have erased it."

Kenobi's expression was grim. "He did. And when he did, the bond between you and Ben broke."

"Can it be fixed?"

"Possibly," Kenobi said. "When Luke restores your memories, you might be able to reconnect with each other. However, given the circumstances . . ."

"It's probably best if we stay away from each other," Poe guessed. Kenobi didn't respond, and Poe sighed. "Look, I know things are bad right now, but what if we can fix them? I can bring Ben back to our side, we can end the war, and we can all go home."

"We can always hope," said Kenobi. "The Force bond between you and Ben - it was like nothing I've ever seen before. When I was alive, the Jedi forbade attachments. We believed that emotional relationships like that would lead us to the dark side."

"I guess it sort of already did," Poe said bitterly. He stared at his hands and wrung them silently.

"Poe." Poe looked up. Kenobi had a look on his face that was somewhere between sympathy and pain. "I know what it's like, watching someone you love fall to the dark side. Needless to say, it's hard. But you have to know when you're not the one who can save them. I couldn't bring Anakin back, but Luke did."

"I'm going to bring Ben back," Poe insisted. His voice softened. "I have to. I promised him. I promised him I'd always look out for him."

"I understand, Poe." Kenobi sat down as well. "Luke is on his way. Perhaps then, you can make things right. Both of you."

"Yeah." Poe nodded. "I guess I'm gonna have to wait, then."

Kenobi smiled. "The waiting's always the worst part."

Kenobi's image began to shinmer until he had faded away again. Poe took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Then he reached out, let the Force fill his senses.

> _Ben?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! 
> 
> Sorry about the short chapter; my summer's been crazy wild, and I didn't have much time to write. Now I'm back in school, so I'm going to try to make up for my unofficial summer hiatus. :)
> 
> Thanks for all your patience and encouragement in the comments - you guys are the best. Kudos to all! <3


	34. Chapter XXXIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bring Me to Life"  
> Evanescence  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDklocLs8mU

Darkness. That was it. Just darkness.

Poe reached out again, concentrated a little harder. The connection was there, he knew it. Broken, yes, but still there, right?

 _Ben_?

The temperature dropped about thirty degrees, and Poe gasped slightly at the chill that ran down his spine. The horribly familiar _snap-hiss_ of a lightsaber sounded behind him, and he whirled around.

"You were a fool to come here," growled Kylo Ren.

Fear shot through Poe, his heartbeat tearing into lightspeed. He tried to keep his voice from shaking. "B-Ben? Ben, it's me. It's Poe."

"I know who you are, pilot." There was no mistaking the disgust in the masked warrior's voice. Poe felt as if he'd been slapped. What had happened?

He tried again, even though his instincts told him it was futile. "Ben, it's me. Hey, Ben, it's Poe."

The lightsaber swung around, resting centimeters from Poe's neck. Poe froze in place, sweat pooling on his skin from the heat of the crackling blade. Ren's voice was low. "Either you can stop calling me by that name, or I will force you not to."

Breath escaped Poe's lips in short gulps. "S-sure thing."

Ren studied him. "You're an interesting creature, pilot. No matter what I do, you just can't seem to die."

"Part of my charm." Poe tried to smirk.

"Indeed." Ren placed a gloved hand on Poe's cheek, almost in a caress. His touch was colder than ice, but it burned at the same time. Poe wanted to flinch away, but it was as if he was magnetically attached to Ren's hand.

"You feel it? The power of the Dark Side?" Ren whispered. With his other hand, he removed his helmet, and Ben's face stared back at Poe. Except . . .

"Your eyes," Poe gasped. Where Ben's eyes had been a deep, soft brown, Ren's were a sharp, piercing gold.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" Ren leaned closer and closer, never removing his hand from Poe's face. "Gold for power, for those that truly rule the galaxy. You've seen it, Poe Dameron. Don't you want it?"

"I—" Poe didn't have time to protest before Ren's lips descended on his own in a deep, painful kiss. Poe could taste blood as Ren shoved his tongue inside his mouth and bit Poe's lower lip. Ren grabbed a fistful of Poe's hair and thrust his head back, trailing his tongue down Poe's neck.

Poe tried to push Ren off as other unwanted memories came surging back, but the dark warrior was too strong —

_— such a slut —_

_— I bet he likes it —_

_— he could take it all day —_

_— white armor clatters to the floor_ —

Ren opened up the collar of Poe's shirt, and Poe finally found his voice. "Stop it!"

Ren responded by biting the side of Poe's neck, hard and in a way that carried no trace of affection. His hand snaked down Poe's side and grabbed his thigh. "No. You're mine now, pilot."

Quicker than what seemed possible, Ren tore off Poe's shirt and tugged the pilot's pants down. Poe struggled and squirmed against the dark warrior's hands and mouth as he was pinned to the ground. His mind flew into panic mode. He didn't want this, wouldn't let Ren take advantage of him like this —

"Don't fight me, pilot," Ren whispered into his ear. "I know you want it."

"N-no—" Poe whimpered as Ren's hands crept up his thighs. "No, please, stop —"

"Surrender," Ren hissed between rough kisses. "Surrender to the Dark Side. Surrender to me." He shoved Poe's naked legs apart and ran his tongue down Poe's stomach.

Tears leaped unbidden to Poe's eyes. As a last resort, Poe pressed his hand to Ren's cheek and reached out with the Force, searching for the man he knew was under the cruel face. "Ben, please. Don't do this."

"I told you not to call me that!" Ren roared. He pulled away just enough to ignite his lightsaber, which came swooping down in slow motion.

Poe closed his eyes, his heart thudding in his ears. "Ben, I'm sorry."

The crimson blade crackled, its heat sizzling towards Poe's face.

_"I love you."_

Suddenly, a bright light flashed in front of Poe's face, and Ren's grip on him loosened. Faster than what he thought possible, Poe rolled to one side as the lightsaber crashed down where his head had been mere seconds ago. Ren flinched away and roared in anger, making a sound more animal than human.

Poe squinted against the light as warmth rushed into his body. It seemed to come from a green lightsaber, which was gripped tightly in a pair of pale, lithe hands . . . which were peeking out of dark grey sleeves . . . which were connected to a long grey robe over a lighter grey tunic . . .

"Poe!" That voice, that tone — "Poe, are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"Ben?" Poe whispered, hardly daring to believe it. "Ben, is that you?"

The green lightsaber deactivated, revealing Ben's scarless face. There were tears in Ben's eyes, and they trickled down his cheeks. "Poe, I'm so sorry." He helped Poe sit up and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry."

Poe closed his eyes and leaned into Ben's embrace, burying his face in the front of Ben's tunic. "I'm sorry, too."

Ben hurriedly took off his outer robe and gave it to Poe. "Here, put this on. Can you stand? We need to get out of here."

Poe nodded, wrapping Ben's robe tightly around himself. He curled his arm around Ben's waist for support. After what Ren had done to him — or rather, tried to do — his legs felt like jelly. Speaking of Ren . . .

"You are not leaving!" A voice howled from the void. Shadowy vapors came together to form the masked figure of Kylo Ren in front of them. Ren's lightsaber crackled dangerously, and he twirled it a few times. "You are mine now, both of you. There is no escape."

"I was your prisoner for six years!" Ben shouted back. "You're not taking me back, and I'll die before you take Poe too."

"Your death will be in vain," Ren snarled, and he lunged for them.

Ben let go of Poe and pushed him away as he ignited his lightsaber and blocked Ren's attack. Poe fell to the ground about a meter away, safe from attack. He watched in both fear and awe as Ben and Kylo Ren dueled. It was a heated fight, with both sabers flashing faster than the eye could see.

It all happened so fast. Poe suddenly sensed something, as if a gust of wind rushed past his ear, and he thrust his hands forward. In that instant, Ren had feinted and would have struck a deadly blow if his blade hadn't frozen centimeters from Ben's arm. Ben glanced back at him only once, but that glance was full of both gratitude and determination.

"Let's finish this, Poe!" Ben swung his lightsaber back around and attacked Ren again. Ren pulled free of Poe's Force hold and barely managed to block the attack.

Poe and Ben fell into a synchronized, familiar rhythm, one that they had danced to so many times in the past - Ben's lightsaber flashing back and forth as Poe supported him through the Force shapes he wove. Almost, almost . . .

In a final, desperate move, Ren whirled around and thrust out his hand at Poe. Poe couldn't react fast enough, and dark vapors shot towards him, enveloping his body and tearing through his mind. He screamed in pain and fell to his knees. Distantly, he thought he heard Ben shout his name, but he couldn't tell if it was real or just his imagination.

Whatever Kylo Ren had done to him on the _Finalizer,_ this was a hundred times, a thousand times worse. Poe felt as if his very consciousness were being torn apart and stitched back together, again and again and again. He grabbed the sides of his head, trying to relieve the pain in any way he could, but he couldn't connect back to the Force. Images flashed across his eyes, random bits of light and shadow that he couldn't make sense out of.

Then Ben started screaming, too. Poe recognized the sound all too clearly, and his senses snapped back into focus. _No, not Ben . . ._

Through whatever dark power Ren had summoned, Poe mustered the strength to stand. His vision began to clear, and Ren stepped back in visible shock.

"I-impossible!" Ren shouted. The vapor storm intensified, but Poe fought his way toward the dark warrior, only thinking of Ben.

"You're never going to hurt him again," Poe said, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached Ren and seized his throat, squeezing tighter and tighter. Ren squirmed under his grasp, and lightning crackled between Poe's fingers. Light flashed across his eyes, growing brighter and brighter until there was nothing left but whiteness -

_"Poe!"_

Poe Dameron woke with a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I'm going to try to finish this work before The Last Jedi comes out. We'll see if that actually happens. In the meantime, though, I'm not really going to stick to trailers and panel information that gets released between now and then. If something becomes canon that is compliant with my story, then I'll use it, but otherwise, this is strictly based on The Force Awakens and everything published before then.
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated! <3


	35. Chapter XXXV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Right Here"  
> Ashes Remain  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHpuJWLSOgM

The first thing Poe thought when he woke was,  _Ben._

The second thing was,  _Another hospital bed?_ He closed his eyes, his eyelids heavy.

"Poe?" The voice sounded vaguely familiar.

Poe wearily opened his eyes. He'd never felt more tired in his life. As his vision focused, he could make out the age-weathered face of . . .

"Luke?" It came out as a croak. Poe's throat felt raw, as if he'd been screaming. He tried again. "Luke?"

"I'm here," Luke Skywalker said. He glanced around. "We all are."

Poe followed the Jedi Master's eyes. For the first time, he noticed the others in the room — Leia, Finn, Rey, Snap – even Chewbacca was with them. The Wookiee gave a soft growl.

Speaking seemed difficult, but Poe managed another word. "Ben."

No one said anything, but Luke's gaze gave it away. Poe turned his head to the side and saw Ben lying unconscious on a gurney right beside him. Mentally, he panicked. Physically, though, he couldn't seem to do anything. Looking down, he realized that their fingers were intertwined across the gurney rails. How hadn't he noticed before?

"Poe." This time, it was Leia's turn. She hurried over to Poe's side and gently hugged him. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Not . . . really," Poe confessed. He felt like his head had just been split with a Tusken gaderffii. Again, he turned his attention to the prone figure beside him. "Ben?"

"Poe, do you know how long you've been out?" Luke asked.

"No," Poe whispered. He wanted to ask about Ben again, but he had the feeling his question wouldn't get answered.

"It's been almost a day." Snap. "The two of you went into joint cardiac arrest a few hours ago, and then nothing. We were all really scared you wouldn't wake up."

Chewbacca gave a low roar of agreement.

"What happened?" Poe rasped.

"I don't know how to explain it," Luke admitted, "but I think when you and Ben tried to connect earlier, something went wrong, and it nearly killed you two. Leia and I did what we could to help, but something shut us out. The Dark Side had a very strong presence here for the past day."

It was then that Ben stirred. Poe couldn't do much more than squeeze his hand a little tighter. Ben blinked groggily. He turned his head towards Poe. "Poe?"

Somehow, they both found the strength to help each other sit up. Through every touch, Poe could feel waves of pain radiating from Ben's body, but no darkness. That had to be a good thing, right?

"Poe . . ." Ben just stared at him, his expression indescribably pained and happy at the same time.

"Ben . . . it's really you?"

"It's me—"

All at once, they fell into each other's arms. It was more instinctual, a reflex and a habit rather than a situational thing. Poe rested his head against Ben's collarbone as Ben laid his head on Poe's shoulder. Their hands were in each other's hair, against each other's backs, pressing tighter and tighter until it seemed like they could become one person.

Poe wasn't sure who started crying first, but they soon evolved into a sobbing mess, each saying things incomprehensible but understood to the other. Ben took one of Poe's hands and held it to his chest, right over his heart. Poe put his other hand on Ben's cheek, wiping away the flood of tears with his thumb.

"I'm here," Poe whispered, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. "I'm here, Ben."

"Poe, I —" Ben's words were breathless and came in short gulps. "I'm sorry — I'm so sorry —"

Poe broke down even further. He pressed his forehead to Ben's and echoed the apology he'd kept as his mantra over the past six years. "I'm so sorry, Ben — I should have been there — I'm sorry I'm so sorry —"

They pulled away just enough for Ben to hesitate a moment before closing his eyes and kissing Poe. It wasn't necessarily a romantic kiss, more like one of apology and forgiveness and reassurance all at once. It was a kiss of question, and Poe closed his eyes and answered.

Ben's mouth still felt familiar after all these years, his soft, perfect lips and his gentle, almost hesitant touch. They kissed again and again and again. Poe thought he heard someone leave the room, but his mind was only focused on Ben.

Their kisses grew more desperate, warmth blossoming between their lips. Poe could taste salt — were they Ben's tears or his own? Through each kiss, Poe pressed the message  _I'm here._  Every time, Ben responded.  _I know_. He didn't have to say  _I'm here, too_. He never had to.

After an all-too-short eternity, Poe pulled away from Ben, his face and lips flushed. He couldn't stop staring at Ben's face, one both familiar abd strange at the same time. He traced a finger down Ben's scar, carefully, as though he were touching a wounded animal. In some ways, he was.

Ben's hand went to Poe's collar, his dark brown eyes asking permission. Poe pulled the top of his shirt open, and Ben slowly ran his fingers down the scar on the pilot's collarbone.

"We sort of match," Poe joked half-heartedly. Neither one of them laughed.

"This shouldn't have happened," Ben said. "This should never have happened."

"Don't," Poe said softly. "Don't go there. What's done is done."

"Poe, I can't even begin — I-I don't know what to say —"

"Then don't say anything," Poe said. "You owe nothing to me, Ben. What happened — that wasn't you. You have nothing to apologize for."

"How can you say that? After what I did to you . . . " Ben's voice trailed off.

"Hey, what did I say?" Poe tried to smile. "I'm always gonna be here for you. It doesn't matter what happened. Not anymore."

"Okay." Ben took Poe's hand in his.

"We'll figure this out," Poe added. "We always do."

Ben managed to smile at that. "I haven't heard that in a long time."

They sat there for a while, just staring at each other and drinking in each other's presence. The moment was interrupted by a roar from Chewbacca.

Both Ben and Poe whirled around, startled. Poe had honestly forgotten that there were other people in the room. Snap, Rey, and Finn had left, but Leia, Luke, and Chewie had stayed. Chewie roared again.

"Yeah, I guess I am back." Ben ran a hand through his hair. He looked up as Leia walked over to his side. "Mom—"

He couldn't finish his sentence, since Leia had smothered him in a hug. "Oh, my boy, my sweet boy . . ."

Ben squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Leia back, shaking silently with more sobs. Luke put a hand on Poe's shoulder, and Chewbacca made a low purring noise. Poe met Luke's eyes, and the Jedi showed a hint of a smile.

Poe felt like he was back home. His family had changed over the years, and they'd lost Han, but something felt whole, felt right. More than that, he  _remembered._  He remembered everything that had happened, from his fall to Ben's. It hurt so much, but it felt good to remember. That hole, that gaping emptiness that he had filled with the rush of battle — it was gone. Poe wanted to capture this moment in a holo and hold it forever, but no holo, no art, no poem or song or anything at the limits of the imagination could even begin to describe the feeling.

Leia and Ben pulled apart, Leia gently stroking Ben's hair. Ben looked from her to Poe to Luke. "So what happens now?"

"We made up a story," Luke said. "Apparently, I found a deep Force link between you two that was initiated during Poe's captivity, and to protect the Resistance, I'm taking both of you away. I'm going to try — well, not try, but I'll do my best to get rid of it, and hopefully Poe will be able to return soon. Rey and Finn are coming with us, too."

"Finn?" Poe frowned. It wasn't that he disliked the idea of the ex-stormtrooper coming with them, but he wasn't completely on board with it, either . . .

"He volunteered to come," Luke shrugged. "And apparently, he seems to know about First Order interrogation tactics and may be able to help us find a way to fix this 'Force link'."

"It won't look strange if I'm going with you?" Ben asked.

"You're going to be sedated," Leia said. "At least, until we can get you a safe distance away from the Resistance fleet. We're also going to have to use Force cuffs, Ben. I'm sorry, but we need to make it look real."

"Oh." The slightest look of discomfort passed over Ben's face. "Do I need to wear the helmet?"

Leia and Luke exchanged a glance. Finally, Luke said, "It might be better if you did. Just for appearances."

"We'll take it off as soon as we get on board," Poe promised. He looked at Luke. "Are we taking the  _Falcon_?"

Luke nodded, and Chewie roared confirmation.

"Chewie's going to stay here with me, though," Leia said. "Snap and BB-8, too. It wouldn't look good if suddenly everyone that knows Poe Dameron is flying off to the edge of the galaxy."

"Right." Poe ran a hand through his hair. "When do we leave?"

"Whenever you're ready," Luke replied. "Or, whenever you're 'ready to wake up'."

"Can we have a minute?" Ben asked.

Leia nodded. "We'll be right outside."

Luke, Leia, and Chewie left the room. Poe watched the doors close behind them. He could hear their muffled voices outside.

"Hey," Ben said, and Poe turned back to him. "Something wrong with you and Finn?"

It was amazing how Ben was still able to read him like an open book. Poe shrugged, not knowing where to begin. "Ah, well, um, it's sort of complicated. See, he helped me escape from the First Order, and then we crashed on Jakku, and then he just showed up at the Resistance, and then . . . erm, we kind of kissed a couple times."

"Oh."

"But I don't know what we are now," Poe admitted. Somehow, it felt easy talking to Ben about a semi-affair he'd had, despite the fact that Ben was the one he'd semi-affaired against. "After Starkiller, things have just been too different. At first, it was sort of about Kylo Ren, but it's just kind of gone downhill from there . . ."

"Hm." Ben was silent for a few seconds. "Do you love him?"

Poe didn't really have an answer. "I don't know. I hope we can at least be friends. All of us, I mean. It's just . . . he and Rey don't really know you like I've known you. They've only seen the other guy. I just wish that they can see the good in you."

"Maybe they will, maybe they won't," Ben said. "I mean, I still have to come to terms with what I did, and it's not easy. It's like — I remember everything I've done, but it's like watching someone else control my body and my thoughts. I don't know how I'm going to get past that."

"I don't know, either, but we'll figure it out," Poe said. He gently hugged Ben again.

"We'll figure it out," Ben murmured.

_We always do._


	36. Chapter XXXVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dream"  
> Imagine Dragons  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BWu7JDETw_I

_Tense_ was not the right word to describe the atmosphere in the _Falcon_. Rey had joined Poe in the cockpit, where she proved herself to be just as mechanically intelligent as he was. They'd taken off in silence, Poe loading in coordinates for his old home on Yavin IV. He and Luke had agreed that they should head to a familiar but secluded location. The colonies on Yavin IV had rarely seen action since the days of the Inquisition.

"So," Rey started. Poe looked at her. "You're my brother."

"Yeah," Poe sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and tried for a joke. "Looks like you inherited my awesome flying skills and good looks."

Rey smiled at that. "Looks like it." Her tone turned serious. "I thought I recognized you earlier, before I left for Ahch-To, but you didn't know me."

"Uh, yeah." Poe gestured uselessly. "After, uh, Kylo Ren took over, I asked Luke to get rid of my memories of him, of the Force, all of that. Part of it included forgetting you, and - Force, Rey, I'm sorry. I don't know how I could have made that kind of decision."

Rey was quiet for a moment. "You talk about Ren as though he's a completely different person."

"He _is_ , Rey," Poe insisted. "I saw it there, when we were knocked out. Ren tried to attack me, but Ben stopped him. He couldn't have done that if they were same person."

"Maybe," Rey said uncertainly. "Luke has taught me some things, how to use the Force and all that."

"Yeah?" Poe sensed an opportunity to change the subject. "I could help you if you wanted, you know, show you the Force and all that."

Rey stiffened. "Yeah. Sure. Okay."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Poe asked, a familial instinct taking over inside of him. He wanted to put a hand on Rey's shoulder, but he wasn't sure if she'd appreciate the gesture.

" _He_ said the same thing to me," Rey said tightly. "In the forest on Starkiller, when we were fighting."

"Who's - oh."

"After he tried to kill Finn," Rey continued. She stared at the swirling blue masses of hyperspace. "After he killed Han Solo."

"Rey, that wasn't him," Poe said, his hands fidgeting restlessly.

"You keep saying that," said Rey, "but how am I supposed to know the difference? All I see when I look at him is a killer and a monster who hides behind a mask for his crimes."

Poe thought for a moment. "Do you remember anything from when you were younger? Anything about our family?"

Rey shook her head. "Not really. Why? What does this have to do with anything?"

"Our mom died when I was eight. You were one and a half," Poe said thickly. "She had gotten some kind of Dark Side Force sickness. Then it spread to you, and I didn't know what to do. Papa and I did what we could, but between his job as a soldier and me being a kid, it was hard on both of us. But you know who else was there? Someone who helped me look after you when he never had to?"

Rey shook her head.

"Ben," Poe said softly. "Ben was my best friend back then, and he was right there with me. Our parents were away a lot because of the war that was going on in the colony, but we were always together. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I would have done. Eventually, you got better. You know who the first person you asked for was? It was Ben. Ben, who had taken care of you half the nights, who had fed you and played with you like you were his own sister."

"Who later turned into Kylo Ren," Rey finished. Poe didn't answer, and she sighed. "How could he do that? I mean, what in the galaxy would drive him to become so evil like that? I saw it in his mind — he was terrified of never being like Darth Vader."

"Darth Vader was someone before he was Darth Vader, too, Rey," Poe said. He leaned back in his seat. "It's not all just about what's right or wrong or good or evil. We all do what we believe is the best thing for us and the people around us. Sometimes, we have to make hard choices. Ben wanted to end a war. I wanted to forget one."

Rey hesitated a moment. "Do you mind if I ask . . . what happened between you two?"

Poe sighed. "About six years ago, maybe seven now, the war between the Resistance and the First Order was on a much larger scale. Neither side was winning, the Republic was doing nothing, and the casualties only increased. Luke Skywalker had been on our side then, along with the Jedi Order. Ben was one of them. It was always hard for us, the long weeks or even months of separation, and then the only time we might see each other was on a battlefield, at times when my first duty was to keep my team alive, and his to keep his team alive.

"We managed to make it work. He proposed to me the day I had to fly out, and we kept our rings for a long time. Ben told me we'd mke it official once we got back home, but . . . we never did. Well, he didn't, at least.

"He'd been contacting the First Order behind my back, behind all our backs. See, Ben wasn't really a conventional Jedi. He had seen the Force in different ways, maybe because he hung out with me all the time, but he just didn't really follow what Luke was teaching. It wasn't that he thought it was wrong; he just thought that maybe there was more to the Force than what Luke was telling him.

"Anyway, he made sort of a backroom deal with a group of Dark Side Force users and a guy named Supreme Leader Snoke. They raided Endor, and we responded. Ben hailed me for backup, so I immediately went down to the surface. I was flying an A-Wing then, and I'd modified her to carry two people instead of just the one. Anyway, I go, and I don't see anyone. There were bodies on the ground. It was raining. Thundering, actually.

"I saw him then for the first time. Kylo Ren. I don't know how to describe it, but it was like looking at a changeling. He had Ben's face, but his Force _signature_ , for lack of a better word, was different. He had Ben's voice. He said what Ben might have said.

"Rey, Ben only became Kylo Ren because of me. I should have seen it coming earlier. I should have stopped him sooner. He turned because he thought it was the only way he could protect me, and I should have been there to tell him that he shouldn't have made that kind of sacrifice. He basically sold his soul to the Dark Side, and I'm why he did it. So if you want to hate anyone, Rey, just hate me." Poe ran a hand through his hair.

Rey studied him, a half-frown that so resembled their father's pensive "thinking face". "Is that what you've been telling yourself all this time?"

"Who else is there to blame?" Poe shrugged. "Like I said, I didn't see it coming when I should have. That's on me."

"Poe, you know that's not true." Rey leaned forward. "Sometimes, things happen, and we can't stop them. That doesn't mean we're to blame or we're guilty. I don't know much about these kinds of things, but if you could think that about yourself for as long as you have, I think it means that what happened really mattered to you. I mean, we saw you in the med room. I've never seen anyone look at anyone else the way you looked at him. I could sense it in the Force - you two were more than just lovers."

"Yeah, we were," Poe agreed. "I don't know what we are now, though. It's like . . . I've been chasing Ben's memory for the past six years, thinking he was dead. Now he's back, and I remember what happened, and it's almost like he never left. Still . . . something's just off. Too much has happened."

Rey was quiet for a moment. "We're all different people than who we remember ourselves to be, Poe."

Poe thought about that. _We're all different people than who we remember ourselves to be._ He wanted to reply or make some sort of comment, but he found he just didn't have the words. Rey had summed it up better than he ever could have.

Rey sensed his unease and briefly touched his arm. "Why don't you go back and rest for a bit. I'll take care of things for a while."

"You sure?"

Rey nodded.

Poe managed to smile. "Thanks. Comm me up when we're ready to get out of hyperspace."

With that, he turned and left the cockpit, running his hand over the familiar walls. It was likely that Ben was still knocked out from the sedatives they'd used before takeoff. Poe had no doubt that Ben could have faked unconsciousness, but from the sendoff they'd received, it was probably better that Ben slept through it. Either way, Poe made his way to the crew quarters, where they'd made a makeshift medbay.

He ran into Finn halfway there. "Oh, Finn, er, hey."

Finn looked as flustered as Poe felt, his hands fidgeting. "Hey. Um, can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course." Poe had the feeling like they both needed this talk more than either was letting on.

They ducked into a side room, which Han had called his "guest" room. It was pretty bare except for two bunks and a small closet on one side. Poe sat on one bunk, and Finn sat on the other.

"Where should we start?" Poe asked. There was so much he wanted to say, but given the circumstances, he felt it was only fair that Finn start the conversation.

"Well, I just want to get this off my chest." Finn took a deep breath. "Poe, I care about you. More than I've ever really cared about anyone else. I get it if maybe we can't work out. I know you love him. I could see it when you two were knocked out in the med room. You guys looked like you were in serious pain, but the minute we put you in the same room, you reached for each other's hands. And then when you woke up. It was immediately about the two of you, and it, well, it was really just something else, Poe."

Poe had a dark sense of where this was going.

Finn continued, "So . . . I think it'd be best for both of us if I just stepped back. I don't want to get in the way of you and him."

Something in Poe's heart broke at that. "Finn, you're not in anyone's way."

"Yeah, maybe," Finn shrugged. "But I think it's kinda obvious that you're more in love with Ben. I get that. I'm okay with that. I just wanted to let you know that I still care about you, and I hope we can still be friends."

"Of course, Finn," Poe said, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Look, I'm sorry about everything that's happened lately. I . . . I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Finn replied. "What happened out at the base — I shouldn't have acted like that. I'd like to think that your Ben and Kylo Ren are different, but I still feel uncomfortable seeing his face."

"Finn," Poe pleaded. "Whatever else Kylo Ren has done, to both of us, Ben Solo is good. I know he is. You don't have to like him or anything. Just trust me when I say that he's so different from that monster."

"If they had different faces, I'd be more convinced," Finn admitted.

"I know." Poe sighed. "But Ben's with us now. Between the two of you and Luke and Rey, we can finally end the war that created Kylo Ren in the first place. We can all go home."

"Poe, this probably isn't the best time to ask, but how can you trust him so much?" Finn shook his head. "He hurt you, in more ways than one. I saw it on the _Finalizer_. You looked completely broken, and whenever you'd mention Ben's name to me before, I could see all this pain in your eyes. I mean, he may have tried to kill me, but I think he left more scars on you, Poe."

Poe sat in stunned silence, not sure what to say. Finally, he said, "You're right, Finn. He has hurt me. But I hurt him, too. I mean, it doesn't justify the things that either of us have done, but Ben and me, we just go too far back to not forgive each other. I . . . I hope you can understand, Finn."

Finn hesitated, then nodded. "I'll try. I just don't want you getting hurt again."

"I won't be," Poe assured him. "Ben won't hurt me here."


	37. Chapter XXXVII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why"  
> Rascal Flatts  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j3_85GXsKqk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS THERE IS A NEW LAST JEDI TRAILER THAT IS SLOWLY DESTROYING ME
> 
> GO WATCH IT

It was then that Rey's voice came over the comm. "Poe, we're almost ready to exit hyperspace."

After a quick nod from Finn, Poe left the guest room and made his way to the cockpit. In complete and coordinated silence, he and Rey brought the _Falcon_ out of lightspeed, the swirling green orb of Yavin IV coming into view. A few minutes later, Luke entered the cockpit as well.

He peered ahead as Poe and Rey started the descent, and he clapped a hand on Poe's shoulder. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"For all of us," Poe murmured. He glanced up at the Jedi Master. "Is Ben awake yet?"

Luke nodded. "He's been up for a while. He just had a bit of a headache."

Poe suspected that there was something more to the headache, but he didn't push the subject. Soon, he and Rey were guiding the _Falcon_ through the thin white clouds of Yavin IV's atmosphere. Rey let him take the lead as instinct guided Poe back to his house.

The freighter roared over the forests and settled gently in a clearing in front of the Damerons' former home. Poe could feel the leaves stirring in his tree. _Welcome_ , _my bird_.

Poe and Rey powered down the _Falcon_ and headed into the main hold with Luke. Ben and Finn were waiting for them, each standing on the wall opposite the other. For some reason, Ben wouldn't meet Poe's eyes, and he wondered if Ben and Finn had ever talked.

Poe switched a lever, and the exit ramp lowered. The sweet smell of the Yavin woods flooded the _Falcon_ , and a warm breeze blew gently over their faces.

"Home," Rey said softly, breaking both the silence and the tension. "Poe, it's beautiful."

"Let's go." Poe reached under the fake floorboards and grabbed the pre-packed of clothes and weapons he knew Han had kept for emergencies. Silently, Ben took one from him and slung it over his shoulder, descending briskly down the ramp.

Poe wanted nothing more than to run after Ben and ask what was wrong, but something stopped him. He had the feeling that Ben needed some space and brought up the rear with Luke.

"You guys go on in - door should be wide open," Poe called to Finn and Rey, both of whom looked amazed at seeing Poe's old house. It wasn't much, but it must have been the first time either of them had ever seen a real home. Poe felt a twinge of sorrow as Finn and Rey beamed at each other and cautiously went inside. To not have a home, to not know where you belonged your whole life . . . he couldn't imagine what that felt like.

Poe followed them inside. "So, here's the living room, back there's the kitchen. Down the hall that way are three rooms. Bathroom's at the end of the hall. I think that's about it." He scratched his head. "Sorry it's not cleaner or anything — "

"Stop right there." Finn held up a hand. "You have four walls. You have a roof. You have furniture and a bunch of rooms. It doesn't get much better than that."

Poe smiled back at him. "You're right. Enjoy it. Go explore."

"Poe?" Rey called from further down the hallway. "Was this . . . your room?"

Poe and Finn followed the sound of her voice to the room at the far end of the hall. Rey was standing in his old room, staring at the barren walls. Finn cautiously stepped inside while Poe leaned against the doorframe.

"It's . . . empty," Finn whispered. "It's almost like no one lived here."

Poe lowered his gaze. "After my father died, I packed up and went to live with Han and Leia." He purposefully avoided saying Ben's name. "They were all I had left. I never really came back."

"What was he like?" Rey asked. "Our father?"

"Wait, your what?" Finn exclaimed. His gaze shot from Rey to Poe then back to Rey. "You two are related?! Since when?!"

"Um, since she was born?" Poe answered unhelpfully. He shrugged. "It's a long and complicated story involving some memory alterations."

"And this has nothing to do with why both of you wanted to go back to Jakku so bad?"

Despite himself, and despite their situation, Poe laughed. Rey and Finn joined him, and soon, the three of them were wiping tears from their eyes. Poe turned to Rey through an involuntary grin. "You wanted to go back to Jakku, too?"

Rey beamed, as if it were an old joke. "Yeah, I wanted to go back to Jakku! Why wouldn't anyone want to go back to Jakku?"

"Everybody loves Jakku except for Finn," Poe grinned. "He just doesn't understand the desert life!"

Finn rolled his eyes. "Yep, you two are definitely related."

Rey paused for only a split second, but that was all that was needed to suddenly shift the atmosphere of the room from casualness to tension. Poe turned, following her gaze, already knowing whom she'd seen.

Ben was leaning nervously against the doorframe, his arms crossed in front of his chest — more of a protective gesture than a threatening one, Poe realized. He offered an easy smile. "Hey, Ben. Wanna join us?"

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Ben's voice sounded strained, as if he'd rather not be taking the moment. Their Force link opened briefly, and Poe caught a glimpse of Ben's pain and fear.

He stood immediately. "Of course."

With a quick glance back at Finn and Rey, both of whom looked all too confused, Poe followed Ben into the hallway and down into what had once been Poe's parents' room.

"Ben, what's wrong?" Poe barely had time to get the question out before Ben grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a desperate kiss. Poe could feel waves of hopelessness and hurt crashing through their bond, and the intensity of the emotion was enough to drive him to tears.

It was over just as quickly as it had begun. Ben wouldn't meet Poe's eyes. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Ben," Poe pleaded, "talk to me."

"I can't stay here," Ben said thickly. "I mean, I can't thank you enough for everything that you've done for me, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be, but I just can't stay. I can still feel it, the Dark Side."

"We'll fight it," Poe insisted. "Together, like we always have, okay? We'll survive this, Ben."

In an instant, Ben's hand was on Poe's cheek, leaving hurried caresses over the pilot's tan skin as if he were trying to rub it away. "Snoke is looking for me. I can feel that but more than me, he wants you. Your power. As long as he can find me, he can find you. I — I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. I've already hurt you too much."

"No." Poe shook his head. "No, you can't. I won't let you leave again. I don't care what happens to me. If Snoke wants my power, he can have it — I can't lose you again, not now."

Ben smiled sadly. "Remember what you told me once? About war, how it gets to each one of us and tears away the things we love most? How none of us can escape it, how it's so much bigger than just the two of us?"

"Ben, you know I was young and stupid — "

"We both were." Ben's breathing hitched. "That's why I didn't listen to you then. But I think I get it now, the real reason why we separated."

"We know better now," Poe argued. "You trying to fix everything by yourself isn't going to fix anything. That's what started this whole mess in the first place."

Ben flinched, but Poe didn't back down. "Look, I get that you want to protect me, and I get that, but you gotta understand that I have survived the past six years on my own. I can handle myself, and you have to trust me on that. It's not that I don't need you, Ben, because I do. Sure as a moon needs a planet and a planet needs a star, I need you. So, please —" Poe's voice broke against his will. "Please don't go."

"Poe, I need you, too," Ben said softly. "And I always will. Eternally. But more than that, I need you to be safe. Snoke can find me wherever I am, and he can find you through our Force bond. Even if I could stay, we'd have to find some way to weaken our bond, to dampen it. Do you really want to live like that? We're cut off from the Resistance and the First Order now. How long do you think we'd have to keep that up? Hell, even then it might not work. Besides, this is also about Luke and Finn and Rey too. I can't put them in danger, too. Better me than any of you."

"Ben, don't talk like that," Poe said desperately. "We will find a way to fix this. We'll fight it. We'll beat it. Oh, for God's sake, we'll at least do _something_ about it!"

Ben gave another sad smile. He took Poe's hands in his. "Poe, you've always been so much stronger than me. Every time I was lost or afraid or hurt, you were there. You've always been the light in my life. Please, let me be strong for you this once."

Poe already knew that at this point, nothing could change Ben's mind, but he tried anyway. "But where will you go? What will you do?"

"Anywhere," Ben whispered. "Anything. As long as he never finds you."

Their foreheads touched, and where their palms met, their tears mingled. This time, is was Poe who led the kiss, reaching up to meet Ben amidst a sea of pain and grief. Their kiss tasted of salt, as the last one had. Poe briefly wondered if they would never know anything beyond the flavor of sorrow whenever they held each other.

Ben was slow and methodical, as though he'd practiced for this moment. Their link opened, and Poe could feel what he wanted. _A perfect kiss. The last goodbye._

Though he knew it was futile, Poe sent Ben his own thoughts, his own wants. _Please stay. Don't go again. Don't make me leave you. Not again._

Somewhere between their slow, pained kisses, their thoughts melded into one, cohesive train of thought, each begging the other to understand in one simple argument. _I love you._

I need you to be safe. _I love you._

I need you to stay with me. _I love you._

I need to leave before I put you in danger. _I love you._

I need to do something more. _I love you._

Neither one of them wanted to pull away, but gradually, they broke apart. Poe ran his hands down Ben's face, feeling the delicate curves and contours that he had so long ago memorized. "Benji. You don't have to do this alone."

Ben gently stroked Poe's curls, as if the pilot were a fierce but wounded animal. "Neither do you, love."

Poe threw his arms around Ben's waist, and Ben returned the embrace, tightly wrapping his arms around Poe's shoulders. No words were needed. They just held each other, esch trying to be the strength that the other needed. Poe didn't want to let Ben go, not when they'd just met again, not when they'd just escaped the war, not when they'd just found each other again. Poe didn't need the Force to know Ben didn't want their separation any more than he did.

But it was needed. Ben's grip loosened, which told Poe that the moment was over. Ben's dark gaze bore into Poe's. "Poe Dameron, to have been loved by you makes me the luckiest man in the whole galaxy. You are the best thing that has happened to me, and I will never stop caring about you."

Poe couldn't take it any longer, afraid that he would try to stop Ben from doing what his soldier's instinct told him needed to be done. The single word was barely above a whisper. _"Go."_

As Ben left the room, Poe fell to his knees, the overwhelming numbness dragging him down. Already, he could feel the distance between them, barriers rising in their link. He didn't know where Ben was going, or how he planned to get anywhere without their only ship, but none of that seemed to matter.

When Finn came in a few minutes later, he found the pilot weeping silently. Poe let himself be held, only able to repeat two words. _"He's gone."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels fest! 
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated — stay safe in the real world, y'all!


	38. Chapter XXXVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Search and Destroy"  
> 30 Seconds to Mars  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZWvR-inf7U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some graphic depictions of violence, potential triggers. Basically, the Dark Side goes berserk. You have been warned.

"He's gone," Poe repeated hollowly. "He's gone, Finn. He's gone."

Finn rubbed Poe's back in gentle, soft circles. "I'm so sorry, Poe. I - I don't know what to say."

Finn seemed to be the only thing keeping Poe upright. His mind urged him to stand up, to wipe his tears and move on, but his body refused to obey. Poe's head hurt, both from grief and the dull throbbing of his bond with Ben.

"You don't have to say anything," Poe whispered. The tsunami that had built up inside him had subsided, but he could still feel its waves crashing against his rib cage. "I don't know what I was thinking. I thought I could make things right. I promised him that I'd look out for him, that I'd fix this mess, but look where it got us. We don't have anywhere to go, we - "

A sudden, sharp pain shot through Poe's mind, and he jerked out of Finn's arms, collapsing on the floor.

_"Where is he?"_

_"Like I'm telling you, you bastard - "_

_\- a scream -_

_"Find them - "_

_" - you'll - "_

_\- the fire -_

_" - never win - "_

"Poe? What is it? What are you looking at?" Finn's voice faded into reality.

"The Dark Side," Poe gasped. "It's coming - "

_"Drive them out."_

_"No!"_

_"They won't know, but I will - "_

_"I swear if you hurt him, I'm going to kill you!"_

_\- laughter -_

_"What do you think you can do?"_

Finn grabbed his shoulders. "Poe, talk to me. What do I need to do?"

_\- fire -_

_\- darkness -_

_"Don't! Please, no!"_

_Is it his voice or someone else's?_

"Luke," Poe stammered. "Luke - can - fix - "

"I'll get him," Finn promised. "Just hang on, all right? I'll be right back."

Finn eased Poe gently against the wall, still in the throes of his vision. "Just breathe, Poe. Just breathe."

Poe managed to nod. "Where - ?"

Finn seemed to understand. "I dunno, Poe. He and Rey left to go see about some tree. But don't worry, okay? I'm gonna get him, okay?"

Poe nodded and squeezed his eyes shut as Finn hurried away. He focused on the energy threads around him, the Force and its ever-tightening grip on him. Bright scarlet ones were woven around him like some sort of net. A net, a net . . . how would he fight a net?

"Cut through it," Poe muttered to himself. Shakily, he grabbed a handful of the threads and bent them into a crude knife shape around his hand. Silver.

_\- listen -_

_\- can you feel it? -_

_\- it calls to you -_

Where silver met scarlet, golden sparks shot out from the point of contact. Poe braced himself against the brightness and continued to fight against his restraints. Silver slowly faded into a clear, crystal color as the scarlet darkened into a bloody maroon. More colors, more energies opened up to him as he let himself sink into the Force. Green, orange, blue . . .

Red.

_\- come closer -_

_\- fight it -_

_\- power overwhelming -_

_Don't you feel it?_

Fire burned in Poe's veins, his skin pulsing with heat. Lightning crackled at Poe's fingertips and across his vision as he fell into the sweet nothingness of the Force plane. It was easier to see here, to fight. The invasive Dark Side energies seemed to multiply around him; for every maroon thread he destroyed, three more were there to choke him. Pain seared his mind as he fought to stay awake. His thoughts briefly drifted to Ben - was this what his battle had been like?

Immediately, his concentration shattered as Ben's face appeared before Poe's eyes. Sickly yellow rings flared in Ben's eyes, illuminating the gaping, bloody scar on his face. In a flash, Ben had Poe pinned against the wall, his expression twisted by rage and hatred. Something built up in Poe's chest as Ben's fingers touched his temple, and he screamed.

_\- yes -_

_\- surrender -_

_\- feel its call -_

_"No!"_ Poe yelled, heat surging through his fingertips. Sparks danced in his eyes, and he lashed out against Ben's grip. Ben snarled, and some primal instinct awakened inside of Poe.

_\- show him -_

_\- power -_

_Who is the strongest?_

Lightning crackled across Poe's chest, arcing to Ben, who screamed in pain. For once, Poe felt no remorse. If anything, he felt alive. Why should he stand still and do nothing while Ben left him again and again, hurt him over and over? It was time the tables were turned.

Heat coursed through his body as he pinned Ben to the wall where he had been. His veins lit up beneath his skin with unholy golden fire. Voices whispered in Poe's mind, ancient and unfathomable. He could feel nothing but his own anger, his own pain.

_It's time you felt this way._

_Where have you been while I was suffering?_

_How could you come to this?_

It all culminated into a single thought:

_I hate you._

Something inside Poe's chest loosened. He felt like, after all these years, he could finally breathe. He could hear Ben's heartbeat racing against his own, out of cadence for what seemed to be the first time in their lives. Ben's hands flailed uselessly against Poe's grasp. He gasped and coughed and sputtered incoherent things, but none of it mattered.

_I'm in control now._

Waves of blue and white fire blossomed between them, the smoke making Poe dizzy. He pressed harder against Ben's neck, feeling the traitorous pulse that told him the other still breathed. Ben reached out to him, grabbed a fistful of his burning clothes, and pulled. Momentarily caught off-balance, Poe stumbled forward, which was all Ben needed to immobilize him. The panic settled in after the paralysis. The only thing Poe could move were his eyes, which he kept fixed on Ben.

Ben was breathing hard, desperately trying to find oxygen as the world burned around them. His hand was outstretched, keeping Poe in place, the other near his neck. Embers flared in his eyes as he tried to speak. "Poe - " He broke off into a ragged, smoke-scarred cough and fell to his knees. His wide brown eyes pleaded with him. "Poe - "

Poe didn't need to speak. Without even having to focus his strength, he directed his energy towards Ben's hold and shattered it. The Force bent and broke to his will, obeying one dark command after another. Flames curled around his hands, hungry for something to destroy. They were a pack of starved gundarks, held back by bare threads.

Poe let them go.

Shadows and flames pounced onto Ben's kneeling form, eliciting inhuman howls of pain. Poe slowly walked to Ben and stood over him. Somehow, Ben managed to look up. His face was burned and bloody, his clothes torn and singed. "Poe, please - this isn't you."

Poe didn't bother to reply. Heat warped his vision, and he raised his hand slightly, extending his reach into the cut on Ben's face, through the blood vessels and veins in that intricate network of the human body. He found himself in darkness, cold, alone. There was only one thing he could do.

He lit a match, and Ben screamed underneath him. Poe could feel the waves of pain rolling off of the other like a Kaminoan thunderstorm. He closed his eyes and breathed it in. It was good, it was  _refreshing_.

"Poe, don't do this - "

"Please - this isn't you - "

"This isn't you - "

"Fight him, Poe - "

 _No_ , something inside Poe whispered.  _No more. No more fighting._

He raised his hand, building up a fatal blow. He counted his heartbeats like a takeoff.

_No more tears._

Ten . . . nine . . .

_No more sorrows._

. . . eight . . . seven . . .

_No more pain._

Ben's screams cresecendoed into silence. He rolled onto his side, panting and gasping.

. . . six . . . five . . . four . . .

"Poe, please - "

. . . three . . .

Ben suddenly reached out and grabbed Poe's ankle. Unbalanced, Poe fell to one knee, the fires still raging around him.

. . . two . . .

Ben's wet, bloody forehead touched Poe's knee.  _"Please live, Poe. Please be okay."_

_No more loss._

. . . one . . .


	39. Chapter XXXIX

_The two boys had been sitting quietly in the tree house when the silence was broken by a soft, insistent song. They couldn't have been more than thirteen or fourteen, that age when the first rains of romance make themselves known in every corner of the natural world._

_"Do you hear that?" the taller one asked, glancing out the window._

_The other got up as far as the small space would allow and walked on his knees to the former's spot, his hands on the windowsill. After a few moments, he found the source of the sad melody._

_"There she is, Ben," the boy said softly, pointing. "Look at her."_

_One of the bird's wings was crumpled, the feathers sticking out at awkward angles. She limped as she hopped from branch to branch, flapping uselessly._

_"She's going to die like that," Ben replied, just as soft._

_Both boys watched as the bird, as if drawn somehow, limped towards them, chirping and whistling all the while. The boy who had found her first stared in fascination until one tiny, clawed foot slipped from the jagged bark and the feathers tumbled after it._

_Immediately, he thrust out his hands, and the bird's fall slowed. Carefully, as though being pulled by an invisible string, the bird settled into the boy's outstretched palm._

_"Look at her," he repeated. "Something's hurt her real bad."_

_"Can you fix her?"_

_"I'm not sure," the boy holding the bird said uncertainly. He cupped the poor creature gently in his hands, making soft, reassuring clicking sounds with his tongue. "I can try."_

_"Remember what Master Luke said, Poe?"_

_Both boys grinned. "Do or do not — there is no try."_

_Soft light radiated from Poe's palms, enveloping the broken bird in a warm embrace. The nervous twitters subsided, giving way to a fuller song. In a matter of moments, the bird's wing was healed, its injury forgotten. The bird danced in his palm for a few heartbeats, then fluttered away._

_"You saved her," Ben said breathlessly. His arm curled around his friend's shoulder, lingering there almost too long to call it a brotherly gesture._

_"Yeah," Poe replied. He stared out the window and into the treetops, where the bird was no longer visible. "What if I've just sent her out there to get hunted by some predator again?"_

_"All life is worth saving, Poe, even if it's for a moment," Ben said simply. His arm snaked down to Poe's waist, a bold but hesitant move. Poe looked up at him in momentary surprise, but let himself sink into Ben's touch. "All life is precious, no matter how long we do or don't have it."_

_"That was poetic," Poe said, smiling up at Ben._

_"I know," Ben smiled back. "That's why you love me."_

_Poe stopped for a moment, his eyes breaking away from Ben's for a split second. "Yeah, Benji. I do." He looked up again, his next words slow and deliberate. "I do love you."_

_"I know."_

_"No, I mean, like, I love you love you."_

_"I know."_

_"Ben Solo - "_

_"I know, Poe." Ben grinned and closed the distance between them. "I know."_

_Ben's lips were soft and unpracticed, not that Poe was any better. The moment had gone as soon as it had come. Ben grinned even wider at him. "I liked that."_

_"I know." Poe laced his fingers with Ben's. They leaned on each other and stared out the window. He couldn't help but ask the question again. "Our bird — she'll be alright, right?"_

_"Of course she will, Poe," Ben whispered, squeezing Poe's hand. "You healed her."_

_You healed her._

_You healed her._

_All life is worth saving._

_You healed her._

_All life is precious._

Poe's vision suddenly snapped into focus. Fire and smoke raged behind him, but none of it seemed to matter. He realized with a jolt that the bloody mess he'd pressed up against the wall, so ready to kill, had been Ben all along. Horrified, he stepped back, the Force spilling around him like a dying firework. _What had he done?_

Ben crumpled to the ground, and Poe hurried over to him. "Ben? Benji? Please wake up, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it I —"

Ben's hand trembled as he tried to touch Poe's face. He coughed weakly. "Is this — what it — what it felt like —"

Poe knelt down and tried to lift Ben into his arms. Summoning every bit of strength he had, he poured all his healing energy into Ben's broken body. "Please please please I'm so sorry I didn't mean it I swear — "

Somehow, Poe's energy felt blocked, as if some sort of invisible dam were keeping him from reaching Ben's wounds. He became more and more aware of Ben's pain, but he couldn't seem to take it on or make it any better. Ben's lashes fluttered with his weakening heartbeat, and Poe hugged him tighter. Ben's heartbeat faded under Poe's hands, and his body disappeared. Poe stared numbly at the spot where he had been, his eyes stinging from the smoke.

Smoke . . .

Poe stood, truly realizing for the first time that he was in danger. His house was on fire, yet he hadn't felt a thing. His house was on fire. _His house was on fire._

Panic settled in, its grip paralyzing. Poe's head darted from one side to the next, trying to calculate a safe way out. He sensed movement above his head, and he barely managed to dodge a falling rafter. A flash fire raced up his pants leg, and he quickly patted it out. Remembering his basic fire safety training, Poe dropped to his hands and knees, pulling the collar of his shirt over his nose and mouth. Grimacing, he wove a Force net around his bare skin, trying to keep the heat out.

Shouts echoed from further along the burning hallway. Was someone calling him? Poe wanted to call back, but the only sound that came out of his throat was a dry croak.

A second, more unwelcome sound followed. _Blasterfire_?

Poe's hand flew to his side, where he would have found a blaster. No such luck. Poe silently cursed. He hadn't armed himself since they'd left the _Falcon_. His best chance of doing so would be sneaking back onto the freighter and snatching a rifle from the cargo hold.

First things first, though. Fire.

The voices were becoming clearer, more distinct. It was obvious that it wasn't Finn or Rey or Luke. Bucketheads. Not pausing to wonder how they'd been found, Poe hurriedly crawled into the nearest room. Where there was a room, there was a window. Where there was a window, there was escape.

"There!" A voice shouted, and red bursts of laserfire arced over Poe's head. The shots were wide, though, almost . . . almost as if they weren't shooting to kill.

"Your mistake," Poe muttered, squinting through the heat and explosions. He found the window and thrust his hand out. The Force answered his call, shattering what was left of the glass and blowing a giant hole in the wall. Poe stumbled through it, tumbling onto scorched grass on the other side of the wall.

He would have stood up if the cold metal of a blaster hadn't roughly prodded his side. Breathing heavily, Poe's gaze turned defiant as he stared up at a silver-clad stormtrooper. He hadn't known them to have armor in colors other than white, and he certainly hadn't known them to wear _capes_.

Poe's thoughts immediately went to his friends. He had the unsettling feeling that he knew how and why First Order had managed to track them down this far, this fast . . . there was no telling which one of them was in the most danger. He tried for some bravado, pushing his sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes and peering into the trooper's armor as though it were a mirror. "Hang on, buddy. I wanna look good if I'm getting captured again."

The trooper was not amused. "Freeze, Dameron."

Poe raised his hands in mock surrender, slightly startled by the female voice. "Seems I'm famous. And who might you be?"

"That is none of your concern. Stand."

"Ooh, playing hard to get, are we?" Poe smirked. "I'm sure we'll have some time later to, ah, work out the kinks."

"Silence." Poe barely had time to register the blow before it landed. Knocked to the ground, he tentatively touched his cheek. He could barely move his jaw, let alone talk again. That blaster was sure to leave a good mark.

The chrome trooper inclined her head only minimally, and two others in the squad behind her hurried forward and hoisted Poe between them, cuffing his wrists before him. He was roughly led along to a familiar-looking First Order shuttle. He feigned exasperation as he tried to see whether his friends had also been taken or not. "Hey, go a little easy, will ya? I think I deserve some special treatment, being a two-time prisoner and all - "

That was as far as he got before he was tossed into a cell, the barred door clanking shut. Poe stared after his captors in half-disgust, half-fear, slamming his hands against the bars before turning to his cell.

Which he found wasn't quite empty. "Finn?"

"Poe." Finn was breathless; fear and confusion were written all over his face. "Dammit, they found you."

"Don't worry about me," Poe said. He might have hugged Finn if his hands hadn't been cuffed. He glanced around. "Where's Luke and Rey? Please tell me they got away."

Finn shuffled his feet. "They got put on another shuttle. Phasma said they're going to the Supreme Leader."

"Nononono - " Poe shook his head. "That's not right. That can't be right. I'm the one he wants."

Finn's eyes were nervous, darting around. "Don't say that, Poe."

Poe leaned on the far wall, guilt stabbing through him. He closed his eyes. "What happened, Finn?"

"Well, uh, after I left you, I found Rey and Luke. They were running out of the forest, Luke said you were in trouble. Then the fire started. I don't know how or why, but suddenly, flames just started shooting up all around your house. Then the First Order showed up. It was like they had just been waiting for the fire to start. Their ships came down, and - and, well, uh, you can guess what happened next."

"Yeah . . . " Poe sighed. "I'm so sorry, Finn. I keep kriffing things up."

"It's not your fault, Poe." Finn shuffled closer to him, putting his head on the pilot's shoulder.

"I wish I could believe you," Poe whispered. He glanced out through the bars of their cell, the Force settling uneasily around him. "What's going to happen to us now?"

"We could always just hijack another TIE fighter and blow up another Star Destroyer." Finn's tone was light, but Poe could sense the hopelessness beneath.

"What's actually going to happen to us?"

Finn was quiet for a while. "If we're lucky, we get the firing squad."

A lump grew in Poe's throat. "And if we're not?"

"I don't know."


	40. Chapter XL

There wasn't much for Poe and Finn to do during their ride except worry and try not to worry the other person. Poe picked absently at his cuffs as he slouched against the wall. He'd counted the seconds to keep track of time and to distract himself from the throbbing pain in his jaw where he'd been pistol-whipped, but lost count at twenty-two minutes. That had been a while ago.

"Hey." Finn's voice brought Poe out of his cuff-picking. "Do you . . . wanna talk?"

"Sure." Poe shifted slightly. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Something that's not depressing," Finn shrugged. He awkwardly rubbed the side of his face into his sleeve. "Sorry, I just had a little itch - "

"You want me to get that for you?" Poe extended his own cuffed hands.

Finn shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "No, that's okay. Thanks."

Poe exhaled slowly. "Something that's not depressing. Hm." He laughed softly. "That's hard."

For some reason, Finn grinned back. "Isn't it? How the hell is everything so kriffing depressing?"

Poe did his best to shrug. "I just have that effect on people, I guess. I am the Supreme Lord Commander of making everything depressing."

"You are," Finn agreed. "Okay, so no happy conversations."

"Happy conversation?" Poe feigned innocence. "What's that?"

"Maybe I'll teach you someday," Finn said. "If we survive."

"We'll get through this," Poe promised. "We're unkillable. I mean, hey, we both survived Jakku, right?"

"You Damerons and kriffing Jakku." Finn rolled his eyes. "I still can't believe that you two are related. I mean, what are the odds? The first two people I meet after I leave the First Order end up being long-lost siblings."

"In the words of Han Solo," Poe declared, "never tell me the odds."

Finn raised an eyebrow. "Solo was a gambler?"

"Oh _hell_ yeah." Poe stared at Finn incredulously. "He taught me and Ben how to play sabacc like our lives depended on it. He won the _Falcon_ in a sabacc game, you know."

"Really." Finn seemed more intrigued. "That's stuff they don't teach you in Galactic History."

"Yeah, I bet they probably glossed over all the black market deals and card games he got himself tied up in." Poe unsuccessfully tried to shove some hair out of his eyes, and Finn swept away the unruly lock for him. "Thanks."

"Solo seemed like a cool guy." Finn nodded. "Kinda weird, a little scary, but cool."

"Yeah." Poe smiled. "Kinda makes me a little less scared by the prospect of our imminent deaths, knowing he might be there when we kick the bucket."

"Hey, who was the one that said we'd make it?" Finn's tone had changed ever so slightly, the faintest hint of defeat creeping in. His voice lowered. "You're not scared to die, are you." It was more a statement than a question.

Poe shrugged, as if he was asked that question every day. In a way, he was. "Not really. I've never died before, and I know a bunch of people who have. It's sort of comforting, I guess. I know that there are people waiting for me. I mean, it's sad and all, the thought that all life has to end, but in our line of work, that's just the truth of it."

"Deep," Finn commented. He twiddled his fingers. "I dunno, I'm not as experienced a fighter as you. I just . . . I just can't stand the thought of people dying, whether I know them or not. It's part of the reason why I left the First Order in the first place. I just couldn't kill like the others could."

"Hey, that's fine," Poe said reassuringly. "That's just part of who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"If things were different," Finn began, "would you still choose to be a pilot? Like, if there never had been a war."

Poe hesitated. "Actually, I don't know. I've always loved flying, and that's just been my connection to the galaxy. Being a soldier was hard - it still is - but I felt like that was the best way I could protect the people I love. Everyone fights for something, Finn. Mine's a physical, laserfire, blow-up-the-bad-guys type of fight." He cracked a smile. "I don't think I really answered your question."

Finn shrugged. "You did, sort of."

"Maybe I could be a Jedi," Poe suggested half-heartedly. "I'd at least get a lightsaber."

"I could see that," Finn smiled. "I don't think you'd be a bad Jedi."

"Yeah, well, I'd be a better pilot." Poe paused. "What about you? What do you see yourself doing?"

Finn pursed his lips. "I don't know. Like I said, they only raised us to do one thing in the First Order - it was kill or be killed. You know, survival of the fittest. I don't know what anything else would be like, but I get the feeling that it can't be worse."

Poe put his arms behind his head and whistled softly. "I guess. I think anything, when you stick around for long enough, becomes familiar enough to see all the worse parts of."

"True." Finn tucked his knees close to his chest. "Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like without the First Order, if I got the chance to grow up with a family like you did. You know, I'm insanely jealous that you got to have so much. I mean, I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but you had parents and a family that loved you. You had Rey, Ben, a bunch of friends, the General, Solo - that's a lot, Poe."

"Yeah." Poe nodded. "I just hope I did right by them, made them feel like I loved them, needed them. It's a big thing to me, feeling needed."

"Believe me when I say that they knew," Finn said reassuringly. "I mean, I wasn't around for very long, but it was clear how people felt about you. When the whole D'Qar-Kylo-Ren incident sprang up, you should have seen the looks on their faces. I'm not good at people, but even a blindworm could see it. Half the guys acted like you'd just died. People wouldn't react that way if you didn't matter or if you didn't make them feel like they mattered."

Poe smiled. "Thanks, Finn. That . . . that really means something."

"Yeah, well . . . " Finn fidgeted slightly. "It's the least I could do."

Poe held up a hand. "Wait right there. Remember what I told you? We don't owe nothing to each other."

Finn shrugged. "If you say so."

"I haven't changed your mind, have I?"

"Not really."

"Well, I tried."

"You did."

Poe exhaled softly. "How much time you think we got left?"

Finn glanced warily out the bars. "I dunno. Couple hours, maybe?"

"What do you think we can do in a couple hours?"

"There isn't much left to do but talk," Finn pointed out. "Unless you want to stand up and do a dance or something."

"I could," Poe shrugged. "Should I?"

"Only if you want." Resignation had entered Finn's voice.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Poe shifted a little closer to Finn.

"Only the fact that we're probably going to die in a few hours." Finn rubbed the side of his face in his sleeve again. "Criminals of the First Order only face one end. I'm a traitor. You're - "

" - the best pilot in the Resistance," Poe finished. "Who also blew up one of their favorite toys."

"I guess you could say that," Finn shrugged. "I'd be kinda pissed if some hotshot blew up my favorite planet-killing planet, too." He paused. "You know what's weird, though?"

"What?"

"Captain Phasma."

"Who?"

"You know, silver stormtrooper with the cape?"

"Oh, the one who gave me this." Poe gestured at his bruised jaw. "Very friendly. I think we hit it off pretty nicely."

"Yeah, that would be her," Finn smiled. "Anywho, me and Solo got her to lower the shields on Starkiller - "

"Must be why she acts like she's got a rod up her a- "

" _Anyway_ ," Finn continued meaningfully, "we forced her into a garbage disposal chute."

In spite of it all, Poe laughed. "What? Actually, no, that makes sense - that is exactly the type of thing Han Solo would do."

"Right?" Finn grinned. He shook his head. "Imagine how I felt when she just shows up and holds a blaster to my head."

"Imagine," Poe repeated. For some reason, the Abbey Road song drifted through his thoughts, and he hummed it softly.

"Could you, er, sing that a bit louder?" Finn asked shyly. "I like your voice. And the song."

"Of course," Poe said. Fingering the chords against his palm, he sang as loudly as he dared on a First Order ship, ad-libbing the background vocals and instrumental parts. Granted, it wasn't much, but if he could at least one of them feel a little better about their current predicament, it was worth it. Poe's mind drifted while he sang, wandering from one pained thought to the next. His family, his career, the Resistance . . . none of it would be important anymore. They said that when you were about to die, your whole life flashed before your eyes. Was this what it was like?

 _You may say I'm a dreamer,_  
 _But I'm not the only one._  
I hope someday you'll join us,  
And the world can live as one.

Poe's voice trailed off, abruptly ending the closing instrumentation. "How was that?"

Finn shook his head. "I can't get over it, how humans are capable of doing something like that. I mean, a human wrote that song. You're a human, and you can sing. It's just . . . the only word I can think of is beautiful, but I don't think that's a good one."

Poe nudged Finn's shoulder. "It's a fine one."

"Imagine if songs could win wars instead of blasters," Finn murmured. "You guys would have already won."

"Maybe," Poe considered. "Imagine if there were no bad guys, ever. No fights."

"Just like the song." Finn closed his eyes. "Imagine if no one ever died violent deaths. People just went when they were ready."

"Imagine if the galaxy was just one planet full of people."

"Imagine if it was just one city."

"Imagine if it was just one person."

"Poe Dameron, you are the galaxy." Finn seemed to realize a second too late what he'd said. "Um, I mean - "

"I know." Poe didn't meet Finn's eyes. "I'm sorry. I know."

"I just want you to know that I care," Finn said quietly. "Even if you don't."

"Finn, you know I care - "

"I know." The light had faded from Finn's eyes. "I meant that I'd still care about you even if you don't care about yourself."

Silence followed.

"Imagine if I did."

"Imagine."


	41. Chapter XLI

Footsteps made Poe look up. The silver stormtrooper - Captain Phasma - approached the cell, accompanied by a small squadron of stormtroopers. The door to their cell was unceremoniously thrown open. Phasma gave only the slightest incline of her head, and the troopers seized Poe and Finn, two each, one on each side. Finn threw him a nervous, fearful glance, but Poe's eyes were hardened and firm. _Don't let them faze you._

"Took you long enough," Poe smirked. "I was almost getting worried you'd forgotten about me down here."

"Flattery will do you no favors." Phasma turned and led them down a corridor.

"Wow, was that a complete sentence? I'm impressed!" Poe could have sworn he heard a muffled grunt of amusement from the trooper on his left, quickly covered up by a rough shove.

Phasma made no reply. She flipped a switch on the wall in the main hold, and a large door hissed open, a ramp descending to meet a polished white floor. Poe and Finn were chivvied along in what Poe considered to be an overly rude manner.

Upon hitting the smooth, impeccably clean, blinding white tiles that Poe was certain either marked a Star Destroyer or some secret First Order base, nearly all sense of defiance shriveled up inside of him. Hundreds of stormtroopers were gathered in tight square formations, their armor terribly clean, their blasters meticulously poised, each one identical to the next. They all seemed to be looking at Poe and Finn, but Poe realized that their attention was not on them, but rather, at a large platform in front of three large screens, all sporting the black and red insignia of the First Order. First Order officers stood at attention in their black coats and caps, one redheaded man standing in the front. Poe guessed he must have been an admiral or a general or someone of high rank, given the way he held himself and that entitled look on his face. Poe made sure to glare at him.

Their squad stopped at the foot of some steps that led up to the platform. General Redhead gave them a disgusted look out of the corner of his eye, as though he were watching a Hutt give birth. He turned his attention to the legion of stormtroopers before him.

"Soldiers and officers of the First Order," he said, in a voice so amplified Poe was sure there was some sort of concealed microphone on his disgustingly well-tailored coat. "We bring you here today to teach you two things: one, that the Resistance brings no hope to the galaxy, and two, that it is pointless to run to them. We may have suffered recent losses, but these are crimes that the Resistance will pay dearly for. Starting with _him_."

The man gave a cursory glance in Poe's direction, and the troopers holding Poe pushed him forward, onto the center of the platform. Poe tried to ignore Finn's struggling towards him, the desperate look of a cornered animal in his eyes. He kept his head high but didn't resist. General Redhead would expect him to. Poe didn't dare give him an ounce of a show.

Half the smug look disappeared, as Poe had expected, but only he was close enough to see it. The man continued, as if nothing had happened, "The man standing before you is one of the finest pilots of the Resistance. Some of you might recognize him from Jakku, the so-called Commander Poe Dameron. He had the nerve not only to be at the head of all aerospace battles and to destroy our Starkiller Base and countless numbers of our forces, but also to coerce one of our own into helping him. The traitor, FN-2187."

At this cue, Finn was pushed up to stand beside Poe. He, like Poe, stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, but Poe didn't need the Force to feel the waves of fear pulsing from Finn like a heat lamp.

"But," continued General Redhead, "we are not without mercy. Which is why, instead of immediate execution as our order demands, we will give FN-2187 the chance to redeem himself. He can renounce the Resistance and submit himself to full reconditioning until he is fit to serve as a soldier of the First Order once again. FN-2187, do you accept this offer?"

Poe's jaw tightened, and he sensed Finn tense. By extending the offer, General Redhead was making the First Order seem less brutal than it was while offering the worse punishment. Poe remembered an old folk tale about a group of men living in chains in a dark cave. One managed to escape, and he ventured out into the real world, experiencing new things and learning what it was to live. Unfortunately, when he came back, he couldn't convince the others of what he'd seen and was forced to live the rest of his life wasting away in the cave, away from the beauty and splendor of the outside world. Finn had gone beyond that cave, and now the First Order was trying to chain him again.

_But at least he'll live._

Poe pushed the nagging thought to the back of his mind. Live in chains, or die a free man? Which one was better?

Finn exhaled slowly. Without so much as a glance back at the man, he said, in a sharp, steely voice that could only have belonged to a true soldier, "I do not."

The muscles in the man's face tightened. "I will not ask again - "

"You don't have to, _General_." Finn spat the last word like it was a curse. He turned his head and stared into Poe's eyes. "I've made my choice."

Before Poe could register what was happening, Finn took a step forward, grabbed the front of Poe's shirt, and kissed him full on the mouth. Murmurs and hushed voices rose around them, but Poe ignored the noise and kissed Finn back. He gently touched Finn's mind with the Force, and Finn's thoughts opened to him. _Forgive me, Poe._

_There is nothing to forgive._

Unwelcome arms pulled them away from one another and shoved them towards the back of the platform. Another squad of troopers, clad in black, stepped forward and cocked their blaster rifles ready. Assuming positions, they lined up the barrels of their rifles, right at Poe and Finn. Something lit up on Poe's cuffs, and he found he couldn't move. Some sort of energy enveloped his body with a strange tingling sensation.

"This is what the galaxy has fallen to!" The General roared. "Passions and sentiment and chaos! We will end the disorder in the galaxy as we will end the Resistance as we end these criminals' lives!"

The crowd had fallen silent. Troopers shuffled back into their squad positions. The General raised a gloved hand, and the air tensed. Poe could sense the minute movements of the firing squad in front of them, fingers closing on triggers, slow breaths being let out. Fighting the immobilization field with the Force, he reached out and grabbed Finn's hand.  It was the least he could do.

Poe thought of his parents. He thought of Han. He thought of Jess. He thought of every name he'd ever written in his notebook.

He lifted his chin. He stared defiantly ahead.  _Never let them think they've won._

_"Fire!"_


	42. Chapter XLII

Poe inhaled sharply, willing himself not to move. Beside him, Finn flinched as the squad fired their shots. Poe forced himself to keep his eyes open, his chin defiantly raised. He could feel the Force coursing through him like a river, strong and fluid, as if it were waiting to catch him when he would fall.

But he never did.

At the last second, the firing squad lifted their weapons and instead fired at the ceiling. Poe followed the crimson bolts with his eyes as they landed in a perfect line in the clean white tile. _What?_

The other officers and troopers on the stage-like platform seemed to have similar thoughts. They reached for blasters or turned to flee, but the firing squad was better prepared, cocking blasters to heads and backs in a matter of seconds. The troopers on the ground broke from their formations and scattered into a general mess. Shouting broke out as some troopers also fired their weapons into the ceiling and at each other. A few shots were fired in the direction of the stage, but most went wide. Were the troopers concerned about shooting one of their own, or were their blasters empty?

The firing squad - about nine or ten troopers - had taken control over the stage. One came up to Poe and undid his cuffs with the click of a button. Poe rubbed his wrists as the trooper also released Finn, wary of their current situation. He had been freed, and it seemed that a group of troopers was rebelling - but for what?

He overheard the trooper's hushed words to Finn. "Eight-seven? Hey, hey, it's me. We're gonna get you out of here, okay?"

Finn stared at the trooper. "Zeroes?"

"Y'all know each other?" Poe glanced from one to the other.

"Old squadmates," Finn explained quickly. "Zeroes, Poe. Poe, Zeroes."

"Pleasure," Poe said. "I'm glad you're not killing us, but what exactly is going on?"

"You'll see," the trooper - Zeroes - promised. He turned from them and to the crowd of bustling, noisy, confused troopers.

"Fellow men and women of the First Order!" Zeroes yelled. He didn't have built-in amplification like the General had, and Poe could hear a few cracks in his voice as he strained to make himself heard. "My name is FN-2000. Some of you might know me as Zeroes. I am here today as one of you, a soldier without a name or a family or anything to fight for but the promises of the First Order. I, like you, was raised to fight and make sacrifices for a regime that gave me only the armor on my back and a blaster in return. I've watched people die around me - people who I would have considered my friends or maybe even my family if I'd been taught what that meant. We were taught to ignore each other but to work together - for what? For what goal? For which people? Were we ever given a choice in our roles in this war? No.

"Instead, we were snatched from families broken under the shadow of the Empire. We were raised not as people, not even as soldiers, but as weapons. We were raised to be capable but expendable, a fearless, doubtless, meaningless fighting force. Think about it. When was the last time you ever wanted something outside of a promotion? When was the last time you followed the desires in your own heart without fear of being sent to reconditioning? Without fear of what the upper ranks would say? When was the last time any of us ever did anything for ourselves?"

Uneasy murmurs swept through the crowd. Poe could sense the mood shifting, from opposition to apprehension. Many were dismissing the speech, but there were a few who, under the masks, were really thinking about what Zeroes was saying. Heck, if Poe had been a stormtrooper, he might have even been convinced to drop his blaster.

Zeroes gestured in Finn and Poe's direction. "FN-2187. We all know that number. We've called him a traitor, scum, a coward, a deserter. What was his crime? He left the First Order. He helped a Resistance pilot, the best one they had. He followed what was right in his heart, and not what he'd been taught for the past twenty-six years. Twenty-six. How do I know that? Because I grew up with him." Zeroes removed his helmet, revealing a handsome, dark-skinned face with a light scar over the right eye. He and Finn could easily have been brothers. "We started in a squadron of thirty, then twenty, then ten, then four. Eight-Seven and I both made it into the final four, along with two others, FN-2003 and FN-2199. Slip and Nines. Jakku and Takodana. Anyone here remember them?"

A few heads shook, but the crowd remained mostly unresponsive.

"That's what I thought." Zeroes threw his helmet down, where it resonated with a solid clank. "That's because we're not taught to value life, or each other. Sure, that might make us better soldiers, but I'm going to ask you again. Did any of us volunteer? Were any of us asked, _Hey, want to sign up for the First Order?_ No. Instead, we were fed lies and propaganda that made our cause seem like the right one. What is the mission of the First Order? To spread unity and control throughout the galaxy. That's what we were raised to believe, and the Resistance - " He gestured at Poe. " - the Resistance thinks no differently. They want order. So do we. They want peace. So do we. The Resistance is led by veterans and soldiers who are there in the thick of the fight, at the height of the action, bringing their forces together from the inside. Have any of us ever seen the great Supreme Leader? When did General Hux ever command you on the battlefield? Where was Captain Phasma or Commander Ren at the Battle of Starkiller?

"Phasma returned to us a week after the attack. No one knew where she had been or what she was doing, but everyone acted like nothing had happened, and she was given command again. Ren was found half-dead in the snows of Starkiller's forest, crippled by a lightsaber wound from a Jakku scavenger. And then, in leading an attack on a Resistance outpost, he gets himself captured and possibly killed. Hux?" Zeroes glared in the direction of General Redhead, whom Poe assumed was this Hux. "He was the first to leave Starkiller Base. Meanwhile, on the side of the Resistance, Commander Poe Dameron was at the front of the X-Wing fleet. We all saw that orange and black X-Wing, and we knew who were dealing with. We knew who fired that final shot into the heart of the thing that Hux promised 'would end the Republic and affirm our reign forever'. Instead, it only ended the lives of the eight thousand troopers that were stationed there."

Zeroes took a deep breath. All eyes were on him, but he didn't waver. "Is this really what you want to put your faith in? A regime with no cause and no reason for us to stay, where leaders can desert and return, but the rest of us desert and die? Are you willing to make your life meaningless and empty in an equally meaningless fight?" Zeroes' hand went to his belt. Poe couldn't really see what he was doing, but a moment later, his hand streaked across his face, leaving four red lines of paint across his cheek, like how Slip had left the imprint of his blood on Finn's helmet that night on Jakku. Around the hall, other troopers did the same, helmets coming off, paint streaking across skin.

"I've made my choice," Zeroes said. He clenched his fist, paint dripping down his hand like blood. "What's yours?"

Not even five seconds had gone by when the crowd seemed to regain control of their senses. Someone yelled and fired a shot at the stage, which Zeroes barely dodged. From there, it was chaos. Poe grabbed Finn and dropped them both to the ground. It was near impossible to tell which was friendly fire and which was enemy fire. People yelled incoherently across the hall. Troopers and officers alike dropped from shots fired too close, too soon.

"Stay down!" Zeroes yelled at Poe and Finn as he ran to their side. He hastily shoved blasters in their hands. "Don't shoot at the ones with paint on!"

"No promises," Finn said breathlessly, readying his weapon with more ease and fluidity than Poe did. Barely looking up, he fired a couple shots, and Poe saw an unmarked trooper fall.

"Good shot," Poe gasped, quickly taking aim and shooting in the opposite direction. Four shots, two troopers.

"Come on!" Zeroes called. "We have to get you two out of here!"

"That would be nice," said Poe. Raising the blaster again, he took aim and felled another helmeted trooper.

"Halfway, Wings," Zeroes said into a wrist commlink. "I've got them. Could use support."

Poe didn't catch the reply, but a few moments later, two other helmet-less troopers joined them, one a male with pale skin and white-blond hair, the other a female with dark red hair pulled into a tight knot. The female gave a tight-lipped smile. "I'm Wings. That's Halfway."

"Poe," Poe said quickly. He gestured to Finn with one hand and shot with the other. "Finn."

"Finn, huh?" Zeroes glanced at him. "Not what I was expecting, but not bad."

The five of them paused at the edge of the stage, waiting for an opportune moment. Zeroes called on various other callsigns and names through his comm, and eventually, a path cleared just enough for them to escape. "Move, move, move!"

Keeping as low as they could, they ran through a storm of laserfire, flying armor, and falling bodies. Poe felt strangely out of step with the four others who all held their blasters the same way, led with the same step and rhythm in their pace. Another trooper ran up to them, and Poe would have shot him if Finn hadn't hurriedly pointed out the red smears on the newcomer's tan skin.

"Zeroes," the newcomer panted, "they're setting up the heavy artillery and deploying crowd control. We need to get to the hangar, quick."

"Copy that, Double-Three," Zeroes said briskly. He put two fingers to his mouth and gave the shrillest whistle that Poe had ever heard. Without turning back, he shot a control panel for a pair of durasteel doors and burst through, shooting any other trooper that dared come his way. Poe, Finn, Wings, Halfway, and Double-Three followed his lead while other painted troopers rushed after them.

For some reason, Poe felt hopelessly lost in this First Order base, wherever it was. Each blindingly lit hallway looked the same, each unpainted squadron and cleaning droid identical to the last. He tried to keep track of the turns - left, left, right, left - but it soon proved impossible. Between the bloodred bursts of laserfire and the bodies dropping around him, Poe felt like his survival was more important than which way he was going.

Their first real shock came when one of their own was shot down, a young female with sandy blond hair that barely touched her ears. Somehow, Poe could only stare as she lay faceup on the ground, two burning holes in her stomach, the paint on her face streaked in her hair. Someone pulled his arm and yelled at him to keep moving.

More fell around them. A tan male with a scar across his nose. A blond with hair so neat that not even death dislodged a single lock. A petite female with mismatched eyes, one blue and one amber. Names were called. Scarlet. Miles. Triplet. Stripes. All the while, voices urged the survivors to keep survivng.

Finally, they reached the hangar. Wings ran ahead of them with Halfway, heading for one of the TIE fighters. "Pilots, find your gunners and get to a ship!"

"Need a pilot?" Poe called to Finn.

"As long as you need a gunner!" came the reply. In spite of it all, Poe smiled. They'd escaped once. They would escape again, this time with an army.

Loud blasts rocked the hangar. A group of silver-clad troopers, with armor not unlike Captain Phasma's, appeared out of a door on the far end, equipped with machine guns and ground cannons. The incoming barrage was unexpected and unwelcome; the renegades took what shelter they could. Poe, Finn, and Zeroes ducked behind a large supply crate.

"This changes things," Zeroes grunted. "We weren't expecting the Executioners to show up."

"Executioners?" Poe echoed.

It was Finn who answered. "The most elite of the elite, second only to the Knights of Ren, when they existed. So I guess they're second to none now. We called them Executioners because no one ever survived them."

"That's not exactly helpful," Poe commented. He studied them, not daring to take a shot and expose himself. "Are they Force users or normal guys?"

"We think they're normal," Zeroes said. "Well, normal in the sense that they're not like Kylo Ren."

"Huh." Poe did his best to keep a neutral expression on hearing the name. He remembered what Zeroes had said earlier. _Captured and possibly killed._ Captured, yes. Killed?

 _No_. Poe pushed the thought to the back of his mind. There was no time to think about that now.

Zeroes fished in his utility belt for a more useful device - a grenade, perhaps - and came up empty. "In the off chance that either of you have a grenade or something, would you please speak up now?"

"I might have something." Poe took a deep breath and reached out with the Force. Loosening his grip on his blaster, he extended his hand and felt the Executioners' energy signatures, their minute movements and the heavy fire emanating from their position. Where there was a blaster, there was energy. And energy could be controlled.

"What's he doing?" Poe heard Zeroes whisper. Finn shushed his former squadmate as Poe's brow furrowed in concentration. Plasma energy had always come easier to Ben, but Poe did his best. He located every blaster cartridge, every converter, every potential source of laserfire, and willed them to freeze.

Abruptly, the sound of laserfire ended. It was like trying to hold back a starving pack of gundarks. Poe managed a strained, " Go."

Zeroes took his cue and led them from their hiding spot. Other renegades noticed the lull and took advantage of it, leaping into TIEs and taking to the air. Finn stayed at Poe's side, shooting the troopers as Poe held back as much laserfire as he could. He could feel the fingers pressing triggers, all the energy building up inside the Executioners' weapons. He couldn't hold it much longer.

When they were at a safe distance to a pair of TIE fighters, Poe motioned for Zeroes and Finn to get down. Zeroes relayed the message to the other renegades still in the hangar, and Poe let it go. He'd bought them only a precious few seconds, but at a huge cost. For those few seconds, the laserfire was greater, more intense. Fighters and supply crates exploded all around them. There wasn't enough time for any one of them to get a shot back in response.

Zeroes gestured to the nearer TIE. "You guys go. I'll try to cover you!"

"That's suicide!" Finn retorted.

Zeroes jabbed an impatient finger in the Executioners' direction. "They're coming down hard on us. We're not going to last much longer here, anyway. We gotta move."

Wordlessly, the three of them shifted their positions so that they would be ready to run like hell was on their heels. Zeroes gave a small nod, and they bolted. Poe dashed up the ladder first, ready to take control of the TIE and blast the silver troopers to hell. Finn was right on his heels. Shots came dangerously close to both of them; then Poe's foot slipped.

"Look out, Dameron!" Zeroes yelled, but it was too late. Poe sensed the shot coming, and his hand came up on reflex, turning the bolt away. He hadn't seen the one below him moving up to make up for the slip, hadn't thought that he might also be in danger of a ricocheting blast. Poe hadn't thought or seen or heard or known until he heard Finn's pained cry, the thud of his friend's body as he fell from the ladder, his lifeless hands losing their grip, still stretched towards him. Finn's eyes showed surprise, then fear, then disbelief.

Then nothing.

" _Finn!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11 days until The Last Jedi, and the end of this work, come about!


	43. Chapter XLIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9 more days, guys! I'm gonna be updating like crazy in the next week - keep an eye out for new chapters!

Everything happened in slow motion. Poe's eyes met Finn's for a brief second before the light faded from them. Disbelief was mirrored in both sets of brown, denial in one, confusion in the other.

_No!_

Without thinking, Poe jumped down from the ladder and knelt by Finn's side, cradling the limp body. "Come on, buddy, come on, you're gonna be okay, Finn, come on - " The Force seemed to flow more easily from him, pouring to Finn's body like a waterfall. Except there was nothing left to receive it, nothing left to heal but a gaping hole in his heart that refused to accept anything except d -

No. Poe wouldn't let himself think that. He'd healed Finn once, brought him back once. He could do it again. He _would_ do it again. Yelling from whatever emotion fueled it, he tried again, pushing harder and harder, his hands radiating a warm golden glow. Nothing. Nothing. Again, nothing. Desperately, Poe beat the limp body with his fists. "Come on, Finn! Come on! You're gonna be okay, Finn, you've gotta be! Come on!"

_Why isn't it working?_

Tears streamed down Poe's face. He couldn't quite accept what was going on. Finn had been shot - okay, but blaster wounds could heal, right? Unwilling to believe for a second that the shot might have been fatal, Poe shook and hugged and beat Finn's body, desperate for a response. Suddenly, he was fifteen years old again, holding his father's hand in a med frigate, unable to stop the life from seeping out of the shrapnel-torn body. It couldn't happen again. Surely nothing in the universe could be that cruel.

"Finn, please, wake up, wake up, I know you can - "

Suddenly, a pair of arms found their way around Poe's, dragging him off of Finn. Zeroes yelled something at him as shots exploded over their heads. Whatever it was, Poe wasn't interested in listening. Finn was hurt and needed his help. He couldn't leave.

A flash of silver entered the corner of his vision, and Poe's hand shot out, enveloping it in a shattering Force grip that tore the armor from the body and the limbs from the torso. Blood spattered everywhere as Poe turned his grief and anger to the Executioners, his volatile energies too much for their bodies to handle. Dark gold and red bands of light shot from his fingertips, wrapping around Executioners and unmarked troopers alike, twisting their bodies like how his heart felt.

"Leave it, Dameron!" Zeroes was yelling. "We have to go! Leave them!"

"Finn - Finn - " Poe managed, his knees weak. He could feel the Force swirl around him like a hurricane, gold and silver threads weaving into ropes and pulling each other to pieces. Each human in the hangar lit up like a flare in the sea of Force energies, but Finn's body was cold and empty. Poe could see it clearer than daylight, but he still refused to believe it. Finn wasn't, he couldn't be -

"He's gone, Dameron," Zeroes insisted, not unsympathetically. "We have to go, though!"

Somehow, Poe let himself be led up the ladder once more and into the TIE fighter. Zeroes helped his numb fingers punch instrumentation and enter the startup sequence before he took his place behind Poe as gunner. Poe went through the motions as if he were some marionette guided by an unknown puppeteer. Poe's mind screamed at him to slow down, to go back, but the soldier's instinct inside of him pushed him through the flight sequence.

"Through the roof," Zeroes instructed, his voice slightly muffled. "Straight up."

Poe didn't reply. His mouth kept moving in the shape of Finn's name, soundless but constant. His hands took control of the TIE before he could register what he was doing, and the fighter lifted itself with more grace than Poe felt. Outside the bay doors was a rippling blue-green ocean, white waves of foam crashing onto the golden beach below. Orange and purple trees surrounded the water, and large, glassy rocks dotted the clear water. It would have been a tropical paradise if not for the ugly durasteel building they'd just come out of. Poe didn't see anything that might help him give this place a name. It was too beautiful a planet to belong to the First Order, and the double suns were too bright to suggest the death and destruction they'd just escaped.

"There should be a route to Yavin IV programmed into the computer," Zeroes said. "That was our rendezvous point. We figured that once we got there, you could help us get connected with the Resistance."

"Yeah, okay."

There was silence for a while as Poe steered them into the atmosphere. No one chased them, no blasts of laserfire or screaming engines. Once they cleared the wispy clouds, there was nothing but the blackness of space ahead of them.

"You gave him a name," Zeroes said finally.

"Wasn't gonna call him FN-whatever it was."

Zeroes gave a small chuckle. "Two-one-eight-seven."

"Yeah. That." Poe shook his head. "No offense or anything, but I'm not good with calling people numbers."

"None taken. Just so long as you don't give me a new name."

"Deal."

Silence. It was Zeroes who broke it again. Part of Poe appreciated it, but another part of him wanted the renegade trooper to stop trying to make conversation. "Hey, Dameron? You a Jedi?"

"Not exactly."

"But you can do that thing, the telekinesis and the Force and all that."

"I guess. It's a long story."

"Figured. We got a long ride ahead of us. We would have tried to take shuttles, you know, with the hyperdrives, but it was too risky."

Poe paused a moment, tracing circles with his thumb on the controls. "You could have easily just let us die, Zeroes. Why'd you do what you did?"

Zeroes laughed softly. "Didn't you hear what I said back there?"

"I heard," said Poe. "Anyone can give a speech, though, if someone writes it out or if they're a good actor."

"Fair point." Poe could almost imagine Zeroes shifting in his seat, taking his hands from the triggers. "I dunno, you get raised thinking one thing your whole life, and then someone comes along and makes you see something completely different. Do you know what that's like?"

"I can imagine."

"Yeah, well, that was us in a nutshell." Zeroes made a small noise as though he were stretching. Then he was quiet for a while. "Hey, Dameron?"

"Still here."

"Figured. I just wanted to say . . . I mean, I dunno if it'll make it right or anything, but I'm sorry for what I did."

"Hm?" Poe turned, but he couldn't see the trooper through the wall that divided gunner and pilot.

"I was sent to your cell," Zeroes said slowly. "I was supposed to help make you talk."

A chill ran down Poe's spine. "Oh."

"You didn't, though." There was something almost like admiration in Zeroes' voice. "Everyone kept thinking, _when's this guy gonna break?_ And then you never did. People were frustrated, angry. There was even a rumor going around that the guy who made you talk would even get a promotion. I mean, that last part was probably bullshit, but I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't."

"Thanks," Poe said dryly.

"The point was," Zeroes stressed, "there was just something in you that I'd never seen in the First Order. Something that made you immune to anything we could have done. I couldn't figure out what that was, and before I could try to, Eight-Seven sprang you. Maybe he saw it before I did. I thought about it a lot. I sort of figured out, you know, maybe it's not because we're weaker than you. Maybe you were just stronger. People were pissed, but I think there was a bit of admiration in that. Ten hours, and you could still crack a joke. Maybe we couldn't break you because we were already broken by the First Order. So I wanted to fix that."

"That's what we try to do at the Resistance," Poe said. "It's like you said. We want peace. We want justice. Order. All the goods. I never really thought of the First Order as people, just as enemies. Ships to blow. Fighters to target. Bases to strike. But after Jakku, after Finn - " Poe's voice cracked on his friend's name, and the lump in his throat grew too strong. He tried to speak but couldn't, so he tried to distract himself with the star patterns.

Zeroes seemed to understand. "You two got pretty close, didn't you?"

Poe thumbed the tears from his eyes. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."

"Well, it does take guts to kiss a guy in front of the whole First Order."

 _Forgive me, Poe_. It had almost been a goodbye. Could Finn have known?

"Sorry." Zeroes coughed quietly. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's what happened."

"You don't sound happy about that."

If Poe could have turned and strangled the man in the gunner's seat behind him, he would have. Instead, in a flat, steely tone that sounded nothing like him, he said, "My friend just got shot, and it was my fault. I couldn't even do anything to help him. Would you be happy?"

"I'm sorry, Dameron. I really am. I just . . . I don't know what to say."

"Sometimes, you don't have to say anything."

"I feel like I should, though. Isn't that crazy? It's like I don't want to talk, but I feel like I need to. You know what I mean?"

"All too well."

It was quiet the rest of the way.


	44. Chapter XLIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys - should I add a tag for MCD? Or would that be too much of a potential spoiler? (which might probably be the point...?)

Something felt wrong when they approached Yavin IV. It wasn't a Star Destroyer or laserfire or anything like that. No ships were hovering around the planet, but something felt so cold and dark. Poe said as much to Zeroes. "Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

Poe didn't answer, but his sense of dread grew as they descended through the atmosphere. He found his way home by heart, even though there was no longer a house to mark the spot. With some relief, Poe saw that the Falcon was left mostly untouched. A few TIEs had already landed in the open space surrounding it. He reached out with his senses, trying to call out to the voice that had called him here in the first place. Nothing. Where there had been light, there was now darkness.

Cautiously, Poe landed his TIE near the edge of the woods. Zeroes opened the hatch, and they exited the fighter.

"We made it," Zeroes breathed. He noticed the look on Poe's face. "Dameron? You okay?"

"I will be," Poe said. He started walking towards the Falcon, Zeroes close behind. Other troopers exited their fighters and greeted them, but Poe nodded off their salutes and greetings as though he were slipping through oil.

Something felt very, very wrong.

Poe pressed a switch on the _Falcon's_ underbelly, and the ramp hissed open. Slowly, as if he were moving underwater, he stepped into the familiar ship. The halls were exactly as he had left them, scuff marks and scratches on the walls and floor. It didn't seem that anyone had come aboard the ship since he'd last left it.

"Hello?" Poe hadn't been expecting an answer, and he didn't get one. He stepped into the empty cockpit and ran his hand over the old freighter's controls. Looking around, he flopped himself down in the pilot's seat, where Han should have been sitting. Poe buried his face in his hands. First Han, then Jess, now Finn . . . he didn't even know if Luke and Rey were still alive.

_Surely nothing in the universe can be that cruel._

Poe had never been much of a religious person. He hadn't had faith in much else besides himself and his friends. But now, deprived of his friends and family and his own confidence, he could understand the need to believe in a higher power. Some called it a god, others the Force, but it was all the same thing. People needed something to depend on when they couldn't depend on themselves.

"If there's anyone or anything out there that's listening," Poe whispered, "I could use some help."

He suddenly felt so exhausted. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept or eaten something. Poe sighed heavily and stood. The sun glimmered through translucent clouds onto the transparisteel. Outside, the trees stood tall and stoic, as if nothing had ever happened. There were a few scorch marks on the grass, but nothing else. The cockpit was turned away from the burnt frame of his house, so he couldn't really see the damage. Poe wondered who or what had put out the fire, or if it had gone out when it had nothing left to burn.

_The bird returns._

On reflex, Poe looked up. He reached out with his mind, touching the feeble energy that emanated from the forest. _I'm here._

_The nest dies, yet the bird flies on._

Poe walked through the halls of the _Falcon_ and back down the ramp. Glancing once at the small group of ex-troopers speaking to each other in hushed voices, he hurried into the forest. He found the way by heart, each root and stone as familiar to him as the skin on his hand.

_I'm here._

Poe's heart sank when he reached the clearing. The tree had wilted, its branches sagging. The treehouse, with nothing to support it, lay in broken fragments around the cracked trunk. Patches of dead grass lay around the spots where the shriveled roots peeked above the ground. Brown leaves fell from the tree's branches, having lost the will to live. Tentatively, Poe touched the trunk and winced at the pure pain he felt.

_My little bird._

Poe pressed his forehead to the wood, his eyes glistening. _I'm here._

A branch passed over his back, almost in a human gesture. _All life must end._

"No," Poe whispered aloud. "No more."

_All life must end._

"It can't," he said brokenly. "I can't. I can't lose anything else."

"Then don't, _cariño_ " said a new voice. Poe whirled around. He _knew_ that voice, even though it had been over twenty years

A figure materialized among the brown leaves and dead branches, a petite woman with dark, curly hair in a messy knot and eyes that shone amber despite the blue-silver color of her spirit. She smiled when she saw Poe, who stared at her in disbelief.

"Mama?" Poe whispered. He hurried to his mother, and Shara Bey extended her arms to her son. Hesitantly, Poe touched her hand, to see if he could, to see if she was real. A golden glow radiated where their hands met. Poe caught his breath. His mother's hands were warm.

She touched his face. "Poe, my sweet boy. I've missed you."

"We both have." In another instant, a tall, lean figure materialized beside his mother and put his hand around her shoulders. Kes Dameron was clean shaven, no trace of the blood or grime that Poe had last seen on his father's face. Kes held Poe's hand. "Look how you've grown, _hijo_."

"Mama, Papa - " Poe couldn't hold it back anymore, all but collapsing in his parents' arms. They all sank down together into the soft, dying grass.

Shara's thumb moved over Poe's face, but she couldn't wipe his tears. Poe looked from his mother to his father, still only half-convinced that this was real. "How are you here? I thought only the Jedi could appear as Force spirits."

"We're here because you need us," Kes said softly.

"Papa . . ." Poe searched for the right words to say. "I don't know what to do. I've lost so much. I don't think I can fight anymore."

"Then don't," Shara said, not unkindly. "Don't fight, Poe. Stand back and let the battle happen without you. Could you take that?"

Poe shook his head. "I can't just stand by while other people are out there fighting. I just don't know that I can do much else. I can't lead them anymore."

"Leadership isn't about what goes on in here." Kes touched his temple. Knowing the rest of the saying, Poe finished the thought and tapped his chest. "It's about what goes on in here."

Kes nodded. "It's easier said than done, but it's easier done than ignored. You have heart, _mi hijo_. That's something that so many people lose in a war, but you haven't. It's only going to get harder from here, but you know what? No one ever really leaves, Poe. We haven't. Your friends haven't. We will always be with you."

"But when will I be with you?" Poe whispered.

Shara caressed his face gently and kissed his forehead. "All in due time, sweetheart. Don't look for the end any sooner than it needs to come."

"Mama . . . Papa . . . What do I need to do?"

"Do what you've always done," Kes said simply. "That will be enough."

"And if it's not?"

Shara took Poe in her arms as though he were a child, and Kes laid an arm around each of them. Poe's tears had stopped, but they hadn't dried yet. He could feel his parents fading back into the abstract world of the Force that they had come from. Their voices blended together in a final reassurance.

_It will be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8 more days until TLJ!
> 
> (Please correct my Spanish if it's inaccurate; I pulled this from Google Translate and a friend taking first-year Spanish.)


	45. Chapter XLV

Poe opened his eyes slowly as his parents slipped through his arms. After a moment of holding nothing, Poe lowered his arms into the grass. He looked around and realized that there was a small circle of fresh, living grass around his knees. He stood, and the circle faded.

"There's still more for me to do, isn't there?" Poe said aloud, turning to his dying tree.

_The flight is long, but the bird must not tire._

"I guess that's a good answer." Cautiously, Poe touched the trunk again. "I'm sorry that I did this to you."

_All life must end._

"Not before it has to." Placing his palms flat on the trunk, Poe closed his eyes and reached deep inside himself, to the healing energies inside. The Force link between him and the tree opened, their life forces connecting to each other. Poe's muscles tensed. _Let me help you._

_All life must end._

Poe was suddenly imbued with a new energy, as if a warm wave of water had just washed over him. He felt like a child again, falling from the branches anew. He felt the break in his back again, not as a wound, but as a reminder. Ben's arms were around him again, his boyish voice calling for help. The wind rushed through his hair as though it wanted to carry him along with its wild current. Small points of light flickered like fireflies from the roots of the tree - _his_ tree.

_All life must end, but this one is just beginning._

Something left Poe as he received his tree's final gift. A weight seemed to lift from his shoulders, and his breathing softened. All at once, the tree's branches perked up, and the trunk straightened. Decaying brown leaves fell like rain, replaced with new, young buds. Poe's own body seemed lighter - he felt like he could run a marathon without breaking a sweat. Old scars on his arms faded into clean tan skin. Poe tore open the collar of his shirt and looked at the thin mark over his collarbone, where Ben's lightsaber had fallen too close, too soon - nothing. Only that scar remained unchanged.

_What's happening?_

No answer. Poe frowned and reached out, searching for the presence that he'd known and felt since childhood. Nothing. The tree stood tall and young, its branches waving high above his head. Poe touched the trunk, calling for an answer. Still nothing. The tree was just a tree.

And I was just a boy, before any of this happened, Poe realized. He hadn't been born with the Force, he'd just had it given to him. It seemed that the tree was leaving everything behind as its final gift.

"Thank you," Poe said softly. He looked skyward, where he imagined his parents looking down on him. "All of you. I won't waste this chance."

Poe turned and headed back the way he'd come. A few more TIE fighters screamed overhead, but Poe felt no malevolence from them. Fellow renegades, looking for a new purpose. He came upon the clearing again, and Zeroes jogged up to him from a small group of black-clad figures. Most of them had shed their armor and were chatting casually.

"Hey, Dameron, we were wondering where you'd run off to," he greeted Poe.

Poe made an ambiguous gesture. "Just had to check on something."

"Well, that's good," said Zeroes. "We were worried you'd try to leave without us."

Poe shook his head and pointed to the _Falcon_. "Not leaving without that old rust bucket. Speaking of which, I'd better tell Le - er, General Organa, what's going on."

Zeroes nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Do you mind if a few others and I come with you?"

Poe shrugged. "You're welcome to."

Zeroes inclined his head, and two troopers broke from the group. Poe recognized the red-haired Wings, but the other, a rather tall male with impeccably slicked-back salt-and-pepper hair, was a newcomer. Zeroes gestured to each of them in turn. "You know Wings already. The tall one's Acklay."

"Aptly named," Poe commented, almost leaning back to look Acklay in the face. He was willing to bet that the trooper was taller than Ben.

Acklay smiled warmly. "It's okay. I don't bite. And I don't stab, either."

"Good to know. I'm Poe. Uh, but you probably already knew that."

Acklay nodded. "Yeah. Sorry to hear about Eight-Sev - er, Finn."

Poe managed a small smile, a fresh wave of grief crashing over him at the mention of Finn's name. "Thanks."

Wings gestured in the _Falcon's_ direction. "Shall we?"

Poe nodded. "We shall."

He led the way up the ramp and into the cockpit. The three troopers accompanying him stared in awe at the interior of the famed ship as he settled into the pilot's seat and powered the communications radio. He opened a channel to the Resistance, giving it the necessary encryptions.

Static greeted him. Then, a voice. "Please identify."

"Comm - er, ex-Commander Poe Dameron, hailing from the Millennium Falcon, authorization codes peth-dora-three-one-seven."

"It's good to hear from you, sir." The voice on the other end lightened. "We were getting nervous, well, I was - I was starting to wonder when you'd be coming back."

Poe couldn't help a smile. "Good to hear, buddy. Who am I talking to?"

"Sergeant Jek Hughes, sir. Should I call in the General?"

"That would be nice. Thanks."

"No problem, sir - "

"Drop the sir, Sergeant," Poe interrupted gently. "You've got the higher rank now, remember?"

"Yes, sir - I mean, of course - uh, I'll just call General Organa over."

"You do that." Poe could imagine Hughes grinning on the other end, and the thought lightened his mood. People still needed him and wanted him back at the Resistance. Static ensued again.

Zeroes leaned over. "Ex-commander?"

Poe hesitated. "It's been kinda rough the past few days. But don't worry - things should work themselves out."

"We'll still be able to get in, right?" Wings piped up, crossing her arms nervously.

Poe nodded. "Things'll work themselves out."

It was then that Leia's voice came over the radio. "Poe, what's happened?"

"It's a bit of a long story." Poe ran a hand through his hair and filled her in, leaving out the parts about his surreal encounter with Ben in the midst of the fire. Instead, he talked about the unfortunate arrival of the First Order and separation from Luke and Rey, then about the stormtrooper insurection.

"We've heard a bit about that," Leia said. "Some of our intelligence picked up reports of renegades leading small strikes and breaking away from the First Order."

"I've got some here with me," Poe said quickly. "This is Zeroes. He helped me escape my execution. I'm putting him on now."

Poe nodded at Zeroes, who mouthed panickedly, What do I say?

Poe mouthed back, Whatever sounds good.

Zeroes halfway rolled his eyes, then cleared his throat. "General Organa? I'm Zeroes. Uh, like Dameron, er, Poe, said, I'm leading a small faction of rebel troopers. We were wondering if there was the possibility that we might be able to meet and join our forces. Uh, we understand that there might have been recent losses with the destruction of both the Hosnian system and Starkiller Base, and we'd like to help where we can."

"Excellent." To an untrained ear, Leia might have souned uncaring, but Poe could sense the hidden excitement under her cool exterior. "Perhaps something can be arranged. Are you in contact with any of the other rebel factions?"

"Sort of," said Zeroes. "We started out all together after the Battle of Starkiller, when the First Order was rallying its troops. Then we got split up and reassigned. My group's mostly pilots and gunners. I know of some others that are more ground-troop focused, though."

"We could use all the pilots we can get," Leia said, and Poe echoed agreement. "You're at Yavin Four now?"

"Yes," Poe answered. Dropping his voice slightly, he added, "Sun shining bright today."

"Clear skies above D'Qar," Leia replied. "We'll send you coordinates."

"Copy," said Poe, his hands moving across the transmission receiver, subtly changing the frequencies. "We'll see you soon."

"We'll be waiting."

Static again. Zeroes peered at Poe inquisitively as the pilot coded in new decryptions for the coordinates. "D'Qar?"

"Not quite," said Poe. " 'Clear skies.' That means the fleet's moved out. We packed up and left right after the First Order attacked us."

"So where are they now?" asked Acklay.

"Just a moment," Poe murmured as he let the old craft do its work. Leia had sent in coordinates, but he needed to invert them and then find the centroid planet between D'Qar, Yavin IV, and the new coordinates. Even then, that would just be a meeting point. They would be escorted to the real Resistance base afterwards. Poe himself wasn't sure about the mathematical process, but it kept others from finding Resistance locations, and he had a computer to do it for him.

"Gotcha," Poe said triumphantly as their final, decrypted and calculated coordinates appeared. Zeroes, Wings, and Acklay peered over his shoulder to see.

"Gentlemen and lady," Poe announced, "Looks like we're headed for Eamus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I know, Eamus is not a real planet. (But it is now!)
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos, you guys.


	46. Chapter XLVI

The trip to the Eamus system would have been shorter and safer had they made it in hyperspace. Zeroes rode with Poe in the Falcon, while the other troopers flew in their TIE fighter pairs. Eamus Prime was a rocky, cold planet covered with mountains and salty lakes. Vegetation and an atmosphere were nearly nonexistent, and the only life-forms were large, spider- like creatures called arachyrs. It was almost as if it were a planet designed to kill whatever decided to go live on it.

"You guys have a base here?" Zeroes said in disbelief.

Poe shook his head. "This is just a meeting point. Our escort should arrive soon. Then you can dock the TIEs and we'll jump together. Before you ask, I have no idea where we're going, either."

"Secretive, huh?" Zeroes tilted his head. "I get it. It's probably safer that way."

Poe shrugged. "It's how we've managed to keep a war going on for so long." Zeroes seemed to ponder this. "How long have you been part of it, anyway?"

"About as long as I can remember," Poe admitted. "My parents were part of the Rebellion when the Empire was still kicking. Then they helped out with the cleanup crew after the Battle of Endor. New Republic rolled around, then the First Order showed up, and well, by then, I'd already picked a side."

Zeroes picked at his nails. "You ever think about doing anything else?" Poe's heart skipped a beat. Finn had asked him the same question, but this time, Poe only offered an ambiguous shrug. "Not really."

"Fair enough." Zeroes crossed his legs. "You know, I always did want to be a pilot. I just thought it was fascinating, the whole flying thing. Get up in the air, shoot people from the sky – that just spoke to me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Poe ran a hand through his hair. "It's really something, isn't it?"

Zeroes cracked a smile. "Yeah. Except they assigned me to ground troops, and, well, I never got the chance."

 _Maybe we could teach you when the war's over_ , Poe nearly said. He mentally chided himself. He'd made the same promise to Finn, and he hadn't been able to keep it. There was no point in making promises like that, not when the war wasn't going to end anytime soon. Poe considered again the lanky trooper sitting next to him, thought about the numerous others that Zeroes had said were breaking away from the First Order this very moment. Maybe, just maybe . . .

"Let's hope that you and your friends can help us turn this around," Poe said instead. "Then maybe, you'll get to fly."

"I'm not opposed to either of those," Zeroes replied. "Fighting wears down on you."

Poe murmured his agreement. "What do you want to do after?"

Judging from Zeroes' surprised expression, Poe guessed it was a question that no one had ever asked the ex-trooper. Zeroes recovered quickly, though. "I don't really know. Maybe I could just help out wherever I was needed. I mean, the only thing I really know how to do is shoot a target."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Poe said, staring out into the distance. "You could probably pick up something new pretty fast if you wanted. It might take a while to make things right again, once the fighting's over."

"Yeah, the fighting's the easy part," Zeroes agreed. "Politics, cleanup – that sounds like it would be harder."

"Tell me about it." Poe ran a hand through his hair again. "I remember when I was a kid, my parents were always off on some planet or another, doing some diplomatic job. I mean, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was something. I got to see a lot of the galaxy, though, so it was okay."

"Got a favorite planet?" Zeroes asked.

Poe shrugged. "I've been all over, but Yavin's always gonna be home." He counted off other planets on his fingers. "Hosnian was nice. I've only been to Chandrila a few times, but I liked it. I love Corellia - you won't find a wilder planet in the galaxy."

"Smuggler's planet, right?" Zeroes joked. "Isn't that where Han Solo came from, though?"

"Sure was," Poe confirmed. "Famous man, huh?"

Zeroes shrugged. "Historical figure. Hard to imagine a Rebellion captain hailing from a criminal planet."

Poe stared. "What exactly do they teach you in Galactic History? Han Solo is one of the most Corellian people I've ever met. I mean, I love the guy, but he can be pretty, well -" Poe waved his hand in search of a good word. "Corellian."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Zeroes said, holding his hands up. "On both accounts."

"It's just one of those stereotypes, you know, like how Hutts are disgusting womanizers," Poe explained. "Which, by the way, is not completely true."

"I'm not going to ask why or how you know that," said Zeroes. "But please, continue."

"Yeah, so the thing about Corellians is that they tend to be smooth talkers, great pilots, and great sabacc players," Poe said. "Oh, and they have amazing alcohol tolerance. All of which is true about Han."

"Hm." Zeroes considered this. "I don't think I know anyone like that. Then again, we weren't allowed to drink or gamble."

"I can see that," Poe said. "Resistance discourages it, but they can't exactly stop us. Besides, I can't really get drunk, either."

"Keeping up appearances, Dameron?"

"Well, there's that," Poe amended, "and it's something to do with this Force sensitivity I have."

"Ah."

"Besides," Poe added, "I no longer have the luxury of having to keep up a good front."

"Why is that?" Zeroes wondered. "You're the best they've got. Why would they want to lose you?"

Poe waved a hand ambiguously. "It's a long story, but it's safer this way."

"If you say so."

As if the Resistance just had the best timing in the universe, it was then that a Resistance cruiser appeared from hyperspace, flanked by a small squadron of X-Wings. Poe felt a small pang of longing that his own ship was not among them.

The radio beeped with an incoming transmission, which Poe opened. "Hey there, Falcon." It was Snap, whom Poe quickly picked out at the front of the squadron.

"Hey, Wexley. Good to see you."

"Same." Poe could hear the smile in Snap's voice. "You can take your friends and dock in Bay Twelve. I'll have Hanna and Isak take you."

"Much appreciated, buddy."

"See you in a bit."

True to his word, two X-Wings broke from formation, sailing towards the underbelly of the cruiser. Poe switched frequencies and hailed the TIEs. "Okay, guys, just follow those two. They'll take us to our landing point."

A chorus of variations on "copy" echoed over the comm, and Poe pushed the Falcon forward to follow the X-Wings. Bay doors opened underneath the cruiser, and Poe gently landed the old freighter. Mechanics and flight personnel peppered the bay, waving and guiding the TIEs into line.

Poe powered down the ship. "Now all we have to do is get out in hyperspace."

Zeroes nodded. "Sounds good. Uh, should we stay here?"

"I think it'll be fine if we get off," Poe replied. He stood. "Just as long as you guys stick together, it shouldn't freak people out too much."

Zeroes followed Poe through the Falcon's halls and down the exit ramp. They waved and beckoned at the other TIEs, and the other trooper pairs gradually disembarked and joined them. Poe didn't pretend to ignore how out of place they seemed and the quizzical stares from Resistance staff. The renegades already seemed perfectly aware of that.

The cruiser's layout was familiar, with its white-washed walls and scuffed floors. Not quite as reflective as the First Order's halls, but still clean and stately. Poe gestured to Zeroes, who brought his fellow renegades into an uncannily synchronized formation, and led them down the long corridors. Poe was met with a few waves and smiles, which he readily returned. It was good to be home.

Then, one thin-faced officer pulled him aside as he turned a corridor. Poe glanced at the rank badge on the man's jacket.  _Captain_.

"That's three times you've brought the First Order to the Resistance's front doorstep, Dameron," he snarled in Poe's ear. "Better think about where your loyalties lie while you still have the General's ear."

"Watch your tone, Captain," Poe hissed coolly. "My first loyalty is to the Resistance. You have no right to question that."

"And you have no right to give me orders," the captain snapped back, his piercing hazel eyes glinting disdainfully. He released Poe's arm and saluted mockingly. _"Commander."_

Poe didn't return the gesture. "Captain." When the man was out of earshot, Poe turned to Zeroes. "Sorry you had to see that."

"Sorry we're the root of your problem," Zeroes replied amiably. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he didn't.

"It's not you," Poe said. "It's the attitudes people have." He turned a final corridor, where the central command was waiting behind a set of double doors. "Not everybody's willing to believe that people can change."

The doors slid open, and Poe walked through, his hands in nervous fists in the pockets of his jacket. Though he knew he shouldn't take the captain's words to heart, something inside him couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty. He didn't pretend to not notice the nervous looks that officers and technicians gave his way, the hushed whispers whenever Zeroes' team walked past. The renegades seemed to be equally uncomfortable in the presence of Resistance soldiers.

Poe could sympathize. Both sides had been taught to see the other as the enemy for as long as each could remember. Finn's face flashed before his eyes – the ex-trooper's kind grace and easy smile almost coaxed another tear from Poe's eye. Finn had taught Poe that the measure of a person's heart was not the uniform he wore. Now it fell on Poe to convince the Resistance of the same.

Admiral Ackbar hovered over a large holodisplay, but he looked up when he heard Poe walk in. "Commander."

Poe didn't try to correct the veteran admiral. If Ackbar deemed one worthy of a rank, his word was final. "Admiral."

Ackbar's large, unblinking eyes swept over Zeroes and the other renegades. Poe felt the troopers stiffen behind him, and he tried to project confidence and casualness through the Force. Thankfully, Ackbar didn't ask any questions. Leia must have already filled him in. The Mon Calamari tilted his head slightly. "Finn . . .?"

Zeroes opened his mouth to answer, but the look on Poe's face coupled with the slightest shaking of the head was all that Ackbar needed.

"I'm sorry," Ackbar said simply. He turned his attention back to the holodisplay. "I would have like to know him better."

Poe didn't say anything else. Instead, he gestured at the pinpricks of light that indicated the fleet's position. "What's new?"

"Resistance intelligence has picked up several more reports of renegade factions in the First Order," Ackbar rumbled. He hit a few buttons, and a large scatter of red lights and lines appeared on the display. "We've been trying to analyze their sources and cross-reference the information we can get to make a more accurate map of First Order troop deployments, fleet movements, and base locations."

Poe crossed his arms, glancing from one colored point to the next. Most of them seemed to be centered around the Core Worlds, but he couldn't tell if those were report sources or theoretical First Order locations.

Zeroes stepped forward and pointed to one of the clusters of light. "That one for sure is a ship factory. Here's the pilot academy right next to it."

"A lot of us came through there," Wings added. "And the system right by it isn't much more than a supply outpost. Nothing important ever happens there."

"That may be so, but anything you can tell us will be of great use," said Ackbar. "Perhaps we can wait a while until we reach our base, then you can tell the council everything you know, in more detail."

"Sounds like a plan," said Zeroes. He quickly added, "Sir."

Ackbar grunted in acknowledgment. He glanced at Poe. "Dameron, a word?"

"Of course." Poe exchanged a quick glance with Zeroes, who nodded once. Ackbar placed a large, webbed orange hand on Poe's shoulder and turned him aside.

"Poe, I'm sure you're already aware," Ackbar began, "but there are people in this fleet, on this cruiser even, that don't quite agree with the idea of having stormtroopers in our midst."

Poe swallowed. "I'm aware."

"Good," Ackbar said solemnly. "General Organa explained to me what happened back on D'Qar, but not everyone here would understand. You're an integral part of our fleet, but your absences have not gone unnoticed. I hope you understand how it must look to others when it seems you're all too connected to the First Order."

"Hang on." Poe held up a hand and stared incredulously at the admiral. "You're not suggesting – "

"Me? No, of course not," Ackbar said stiffly. "Even if I didn't know you like I do, I trust Leia's judgment. I just need you to be careful. We're doing our best to keep control, but at the end of the day, you're another man that someone could place the wrong blame on."

"I'll keep that in mind." Poe inclined his head politely.

"Good man." Ackbar clapped him on the shoulder, a glint in his yellow eyes. "Who knows, maybe you'll get your wings back."

A thrill of excitement fluttered in Poe's stomach. "I'd certainly like that."

"We'll see what we can do. For now, all that matters is getting to Chandrila."

Poe tilted his head in surprise. "I thought we abandoned the Chandrilan base three years ago."

"That's what the First Order thinks, too," Ackbar said knowingly. "But we've reopened, and we've brought in some old friends."

Poe smiled at that. "Sounds good to me."

"Hang in there, Poe," Ackbar rumbled. "This flight's not over yet."


	47. Chapter XLVII

Poe was eternally grateful for the man or woman who had invented the hyperdrive. After hours of cruising through space without one, the thirty minutes that the Resistance cruiser (which he had learned was called the _New Hope_ ) took to jump to Chandrila seemed infinitely shorter.

"We're here," Ackbar announced.

Poe stretched, eager to disembark. He remembered Ackbar's warning and tried to calm his racing heartbeat. _Steady, Dameron._

Poe resisted the urge to run up to the large, wide windows that showed the blue-green surface of the planet below. Instead, he said, "I can take our new friends down in the _Falcon_."

"Good," Ackbar rumbled. "We will meet you at the surface."

Poe nodded to Zeroes, who beckoned the other troopers to follow. Poe led the way back to the hangar and into the familiar freighter. Zeroes, Wings, and Acklay joined him in the cockpit, while the other ten or so troopers hung back in the main hold. Poe made a mental note to learn all their names at some point.

Poe glanced out the cockpit window, where a technician gave him the thumbs-up. He powered up the ship and slowly led it through the bay doors.

"Whoa," Acklay breathed behind him. "This is Chandrila?"

"Yeah," Poe answered. He glanced back at the tall trooper. "You've never been?"

"Never been stationed on a water planet," Acklay replied.

"Well, you were at Takodana," Wings pointed out.

"That one's mostly forest, though," Zeroes said.

"True, and I didn't have much time to appreciate the scenery, since I was more focused on not getting killed by Orange," Acklay said matter-of-factly.

"Orange?" Poe frowned.

"That's just what we call him," Wings explained. "The orange-and-black X-Wing. I heard he got killed on D'Qar, though. Ren finally ended him."

Poe laughed. "Just for the record, no one's ended me yet."

It took the three troopers around him a few seconds to register what he'd said. Then they all started exclaiming one thing or another simultaneously.

"Wait, you're Orange?!" Acklay exclaimed.

"Everything makes sense now!" said Wings. "They did call him the best pilot in the Resistance."

"Wait, didn't Hux say that he destroyed Starkiller Base, all by himself?" Zeroes said incredulously. He turned to Poe. "Didn't you? Destroy Starkiller?"

Poe shrugged. "It was a group effort. My team just bought me enough time to get down in there and blow shit up."

"This. Changes. _Everything_ ," Acklay breathed. "I have spent my whole life trying not to get killed by the one guy who we happen to rescue from an execution."

Poe tensed at the word _execution_. Finn's face reappeared before him, those soft brown eyes surprised and pleading. He had the sinking feeling that he wouldn't be able to let that memory go anytime soon. He plastered a smile on his face. "Yeah. Funny how things turn out, right?"

By this time, they had descended through the atmosphere, flanked by two other Resistance carriers and the X-Wing squadron. The base was easily identifiable to one who had seen it many times before, but hidden to outsiders. It looked like an unused factory or maintenance facility, but Poe knew that the shabby exterior hid underground hangars and tunnels connecting one command center to the next.

Snap's X-Wing hovered over a patch of cracked concrete, where two doors slid aside and revealed the landing pad below. The carriers followed a similar procedure, docking on larger pads. Poe followed Snap and the other X-Wings. Resistance techs waved them into neat lines, while Poe landed at the far end of the pad.

He powered down the ship. "Okay, let's go."

Flanked by the trooper squadron, Poe disembarked from the Falcon. Spotting Snap climbing down from his X-Wing, he gave a small wave. Snap waved back, but Poe could see the uneasy look on his friend's face as he surveyed the troopers. It seemed that the anti-First Order sentiment was not limited to just random passing captains in the halls. Poe inhaled and exhaled slowly. _These things will take time._

Poe was about to ask for directions, but Snap beat him to it. "Hey, Dameron. General's waiting. Mind if I walk you down?"

"Not at all." Feeling the need for introductions, Poe gestured at Zeroes. "Zeroes, Snap. Snap, Zeroes."

"Pleasure," Snap said, not unkindly. He scanned the others, who offered mild smiles and small waves. "I'd like to get to know all of you sometime, but given the circumstances, I don't think I'd be able to remember your names if you told me now. Sorry about that."

"I'm sure there'll be time later," Poe said, to avoid any further awkwardness. He nodded to Snap. "Let's get going."

Snap led the way down dimly-lit walls to a control room. Figures were hunched over computers and holodisplays. When Poe and the troopers entered the room, a wave of whispers arose. Poe looked around, quickly finding Leia in the midst of other officers and technicians. He raised a hand in greeting.

Leia rushed over to him. "Poe, it's good to see you again." She glanced at Zeroes, who stood at Poe's side. "You must be Zeroes. It's good to meet you in person."

"Pleasure's all mine," Zeroes responded politely. He gestured to the various figures on the displays. "What's going on?"

"I might have mentioned this already, but you're not the only ones that have reached out and contacted us," Leia said grimly. "We've got about six other rebel trooper factions on our side, and we have the numbers we need for a full-scale attack."

A shiver ran down Poe's spine at the word _attack_. Recent battles played through his head at lightspeed - Hosnian, Takodana, Starkiller . . . A familiar thrill rushed through his veins, but he reminded himself not to get too excited. Judging from their recent fights, the losses would be heavy.

"An attack," Zeroes repeated. "What are you thinking?"

"We've narrowed down a few locations concerning one Supreme Leader Snoke." Leia tapped a button, and a map of the galaxy appeared, four distinct dots of light glowing. "We want to take the fight straight to him and end the war where it began."

"WS corps ready where you need us." Wings stepped forward, glancing from Leia to Poe to Snap. "What do we do?"

"Nothing, as of yet," Leia replied, "especially not when we still have no record of Luke and Rey. If we're going to take the battle to the Supreme Leader and get to the root of this war, we'll need them on our side. You too, Poe."

"Me?" Poe frowned. "Le - er, General, I'm flattered, but I hope you remember my place is - "

"In your X-Wing," Leia interrupted. She smiled. "I know. That's where I want you."

Poe stared, fully aware of the weight of her words, what it would mean for the Resistance, what it would mean for him. "You don't mean - "

"I'm not letting our best pilot go, no matter what people think he has or hasn't done," Leia said sternly as Snap clapped him on the shoulder. "Welcome back to command."


	48. Chapter XLVIII

Not long after, Leia called a meeting, and familiar faces began to assemble in the control room. Poe couldn't help the stupid smile on his face at the thought of being able to rejoin the Resistance. Sure, he hadn't exactly been exiled or anything, but there had been that brief period where he'd thought he wouldn't be able to truly fly again.

Poe mentally listed the men and women in the room - Leia, Chewbacca, Admirals Statura and Ackbar, Majors Brance, Singh, and Winslowe, Zeroes and his squad, five other people that Poe assumed were the leaders of the other renegade factions. Various technicians and lower-rank officers rushed in and out. Poe saw with mild distaste the captain that he'd confronted earlier aboard the _New Hope._

Poe tilted his head expectantly. It seemed as if everyone of importance were here. Why wasn't the meeting starting?

As if she'd read his thoughts, Leia said quietly, "One more."

Poe tapped his fingers on the edge of the holodisplay. He was impatient to get started. He was very much in the dark about what he felt was too much - current Resistance battle plans, renegade movements, Luke and Rey's whereabouts - a cold feeling sank in his chest. He didn't want to lose his sister again.

Poe's thoughts drifted again to Ben, and the cold feeling became infinitely heavier. Since the fire, he hadn't seen or heard anything. He gently probed the link that he knew was still somewhere in both of their minds. He'd have known if Ben were dead, he was sure of it. Nothing. Poe hated knowing nothing about so much.

Officers murmured quietly amongst themselves, seeming to echo Poe's restlessness. The din was broken by the hissing of a door and the soft footsteps of a well-trained soldier. Heads turned to see a weathered man in an old Rebellion-era jacket with streaks of silver in his brown hair, his beard and mustache neatly trimmed. His age had not reached his eyes, however; they still twinkled with the light of all the stars he'd flown past. Poe's jaw nearly dropped. He hadn't seen the man in forever.

"Wedge," Leia smiled. "Thanks for joining us."

"Sorry I'm late," Wedge Antilles apologized. He waved at the others in the room, receiving warm smiles and handshakes as he made his way to the center to stand by Leia. He saluted respectfully.

"Right on time, Antilles," Statura said jovially. "We're just getting started." He swiped his hand across the display, bringing up the Resistance's fleet positions and available squadrons. Poe took a quick mental note of each ship as it flashed into view. A plethora of deployment options and strategies coursed through his mind, but he held his silence. There wasn't enough information yet.

"First Order data combined with Resistance intelligence has narrowed down the list of critical targets and strike points," Statura began. "We now have a more comprehensive idea of what their numbers and technologies look like. So far, it looks like they've been crippled by the loss of Starkiller Base, losing not only their biggest weapons system but also a whole legion of troopers and starfighters. Our reports estimate losses around fifteen to twenty percent ground forces and thirty percent of the air forces were eliminated from our victory at Starkiller."

Quiet cheers rose from around the room. Poe noticed Zeroes stiffen beside him. One of the renegade troopers across the room exhaled deeply. Poe could sympathize. Starkiller must still be a sore topic for them.

"The best time to attack is now," Ackbar continued, picking up where Statura had left off. "Our forces may have taken a hard hit, but they don't know that. They won't know that," he added with a stern glare at each face in the room. He glanced back up at the display and pressed a few buttons. The map that Leia had shown Poe earlier came into view again. "We plan to take the fight to the one they call Supreme Leader Snoke. If we can eliminate him, we can take down a large swath of the First Order along with their leader."

"If I may, sir," Zeroes cut in hastily. "None of us have ever seen the Supreme Leader, and as such, most of us don't have much faith in him. If anything, I believe going after the higher-ups, like the generals and admirals and Executioners, would be more helpful. Disable them, and you disable everyone they follow."

The other renegades in the room murmured agreement. One white-haired female standing near Ackbar added, "And it gives more troopers liberty to desert."

"This is true," said Leia, "but the Supreme Leader is the one that their commanding officers look to. Not only this, but he poses a threat to the balance of the Force." She glanced at some of the other veterans, from Wedge to Ackbar. "Some of us have seen this firsthand and know all too well how dangerous he can be. Remove him, we remove his influence."

"Fair," the white-haired renegade conceded.

"Right, so we have it down to four locations – " Leia was briefly interrupted by a hurried newcomer. Judging from the remnants of white armor on his torso, he must have been a renegade as well, probably from one of the other factions. His tan face was sweat-soaked, as if he'd been running the whole way.

"Ma'am," he said breathlessly. He handed a datapad to Leia, who scanned it quickly. Her expression soon turned bleak, her face paling slightly. She handed it back to the man with a soft "Thank you."

Leia turned her attention back to the assembly. "Never mind that, we've got one." One of the points, an Outer Rim system called Belsavis, lit up and zoomed in, showing six planets around a double star system. "Our latest reconnaissance mission just came in. It appears that we're looking at massive fleet mobilization towards the capital planet Belsavis, where it appears the Supreme Leader's fortress is located. The fortress itself is nearly impenetrable even though it's secluded. Heavily guarded and heavily fortified."

"How much time do we have before the fleet arrives?" Wedge asked above the noise.

Leia glanced at the man who had handed her the datapad. Nervously, he said, "Twelve standard hours? They're coming from all over the galaxy. The latest ones might be twenty hours."

"That's enough time," Poe said, speaking for the first time. "We'll take our ships in, shoot up the place, and get out."

"Unfortunately, it's not that easy," Leia began.

"It's not another planetary shield, is it?" queried Statura.

"No, thank goodness." Leia's smile was brief and tight. "According to our latest reports, this is also where Luke and Rey are being held."

The bottom fell out of Poe's stomach. Chewie roared softly. "So, no guns blazing."

"We do have TIE fighters on board," Zeroes pointed out. "We could use those to get past any air support they might have. They don't scan fighter ID's, and even if they did, most of us still might pass."

"You could lead a stealth team of TIE fighters," Poe suggested. "Then, at your signal, we can move our X-Wings in from sub-light and attack from the other side."

"They'll send out more TIEs from the Star Destroyers," Wings said. "Not all of them are great pilots or gunners, but they'll win by numbers."

"That's when we'll mobilize the cruisers," Ackbar rumbled. "We can take that kind of fire and give you time to get to the surface."

"We could move in troop transports when we deploy the cruisers," Statura added. He indicated points on the display, and lights flashed to indicate the Resistance fleet. "Here, here, and here."

"It's possible," Poe said slowly, "that we could rig our ships to blow once we get down to the surface."

Heads turned and eyes stared. Snap frowned at him incredulously. "Run that by us again?"

"I'm not in love with the idea," Poe said, "but it could cripple the fortress and give them the illusion that we have far greater numbers than we actually do. It can take out some of their numbers and provide distraction. We'll spread the explosions, they'll thin their forces. What happens is that we take our fighters in as far as we can, as close as we can, and as soon as we're out of range, we let them blow. Troop carriers can come in later, once it's safe. Those of us that make it can board those out of Belsavis."

Silence met his words. Finally, Wedge said, "I don't like the idea either, but I do admit that it sounds effective."

"We don't even have to sacrifice all of the fighters," Wings added. "We can just take the TIEs down and rig those. We don't exactly have anything to gain from keeping them, right?"

"So we send in the TIEs first, X-Wings second, full fleet arrives for supporting fire, then a squadron goes down to the surface," Leia summarized.

"I can lead the first surface team," Poe volunteered.

"And I'll stay in the air," Snap added.

Chewbacca gave a small roar, which Leia interpreted. "Excellent. Chewie can lead the ground troops down with the _Falcon_."

"All this can be managed in the twelve to twenty hours that we have?" Statura checked. Wary heads nodded across the room. "Then we have no time to lose. May the Force be with us."


	49. Chapter XLIX

"That should be the last of them," Poe said affirmatively as he wriggled his upper body out of one of the half-moon engines of his X-Wing. He sighed and wiped his greasy hands on his pants. Though it had been his own idea, he couldn't bear the thought of finally saying good-bye to _Black One_. A new wing had been fitted onto her frame to replace the one that had been lost in the attack on D'Qar, and she'd just received a new coat of paint. Now, Poe was wiring the fuses for her last run. He looked down at Wings, whom Zeroes had asked to lead the TIE team. "Are your ships ready?"

Wings nodded. "Detonators packed and loaded."

"Good," Poe said. He hopped down from the wing. BB-8 rolled in from the other side of the ship, whistling expectantly. Poe smiled sadly at the droid. "Not this time, buddy. I need you here, on the ground."

Beebee's head tilted downwards in disappointment. Poe knelt down beside his droid. "Hey, I know you missed me. I missed you, too. But what we're about to do is dangerous, and I don't want to lose you, okay?"

The orange astromech beeped a query. Poe shook his head. "If everything goes to plan, this is going to be her last flight. It doesn't have to be yours, too."

Poe had considered just taking another ship instead of _Black One_ , especially since Wedge had brought in reinforcements from his own Republic division. Still, it wouldn't have been fair to the other pilots, who were risking their own lives and their own ships. Good men led by example. If that meant giving up his ship, he had to do it.

BB-8 rolled away, and Poe nodded to Wings. "Wanna call your boys together while I get mine?"

Wings offered a wry smile. "And girls."

"And girls," Poe agreed. He tilted his head. "How'd you get the name 'Wings' anyway?"

Wings laughed softly. "It's a bit of a funny story. Maybe I'll tell you if we both make it out alive."

"You're not going to surprise me by turning out to be an insanely great pilot, are you?" Poe joked. "I'd like to keep the competition for 'galaxy's best pilot' to a minimum."

"I don't know about insanely great," said Wings, "but I do know my way around a TIE fighter." She gestured at Black One. "I mean, I like the SF TIEs, but I gotta admit, your ship's a real beauty."

Poe gave his ship a cursory glance. "That she is. I'll miss her."

"I'd miss her, too," Wings said. "Unfortunately, I'm already taken."

Poe grinned. "Good to know I don't have competition for _Blackie's_ attention."

"Go give your girls a pep talk, Dameron," Wings smiled. "Stop delaying."

"And boys," said Poe.

"And boys." Wings clapped him on the shoulder. "Good luck out there."

"You, too."

With that, Poe turned in the direction of the X-Wing squadron in its neat double lines. Snap jogged up to meet him. "We're ready when you are, Poe."

"Awesome." Poe waved a hand, and the other pilots assembled in a small circle around him. Some were Wedge's men, others were his own. "Alright, guys. You know the plan. You know your places. You know each other. There's not much I can say. I know things have been crazy the last few days. I'm probably one of the last people that some of you might expect to see leading you into yet another fight, but this is more than just any one of us. We all come from different places. We have different stories. We're gonna go different places. But there's something we all can agree on: what we do here today, we do in the name of the Resistance. We can win this fight, and we will win. Got it?

"You know what to do." Poe put on his helmet and saluted. The circle of pilots saluted him back. "May the Force be with us. I'll see you all on the other side of this fight."

With that, he dismissed his squadron. Snap came up to him. "Good luck, Poe."

"Good luck, Snap."

Unexpectedly, Snap pulled Poe into a hug. They'd been best friends for a while now, but had never been more than the bro-hug type. Poe leaned into Snap's embrace. "What's the occasion, Wexley?"

"Nothing much," Snap said, his voice slightly muffled. He let go of Poe. "It's been a weird few days. Besides, I get the feeling that we might actually get to see the end of the war. Finally. I think that warrants a good hug."

"That it does." Poe smiled up at his friend. "Go bust an engine, Snap."

"Same to you, Poe." With that, Snap jogged off and climbed into his X-Wing. Poe did the same, settling into the familiar cockpit and breathing in the homely scent of his beloved ship.

"Hey, baby, let's make this last run count," Poe whispered as he powered up the engines. He nestled his helmet on his head and switched his radio on. "Black Leader to Chandrila - we are go."

"Copy, Black Leader," Wedge replied on the other end. "TIE squadron is in the air. Raising bay doors now."

Poe glanced upward as the bay doors hissed open. When the opening was wide enough, Poe gently propelled his ship up, soaring into the twilight sky. Night was falling on Chandrila, and Poe's X-Wings silently took flight like a pack of Dathomirian nighthawks.

Poe mentally made a note of each one, committing each pilot's Force signature to memory. What would have seemed unfamiliar to him only weeks ago came back again, natural and practiced. Flying seemed easier with the Force on his side. Poe couldn't fathom how he'd managed to do without for so long.

When they were far enough outside of Chandrila's atmosphere, Poe directed his fighters into a neat diamond formation. "When we pull out of hyperspace, fan out," Poe instructed. "Don't give them a concentrated target. Make 'em chase you."

The "copy"s rang out over his comm as Poe pulled _Black One_ into hyperspace. Leaning back, he switched over to the main line and took in what was already happening. His heart pounded faster with each transmission.

" _WS squadron in place."_

_"Approaching Belsavis now."_

_"Hold your course. Black Squadron's on its way."_

The comms were mostly quiet, which only made the suspense worse. Sooner or later, someone would fire a shot, and then all lines would explode with chatter. Poe braced himself for the word that would make it happen.

" _Two Destroyers in sight. Otherwise clear."_

_"WS Leader, you may engage when ready."_

Hyperspace swirled around him in a mesmerizing tunnel of nothingness.

" _You heard him, guys. Open fire!"_

Poe imagined Wings and her squadron sailing deftly across the bulky hulls of the First Order's Star Destroyers, knocking out cannons and defense systems the way Poe himself had not so long ago.

Quietly, Poe closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, the sounds of a distant battle fading to nothing more than a background track. "Finn, I'm sorry. I bet if you were here, you'd be telling me not to apologize, but I can't help that. You started something in the First Order when you sprang me, and I wish you were here to see it finished. I swear we're going to end this or die trying, Finn. I owe you that. All of us do. We wouldn't be where we are right now if you hadn't made that first choice."

Poe wanted to say more, but he couldn't find the words. He hoped that somewhere, perhaps where his own parents were resting, Finn could hear him and all the unspoken sentiments that Poe held in his heart. Perhaps, one day, Poe would be able to tell Finn himself.

"Black Leader, the TIEs are in position and attracting Destroyer fire," Wedge warned. "Go to sub-lights on your call."

"Roger," Poe replied. He switched channels to talk to his squadron. "On my mark, guys. Let's show them what we're made of."

Poe breathed deeply and pushed the lever that would bring his ship back to realspace. Hyperspace faded into lines of light, which shrank into stars. Immediately, Poe's eyes swept over his battlefield and analyzed the situation. TIEs fought TIEs, green bursts of light flashing across both parties. Wings' squadron was distinguishable only by streaks of red paint on the outside of their cockpits. Poe swerved his X-Wing sharply to avoid a burst of green laserfire as one TIE whizzed by, pursued by two others. In the same movement, he gave chase, his fingers lightly depressing the triggers. Two shots, two fighters.

"Fan out!" Poe shouted. "Give support where it's needed, but do not engage the Destroyers!"

As he spoke, Poe sensed the ships around him moving in different directions. Two X-Wings broke off from his left flank to pursue a pair of TIEs, while a solo pilot banked forty degrees underneath. Snap's ship covered Poe's seven o' clock as he banked around to catch another First Order TIE.

Three shots, three fighters.

"Glad to see you could make it, Dameron!" Wings called. Her TIE sailed past Poe's ship, shooting down a First Order fighter.

"Wouldn't miss it, Wings," Poe smiled, shooting down another First Order TIE. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted hangar doors opening up on the side of one of the Star Destroyers. A new wave of TIE fighters swarmed out, deadly green shots bursting in the Resistance's direction. "Incoming!"

"We need to get down to the surface before more of them show up," Wings said. Her fighter twirled, shooting emerald blasts into the incoming swarm. _Black One_ danced next to her ship. Three shots. Three fighters.

"I can take over from here," Snap said, adding his own fire into the mix. Poe followed the trajectory of his shots out of the corner of his eye. "Poe, Wings, take your guys down. The sooner, the better."

"Admiral Antilles," Poe commed. "Black Leader and WS Squadron heading down now. Captain Wexley's in command of Black Squadron now."

"Excellent," Wedge replied. "We'll be there shortly."

Poe, Snap, and Wings spiraled in three different directions. Faster than the eye could follow, obeying nothing but his own instinct, Poe quickly fired four times, banked sharply seventy degrees, shot again, and dove to the surface of Belsavis.

"Fancy, Dameron." Poe could almost hear the smirk in Wings' voice. "Alright, girls, we're heading down!"

As if they were synchronized swimmers, Wings' red-painted TIE squadron lined up in a double-arrow formation and banked down towards the icy planet below. First Order fighters tried to give chase, but Snap and the rest of Black Squadron cut them off. Poe breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn't lost anyone yet.

The atmosphere of Belsavis was pretty thick, but it thinned out quickly, making for an easy entry. The fortress was easy to spot - a giant slate-black building in the side of a jagged mountain. A shiver ran down Poe's spine. This was definitely the place. As he dropped through the atmosphere, he could feel the dark side's invasive presence radiating from the fortress. The planet was covered in ice and rocks, and the light from the double suns was surprisingly dim. Another time, another place, Poe might have appreciated the irony.

Poe could see his breath fogging in the chilled air in the cockpit. Something dark called out to him.

_Can you hear my call?_

_Listen closely . . ._

Poe shook his eyes and resisted. _No. Never again._

He focused on his flying, keeping low and level with the flat ground. Wings brought her fighter alongside Poe's, and the other TIEs fanned out behind them. So far, nothing. They flew in with relative ease, obliterating the few ground forces that had been deployed to take care of them.

Something tightened in Poe's chest. _This is too easy._

Wings echoed his thoughts. "Anyone else get the feeling that they're just not trying?"

"It's almost like they know we're coming," another female voice added. "Black Leader, what do we do?"

"Stick to the plan," Poe advised. "If they don't try to stop us, it'll be their loss. Whatever traps they might have set for us, we have a bigger one in store for them."

"Black Leader, are you on Belsavis?" Leia commed in.

Poe tapped the side of his helmet. "Affirmative. It's quieter than we thought. Moving ahead with the plan."

"Transmitting maps for the fortress now," Leia said. A light flashed on one of Poe's nav screens, indicating a new transmission. A small beep confirmed its reception.

"Maps received," Poe confirmed. "Moving in."

"Roger that."

As Poe's new squadron approached the fortress, a section of the mountain opened up, releasing a flock of TIE fighters. Poe dove into their midst, spiraling and shooting as he went. Two shots. Two fighters. Twist twenty degrees. Three shots. Three fighters. Bank around. Hard dive. One shot, one fighter.

"Leave some for the rest of us, Dameron!" Wings yelled. Poe spotted her craft soaring upwards, just the opposite of the way he'd come. A well-placed shot into the side of the mountain dislodged a boulder that crushed a pursuing TIE fighter.

"Clear that hangar!" Poe called, swerving _Black One_ around to face the opening where the TIEs had come from. Ducking into the hangar, he shot relentlessly at anything that moved. Wings and two others followed his lead before the doors began to close.

"Hurry and get in if you can!" Wings shouted. "Otherwise, find another entry point and crash 'em!"

Four more of Wings' TIEs managed to get through before the bay doors shut completely. By that time, Poe, Wings, and the others had nearly obliterated the hangar's inhabitants. Docked TIEs and stormtroopers lay in utter ruin across the hangar floor. Hastily, Poe landed his ship. He grabbed the datachip that had the maps loaded onto it and jumped out of the cockpit before the canopy had even fully opened. He grabbed a blaster rifle from a storage compartment and slung the strap over his shoulder. Around the hangar, Wings and the other pilot-gunner pairs followed suit, salvaging weapons from fallen troopers. Poe counted heads. Six TIEs. Twelve Renegades.

"Are we ready?" Poe checked, cocking his weapon. Heads nodded in grim preparation. Poe gripped his rifle in both hands. "Then let's get moving."


	50. Chapter L

Poe and the Renegades were met with little resistance, which made Poe increasingly uneasy. Small squads of stormtroopers, maybe four to six at a time, would appear at the end of a hallway, only to be quickly disposed of. Poe quickly got the feeling that blowing the ships in the hangar probably wouldn't even be necessary for now. Given the power that he could feel radiating from the heart of the fortress, Poe could only imagine there was greater trouble ahead. Still, if he had his doubts, he didn't show it.

Poe raised his rifle, took aim, fired. Repeat. He could feel a deadness, a void, in all of the troopers that tried to stop them, as if each were sleepwalking. They moved sluggishly and hardly reacted when they were shot down. The whole time, there was this darkness that emanated from and around them. Poe could have sworn he could see his own breath fog in the air.

"What's wrong with them?" Wings frowned.

"I - I don't know," Poe confessed. "It's not even . . . like they're alive . . ."

Wings halted beside him as they reached a fork, cluttered with the bodies of fallen troopers. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Poe knelt beside one of the bodies and removed the helmet. The trooper's eyes were half-open and glazed over, his mouth hanging slightly open. Poe gently touched the side of the trooper's neck as though he were taking a pulse. He was looking for something else, though. Sinking into the Force plane, Poe searched the body for the darkness that he'd felt.

It was like being shocked with a stun baton. Lightning arced from the trooper's body to Poe's hand, and he cried out. It took Wings and two more Renegades to pull him away from the body. A low, gaunt chuckle echoed through the halls.

_"Do you feel it now?"_

Poe's mouth went dry. "Please tell me I'm not the only one hearing this?"

Zeroes cocked his blaster, looking around for the voice's source. "You're not."

_"The pilot . . . Bring him to me . . ."_

"That's probably not a good idea," Acklay said, coming up to Poe's side. "Poe, do you know what's going on?"

Poe's heart pounded. He'd _heard_ that voice somewhere before, but he couldn't quite remember where.

_"The pilot . . . He is mine . . ."_

"I say we ignore it and just keep moving," one Renegade at the back volunteered. Immediately, Poe felt a shift in the Force, but before he could do anything, the Renegade was hoisted into the air, jerked violently, then collapsed to the ground with a sickening snapping noise. His head was twisted almost completely around, his neck broken.

 _"Bring me the pilot . . ."_ The voice had become more insistent, more demanding. Another Renegade was tossed into the air and slammed repeatedly into the ceiling until his body gave out. A third began to choke while a fourth was forced to raise her blaster to her throat. The darkness in the hall was overwhelming as the remaining Renegades gave in to varying stages of panic.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" Poe burst out. "Just make it stop!"

A sharp, sudden pain lanced through Poe's mind, and he shouted in agony, dropping to his knees. He was dimly aware of someone coming to his aid, calling his name. He'd only felt this pain once before - when Kylo Ren had ripped through his head searching for BB-8. A thin, hollow, scarred face loomed in his vision. A crack for a mouth moved ever so slightly in the shape of words.

_"Come."_

Poe's legs moved of their own accord, dragging him down one path. Wings and Zeroes and the other Renegades tried to follow, but an invisible force trapped them in place. Poe managed to call out to them, "Don't try to follow me - comm the General and get help! Stick to the plan!"

Poe's heart pounded faster and faster as he involuntarily raced down the halls, turning corners without knowing what he was doing or where he was going. Troopers appeared at random, and the Force surged through him, pushing them aside. All that mattered was that he got to the source of the darkness, the dark being that Poe was certain was the Supreme Leader.

The light whispered inside of him, reminding him it was still there. _Don't give in, Dameron._

Finally, Poe reached two large slate-grey stone doors. Ancient marks were carved into the rough rock, a language that Poe couldn't begin to decipher. Some parts of the stone were more worn down, where Poe could see individual handprints. Tentatively, he placed his palm on the door. A dark crimson light spread from his hand, spiraling across the stone like blood. His hand grew warm, burning its own mark alongside so many others. The stone grew cold as Poe pulled away.

The doors swung open, revealing what looked to be an ancient throne room. Broken statues loomed along the walls, and the only light came from a large circular opening in the star-painted ceiling. Constellations had been added, depicting war-like figures in various degrees of battle. Scenes of slaughter and death had been carved into the walls, worn nearly smooth by time. In the center, a cracked throne stood solemnly in the midst of a mound of skeletons. In front of it was a large stone table, almost like an altar. The room gave Poe a new sense of foreboding, as when he had first approached Starkiller Base.

_Things like this shouldn't exist._

Poe caught sight of movement on the altar. He squinted against the dim light, making out a human figure. He shouldered his rifle and hurried the length of the room towards the prone figure. The statues stared impassively, as if they were waiting to come to life again. Poe reached the altar and caught his breath. _Rey._

His sister was lying on her back, her head lolling on one side. There was a cut on the side of her face, and her clothes were torn. Poe cautiously took her hand and gasped at the coldness he felt. Rey stirred slightly, her eyelids fluttering at Poe's touch. Her breath stirred the musty air. "Poe?"

"Rey," Poe breathed. He gently took her in his arms and pressed warmth into her cold, shivering form. "Rey, I'm here."

Rey shook her head. Her teeth chattered, barely able to form the words. "Y-You shouldn't h-have co-come."

Golden light pulsed underneath Poe's skin, surrounding both of them in light. "Lecture me later, okay? What's happened? Where's Luke?"

Rey only kept shaking her head. "Poe, y-you don't understand. H-He's _here_. He wants you, needs your power."

"It's Snoke, isn't it?" Poe guessed.

Rey only nodded. "You need to go."

"Okay, okay, we're going," Poe said softly, coaxing Rey from the altar. "Easy there. One step at a time, okay? We're going, we're going."

A sudden chill entered the room, a sharp wind blowing through the open ceiling. Poe tightened his grip around Rey's shoulders, casting a shield of warmth and light around them. His heart jumped a beat. _The darkness._

A soft chuckle echoed through the room, as if it were emanating from the statues themselves. Poe's head whipped around, searching for the source of the sound. A hooded figure stepped out from behind the cracked throne.

"I was hoping you'd find us," the thin, hollow voice said.

Poe swallowed down his fear. "Whatever you want, you won't get it."

The figure chuckled again, yet his tone held no amusement. A pair of hands, one metal, one flesh, raised slowly and peeled back the hood.

"I think the opposite," said Luke Skywalker.


	51. Chapter LI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Last Jedi came out yesterday, so this fic is a little behind. I'm going to see the movie later this afternoon, though! 
> 
> Any similarities are entirely coincidental.

The bottom dropped out of Poe's stomach. He could barely form the one word. ". . . Luke?"

Luke waved a hand. "Not quite. This is just a body. You see, my other one still left much to be desired." He indicated one of the skeletons around the throne, the flesh still intact, its face horribly scarred and deformed. Luke-not-Luke breathed deeply. "This one, though. Aged, but still full of power."

"You're going to regret what you've done to him," Poe threatened. "To him and Rey."

Snoke - in Luke's body - smiled. It was a creepy gesture, Luke's eyes glazed over and yellow. "I think you're forgetting someone."

Snoke snapped his fingers once, and another figure emerged from the shadows. If it weren't for their many shared years and growing up together, Poe wouldn't have recognized the gaunt, bloody face. "Ben?"

Ben's only response was a low growl. Poe almost stumbled at the pure agony in the sound, the emptiness of Ben's thoughts. Poe reached out through their link again, fearful of what he might find. There was hardly anything left in Ben's mind. Memories, emotions, thoughts - all were covered in a layer of mental anguish. Poe tried to peel it back, but Ben suddenly gave a howl of pain and doubled over. Blood seeped from his mouth, and Poe immediately pulled away. Beside him, Rey's breathing hitched, and she grasped the sides of her head.

"Finally," Snoke breathed. "Everything comes together."

"What have you done to them?" Poe snarled.

"Come here." Snoke extended a hand, and Poe felt himself being pulled. He tried to resist, but Snoke's power, coupled with Luke's, easily dampened his own. Snoke grabbed Poe's face, studying his eyes. Poe struggled in Snoke's metal grip, looking anywhere except at Luke's sickly yellow eyes. "You've caused me so much trouble, pilot." He spat the last word like an insult.

"I tend to have that effect on people," Poe managed. He broke free of Snoke's crushing grip, the Force swirling protectively around him.

"Such a sharp tongue," Snoke whispered. "What are we going to do about that?"

Snoke raised his hand, but Poe blocked the movement with the Force. He gasped. It was like trying to contain a starving rathtar. No. Scratch that. Holding the Supreme Leader down was like holding back a pack of electrically charged rathtars with a piece of tallgrass. Snoke smiled again. "Difficult, isn't it?"

Poe didn't grace his opponent with an answer. Instead, with a small grunt, he turned aside Snoke's energy and blasted it into one of the statues. It crumbled immediately, the dust settling everywhere.

"Impressive," said Snoke. "Unfortunately, I have neither the time nor the interest to see more of your tricks. I want one thing - "

"Yeah?" challenged Poe. "I want something, too."

Snoke spread his hands. "Go ahead. You want your friends, don't you? You want them freed." He waved his hand once, and Ben's expression immediately changed.

"Poe, don't - don't give him anything - get out of here - " Ben gasped. Poe rushed to him and gently held his bloodied face. Ben winced, his words coming out in a rush. "Poe, you have to go - "

"I'm not going anywhere," Poe insisted. "I'm gonna help you, okay? I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna - "

"Enough," Snoke said sharply. He waved his hand again, and Ben's eyes glazed over again. He extended his palm towards Rey, and she, too, fell under the strange trance.

Poe tried to hide his desperation. "Don't do this."

Snoke gestured to Rey and Ben, both as still as the stone statues around them. "Why should I stop? It is their destiny."

"To do what?" Poe exploded. "To be your fucking _animals?"_

"The dark side," Snoke whispered, and Ben's Force signature changed. It was like looking at a black hole, all the suppressed feelings conglomerating into a single entity of fear and pain and hatred. Rigidly, Ben's hand went to his side and brought out his lightsaber, the crimson blade activating and throwing its volatile energies everywhere.

"The light." Rey stood stiffly, as if she were a puppet. Likewise, she activated a sky-blue lightsaber and twirled it once. The air around her seemed to grow brighter, pulsing with warmth. It was not the kind of warmth that Poe used for healing, though. This was a fake, created illusion of warmth, feelings of hope and healing forced from Rey's energy.

"And then there's you," the Supreme Leader said, leaning in close. He brought his palms together, and white lightning crackled through his hands. "You, where there is nothing and everything at the same time. A balance. A peace. The killer and the healer. You, whom the Force never should have chosen, yet it gifted anyway."

Poe felt something stir inside him, something dark, and he resisted its call. His palms pulsed with light, pushing back the rising shadow inside of him. He didn't try to waste energy answering.

"What are you?" Snoke demanded, increasing his own power. Shadows danced around Poe's feet as he tried to defend himself. The stone floor cracked under his feet. Poe gasped with exertion.

Various answers piled in Poe's mind, no doubt the Supreme Leader's work.

_I am nothing._

_I am no one._

_I am unimportant._

_I am meaningless._

_I am worthless._

Other thoughts raced through Poe's mind - his parents and Rey when he was a child, his loving friendship with Ben that eventually grew into something deeper, his second family in Leia, Han, Chewie, his friends and colleagues in the Republic fleet, his time with the Resistance - and more recent things, too - meeting and befriending and loving Finn, getting his memories back, finding Rey again - his fellow pilots - Snap, Jess, Ello, Bastian, Yolo, Nien, Carlo, Cade, and now Wings, Zeroes, Acklay, and all the others that they'd brought out of the First Order.

Poe's irises flashed pure gold as he thought of all the good in his life, all the people he'd ever loved and been loved by. "I'm the one who's gonna tear you to shreds and wipe your ass all over this galaxy."

A miniature earthquake burst from under Poe's feet. For a moment, Poe could have sworn he saw a flicker of surprise in the Supreme Leader's eyes, quickly replaced by aggression.

"You can try," he smiled, "but I see your weakness - you love too much."

Poe's eyes narrowed. "Guess I do."

Snoke sharply raised his hand, and Ben and Rey turned their lightsabers on each other. Poe had never seen Rey fight, but he quickly recognized that Ben's fighting style was not his own. His movements were wider, less fluid and more aggressive. Ben's lightsaber clashed against Rey's with blinding speed, each saber reaching far too close.

Meanwhile, Snoke himself lunged for Poe, who had been momentarily distracted by the sudden onset of battle. Poe barely dodged a massive discharge of white lightning. He rolled out of the way, torn. Should he defend himself or try to stop the Force-powered lightsaber duel before Ben and Rey killed each other?

In that moment, Snoke blasted Poe again. This time, Poe took a direct hit, his whole body screaming under Snoke's power. Somehow, he managed to find the strength to resist, and he threw odd the blow. Poe dug deep into his pain and summoned his own lightning blast, blue tendrils of electricty arcing towards his opponent. Snoke caught the blast and turned it towards the duel.

"No!" Poe shouted, thrusting his hand forward. Neither Ben nor Rey seemed to notice the energy blast, but Poe caught it and used its momentum to propel himself closer to them. Behind him, Snoke let out a hiss of frustration.

The scream of engines overhead made Poe look up. He caught glimpses of troop transport ships and the _Millennium Falcon_ and breathed a sigh of relief. Wings and Zeroes must have gotten word to the outside.

The _snap-hiss!_ of yet another lightsaber forced Poe's attention back to the throne room. In Snoke's hand was a pair of darksaber daggers, which he then twirled around his wrist with the Force. Poe had only his rifle. Thinking quickly, he shot in the Supreme Leader's direction. As he expected, Snoke deflected the shot easily. Focusing on the energy of the blue bolt, Poe took hold of the repelled blast the way Ben had frozen his on Jakku.

 _Come_ , Poe commanded. The bolt obeyed, moving in time to the rhythm of Poe's subtle gestures. Snoke's eyes narrowed, and with a flick of his wrist, he shot both daggers in Poe's direction. Poe barely deflected one before the other came crashing down on him. He gathered Force threads around his forearm in a shield shape and blocked. He chanced a glance at the other duel happening in the same room and prayed that something might intercede. Ben's lightsaber was raised high above his head, and Poe sensed a weak point in Rey's defense. He yelled a warning, carrying the weight of the Force in his words. Rey moved only slightly to the right, and Ben's near-fatal blow crashed onto air.

Poe couldn't risk losing any more time. The sounds of distant explosions racked the air as chunks of rock and dust fell from the ceiling. Putting as much of the Force into his words as he could, he yelled at his sister and former lover, _"Stop!"_

Poe thrust his hand out, feeling the humming energies of the kyber crystals in each blade. One felt familiar . . . Had Ben really kept the same crystal after all this time? Poe faltered only slightly, but he concentrated hard. The blade's energies were focused through a crystal; if the crystal were compromised, then the blades would shut down. Right?

"Ben," Poe whispered. "Rey. Please. You don't want to hurt each other." As if he were approaching a pair of dueling nexus, he skirted around them, his hands stretched out in front of him. "Hey, hey, it's Poe. You know me. You know each other. You don't want to hurt each other."

Ben's saber faltered first, then Rey's. Poe nodded. "That's it, that's it." He tapped into the Force, trying to radiate peace and calm. "Sabers down."

Rey's saber deactivated, and her arm fell limply to her side. The light returned to her eyes, and she shook her head, dazed. Poe glanced at Ben, who stood frozen in place. "Drop it, Ben."

Ben stared at Poe, his eyes still glazed and dead. A hoarse croak issued from his throat. "Poe . . ."

Poe reached out, both with his hand and his mind. "Ben, I'm here. It's okay. Let go. I'm here."

"Poe . . ." Ben croaked again. Light flickered across his eyes. He shakily lifted a hand and pointed.

"Poe, look out!" Rey yelled suddenly. She activated her lightsaber and charged, but it was too late.

A sharp pain lanced through Poe's back, and he stared down in almost surprise at the darksaber blade protruding through his stomach. He couldn't seem to say anything. The sour tang of blood filled his mouth. He heard Rey scream something, but a high-pitched ringing filled his ears. Poe was struggling to breathe when the other blade went straight through his chest.

"Now," Snoke said behind him, twisting the blades further into Poe's body. "Your power will become mine."


	52. Chapter LII

Snoke pulled his darksaber blades out of Poe's body and deactivated them. Poe immediately fell limply to the floor.

"Poe!" Rey yelled. Poe wearily turned his head, blood trickling from his mouth. Spots danced across his blurring vision, but he could feel the invisible force holding her back. Ben was little more than a blur, and Poe could still feel the empty space where his power should have been.

Poe's body was lifted and turned until he was facing Snoke. His wounds had cauterized, so they weren't bleeding, but Poe could still feel his own energy leaking through the holes in his torso. His breathing shallowed, and he could feel his heartbeat tiredly slowlng.

Snoke laid a hand on Poe's chest, right over his wound. "Such power . . ."

Poe cried out softly in pain, hardly able to muster a sound. He couldn't - he wouldn't - let the Supreme Leader win. Not now. Not when he was so close.

"Give it to me," Snoke hissed. "Surrender."

"No," Poe choked out. Snoke's grip on his body became tighter, more demanding. Poe could feel the Supreme Leader's darkness coursing through his body, searching for the source of the light. "No."

The light inside Poe flickered like a dying candle. He turned his head as much as he could, facing Rey and Ben. Rey was struggling against the Force bonds that Snoke held her in, but Ben remained still and impassive. Poe reached out a hand to him, using the last of his strength to try and free him.

"Ben . . . " Poe croaked. "Crystal . . ."

Mechanically, Ben stared down at his lightsaber. Poe wasn't sure if Ben understood what he was trying to say, and in a desperate stand, Poe took hold of the Supreme Leader's block on Ben's mind and pulled, hard.

The effect was instantaneous. Both Ben and Snoke screamed at the same time, and the invasive darkness inside Poe vanished. Poe collapsed from exhaustion and pain as Ben and Rey rushed over to him.

"Poe, Poe, wake up, you have to be okay, Poe - " Their panicked voices blended into one, pleading and crying and begging Poe to cling to life. Poe closed his eyes. For them, he had to try.

On the other side of the throne room, Snoke stirred. His scarred face twisted with hatred. "No! Impossible!"

Poe looked down at his torso, where his wounds were slowly but surely closing, the Force's healing powers stitching his broken body back together. Strength rushed back to his limbs, and life flowed through his veins again. Ben and Rey each put a hand on his shoulder, sharing the energies that linked them all together.

"You could not have done that!" Snoke yelled. "No Jedi could!"

"Heads up, pal." Poe shifted his position so that he was almost kneeling. His voice was still raw and weak, but his words came out with every ounce of Resistance conviction he carried. "I ain't a Jedi."

Poe thrust his hands out, reaching for the darkness. Snoke spoke of a balance, and he had been right. Where there was darkness, there had to be light. "You want my power? Come and get it."

With a terrible screeching sound, Luke's mouth opened, and a mass of shadowy vapors burst out. Poe's breathing hitched as he struggled to contain the massive thing, but Ben and Rey's combined strength gave him the energy to press on. Luke's body collapsed to the ground.

"Rey," Poe gasped. "Luke."

Rey understood. She slowly let go of Poe and ran over to Luke, feeling for his pulse. She nodded once, and Luke stirred groggily on the ground.

"Go," Poe said softly. "Go. Don't argue."

Another explosion overhead rocked the compound, and parts of the wall came crashing down. Poe repeated himself. "Go. Find the  _Falcon_."

Hesitantly, Rey obeyed. She draped Luke's arm over her shoulder and led him out of the throne room.

The Snoke-spirit screamed again, its wails nearly causing Poe's ears to bleed. Poe could feel its desire, its intense need for a host. If he could just hold it a few moments longer . . .

"I'm here, Poe," Ben whispered behind him. "We can do this."

Poe's wounds had nearly faded. He met Ben's eyes and nodded once. He just had to hold it a little longer, before it could attach itself to another body. Poe's hand found Ben's, and he drew on Ben's strength, the constance and steadfastness that had supported their relationship for so long.

In what seemed to be a final, last attempt at survival, the Snoke-spirit tore free of Poe's grasp and zoomed towards them. Poe saw the thing in slow motion, saw Ben's other hand come up in a desperate attempt to slow it, knew it wouldn't be enough. Neither of them had the strength left to stop Snoke if he wanted a new body.

Unless . . .

Poe looked down at himself in that instant, looked down at the golden threads stitching his chest back together, and willed them to stop. Rewind. The holes in his torso slowly reopened as he drew back the energy that had healed him and so many others. He glanced at Ben.  _I love you._

Ben's eyes widened as Poe thrust him aside and caught the full blast of Snoke's energy. His mouth opened in a silent scream, and Poe could feel Ben's pain as if it were his own.

Snoke's darkness filled Poe's body with its suffocating blackness. Poe fought for breath, for vision, as his body failed him. Ben rushed over and took Poe in his arms, shaking him in slow motion. He was saying something. Poe strained to listen as Snoke's ghost filled his lungs.

" - oe, you idiot, why did you do that? Why? Come on, come on, don't do this - "

Poe shakily lifted a hand towards Ben's face as black spots danced across his vision, which was growing darker and blurrier. Ben took Poe's hand in his, pressing it against his bloodied cheek. Snoke's essence twisted inside him, more painful than the darksaber wounds, but he fought to stay conscious. For Ben. Ben lifted him in his arms, gently caressing his face and cradling his head. Blood roared in Poe's ears, and he tried to focus on Ben's voice. Ben touched his forehead to Poe's, and Poe could feel both their bodies shaking with Ben's sobs.

"Please, Poe, let go of him, he'll destroy you, you can't do this, give him to me – "

Poe weakly shook his head. "Can't . . . can't do that. . ."

"I can survive him," Ben insisted. "I have for six years. You haven't. I can feel it inside you – he's tearing you apart. Please, let me do this for you."

Poe shook his head, gasping in pain as a sharp spasm tore through his body. He fought to keep the Supreme Leader's spirit down until his body gave out and they both –

"You can't die, Poe," Ben whispered. "Not yet – I still need you. What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Go home," Poe managed softly. "Leia . . . Rey . . . Luke . . . find them . . . " He was cut off by another pained cry that rose thinly from his throat. He no longer had the strength to raise his head, and his hand would have fallen from Ben's face if not for Ben's hand over his own.

"Stay with me, Poe," Ben pleaded, his eyes alight with pain and dull with grief. "I'm so sorry, for everything, I'm sorry – Poe, please forgive me – "

Poe couldn't speak, but he hoped that Ben could see the thoughts in his mind as clear as he could project them.  _There is nothing to forgive._

Ben's mind opened, too, and the unspoken emotions hung between them, better defined by the thoughts that passed through their dying link than the words that either of them might have said. Poe's face felt wet, but he couldn't tell if it was from Ben's tears or his own. For the first time in a long time, they opened themselves up completely to one another, sharing everything from love to pain to joy to sorrow. It was as if they were both standing on a cliff hanging over a stormy sea of emotion and feeling. Their hands found each other, and they took the jump together, falling through the sharp winds to the raging waters below.

Then the shadows came, and Poe was forced to retreat. It was like he hung on the end of a cable that was slowly being cut open by Snoke's residual energies. His eyes closed. Opened. Closed. Above him, Ben screamed.

Poe's heart beat softly in his ears.  _Thump . . . thump . . . thump . . ._

The strength left his body.  _Thump_  . . .

The Force slipped through his fingers.  _Thump_  . . .

" _Hey, Poe."_

_Finn?_

_"It's good to see you again."_

Poe took the hand that extended towards him, and he let himself be led into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so concludes this epic journey. Thanks to everyone who's been a part of Taking Flight in the two years it's been written. I'll have an epilogue up sometime later this week, but in the meantime, kudos to all of you who've read and commented and bookmarked this work. It's been incredible writing this, and it's been even better reaching all of you through it.
> 
> May the Force be with you.


	53. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized I couldn't exactly just leave my poor babies the way I did in Chapter 52.  
> Here's the final installment in this work. Thanks again to everyone I've met on AO3 and Fanfiction.net that made all of this possible.   
> Also, you guys, The Last Jedi is amazing. Go see it if you haven't, and for those of you that have, let's keep the web spoiler-free for at least the next week or so. ;)
> 
> Deep breath, you guys. The Feels are strong with this one.

The  _Falcon_  descends on the throne room as Ben Solo is still hugging Poe's limp body, silently screaming for him to wake up, to tell him that this was just a bad dream, that this had never happened. Ben looks up only when the engine wind from his father's ship grew louder than his desperate pleas. The ramp descends, beckoning him home.

Ben is terrified. He can't hide that. The thought of going back after so long . . .  _terrifies_  him. He looks down at the lifeless face of the man he'd once loved - and still does. The man who has sacrificed everything for him.

He has to at least take Poe Dameron home.

Ben presses a kiss into Poe's sweat-soaked curls.  _I love you._

He imagines Poe's witty, confident, charming response.  _I know._

Shakily, Ben lifts Poe in his arms. The pilot feels incredibly light, as if he is made of the wind and air itself. It is like carrying a cloud.  _Born of the sky, only to return to it._  It is almost poetic. Ben bows his head, never taking his eyes off of Poe's face, the pilot's half-open eyes still so full of love and longing. It only breaks Ben's heart further as he ascends the ramp.

Rey is there, waiting. Her expression contorts with grief immediately, and she lets out a pain-stricken cry that makes Ben's knees buckle. He almost asks her to stop, to be quiet.  _He's only asleep. He'll wake up soon._

But he can see it in Rey's eyes. She knows as well as he did that Poe is -

Is -

Is -

Ben can't stand the thought as he falls to his knees, the body in his arms becoming infinitely heavier with the possibility of that word. Everything else falls silent, as if the universe itself were mourning. Poe's eyelids flutter shut, and Ben feels some part of him shut off as well.

There is someone else who comes to the back of the ship, two someones, actually. One kneels and bows his silver-haired head. The other lets out a hoarse roar and shakes his furry fists in grief. For a moment, Ben feels the wound in his side again. He clings tighter to Poe, silently begging for a sign, for something, anything to suggest that Poe isn't -

Isn't -

Can't be -

Shouldn't be -

Ben can't bring himself to think the word, let alone say it.

In his mind, Poe is still twenty-five years old, with a smile as wide as the double sunrise as he takes Ben's ring and slips it around his neck. Ben can feel the Force alloy glow with all the love they share, and he sweeps Poe up in his arms with a long, deep kiss.  _We'll make it official once you get back,_  he promises silently.

Poe is still twenty-one, laughing as he downs his first official - well,  _legal_  - alcoholic drink as he holds Ben's hand under the table. He slams the empty glass on the table, met with cheers from his friends from the Fleet, but the only one he looks to is Ben.

Poe is still nineteen, the star pilot of the New Republic Flight Academy, top of his class as the youngest graduate. Ben's parents cheer for Poe as if he's their own son, but Ben feels no jealousy. Poe waves at the young Jedi as he receives his colors, and Ben feels nothing but pride.

Poe is still seventeen, his body coming alive under Ben's every touch and whispered word, his tan skin flushed where Ben leaves his mark. He calls Ben's name, his voice raw with passion and his mind alive with desire, and it sends them both tumbling over the edge.

Poe is still fifteen, crying as the lights shatter around them in the med frigate. Ben kisses him over and over, searching for the words to say the impossible. He remembers the look in Kes Dameron's dying eyes. _Look after him, Ben._

Poe is still fourteen, the wind sailing in his hair as he drives Ben around in one of his dad's old landspeeders. He shows Ben how to drive the ancient beast, shifting gears and navigating the outdated steering system. Ben crashes on his first try, and Poe laughs. _It'll be fine,_  he says when Ben panics.

Poe is still thirteen, pounding on the ship's windows as if it might make some difference, as if it might convince someone to turn the damned thing around and head back to Jakku so he can find his sister. His father holds him back, and Ben sees that his face is just as anguished as Poe's – but he can't afford to lose his son, too. Ben doesn't know what to say, so instead, he just hugs his best friend and hopes it is enough. The fire dies from Poe's eyes. He says, _I can't do this anymore,_  and Ben knows there is nothing he can say to change his mind.

Poe is still twelve, eyes wide at the prospect of Ben's going away. He looks from Luke to Han to Kes to Leia, at each adult in the room as if daring one of them to say it's just a joke, that his best friend isn't leaving. Ben doesn't meet Poe's eyes. Then Poe says it. That one request, just five words that no one can seem to refuse.  _Let me go with you._

Poe is still eleven, his worn guitarra in his hands, his fingers slipping up and down the neck as he sings. There is no song that he does not know. Suddenly, he stops and hands the guitarra to Ben.  _You play something._  He guides Ben's overly large and clumsy hands to make chords and strums them for him. Ben's heart kicks when Poe's hand slides over his own, and he chides himself for thinking that way.

Poe is still eight, his face dull with grief as his father throws the torch onto his mother's pyre. He holds his sleeping baby sister in his arms, rocking her gently. Ben stands next to him, silently offering to take Rey and relieve Poe of at least one burden. Poe shakes his head and instead leans against Ben.

Poe is still six when he falls from the tree. At first, Ben thinks that he'll be all right, but the pain in the air tells him otherwise. He scampers down as fast as he can and panickedly shakes the other boy's body. He calls for help, prays for someone,  _something_  to save this new boy he barely knows and hardly likes. Something inside Ben changes, and he uses it to  _make_  someone,  _anyone_ , answer his plea. Against all odds, Poe wakes up. The first thing he says is,  _Ben?_

Poe is not thirty-two, lying limply in Ben's arms without even the slightest hint of life. His eyes are not closed, carrying the illusion that he might just be sleeping. His hands are not folded far too still over his wounded, bloody chest. His lips are not cold and pale and streaked with blood. He is not cradled and cried over and mourned, because he is not past saving, he is not too far gone, he is not –

 _Dead._  Ben finally thinks the word.  _Poe Dameron is dead._

For the first time since Poe's fall, Ben prays. He doesn't know to whom or what his orison goes, and he couldn't care less. The ring around his neck grows heavy, and Ben can feel the luster leave the amber-gold alloy.  _Please,_  he thinks.  _Bring Poe back to me._

Ben reaches into the Force, to the link that had tied them so close together, the link that he knows must still be there, however faint. There is nothing on the other end, not even the slightest whisper of a response. Still, Ben must try. He reaches deeper into Poe's memories, searching for something, even the tiniest sign that the man he loves is still with him.

The voice is faint when it comes, but it does come, the voice of a scared boy and a confused youth and a battle-worn man all at the same time:  _Ben?_

Poe's hand squeezes Ben's ever so slightly.


End file.
